CW: This is where shit goes down, buckle up.
Isla POV:
The ride back from NitNat's place was peaceful.
Whether it be from the wind in my hair, Or the adventure of trying to find my way home from a place I've never been before, I don't know.
But I'm willing to bet it was the boy on the phone with me, laughing in my ear.
"You sure you know where you're going?" A concerned Mark asks from the other line.
"Yeah of course I know where I'm going!" I say confidently. All while staring confused at several street signs.
"You sure about that?" he asks, not buying my bullshit.
"...No" He laughs at me. I can practically hear him shake his head from the other line.
"When the last time you passed that cafe?" he questions. I look slightly ahead of me to see the same cafe for the 4th time.
"I can see it a street ahead." He sighs.
"Just admit it. You're lost." Despite this being painfully true, my determined nature forces me to into a false ideation.
"I'm not lost! I'm just slightly unaware of where the fuck I'm going." He chuckles to himself.
"You amaze me Isla." A warm blush covers me cheek.
"I-I'm going to try going left this time." I announce as I turn on my board. He sighs.
"So you're telling me that you've been going right this entire time?" His disbelief shines through his tone immensely.
"Yeah? What's wrong with that?" He sighs yet again.
"Isla... If you go the same way every time, what the fuck where you thinking was going to happen?" I mentally slap myself.
"Well I don't know?!" He laughs at my stupidity.
"Jesus Isla. What did you think was going to happen. A magical alleyway appears that leads straight to y-"
"Wait shut up! Hold on, Is that?" I stare intently in the distance. As I grow closer I can slowly start to recognise the outline of the Student Store. A wide smile grows on my face.
"I know where I am!" I exclaim. Mark cheers from the other line.
"Finally!" He cheers. I roll my eyes.
"Ok, now I know where I'm going." I state happily and push off my board even harder.
"One step closer to opening my present!" He exclaims, I smile to myself.
"You're so excited about this present. Should I be scared?" He laughs from the other line.
"No," he states. I give a suspicious hum in return. "I'm serious! I really think you'll like it." I smile.
"Ok ok, sure," I agree and continue to make my way down the path.
Further small talk and meaningless discussions occur as I skate my way home, the time now reaching the slightly later hours of the evening, and for Mark the early hours of the day. A warm smile never leaves my lips the whole time, his words have an incredible way of doing that.
But, Unfortunately, Mark can't make me smile about everything.
For example the lack of cars in the driveway of my home.
The cars that promised to be there.
The cars I can barely recognise anymore.
"Yeah, but this guy gets up in front of the whole class and starts teaching the lesson because Mr. O'Neil can't for the life of hi-"
"Mark, can I call you back?" I ask through a pained whisper. He catches my tone and immediately shuts up.
"Yeah! Why? What's up are you ok?" He asks softly.
"Yeah, just, yeah. I'll call you back in a bit ok?" I can hear the shift in his demeanour immediately.
"Yeah ok. Bye Isles." I whisper a small bye and hang up.
I walk up the steps of my apartment complex solemnly, unlocking my door with minimal effort and throwing my bag down near the door. The only smile reaching my face the whole while was the sight of a package on the doorstep. My expression drops when I enter the house.
The apartment was empty, except the kitchen bench occupied by a lone yellow note.
I ignore it.
I walk to my room and drop the parcel on my bed. The butterflies in my stomach resurface as I scramble to my desk for a pair of scissors, before recklessly throwing myself down on the bed and turning to the package, eager as ever to see what's inside.
Because the return address says somewhere in California
And my name has a little heart next to it.
Careful fingers trace over the tape as I gently open the box, cautious as to not break anything inside. I successfully open it and pull out the first present.
I hold it close to my chest immediately.
A half black and half white hoodie. The scent of his cologne starts to waft the room. I throw it over my head and snuggle into it extremely quickly, the butterflies in my stomach growing restless.
I reach back into the box and pull out the next item.
A box of glow in the dark stars.
A warm smile spreads across my face, paired with ruby cheeks.
Two more items remain in the box, I reach in like a luck dip and pull out a small velvet box. Opening it I find a rose quartz hanging from a black rope string. I smile at his thoughtfulness, the many nights rambling about crystals actually meant something to him.
The final present was a note, one written in red ink and messy handwriting. It reads:
Dear someone,
I see someone with a soul too big for her body.
I see someone who's wild sets me free.
I see someone who's heart falls from her eyes, rolls down her cheek and stains her t-shirt.
I see someone who's voice is as smooth milk and as thick as honey.
I see someone who's smile spreads wider than the Nile, filled to the brim with an indescribable joy I long to feel.
I see someone who looked chaos in the eye and called it her friend.
I see someone who I want nothing more, than to call mine.
I see you.
You wonder what I see in you,
with all your imagined and exaggerated imperfections, well.
I see truth,
I see strength,
I see joy.
I see you.
I see you for who you are.
And I promise, to settle for nothing less.
Love, Mark
A tear rolls off my cheek and onto the paper. My shaking hands clutch the red ink with a power I never knew I had. But it wasn't out of sadness. It was out of pure and utter admiration
Because I knew he meant it, meant it more than anything.
And I meant it back.
The tears don't stop as I fold up the paper neatly and place it in the back of my phone case. I read over it one more time before putting it away, the giddy feeling in my stomach not faltering once.
Maybe it was the idea of Mark wracking his brain for the right words to fit on the page, or maybe it was the hoodie that hugged my body closely.
Or maybe it was the idea of my name and the word 'love' written on the same page,
but regardless of what it was, the present raised my spirits like a flag post. And I don't intend on it coming down any time soon.
----------
Tubbo POV:
The drive home from the date with NitNat was far from peaceful. Not because of the atmosphere in the car, but more myself.
Because God, did I fuck up.
Not only have I hid my feelings from Isla for so long, I've played with NitNat's feelings for just an ounce of time without her. The look on her face said it all.
I played with her heartstrings like a fucking fiddle.
And now she has to pay the price.
God I'm so selfish.
My mum notices my sour mood and puts a comforting hand on my knee. The moment I stepped in the car she noticed something was off, but when she asked I just shrugged her off.
Regrettably so.
"Tobes. I know something is wrong. You never stare out the window in a car ride unless you're upset." I peel myself away from the window and face her.
"Why is it mothers know so much," I ask, she chuckles and squeezes my knee.
"Well I pushed you out of me, You would think I would know a thing or two about my own spawn." I cringe at her choice of words.
"Thanks for the visual mum, ew," She cackles loudly. But her laughs simmer down quickly.
"Things fell through with Natasha didn't they." She sympathises. I sigh.
"I guess you could say that." We pull into the driveway. Immediately she turns to me and pulls me into a warm and welcoming embrace. I hug back with no hesitation.
She pulls away and wipes my tears with her thumbs.
"You're not a bad person Toby. I know you think you are but you aren't." My breath hitches, the words rewiring my brain like a fuse. My tears fall faster. She does nothing but hold me tighter.
"Let's get inside huh. I'll make us some hot chocolate." I sniffle and give her a smile. She smiles back and unlocks the car. Stepping out and gesturing for me to do so as well.
As we walk in the house, I make a plan in my head.
I was going to tell Isla. Regardless of the outcome.
Because as NitNat said. It's unfair on her, and me.
And I think I deserve some fucking peace of mind right about now.
The plan I made was simple. Tomorrow at school, I go up to her and ask to go on the roof with me during 5th period. There I tell her how I feel through a civil conversation and hopefully, she reciprocates my feelings. But if she doesn't, then there will be no bad blood between us.
Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a good plan.
I go to walk back in the house, probably just to collapse on my bed. But unfortunately I hear a quiet laugh from in the distance.
I look out to the fields of the bee farm to see a small girl laying down on the grass, a small glow of her phone next to her right ear.
Well, fuck.
I walk on over, trudging through the grass in my uncomfortable dress shoes. I contemplate walking back to the house to change, but decide I'm too far gone now.
As I walk closer, I start making out the conversation.
"I didn't know you were so poetic." She says to her phone. A giggle escaping her lips.
"Well for someone who doesn't typically 'try' when writing. You sure as hell did well. You made me cry." She pauses for a response, then laughs loudly.
"Calm down! No no no, like a good cry! Your words meant a lot to me. No one has ever really said that type of stuff about me before." I find myself longing to know what was in the poem.
I approach her slowly and tap her on the shoulder. She shrieks.
"AHHHH!! TUBBO WHAT THE FUCK!!" She yells, slapping me harshly with the sleeve of her hoodie.
A Ranboo merch hoodie actually.
When the fuck did she get that?
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Who you on the phone with?" She smiles and shoves her phone in my face.
"Mark! You should say hi!"
My heart plummets.
"Oh, h-hi," I say through gritted teeth. The screen turns black and no reply comes through the phone. She whips her phone back around to face her.
"Oh, he hung up. Weird." She states. She shrugs her shoulders and pats the grass next to her, gesturing for me to sit down.
"Should we play some music?" She suggests. I nod in compliance. She beams and grabs her phone out of the hoodie pocket and rushes to Spotify, putting on a playlist and placing it down beside her. A couple seconds pass before the music actually turns on. I Love You So by The Walters come son and immediately I relax.
"So, what brings you here." I joke, she giggles and lays back down on the grass. Gazing up to the sky. She sighs.
"Mum was meant to be home today, but when I went home, her car wasn't in the driveway and the same yellow note was on the counter." I make no hesitation to wrap her in warm hug immediately, the scent of the hoodies cologne wafting my senses. She hugs back with the same effort.
"I'm so sorry," I say into her shoulder before letting go of her and opting for laying down with her.
"Yeah, well I'm used to it by now so it's fine." She smiles up at me. I struggle to tell if it's genuine or not.
We both spend the next couple minutes laying down in the wet grass, basking under the glimmering sky. The stars were always very bright around my house, no light pollution around to ruin it. My parents were very adamant about keeping it that way.
Suddenly Isla turns to me, her face very very close to mine, close enough our foreheads are almost touching. She seems none the wiser to my glowing cheeks. Thank god.
"So, enough about me. How was the dateee," She asks in a sing song tune.
My expression drops.
"U-uhm, it wasn't. It wasn't the greatest." I stutter, the breath of my words bouncing of off her face. That's how close she was.
I could close the gap if I really wanted to.
But I won't.
"Aw why, what happened?!" she asks, her giggly nature now replaced by pure and utter care. Her eyes widening.
God I love her eyes.
"Well it was good for the most part. We actually had a really good night." She smiles.
"What was her work like?! She sent me photos but I just know that they're more magical in person." I let out a breathy chuckle.
"Yeah, they were stunning." I smile down at her. "They made them inspired by her mothers wedding dress designs. I can't describe them in words, they were that beautiful." She beams.
"That's so cool. God they're so cool." I chuckle.
"Yeah, yeah she's pretty cool." She smiles up at me.
"Yeah." A silence washes over us. The stars guiding us back into a clam nature. Well, before she brings us back with a question. A question I didn't particularly want to answer.
"Well, what went wrong? It sounds like a good night." I sigh and turn to her once again.
"I-" I falter over my words. Contemplating whether I should just spill everything into the open air.
I don't.
"I said some things I shouldn't have, she got upset and so did I, so we just agreed to call it a night." I let out, it was half assed and a terrible answer but it would do. A half truth would do for now.
"Oh Tubs..." She says sympathetically and pulls me back into a hug. I drop my head on her shoulder, allowing a single tear to fall onto the black and white hoodie. Curiosity floods my system once again.
"Where'd you get the hoodie from?" The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them.
I learn to regret them as soon as she smiles.
"Mark," she says. All giddy and happy.
My heart plummets down to my stomach.
"Oh, right." I say, venom lacing my tone just slightly. She doesn't pick up on it as she continues to speak.
"His birthday present arrived in the mail today. He gave this hoodie, glow in the dark stars and a necklace." She says, bringing the necklace out from under her hoodie. I go to speak but she cuts me off.
"Oh! And he wrote me a letter!" she says excitedly. She grabs her phone and pulls out the piece of paper from the back of her phone case. She straightens out the paper and clears her throat, but before I can stop her from reading, or explain that I don't want to hear it, she starts.
I find out that drowning her out is significantly more difficult when you are forehead to forehead with her.
She recites the letter word for word. Her giddy tone not faltering once, neither does the wide smile on her face or the blush on her cheeks.
I can't help but wish she just shuts up. Which obviously is an ass-holish thing to think, I shouldn't be jeopardising her happiness by my own feelings.
But she looks so god damn happy
Happy without me.
And god does that hurt.
She ends her spiel by rolling back on to the grass, letting out an excited squeal while clutching the letter close to her heart.
"Sounds like a load of bullshit." I mutter. Immediately clasping my mouth shut afterward.
Isla's giddy expression drops quicker than a smashing glass.
I feel nothing but guilt.
"Ok genuinely what the fuck is your problem," she spits out, obviously hurt by my words. In all honesty so am I.
"He has done absolutely nothing for you to hate him as much as you do. If you gave him just an ounce of a fucking chance you guys would probably get along!"
"Yeah? Well how am I meant to talk to him when he hangs up the fucking phone anyway?" I spit back. The anger boiling in the pit of my stomach now taking control of my brain.
Or maybe it was my heart.
"That was probably an accident Tubbo! He's an amazing guy I promise!" I roll my eyes.
"Yeah? And how would you know that Isla? You've never seen the guys fucking face?!" She now rolls her eyes at me. Her anger causing her to stand up to stare down at me. I don't give her the satisfaction and get up as well.
"You're one to fucking talk Tubbo. You make your whole career over playing Minecraft with random guys across the ocean!"
"This is different though Isla! You act like.. I don't know you're fucking in love with the guy!" I get up in her face, staring her down. But that's the thing about Isla, she doesn't cower until you really sting her.
"Maybe I am Toby!! What are you going to so about it then huh?" I run a hand through my hair. Desperately trying to hold back my tears.
"I don't know!" I exclaim.
"What if I admit it right now, right fucking now that I am in love with Mark. What are gonna fucking do about it!" She shouts at me, shoving me in my shoulders.
"I DONT KNOW!!" I shout back. She still doesn't back down. She only steps closer with every word. Now directly under my nose.
"Then why in the ever loving fuck are you so uptight about him?! Are you fucking jealous or something?!" The words hang out of my mouth before I can stop them.
"YES!!" I yell.
Yell with every inch of my heart.
She falters.
I stare down at her, the confused and upset look in her eyes caving in over me. The guilt growing exponentially in the pit of my stomach.
"W-wha-"
I attach my lips to hers.
And pray against all fucking hope she doesn't push away.
She pushes away.
Her eyes latch on to mine, and they weep. Just like mine.
"I-i I should go." She stammers before backing up, grabbing her phone and walking off.
I make no move to stop her.
And I make no move to stop her as I hear her sobs wrack through the field.
As soon as she's out of sight. I collapse.
The tears in my eyes becoming too much too handle, now flooding my vision almost entirely, my voice now hoarse and rough as I let out the many, many sobs I've been holding in for so fucking long. In a sick twisted way it feels good.
But the good feeling is washed over easily.
I cry out of anger, I cry out frustration, I cry out of guilt.
I cry out of pure and utter regret regret.
Because if I just kept my fucking cool, none of this would of happened. If I just wasn't such a jealous bastard, none of this would've happened.
If I just made my fucking move before that son of a bitch Mark did, none of this would of happened.
I hurt NitNat
I hurt myself
And worst of all, I hurt Isla. The one constant in my life,
and now she's gone.
Probably for good.
I grab my phone from out of my pocket, ignoring the tears flooding my eyes and staining NitNat's suit. My hands tremble as I type in his contact. Before I can even compute what my hands are doing, I'm pressing the call button. But I'm not complaining.
I can't handle being alone right now. I just really need someone to talk to.
And he's never betrayed me once.
I trust him.
He picks up.
"H-hey man, I u-uhm. I fucked up..." I bite my lip as I try and hold back my sobs.
"Woah woah woah, are you ok?!" He asks, obviously panicked. I ponder it for a couple of seconds.
"N-no," I say, finally admitting the weight on my back. I don't bother holding back the sobs anymore.
"Oh Tubbo... I'm here ok? Just take a few deep breaths for me, alright?" He instructs softly. I struggle to maintain my breathing through my wracked sobs, but manage after a while. He stays on the line the whole time.
"You calmed down now?" He asks through a soft and caring tone.
"Y-yeah," I sniffle.
"Good. Can you tell me what happened?" I suck in a sob before continuing.
"I've fucked up man, a-and I don't know how to come back from it." I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of the suit.
"Is there anyway I can help?" He asks. I let out a shaky breath.
"No, I-I just really need someone to talk to right now." I say through a pitiful sob. I can hear his sympathy all the way here.
"I can do that." I thank every god within reach for him, I don't know where I would be without him.
"I've got your back Tubbo, through thick and thin."
I smile to myself.
At least I still have Ranboo.
•~~~~~~~~~~~•
Welp. Sorry I guess.
No but seriously this chapter was really fun to write. I was writing this shit through my dance classes for fuck sake. Not exactly my best work but it certainly isn't bad.
Tubbo and Isla's friendship is crumbling and so am I :)
Ella if you see this Happy Birthday! I love you my beloved! (Everyone say happy birthday to Ella. She's my best friend and one of the only reasons I was motivated enough to continue this story passed the 3rd chapter).
Also you guys are so nice in the comments wtf?? Like I'm literally emotionally wrecking you all and you still find a way to compliment me. I love you all, you guys are so cool ;)
That being said don't be a quiet reader! I love it when you guys comment and I always respond!
Link to the spotify playlist per usual.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3c9v3386wlVQwHCoCv04Ou?si=CxoELaFdS4i7Gst5n99m1g&utm_source=copy-link
(Also, I've had the song for this chapter in there for about a week, so imma keep doing that from now on. If you want a hint as to what the next chapters song will be go have a look there.)
Anyway. I hope you have a great rest of your day/night. Remember to eat and drink something if you haven't already. You are valid and loved and I hope I didn't make you guys cry to much. ❤️❤️