Beginning
Gustong-gusto ko ang tunog ng heels ko sa marble na sahig papunta sa opisina ng kuya ko. I noticed how the employees avoided my eye contact. Napangisi ako.
Ganyan nga. Matakot kayo. I should be feared.
"Good morning, Ms. Euresah."
Hindi ko pinansin 'yung babaeng bumati. I remained walking proudly with my head held high. Nakarinig ako ng bulungan.
I flipped my hair as I went past some group of girls. They were all looking at me. I noticed a girl who frowned.
Hate me all you want. I don't care.
Napangiti ako nang konti lalo na at yumuko ang mga nagtatrabaho sa mga cubicle na dinadaanan ko. They were all scared.
And I like it.
Very much.
"Si Kuya?" I asked the secretary outside the office.
"M-May kausap po, ma'am. Ayaw daw niyang magpapasok muna – Ma'am!"
Hindi ko siya pinakinggan at binuksan ang double door. Napangisi ako nang nagbuntong-hininga ang secretary.
I went inside Kuya Sebastian's office with the sound of my heels echoing the whole place. Nahinto ako sa tapat ng mesa niya.
He frowned. May katawagan siya. Well, for others, Kuya Seb is really intimidating. Lalo na kapag nakasuot ng suit and tie. But for me, he's just... ordinary.
"Hello, my dear brother," bati ko at pinag-krus ang braso sa harapan niya sabay taas ng kilay.
He sighed and focused on his phone. "I will call you later. Bye."
Ibinaba niya na ang cellphone at inihagis sa kanyang mamahaling mesa. He stared right at my eyes.
"Pinatawag mo raw ako?" tanong ko.
"Ysah, have some respect. Did my secretary told you that I'm busy?"
"Well, hindi ka naman busy."
"I was calling someone important."
"But you are not that busy."
Huminga siya nang malalim, pinipigilan ang kanyang inis. Umupo si Kuya sa swivel chair at nagbukas ng folder.
"I'm here to give you a task."
Nawala ang ngiti ko. "A task... you mean utos? Uutusan mo ako?"
"Yes."
"Kuya, I am busy. I have no time for your utos."
"Euresah," he called when I was about to walk away.
I stopped and stomped my foot. Naglakad ako papalapit sa mesa niya nang nakasimangot.
"Busy nga ako, eh."
"You are not that busy," ganti niya.
Sumimangot ako. He smirked. I sharply exhaled and fixed my straight bangs.
"Ano ba 'yan? May ipapabili ka ba?" I groaned. "Oh my gosh. You can utos other people. I'm not your assistant. And I am already 27 years old. You can't boss me around."
"I can boss you around because I am your older brother and your literal boss because you work under me."
Hindi na talaga nawala ang simangot ko. Ugh! I really hate whenever he uses that card on me!
"Ano ba kasi 'yang utos mo?" I said and looked at my perfect black-colored nails that was applied to me last night.
"You know about the Rizal project, 'di ba?"
I nodded, letting him see that I'm uninterested.
"May complications daw sa lupa. Long story short, I want you to find a real estate lawyer."
Sumimangot ako. "Oh my gosh, Kuya. You can appoint that to your secretary. Bakit ako pa?"
"Because it's confidential."
"You can talk to our cousins. Not me. May gagawin ako mamaya."
"Like?"
Binuksan ko ang bibig para sana sabihin na kailangan kong mag-shopping ng bagong bag para sa party na dadaluhan ko ngunit hindi ko tinuloy. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang ngumisi siya.
"Find a lawyer. Bring it to me. That's all," aniya.
I stomped my foot. "Fine!"
Kaagad akong tumalikod at naglakad palayo. Now, I'm wearing my frown as I opened the double door. Nanigas 'yung sekretarya ni Kuya. Inirapan ko siya.
As I walked confidently, the people went silent na naman. Now, they were more terrified because I'm frowning!
Ugh! Nakakainis talaga! I already marked in my head that I'll prepare for the high school reunion party later! Well, wala naman talaga akong kaibigan sa high school pero kahit na!
They did not even invite me. Kung hindi ko pa nakita sa group chat ay hindi ko malalaman. Invited man o hindi, pupunta ako dun. I will show them how well I am today. That they'll regret everything they did.
And I will make sure to let them feel my fury.
"Hello, madame," bati ni Greg nang makarating ako sa opisina.
He is my assistant. And maybe one of the people I can trust. One reason I hired him: he's trustworthy and has a good sense of fashion. You can never go wrong with people who dresses well.
I exhaled when I sat on my swivel chair.
"Cancel the schedule later. Maghahanap tayo ng abogado."
"Abogado para saan po?" he even gasped. "Nasangkot ka na ba sa gulo?"
"Not yet. Inutusan ako ni Kuya. Nakakainis. So, find me a private firm. Iyong maaasahan."
He nodded and started to browse in his iPad. Binuksan ko na rin ang laptop at nagpatuloy sa aking trabaho.
"May nahanap po ako," aniya matapos ang ilang minuto. "Vattiera Law Firm."
I arched a brow. "I never heard of them."
"They are popular. Full of men. Rawr."
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Greg, aanhin ang mga lalaking walang silbi sa mundo?"
"May silbi po sila, Madame! Alam mo na!"
I rolled my eyes. Itinaas-baba pa niya ang kilay niya sa 'kin. Mata niya pa lang, nakuha ko na agad kung ano ang gusto niyang ipahiwatig.
"Aanhin ang sex kung bobo naman ang ka-sex mo?" I pointed out. "And I won't be turned on to someone dumb. Intelligence is sexy! Intelligence is more satisfying than sex."
Humalakhak si Greg. Inirapan ko siya at tumingin na sa laptop.
"Find me a real estate lawyer," I said. "If meron diyan sa Vattiera Law Firm na 'yan, then make me an appointment."
He nodded and proceeded to work. I also continued to make my outline.
"Madame, meron na po. 1:30 sa hapon. Si Atty. Perez daw. In fairness, gwapo!"
Nandiri ako. "Please don't be unprofessional, Greg."
"Sorry, Madame, pero kasi... hay wala, wala!"
I rolled my eyes again and continued to work.
* * *
I wore my cartier panthere sunglasses the moment I went outside the car. Mainit pero malamig ang ihip ng hangin. Napaka-contradicting. Iniwanan ko si Greg sa sasakyan at nagtungo na sa loob ng Vattiera Law Firm.
I was impressed the moment I went inside.
From a family with a real estate business, gusto ko na kaagad ang interior ng buong building. It was a very bachelor type of place. Puro itim at gray ang color code. Napaka-sleek and professional.
Tama si Greg na halos mga lalaki ang nandito. Konti lamang ang mga babae.
I held my chin up when they started to notice me. Of course, almost all of them are lawyers. Napaka-professional tumitig!
Kampante akong naglakad papunta sa receptionist area. Elegante kong ibinaba ang sunglasses.
"Good morning, Ma'am. Welcome to Vattiera Law Firm. How may I help you?" bungad ng receptionist.
"The name is Euresah Martinez. May appointment ako kay Atty. Perez this afternoon."
She nodded and scanned her laptop. "1:30 pa po ang appointment ninyo. You can wait in the lobby."
Kumunot ang noo ko at tumingin sa mamahaling wristwatch ko. "It's already 1:07 p.m. Wala pa ba siya?"
"Hindi po kasi pwede kapag hindi po designated time."
"So, nandiyan na siya sa loob?" I asked.
"Opo pero... 1:30 pa po ang appointment ninyo."
I groaned. "This is sickening!"
Napatingin sa akin ang ilang employees. Inirapan ko lamang sila at huminga nang malalim.
"Fine, I'll wait. But not it the lobby," ani ko. "Is your rooftop accessible?"
Kabado siyang tumango. "Opo."
Nagtanong ako sa kanya kung paano makarating dun. She was scared enough to tell me how to get there. 20 minutes won't hurt. Kaya naman nagtungo na ako sa elevator.
Apat na palapag lamang ang malakaw na building, pero nang makarating sa rooftop, napansin ko na mataas ito. Isinuot ko muli ang sunglasses at sinalubong ang malamig na hangin.
There are railings everywhere. Kaya naman hindi ako natakot na lumapit sa may dulo. Medyo nahilo ako nang tumingin sa ibaba. It's not that I'm scared of heights... it just brought back memories.
Tinanggal ko ang sunglasses para dumungaw sa ibaba. Kumapit ako nang marahan sa railings.
Mapait akong napangiti nang maalala kung gaano ko kagustong tumalon mula sa mataas na palapag noon. Na para bang ang dali lang sa 'kin na tapusin ang buhay ko.
I remember how I badly want to do it. How badly I want to disappear and end my life.
Hindi ko lang alam kung ba't parang may nagsabi sa utak ko na magiging talunan lang ako.
Those people who hurt me will go to my wake, crying and wailing why I am gone. But they will continue to live their life and be excellent.
My death... it's not enough.
Hindi ko napansin na nagtubig na pala ang mga mata ko. Kaagad akong kumurap-kurap. Napakapayapa ng hangin. Napapikit ako. I felt peace deep within myself.
Until I shouted when someone dragged me!
Akala ko mahuhulog na ako! Kaya naman dilat na dilat ang mga mata ko nang tumingin sa lalaking hinihingal pa nang tumingin sa 'kin. Nakahawak siya sa baywang ko. He pulled me away from the railings.
I don't know him... but his cold eyes... they were cold but they were also worried...
Nagkunot-noo ako, kinakabahan pa rin kasi akala ko nahulog na talaga ako.
"Are you nuts?!" sigaw niya sa 'kin.
I was still in a state of shock! Medyo naguguluhan pa kung ano ang nangyari at kung bakit sobrang galit niya sa 'kin.
"Are you really doing it purposely in this building?!" dagdag niya. "Ano?! Magsalita ka!"
He was tall. Super tall. His jet black hair was shining because of the sunlight. Malalim ang kanyang mga mata. His lips were pale... and grayish. He's wearing a black dress shirt and slacks.
Kunot-noo akong tumingin sa railings, tapos sa kanya. Sa railings ulit. Tapos sa lalaking nasa harap ko.
Wait, what the hell?!
"Pipi ka ba?!" sigaw niya pa.
"Don't shout at me!" sigaw ko pabalik. "Who are you?! Did you... did you think that I would jump there?!"
Hindi siya nagsalita at nagkunot lamang ng noo.
"Bobo ka ba?! I'm not jumping there?!"
Tumikhim siya, bahagyang namula ang mga tenga.
"I'm not committing suicide! You freak!" sabay turo ko pa sa kanya.
"If you're planning to commit one. Huwag sa law firm na 'to."
"I'm not committing suicide! I love myself!"
Totoo 'yun! I was depressed. I planned suicide once. Pero noon lang 'yun! Sobrang mahal ko na ang sarili ko kaya hindi ko na 'yun gagawin.
"You even touched my waist!" singhal ko sa kanya.
Hindi siya nagsalita. I rolled my eyes at him. Nakakainis! Sinamaan ko pa siya ng tingin bago naglakad palayo ng lugar.
Ugh! Nasaan na ba kasi 'yung abogadong 'yun?!