"No!" I heard my own voice instead of HR's come out of my burning throat in the form of a scream when I finally made it to Infantino Street. My throat ached and my voice cut out from how loud the scream was when I saw HR in Barry's arms.
Where I should have been.
Barry's head snapped up at my scream and his eyes were wide— like he hadn't processed yet that it was HR that was dying and not me. He looked like a mess— tears were uncontrollable and he was shaking, holding onto the body he thought a second ago was mine until he heard my voice and his eyes laid upon me running towards them.
Bruised and bleeding, with HR's hat on my head.
I threw myself onto my knees by them and they slammed into the hard pavement but I didn't care for the pain in that moment. Tears were burning my eyes and I couldn't breathe at the sight of HR's blood pooling on the cement and now on my clothes.
"Oh good, you made it-" HR's breathing was choppy but he smiled at me with relief, dropping his drumsticks and transmogrifier onto the ground. "I knew you would-"
"You're going to be just fine." My voice broke and I took off Savitar's jacket I had forgotten I had on until this moment. I rolled up my sleeves and bundled the jacket up, pushing it to his bleeding wound while stuttering over my own words. "You're going to be okay, HR— I promise. We just— we have to put pressure on the wound and so we can patch you up. Where's— where's Cisco?"
"It's okay." HR put a weak hand over my blood stained ones. "It was worth it."
"No, HR." My eyes burned and my body was shaking from the pain and the fear that we were losing him. "This is not your fate. You weren't supposed to die, you were supposed to live— Savitar's prophecy said you lived! So you're going to make it, okay? It's— it's gonna be fine—"
"Stop— stop." HR shakes his head slowly and his voice was quiet and quivering. He very lightly squeezes my finger with the most weak pressure. "I'm not going to make it."
"Why are you doing this?" My sadness turned into frustration and my heart ached— my voice got desperate and a little louder. "How could you do this? This was not how it was supposed to happen. It should be me, not you-"
"I'm the reason he found you— I was the reason you were ever in that place. I had no choice— I had to because you are my friend and I couldn't be a coward." HR admitted in a weak tone and his breath hitched for a moment from pain in his abdomen. "I'm not a coward."
I stared at him, my eyes wide and at a loss of words. He gave me a weak smile anyways and I stayed frozen, tears free falling down my cheeks.
I was tired of losing people.
"HR!" Tracy's scream echoed through the night and I felt her fall next to me and grab onto his hands. She was crying and in shock, her whole body shaking with her sobs. "Oh, no— HR."
HR gasped a little and caught onto her hands with his own. "Tracy."
"No, no, no." Tracy was shaking her head in denial. "We just found each other."
"I know— our story would be brilliant, you will be brilliant." HR reached and grabbed her face in his hand, caressing her cheek. "You will be glorious, Tracy Brand. You will be, I've seen seen it with my own eyes— I love you."
I looked between them repeatedly, slowly pulling back from HR and stumbling to my feet. My body was stiff and my chest was so tight I didn't know how long it would be before I collapsed.
Their story was ending tragically because he took my place. So that I could live.
Another person was taking my place.
"B. A.?" HR looked around quickly and Barry was at his side again within a moment. "B.A.-"
"I'm right here." Barry assured him.
"Will you tell Cisco— please tell him—" HR leaned up and whispered something into Barry's ear. Barry's eyes watered further but he nodded slowly. "Will you tell him that for me?"
Barry nods again but barely. "Yeah."
"Good." He smiled again and winks, his voice leaving him. "Now— go stop Savitar."
Then his head fell into Tracy's lap.
And she sobbed, cradling his dead body in her hands with her face buried in his chest.
In unison, Barry and I's gazes locked on each other, tearing away from Tracy and HR. Fresh tears were streaming down both our cheeks and he stood up slowly, walking over to me.
He reached down and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, dropping his head down to meet my forehead. He sniffed and his voice was deep from crying but he spoke. "I love you."
"I love you." I sobbed and threw my arms around him, hugging onto him as tight as I possibly could despite the pain I was in.
-
"What?" Julian's eyes widened when he heard the news that morning in the cortex. "HR's dead? I can't believe that— is Tracy all right?"
"How can she be?" My stare was fixed on the ground. My hair was still damp from the shower Barry forced me to take and my body still ached from pain. I had thrown on a pair of black jeans and a plain t shirt, clenching my jacket tightly in my sore hands. My neck stung from the cut Savitar made from digging a chip into my flesh.
And I was angry.
Iris stood by the chair I was seated in, her hands on her sides. "She just wants to be alone."
"There'll be time to mourn." Barry was behind me with both hands on my shoulders, keeping close to me. "Right now, we need to figure out our next move."
"So for the millionth time, I'm lost on all this time travel stuff." Joe inhaled slowly. "What happens now with Savitar? Zee didn't die, so— that changes things, right?"
"I mean, since Zee didn't die, future me never goes down that same dark path." Barry senses the tension in my body and starts to rub my shoulders comfortingly. "I never create time remnants to fight Savitar."
I lean my head back against his abdomen, my voice low. "And if future you never creates these time remnants, then Savitar himself is never born."
"Precisely." Julian nodded toward me, his eyes lingering on me with worry. "Once the time paradox catches up with him, then—"
I finish his sentence, finally lifting my gaze off the ground. "He'll be erased from existence."
"But— I saw him." Joe brought up, looking between us. "He didn't disappear."
"Not yet." Barry assures. "But he will, Joe."
Joe questions, looking around at us. "Any guesses how long that's gonna take?"
"Maybe a few hours?" Barry guessed.
"Okay." I look up and locked eyes with Barry for just a moment. "But, he can do a lot of damage in a few hours."
"Well, guys, we can't just sit around and wait for Savitar to disappear." Iris made a valid point.
"But— Savitar won't become Savitar if he's erased." Julian ran a hand through his hair.
"Not unless he pulls off whatever he's got in mind, before the paradox hits him." Barry mentions. "He stole the bazooka for a reason."
Joe nods. "Yeah, why?"
"I don't know, but remember, he's been planning this for centuries." Barry reminds us. "He wants to be a god— he must need the bazooka, and Caitlin, to achieve his goals."
Joe sighs. "Anybody got any good news?"
"Actually, uh," Julian unzipped his briefcase and pulled out a vial of a serum, holding up on display for us all. "Voilà."
I blinked. "What's that?"
"This, Detective," Julian took a deep breath before speaking. "Is the cure for Caitlin."
"You're kidding." Iris gasps and her eyes go wide. "You figured it out?"
"Not by myself— with the help of Caitlin's mother." Julian admits. "This is experimental gene therapy. This? This will rewrite Caitlin's meta-DNA— this will bring back Caitlin."
Then, a bright flash of lightning ran into the cortex and Wally was breathing heavily, our attention snapping towards him.
"I searched the forest." Wally told us, trying to catch his breath. "Savitar and Caitlin were gone, and so was Cisco."
Barry sighs. "Savitar has 'em both."
-
"There you are." Barry's voice filled my ears and I looked up from where I was seated on the floor in the Time Vault, staring at Thawne's suit on display. "I was starting to get worried."
"Sorry." My voice was quiet and I hugged my knees further into my chest. "I just sort of— ended up here. I don't know why."
He sat down next to me and brought his knees to his chest, mimicking me. He turned his head to look at me and scanned my face. "Why're you looking at his suit?"
"I thought of him." I messed with my engagement ring and leaned my head back against the wall. "Every single big bad we have faced has taken someone from us— from you. Thawne took your mother, and Ronnie and Eddie— Jay took your father and tried to take me, and now Savitar has taken HR after trying to take me. Does it ever end? I know I told you not to let them jeopardize who you are but when does this stop?"
Barry reached and caressed my cheek lightly.
I leaned my face into his touch.
"I know you're angry." Barry's voice was gentle and he stared deeply into my eyes. "I hated Thawne and Zoom— they took so much from me. And I've hated Savitar for threatening to take you away from me too. I hate him even more for what he's done to you— how much pain he put you through when he kidnapped you. I want nothing more than to make him pay for what he's done to you."
"Then why don't we make him pay?" I asked desperately. "I want to make him pay."
"I know— but, we can't." Barry's fingers dragged down my jaw and to my neck, stopping where my wound was. "It's not who we are."
"It's not who you are." I corrected him and watched him phase his hand through me, catch the chip and pulled it out without hurting me. He tosses it on the ground and destroys it under his shoe and I felt the overwhelming wave of my abilities rushing through my veins. "It could be who I am. I could do it, Barry—"
"No." Barry moved to face me and grabbed my face in both his hands whilst shaking his head. I face him and grabbed his wrists, shaking my head back. "No, no— don't talk like that."
"Barry, Jay already turned me dark— I can get my hands dirty." I said quickly, raising my voice a little in frustration the more he shook his head and denied me. "Barry, I can take the blame— you don't have to do anything. I want him to feel pain— I want him to suffer for what he's done."
"And you have every right to want that but it's not an option anymore." Barry assured me and moved onto his knees like I do, the both of us trying hard to get through to the other. "Listen, there is strength in anger, I know what it feels like— I've used it before. And we sit here, with our anger, trying to think of a way to hurt Savitar or maybe even kill him, but— I just don't think that hate's gonna get it done this time."
"He hasn't met my hate." My eyes burned into his and I felt the urge in my chest intensify. My eyes started to go dark and something sparked in Barry's. "He hasn't met my anger."
"And he's never going to." Barry's voice was serious and unyielding— he was completely focused on getting through to me. "You are not going to lose yourself because of him— you are not going to ruin the control you have worked so hard to achieve because of him, do you understand me?"
I stared at him. "Barry-"
"I know he hurt you. I know he put you through hell and he still is— but, I'm here, I've got you and I'm going to take care of you." His words were comforting and I felt myself relax slightly at him— at his scent. "I am so sorry I didn't get there in time to save you. I'm so sorry I left you alone and wasn't there for you but I'm here now. You're not going to let him ruin you, okay? You're gonna stay with me."
"Okay— I'm here." My eyes started to mellow and my head dropped. "If not revenge, then— what are we going to do?"
Barry pulled me into his chest and rests his chin on my head. "The last thing he'd expect."
-
"Hey, where did you go?" I noticed Barry walk into the cortex later that day while we waited around in the cortex for him. I stood straight, my hands leaning against the bars of the console. "I was starting to get worried-"
My voice died in my throat.
Barry pursed his lips and placed down his jacket, but my eyes were trained on his movements anymore. They were on Savitar— who walked into the cortex after him, slowly and tensely, catching my eyes and my heart swelled.
With anger, with sympathy, with hate?
I didn't know which one was stronger.
Joe was immediately defensive over me and points. "You make a move toward Zee—"
"He won't." Barry cut Joe off and watched Savitar round the console, whose eyes were trained on me. "Killing Zee won't save him now, not anymore."
"Where is Cisco?" Julian asked Savitar— who clearly wasn't paying much mind to him. "Where's Caitlin?"
Barry answers. "They're safe."
"I was asking him." Julian seethed.
"Show me that you can help me." Savitar's voice was low and he stopped a good distance away from me. He stood completely still and tense. "Then I will tell you where your friends are."
Joe scoffed at his words and crossed his arms. "You tell us now, or you go up in smoke."
"This is bloody insanity." Julian was outraged. "What is he doing here? He's a monster!"
Savitar's eyes shut for a moment and I could see the hurt crossing his face— he was being shunned again by the same people and it was hurting him.
"Hey, hey!" Barry raised his voice to calm the others down. "Stop! Guys, it's okay— everyone, just—"
I took a step towards Savitar and Barry stopped talking. His eyes were glued to me and suddenly, it wasn't just his eyes. Every single one of them froze and fell silent— just watching us.
Savitar opened his eyes and looked at me.
I clenched my fist at my side, picked up my pace and abruptly stopped in front of him, ramming my fist into his jaw with all the strength I could muster in the moment. "Jackass."
No one made me a move to stop me.
"I deserved that." Savitar grabbed his jaw and rubbed the area I punched, my eyes falling onto his lips where a small bit of blood was beginning to form. "Mean right hook."
I took a step towards him and closed the distance, my voice lowering dangerously low and taunting. "I can do worse."
"I know you can." Savitar's eyes scanned my face a few times. He swallowed hard and I glare.
"It must really suck— knowing you're running out of time. Knowing you're going to die and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it because it's completely out of your power." I said venomously to him through my clenched teeth. "I couldn't possibly emphasize with you at all."
Savitar locked eyes with me again and stared at me just as intensely as I was staring at him. His eyes sparked with something— regret.
And maybe just a bit of intimidation.
Good.
"We're going to help you— not because you deserve it but because it's what we do." I tilted my head slightly to the side and stared ominously. I turned my head to everyone else and settled my menacing stare on the rest of them. "Understood?"
"Yes," Julian was the one to speak up first and then he adds, "—Detective."
Savitar's eyes were still glued on me when I heard him speak. "Thank you."
"Don't." I turned my head and scanned his face. "If I had my way with you, you would've already been dead by now."
Then, I walked past him and slammed my shoulder against his before walking right out of the cortex without another word.
-
"Strange being back here." Savitar looked around the Med Lab, his hands at his sides. His eyes skimmed the room and fell on me a few times. "This is where we came up with the cerebral inhibitor to use against DeVoe."
My head snaps toward him. "Who?"
"You haven't gotten there yet." Savitar scanned me up and down once, then his eyes landed on Barry who came to stand next to me with his arms crossed. "So— how's this gonna work? Where will I live?"
"What do you mean?" Barry questioned.
"Are Wally and I gonna be bunk-mates?" There was nothing but humor in Savitar's tone and he crossed his arms as well. "Am I supposed to just rejoin Team Flash, fight some Rogues? What kind of life were you thinking I'd lead?"
"That's a wonderful question." I turned my head and looked at Barry. "Well, honey? Maybe we could let him crash on our couch!"
"That's a definite no." Barry shot me a look and then exhales. "I hadn't gotten that far yet."
"How do we explain me at the wedding?" Savitar smiled and gestures between the two of us. "And do I sit bride-side or groom-side?"
"Groom-side." I crossed my arms and mimicked the two of them. "Barry Allen's long lost brother— bonus, he's got pizza face. Finally reunited after years of searching!"
Savitar's smile stayed stretched across his face. "You read too many books."
"Well, you know— I got a big refresher earlier today because I thought I was going to die." I said with a blank face, clicking my tongue after my words. "All thanks to you."
"Well, I can't take all the credit— you certainly know how to rile me up." Savitar shrugged lightly and then a smirk formed onto his lips in place of the smile. "I mean, that trick was brutal."
Barry looks between us. "What trick?"
"Oops." Savitar put a finger to his lips. "It's like we're being chaperoned by a kindergarten teacher."
"Well, I'd watch it." I narrowed my eyes at him threateningly. "No making any wrong moves in front of the fiancé or you'll get in trouble."
"Aw," Savitar faked pouted. "So, no round two?"
Barry whirled to look at me. "Round two?"
"Oh, great-" I huffed and whirled at Savitar with Barry's wide eyes fixed directly on and only on me. "Do you ever shut up?"
"No." Savitar said with ease and looked at Barry, with a look that screamed that he only wanted to stir trouble. "She kissed me."
"You kissed him?" Barry repeated and stared down at me waiting for an explanation.
I shake my head immediately and point at Savitar. "No, he kissed me."
"She baited me to do it." Savitar egged on with pleasure. "She was very convincing."
"Have you always been a tattle tale?" I remarked. "Have you not left elementary school yet?"
"We shared a meaningful moment, Zee." Savitar put a hand over his heart in fake hurt. "And I think that he deserves to know that you were disloyal to him-"
"Disloyal?" I scoffed in disbelief and took a step towards Savitar, my hands up in front of me so I could strangle him. "I'm going to kill you-"
"Zee." Barry caught my arm quick and spun me back to look at him. "You kissed him?"
"I was trying to escape!" I put my hands on his arms. "It was not a meaningful moment at all— it was nothing but a sham."
"Oh, really?" Barry began and then I realized he wasn't upset with me when I noticed the amusement in his eyes. "Are you sure it wasn't your whole enemies to lovers tactic?"
I mumble. "At least he looks like you."
Barry snorts and pushes my head. I scrunched my nose and rubbed the back of my neck while he ran his fingers through my hair to fix what he messed up by the gesture.
I looked at Savitar who was looking at us with a whole different emotion— not mischief, not the eagerness from before to stir trouble but longing.
And maybe a little sadness.
"Look," Barry caught eye of his expression and inhaled sharply, placing his hand on my lower back. "I mean, we don't have all the answers, but— you know, we're gonna figure it out together."
"No— not together." Savitar slowly shook his head and his eyes fell onto me. "Love and hate, they're so close, it's easy to mistake one for the other."
I stared directly at him and tilted my head to the side. "I can differentiate the two just fine."
"No— you can't." Savitar's voice went low and his expression turned slightly sour out of hurt. "You're gonna spend the rest of your life with him. But, I remember giving you the ring. I remember singing to you— singing with you, I remember dancing with you in the rain and how beautiful you looked when we were stuck in a musical of all places. I remember how it all felt when I asked you to marry me."
I froze in my spot and just stared at him— Barry seemed to be speechless but I was stiff. Because despite the fact that I hated him with every fiber of my being, I knew this wouldn't work and I felt just a tad bit of sympathy for him.
Savitar shook his head and started to walk past us. "I can't do this."
"No!" I blurted and jumped in front of him, placing my hands on his chest to stop him. I immediately dropped them when I felt his heart spike under my fingertips and I looked up at him. "You can— and I'll be here for you."
"How can you?" He stared at me, his eyes swarming with dozens of emotions at my sudden stand on this. "I hurt you— so much. I tried to kill you— I killed HR."
"I know and you're a grade A jackass." I clenched my teeth together. "But, we are good people and we can't just stand here and let you die when there might be something we can do to prevent that. Despite what you've done. It's not who we are so we are going to help you."
Savitar looked between my eyes, silent.
"You know, it doesn't help that you have the two best members of this team that could definitely help us figure this out hostage— especially since Tracy doesn't seem too fond of helping you out." I mentioned. "Where are they?"
"I'll bring them home." Savitar said to me in a quiet voice and then leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead before he ran out of the room.
I turned in the direction that he went in and Barry grabs me before I could chase after as if I had any chance of catching up to him. "I swear to god, he does not take a hint!"
Then, the alarm started to go off and Barry and I froze in our spots. We took a glance at one another and then immediately headed for the door, rushing into the cortex where everyone else was.
"What is it?" I skidded to a stop behind the console and then noticed Harry, my eyes widening. "Harry! You're here."
"Yes, I'm here-" Harry shot me a simple smile and then looked down at the monitor. "There's energy radiating from the breach room and it's not breach energy."
"It's the philosopher's stone." Julian jumped out of his seat when he caught eye of the computer screen. "It's releasing all its energy."
Barry sighed in realization. "Savitar."
Of course.
"It looks like it's gonna blow." Joe said as the beeping start to rapidly quicken and the light from the stone became brighter on the feed.
"Wally." Barry was saying but I could barely hear him from all the anger coursing through me and in my head. "Get everybody out."
"That little-" I began but my insult was cut off with a shriek when Barry grabbed me and ran me out of the building after everyone else, his arms around me tight and making it out just seconds before the energy from the stone hit us.
-
"Ow!" Cisco blurted in pain when he rolled down our stairs, catching all of our attention in the living room of Barry and I's loft. He seemed to be bickering with someone higher up on the stairs. "I had that— I was getting through to her."
Gypsy's voice was the one that snapped back at him. "You were almost killed."
"Maybe that's how it looks to the untrained eye." Cisco snipped and jumped up to his feet.
"These eyes are highly trained." Gypsy argued back. "And I know you were in danger because I vibed it across the multiverse— I can't believe this is the thanks I get for saving you!"
"This isn't thanks— this is the opposite of thanks!" Cisco raised his voice back at her but then paused. "Wait a minute, how did you vibe that I was in trouble?"
"Because we are connected." Gypsy admitted and huffed. "Jackass."
My arms were crossed over my chest and I finally decided to be the one to announce our presence. "Are you guys done?"
"Oh my god." Cisco's head snapped in the direction of my voice and his face immediately relaxed with relief. He rushed over to us and then threw his arms around me, hugging me tightly and crushing me in his arms. "I thought something happened to you guys. Two-Face told me you guys were dead."
"We're okay." Barry assured him and Cisco pulled back, looking between us. "Gypsy."
"Guys." Gypsy walked over and greets us.
Cisco nods. "Harry."
"Here to help." Harry nods back.
"Good." Cisco said. "I know what he's up to."
-
"Garrick!" Savitar's menacing voice echoed from his suit in the cold air. He stood tall and terrifying in front of the opened portal, Caitlin stood a few feet away from him, holding the Speed Bazooka in shock. Jay stood at the top of the hill while we neared him from behind. "How did you-"
"He didn't— I did." Cisco called out and handed Jay his helmet. "By changing the polarity of the climbing arc, I changed your Speed Force splicer into a Speed Force skeleton key— didn't think I was actually gonna let you become a god, now, did you?"
"Let's end this." Barry breathed in and then he, Wally and Jay ran after Savitar leaving Gypsy, Cisco and I with Caitlin.
"They finally let you out to play?" Caitlin shot an icy smile at me when she caught eye of me. "How much convincing did that take?"
"None." I shrugged lightly, my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket. "I guess they just know I'm a useful asset when I'm pissed off."
"Let's see if you can prove that." Caitlin's hands fogged up and suddenly there were multiple icicles coming for the three of us. The lightning of all four speedsters lit around our surroundings, the fade of their lightning our faces and we were all fighting back.
And then it all really began.
Cisco, Gypsy and I were throwing ourselves at Caitlin, using our abilities to block and dodge what she was throwing at us. She threw a blast at Cisco and Gypsy quickly turned to block it while my hand flew up and fired a blast towards Caitlin when she was distracted.
She grunted and flew back while the three of us neared her. I grabbed her by her collar and pushed her into a tree, holding a ball of my fire in the palm of my hand while Cisco and Gypsy backed me with threatening of their own powers. "That's enough from you-"
"Go ahead." She seethed to me but her eyes were no longer cold and icy— they were warm. "We've all been waiting for this moment right? Go bad."
I stared at her for a few moments.
Then let go of her and stepped back.
She looked at me with slight wide eyes but there was a hint of annoyance that she couldn't push me over the edge.
"This is the end of the line, Caitlin." I narrowed my eyes and nodded my head towards Cisco. "Savitar might not have given you a choice but we are— you wanna be you again? Here's your chance."
Cisco tossed the vial onto the ground in front of her. "Julian perfected this serum— this is what's going to help you."
Before Caitlin could speak, Gypsy's abrupt shout caught our attention. "Look out!"
Savitar's lightning ran through us, sending us all off our feet. Savitar grabbed onto Cisco by the neck, holding him in a tight hold in his metal claws and Cisco gasped for air. He held his free hand up and started to phase it towards his chest. "You'll pay for what you did! And you can die the same way twice."
I gasped and pushed myself off the ground. I threw myself onto his metal body, my legs wrapped around the cold, sharp metal of his suit around his abdomen and my arm hugged around his neck to keep my grip so I didn't slip off him. My free hand came burning against the side of his helmet and a loud roar escaped him through his suit.
He threw Cisco to the side and Gypsy immediately rushed toward him. His claws circled around my arms and flung me off him and forward, a small shriek escaping my lips.
My back slammed against the hard ground and the wind was knocked out of me. I coughed lightly and grunted when his knee came down against my abdomen to hold me down. My jaw clenched and one of my hands came up to blast him right in face but he caught my wrist, angling it away from his face. My eyes were wide and I watched the fiery array fade in the air.
Then I screamed when his hand pushed on my wrist with ease— and broke it.
Barry's lightning ran towards us then and Savitar's free arm came up quickly, sending him flying sideways with a loud grunt. Savitar grabbed both my arms in one hand and I struggled under him but it was no use. A spear extracted from his other hand and his voice was full of anger. "I'm so glad you've been so comfortable with using your powers recently but I think it's time we put a stop to that—"
My eyes widened in panic.
He was going to cut off my hands.
I fought under him with all my strength, trying to blast with my uninjured hand but he kept aiming it away and hitting the others instead.
"You put up a good fight." Savitar began with a heave and then paused. He lowered his face closer to mine and I stared into the bright blue light coming from where his eyes were on his suit. "But— I win."
Then he swung his blade back and towards my wrists, my eyes squeezing shut and a scream of panic escaping my lips.
But the pain never came.
Savitar's shout followed instead with his absence. My eyes snapped open and Caitlin was rushing over to me, grabbing onto my arm and gently pulling me up. "I've got you-"
I sighed in relief and hugged onto her, looking back at Savitar who was grunting as he pushed himself off the ground.
Barry rushed over to me, his hands immediately on my arms. "Zee-"
"I'm okay." I pulled back from Caitlin, nodding at him while Cisco and Gypsy quickly ran over to us. "Just a broken wrist— no biggie."
Then we saw that Savitar had fully gotten up.
"I knew you didn't have it in you, Caitlin." Savitar began, breathing heavily. "I only have a few minutes left— I can feel it. But, before I go, I'm gonna kill Zee. And Joe. And Wally. And Iris— if I am going to die, then everyone and everything you love is going to die too-"
"No!" Barry was suddenly shouting and running towards Savitar. He leaped and phased— sending Savitar flying out of his suit and Barry taking his place in it. "How's it feel to get so close to your ascension, and end up on the ground?"
"Now I see." Savitar said in a new realization, looking up at him. "It's written."
"Nothing's written!" Barry raised his voice and Savitar simply just smiled. Then he got up and threw a punch towards Barry, who flung him around like a rag doll. Savitar gripped his arm and Barry slammed his fist into his face, spinning him to the ground on his knees before him.
Then he extracted one of his spears.
"Do it!" Savitar bellowed into the cold night, breathing hoarsely. "You kill me, you become me— either way, I live."
Barry stood still for a moment and we all watched in silence, waiting to see what he would do.
Then the spear retracted.
Barry phased and destroyed Savitar's suit into pieces and breathed heavily. Savitar looked distraught that this wasn't going his way at all. "'ll never let the pain, the darkness, determine who I am— I will never be you."
Barry raised his fist and it came in contact with Savitar's jaw, who landed on the ground— unconscious. Barry turned and made eye contact with me, a small smile forming on his lips in triumph as he began to walk about to us.
And for a moment it was all okay.
Until Savitar got up.
He started to run towards Barry, with his hand in the air— phasing. His arm raised and he was close to him, close enough to kill him.
He was going to kill him.
My hand found my holster and then next thing I knew I had a tight grip on my gun. I raised it and aimed, holding the bottom of the gun with my hand despite my injured wrist. My face remained straight despite the pain and Barry's eyes went wide in confusion and slight panic at the gun.
I pulled the trigger.
The gunshot was loud.
But Savitar's shout was louder.
I watched his head jerk back with the bullet and his body flew backwards, collapsing fully onto the ground by Barry. Barry spun out of startle, looking down at Savitar with wide eyes and the next thing I knew, my feet were moving and I was next to Barry in seconds, my gun aimed at Savitar's limp body on the ground.
He was dead.
The headshot dead center of his forehead confirmed it— the blood seeping down the sides of his face and soaking into his hair and the ground— into the dirt, the grass.
And I had been the one to pull the trigger.
I swallowed hard and slowly lowered my gun, watching as Savitar's body slowly faded away in small particles. My voice was a whisper to just Barry— who had put a hand on my back for comfort when he had realized and gathered what I had just done. "I killed him."
With all the unsteadiness I felt, I couldn't help the small sting of triumph in my heart— the burning sensation of finally getting the revenge on him I wanted.
He didn't win.
I did.
-
"When I think of HR, I'm reminded of a story that John Lennon once told." I held my voice steady whilst I spoke at HR's funeral, staring at the mossy and wet grass. My hands were clenched together and I held my body stiff, eyes wet from crying and bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. "When Lennon was five years old, his teacher asked him to write down what he wanted to be when he grew up. Lennon wrote, "Happy. " His teacher said that he didn't understand the assignment, and Lennon said that they didn't understand life. HR understood life— he was the true epitome of what happiness is. He wasn't a genius, he didn't have super speed nor did he have the ability to fight people off himself, but— when we needed him the most, he was our hero. He was my hero."
I stepped down and stood by Barry, keeping my gaze on the ground. Barry wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side for comfort whilst one by one everyone whispered their own goodbyes to HR.
My heart was swelling in pain and I clenched my hands so tightly that I felt my nails digging into my palms. The same thought kept repeating in my head on a loop—
He didn't deserve this.
"Hey, look—" Barry whispered in my ear and nudged me lightly to get my attention. I looked up in the direction he was gesturing in and there stood Caitlin— or Killer Frost, a few feet away, watching the funeral.
Cisco and Julian had seemed to notice her as well because the four of us had walked over to her to speak to her after excusing ourselves.
"Well, well, well." Cisco began while Caitlin took off her glasses, revealing brown eyes and not icy blue ones. "At least you're not shopping at Villains "R" Us anymore."
Her voice was quiet. "I'm sorry about HR."
"I'm sure he would have appreciated you coming." Barry assured her with a nod.
I stare at her. "Why did you come?"
"I don't know." Caitlin admitted.
"Maybe— you wanted to come home." Cisco suggested lightheartedly with a slight shrug.
Caitlin shook her head. "I don't have a home."
"Yes, you do, Caitlin— you do. With your friends." Julian sounded desperate when he said this. "With me."
Caitlin shook her head and took out the antidote he had made for her— the vial was untouched and still full. "I'm sorry, Julian— I'm not Caitlin anymore."
"You're not Killer Frost." Barry said quickly.
"No, I'm not. I'm something else." Caitlin sighed lightly. "And I need to figure out what that is— on my own."
Cisco reached. "Hey—"
"Cisco." Caitlin stopped him. "Let me go."
And then she turned and walked away.
-
"Are you okay?" Barry asked me within seconds of us falling onto our couch. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it, fixing my stare onto the ground and I simply nodded my head. "Don't lie."
"Lie?" I said blandly. "This is what happens all the time. We win some, we lose some."
"I'm worried about you." Barry said softly, putting a hand on my arm. "Talk to me."
"What am I supposed to say? HR is dead." I lifted my head and looked at him. "I killed the alternative version of you which wouldn't leave me the hell alone by the way— and I just feel like I went through hell. How am I supposed to feel right now? Because I feel nothing."
"You're numb." Barry grabs onto my hand and holds it in both of his. "You can't let this make you shut down—"
"I feel like shutting down, okay?" I was exasperated, tearing pooling my eyes for the hundredth time. "I can't take this anymore— it's too much. I finally know what it feels like having someone's life on your shoulders and it sucks. It's terrible— I have no idea how you do this every single day."
"Because I have you." Barry squeezed my hand and looked at me in the eyes. "You can shut down if you need to— that's okay, but I'm going to be here to pull you out if you go too far, okay? That's what I'm here for."
I nodded slightly, leaning forehead and resting my forehead against his shoulder. I sniffled slightly and sighed. "For the record, I don't feel bad about shooting Savitar. It was a great shot."
"My god—" Barry rested his head against mine with a small laugh out of amusement. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Good question." I laughed just a little bit then any conversation or sound stopped when there was a huge rumble through our apartment, knocking over a few dishes and vases. Then car alarms were going off and crashes were sounding the air, which made us both stiffen. "What the hell was that— was that an earthquake? There's never been an earthquake in Central City."
Barry got up and walked over to our windows whilst I rushed over to him. "Idiot, you can't stand by windows when—"
My words halted.
A lightning storm.
Barry stares with wide eyes that were just as big as mine. "That wasn't an earthquake."
-
"You found something?" Barry asked, holding my hand to make sure I was safe with him when we walked through the destroyed parts of Star Labs over to the others who were inspecting what was going on. "Anything?"
"Everything's barbecued— I'm gonna try to establish an up-link to the satellite." Cisco crouched down, looking down at one of the fried monitors and then held his walkie to his mouth. "That's not good— hey, Wally, can you reverse the polarity on the neutron flow?"
Wally's voice back through. "On it."
"Central City University just reported an earthquake of 6. 6 on the Richter scale." Julian walked in with Joe by his side, holding his phone.
Harry walked in. "That's not an earthquake."
"He's right, earthquakes come from down below— but, what would this even be?" I question.
There was another rumble and electricity zapped at us from the broken technology all around us. Jay walked into the room and spoke. "It's gettin' bad out there— emergency services will soon be overwhelmed."
"Guys. 7. 2, that last one." Julian said.
Wally's voice came in. "Cisco."
"Yeah? We're on!" Cisco headed over to one flashing monitor, adjusting a bit so a decent picture came into screen. "Guys."
"What is that thing?" Iris asked.
Gypsy looked. "That's definitely not a breach."
"Holy plutonium." Cisco was staring at with wide eyes. "What even emits that many kilojoules?"
"The Speed Force." Jay answered.
"But— Savitar's dead." Joe looked between us all. "Zee killed him."
"That's the problem, it's the Speed Force prison." Jay said. "It needs an occupant, when you freed me, we emptied it. Without a prisoner—"
I sigh and continue. "It goes unstable."
"And now it's bleeding energy onto our Earth."
Cisco finished. "How do we stop this?"
Barry finally spoke for the first time, his voice low and threaded with acceptance and sadness. "By giving it what it needs."
"By doing what exactly?" My head snapped toward him immediately but I wasn't stupid. I knew exactly what he meant, especially when he started to walk away from me and outside. My eyes widened and my heart swelled with fear. "Barry—"
I chased after him along with everyone else, outside to where all the chaos was happening.
"The Speed Force is unbalanced." Barry was staring at the lighting storm emitting from the sky, causing fires and explosions all around the city. "I have to stabilize it."
"What?" Iris asked. "How?"
"By running into it." Barry turned to look at me, expecting me to protest. His eyes were filled with sorrow and guilt— guilt that he was leaving me behind and he was immediately trying to explain himself to me. "If I don't go, the whole city, maybe even the entire planet, could be destroyed."
I took a step back.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I knew something was coming— I felt it in my gut. I knew it wasn't over, I knew something was going to come up and bite us in the ass but I could have never imagine it would be this.
But I couldn't tell him no.
I couldn't beg him to stay.
I knew him better than that.
I took another step back, tears burning in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.
I would let him go without a word.
That way I wouldn't remember moment with too much pain— there wasn't any last words.
Wally spoke up, his eyes slightly wide with shock. "Barry, Central City needs The Flash."
"And they'll have one." Barry assured him, staring right at him. "They'll have one— right?"
"Right." Wally nodded and Barry hugged onto him. "Yeah."
Barry shook Julian's hand and then moved onto Harry. "Do you mind sticking around?"
"Anything for you." Harry nodded, his eyes glancing onto me for just a second after Barry said something else to him— something quiet that was only between them. He nodded again.
Then, a wormhole opened in the middle of the street— out of the portal, stepped out Nora Allen. Joe's eyes widened with shock and disbelief. "Barry, it's your mother."
"That's the Speed Force." Barry looked in the direction, stepped back from Harry.
"Barry isn't going to hell." The Speed Force was telling us— calming our thoughts. "But like all runners must eventually, he's reached his finish line— his race is over. So, my beautiful boy— come, it's time to rest."
Barry nodded slowly and then turned to Cisco. "Don't mess it up with her."
"I'll do my best." Cisco whispered, tears swelling in his eyes that he was losing his best friend.
Barry put his hands on Cisco's shoulders and squeezed. "They're all gonna look to you now."
"I'm not a hero like you." Cisco shook his head and his voice shook as well, a few tears falling.
Barry hugged onto him tightly, rubbing his back. "You've always been my hero."
I simply watched.
"All this time we were trying to save Zee, you're telling me that we should've been trying to save you too?" Joe said, his voice cracking lightly from wanting to cry when Barry came over to him.
"You did save me, Joe." Barry said to him. "You took an 11-year-old boy with a broken heart, and you gave him a home and so much love— no son ever felt more love from a father."
This made Joe start to break, his sobs coming through when Barry went to hug him. "No father ever felt more proud of a son."
"Barry." The Speed Force called for him once more. "It's time."
Barry stepped back from Joe and then looked towards the portal. Then he turned and looked down at me, taking a steps toward me and then I knew— he wanted to say goodbye to me now.
He wanted me to be the last thing he saw— the last memory of his before he went there for eternity.
"No." I stepped back immediately but he grabbed onto my arms to stop me from avoiding it any longer. My voice started to shake and I shook my head quickly, the tears immediately spilling over my eyes when we made eye contact. I could no longer keep my composure. "It's okay— we don't have to do this. I know you have to go now, you don't have to say anything— you don't."
Barry held onto my tights and pulled me closer to him. "Yes, I do."
"Please, don't." I gripped onto his goat desperately, shaking my head. "It'll haunt me for the rest of my life. I can't do this, Barry—"
"There is so much I want to say to you and I have no time to do so." Barry grabbed onto my face with both hands, his voice quiet so it was just between him and I. "But, I can't leave without saying that— I'm so sorry."
"The universe is trying so hard to keep us apart." My voice was nothing but a broken whisper. "I mean, first I die— but, then you reset the timeline and I almost die again— and now you have to leave so that the whole world doesn't go up in flames? Why can't we just be happy?"
"I don't know— this isn't fair." Barry used his thumbs to wipe the tears running down my cheeks but the stream was endless. His eyes were just as watery. "But, our love will always be a hundred times stronger than the universe. Because after today, you're going to keep living your life— you're going to keep excelling at what you do, you're going to keep growing and keep loving—"
"Stop it, stop—" I shook my head and was breaking down into sobs. "Why are we being punished? Why is this happening to us? What did we do?"
"This is because of what I did, Zee." Barry's voice cracked slightly, leaning his forehead against mine. "It all started with my mistake, because I created Flashpoint because I decided I couldn't live without you— this is my penance. It's my redemption."
"So, now I have to live without you?" My heart shattered into more pieces. "It's not fair."
"Life has never been fair to us." Barry whispered to me. "But, we always make it through. So, please— for me. Keep running. Promise me you'll run, Zee. And when you little children that run around throwing fire balls all around the place, you'll name one after me— okay? Or I'll haunt you for the rest of my days."
My heart smashed into smithereens.
"Please promise me." Barry swallowed hard to keep his emotions back, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I gotta go—"
"I promise." I whispered for him— so that he can go and save the world as he always does. But, my heart wasn't fully there and it never will be. I would never love another after him.
Barry leaned down and kissed me. The taste of our salty tears was on our tongues but we didn't care because this would be the last kiss we would have ever shared together.
Then, he pulled away from the kiss. He hugged me tight and held me for a few seconds. He kissed my cheeks and my forehead— my nose and then my head.
Then he finally let go of me and walked towards the portal— taking her hand.
And when the portal closed.
It all stopped.
authors note:
hi. IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE
(i explain why on my message board so go look at that !!! )
BUT IM BACK
I feel like this chapter was kinda iffy because it's like my comeback chapter but eh
but so much pain in this chapter ???
zee is truly at her breaking point FR
zee completely unhinged with savitar and wanting to kill him and then proceeding to kill him ??? 10/10
zee and savitar going back and forth ???
ZEE AND BARRYS FINAL MOMENT.
nothing else needs to be said but that fr
but, thank you so much for 269k !!!
vote and comment loadsss