— RORI —
Trudging down the stairs, i make my way towards the living area. Vinnie, Uvaldo, and Teddy take up the far couch, while the rest of my present siblings sit on the left.
"Where the hell is he then?" i ask the boys, who innocently shrug in synchronisation.
"Where's who?" Uvaldo enquires, a blank expression on his face.
"Um, the one person who actually requested for my presence," i answer, raising an eyebrow at him.
A barrel of a gun is placed against the right side of my head but i sense my brother's presence right before it happens. Not only that but i recognise the gun, being that it is the same one i had left under Xavi's pillow just a few hours ago.
The same gun i impulsively stole from his office at The Clubhouse while he was busy trying to save face.
"I' ever catch you stealing my shit again, let alone a gun which you do not have a license for, i'll break something of yours. Got it?"
Yakov immediately sees red but i remain calm, lowering the gun from my head and sparing Xavi a faux smile of understanding.
"Xavi," Yakov warns, clearly interpreting his comment as 'I'll beat you to a pulp.' "We do not lay a hand on our little sister."
"Relax...i think Zeph junior, here, means he'll cut the head off one of her Barbies or something," Uvaldo reasons, causing the rest of my brothers to snicker like the children they are.
"Do i look like someone who owns Barbie dolls?" i retort, dumbly. "I'm fifteen!"
Actually, when i was younger, i was the proud owner of a Monster High doll collection. But unfortunately, the youngest of my older brothers would dismember their bodies and hide each little limb around my room for me to find the next morning.
In fact, Teddy once went as far as making little crime scenes for them. He used to take his action figures and pretend they were the ones doing the dolly murdering.
My, my, what a twisted little boy he was.
Not that his nature has changed.
"Yeah! Listen to Rori, guys," Teddy joins in. "Equality still stands here, so just break her nose or something."
Several of my brothers cut in with an infamous "Shut up, Ted."
I roll my eyes. Typical Teddy.
"Oh, what, so am i not allowed to joke now?" he scoffs, receiving pointed glares from each of us. "Alright, i get it, i get it. No harming the poor baby sister but she can get away with anything, while we're left to suffer the consequences of every damn—"
"Be careful with your words there, Teddy," Yakov swiftly cuts him off. "And while our sister had no right to steal from Xavi, nor do i support her using a gun, i believe it could prove useful to have one handy in situations like the other night. Just in case." he captures each of us with a meaningful stare. "Zephaniah also would think so, and i believe his opinion matters most in this situation, although he is not present right now."
As always, after hearing our most rational brother's words, like a light bulb, something in Xavi's head switches.
"For the record, i am proud of you, Rori. You did what needed to be done, and although i took it out on you the other night, it was only because i was unsettled by the possibility of...Well..." Xavi's rough exterior has now softened ever so slightly, as he looks into my eyes, unable to complete his sentence. "And so perhaps i shouldn't scold you for taking this gun but rather thank you for saving our brother's life. Again," he mumbles the last word so quietly that i question if i even heard him correctly.
Again.
Thank you for saving our brother's life...again?
But there was never a first time, i think to myself, perplexed of what it could mean. Never mind a second.
Regardless, i flash him my biggest, most brightest, rare, Rori smile, and instantaneously the whole atmosphere shifts.
If i could choose anyone to be my second parent right now, Yakov would be an easy decision. At first, i thought of him to be extremely dictating and demanding of us. And he still is. Most of the time, that is, but he is reasonable also and takes everyone's thoughts and feelings into consideration.
In fact, he's almost too good at his role in this family. A lot like Wyatt is, or rather a lot like i thought he was...Perhaps i do consider my second eldest brother to also be one of my favourites.
I can't believe i'm even thinking such things though, given our past and everything.
And Xavi...Although he tends to contradict himself every five seconds due to his high-strung personality, i do not believe the words 'i am proud of you' have ever left his mouth before. Let alone them be directed towards myself.
I'm officially claiming this to be another Rori victory.
"On that note, Zephaniah will be joining us for dinner tomorrow night," Xavi swiftly changes the subject, and my grin widens even more after hearing his words.
I finally get to see my eldest brother!
"Does that mean he's been discharged then?" Quentin queries.
"No. Not yet, anyway." Yakov shakes his head. "I will be signing him out tomorrow morning."
"Oh..." Quentin mumbles, a hint of disappointment in his tone. "But that's great news...That's really great news. I'm glad he's okay," he rushes, forcing a smile to appear on his face.
"Please don't say we have to do the whole family outing thing again," Seamus grumbles, earning a few glares from our older brothers. "I mean, woohoo, can't wait for his return!" he adds, feigning enthusiasm.
"Well, really, it's up to Zephaniah on what we do tomorrow," Yakov responds. "And if he wants a so-called family outing, then you shall have to put up with it."
"Fucking brilliant," my twin sarcastically cheers.
"But wait, shouldn't he be keeping a low-profile?" Uvaldo reminds us. "I mean, giving everything that's happened and may happen to him."
"We will be ensuring that there is more security in place and that we are well protected, from now on," Yakov continues. "Especially those of us who are more vulnerable."
As i anticipated, everyone turns to face me. Of course they know what Yakov means by 'vulnerable'. Even i am not that stupid. No doubt my brothers will turn into overprotective beasts, now. Those of them who give a shit, that is. But it's not like i can't take good care of myself. I have been doing so for a while now.
Besides, i can't be that easy of a target.
— SUCKER PUNCH —
Waking up this morning, i was unhappy that Wyatt had not yet arrived home.
He did tell Vinnie that he would be back at some point later last night, yet we haven't heard anything since.
Vinnie was the one to let Xavi know of Wyatt's return, and let's just say our brother was not best pleased to be hearing this via someone else. Understandably so, as i have no idea why Xavi wasn't the first person to know.
It is still only Tuesday, and so, instead of being there for Zephaniah when he is discharged from the hospital, i am stuck in this God awful school again.
"So, Quentin tells me your oldest brother was in the hospital?"
My head shoots up at the sound of Mikey's voice, him looking at me intently as he awaits an answer. I quickly flash him a tight-lipped smile, internally cursing at my youngest brother for his notorious habit of oversharing.
"Uhm, yeah..." i nod once i have found my words. "He's okay now though. He's coming home today," i say, with a smile.
"Well that's great news!" Mikey grins. "I was just asking Quentin what was up with you this week, since you seemed a little distant, and he said that might be an explanation for it," my friend says with a shrug. "But i bet you feel a lot better now, huh?"
My mouth parts a little.
Am i really that patent of a person? And couldn't Quentin have not dismissed his concern instead of implying i was worried about Zephaniah's wellfare?
I mean, what kind of nonsensical accusations are being made here? I have a reputation to uphold.
"Sure, it's definitely a weight lifted off my chest now," i agree, although it is not true to how i really feel.
"What are we talking about?" comes Annalise's high-pitched voice, as she slams her tray down to the left of me.
"Oh, just Rori's older brother," Mikey answers her. "You know, the one who was in hospital."
Annalise scrunches her face a little in confusion, before realisation sets in.
"Ohh," she muses. "Zephaniah? He is drop-dead gorgeous. Shame about what happened, really."
I scoff in disgust.
"Annalise, you have never even met Zephaniah. And i most certainly have not mentioned him before. Also, he's not gorgeous at all! He is as ugly as an ogre, just like his pompous personality," i snarl, displeased to hear her fawning over yet another one of my brothers.
"Oh, shut up, Ri." she playfully rolls her eyes. "We bumped into him in town ages ago. Heading into Tosca's? He held the door open for me and everything. And then we made eye contact, and i swear to God, i want that man to have my babies."
My eyes widen in horror, as i drop my cutlery onto the tray beneath me. Mikey fails to hold back his laughter as he glances between the two of us.
"I'm not kidding when i tell you i'm about throw up, so think carefully before you say anything else, Kingston!" i exclaim, and she merely shrugs, a teasing smile on her unapologetic face.
"Okay," she complies, still smirking like the smug idiot she is.
"I am serious! You have got to stop talking about my brothers in that way. God, why don't you crush on someone your own age?" i continue.
"Well, there's always Seam—"
"No!" i cut her off again, flashing Mikey a pleading look of despair. "All of my brothers are off limits. Every. Single. One. Got it?" i seethe.
"Got it," she repeats.
"You promise?" i press, deadly serious.
"Yes, Rori, i promise," she mocks me, holding up three of her fingers like a girl scout.
"Very well," i grumble, glaring at her, challengingly.
God, if only she lived with those pigs. Then she'd soon change her mind.
And i didn't mind it as much when she was, like, ten years old and thought they were cute, because i found the humour in it back then. But the thought of one of my closest friends being with one of my brothers is a little unsettling to say the least.
"Anyways..." Mikey finally speaks, once his laughter has died down. "I was wondering if you guys are free tonight?"
"Not me, sorry," i answer, disappointedly.
"Yeah, me neither. What about this weekend though? You guys could come to my place and stay over," Annalise eagerly suggests.
"I'm not sure. I'll need to ask my Mom," Mikey replies. "Though i'd love to."
"Rori?" she turns to face me.
"Hm?" i question.
"Are you in?"
"Am i in what?" i ask, causing her to roll her eyes.
"Are you up for staying at mine this Saturday?" she rephrases. "C'mon, it'll be tonnes of fun. I can introduce you to Gilmore Girls, which you'll love, by the way, and we can eat junk food, order pizza...Ooh! And i can do your hair and makeup again." her eyes widen in excitement as she lists each activity.
I sigh, my mind conflicted. I have never spent the night away from every single one of my brothers before. Annalise has offered me to stay over many times in the past, but i declined, seeing as Xavi would not allow me to.
Only that was then and this is now, and i am much older. Therefore, perhaps he will finally give in if i beg just enough. After all, it's only one night away from them. And Annalise's parents will surely be there. If not, her nanny.
"I'll ask Xavi about it tonight and let you know," i say, offering her a small smile.
"Perfect!" she grins, sounding way more enthusiastic than myself. "He has to let you go."
"He might." i gulp, nodding unsurely.
"I'm sure you can convince him, Ri," she reassures me.
"I'll try my best, but he is one heck of a stubborn guy."
— SUCKER PUNCH —
"No, no, and for the last time, Rori, no."
"But why not?" i frown, whining like a petulant child. "I'm fifteen now, not a baby, plus it's just one night."
I stand in the doorway of Xavi's home office, trying my best to do what Annalise said i could earlier on: convince him to let me spend the night at her house.
I'm not giving up anytime soon. Sure, Xavi is extremely stubborn but i can be a far lot worse.
"Why not?" he repeats me, disbelief evident in his tone. "Why not?" he continues. "I can't think of one good reason why i should allow you to stay at a stranger's house."
"She's not a stranger, she's my friend!" i exclaim, causing him to laugh in that very annoying and somewhat condescending way of his.
"Yeah, a friend who i barely know. And not to mention her parents, i've not met them once."
"Well, how is that my fault? You're never interested in socialising with anyone in my life," i complain, making him sigh.
"Rori, i'm almost twenty five years old. I really don't fancy spending the day at the country club with Linda and Mark," he says, sifting through the papers on his desk, not bothering to spare me a glance.
"That's not their names," i grumble, pointlessly. "And i bet if Seamus were to ask you if he could stay over at Christian's house, you'd let him. You just have stupid ass double standards for me," i sneer, causing him to now pay me his full attention.
"Stop mouthing off, would ya? Seamus has never before approached me and asked that question so i wouldn't get ahead of yourself there."
I defiantly huff.
He didn't even deny the fact he has double standards!
"That's not the point!" i roll my eyes. "I said if Seamus were to ask you that, you would let him...wouldn't you?"
He sighs.
"Not given our current circumstances, no. And that's exactly why you'll be spending the night here. If you haven't noticed already, it's not safe for any of us to be out of sight. Not even for a second, let alone a night, okay? And as your guardian, your safety is my responsibility. So if i say no to you, it's a no. Got it?"
My mind is fuelled with rage. God, what does he think will happen to me? I'm safe at my friends house, i've been there on countless occasions.
I bet if Wyatt were in charge, he'd surely let me go.
"Wyatt would let me," i challenge, voicing my own thoughts.
"Excuse me?" he glances up once more.
"I said, if Wyatt were in charge, he'd let me go."
A humourless laugh escapes from his mouth; his eyes darken.
He looks mad...real mad.
"Well...i'm gonna have to say, tough luck on that one. Because he's not in charge. I am," he says, slowly, and in a dangerously low tone of voice.
"What's going on here?" Quentin suddenly appears in the doorway, causing Xavi to suppress a groan.
"Oh, nothing, it's just that Xavi isn't letting me spend the night at Anna's house this weekend," i tell him, with folded arms, glaring at said brother. "Not as if he lets me do anything, so much as breathe, without having a heart attack, of course, " i voice, extra loudly.
"Nah, c'mon, that's just unfair on me, Ria," he says, with a shake of his head.
"No, Xavi, i am being fully serious here. I struggle to keep friends, because for half my life, i was hauled around the world by you lot. And Annalise, my one and only girl friend, invites me to have a wholesome night in, watching movies and what-not...You just have to ruin it for me, don't you? I don't get any freedom whatsoever," i continue to rant.
"Can you help me out here please, Quentin, and calm your sister down. I don't know what the fuck to say to her without getting my head ripped off at this point," my guardian says, a look of desperation on his face.
I didn't realise how unreasonable i am being, to be honest, but i know he doesn't deserve any of this extra hassle. Truth be told, i'm just looking for a distraction.
At least fighting with my brother, the authority, can provide me with one.
"Ri, i gotta agree with Xav on this one. I'm sorry. But i think it's for the best, okay? I mean, unless you guys are willing to compromise or something?" he offers. "And Xav, you have to understand her perspective of things too. She quite often feels left out of friendships cause she's constantly having to turn things down. I mean, what if she just stayed until twelve or something? You could drop her off and pick her up. All would be well."
Xavi sighs once more, with closed eyes, as if deliberating in his own head for a moment.
"Look," he starts, "i can't let you go to this girl's house, Rori, okay?" he says, sympathetically. "She can come over here for a few hours but that's all. Maybe some other time, but not now. It's not doable and it's not up for debate furthermore."
I sigh in disappointment but accept his terms, nevertheless.
Now all i have to do is break the news to Annalise, and when remembering what she said earlier, i now realise she may not share my disappointment.
God, i hope my brothers are busy this Saturday.
"Okay, that's fine. Thank you. And i'm sorry for arguing. It just means a lot to me," i mumble, feeling rather ashamed by how i spoke to him.
Surprisingly, Xavi must be feeling particularly generous today because, on any regular day, he would have not tolerated me yelling at him.
"You're okay, Ria. I understand," he spares me a small smile. "Now clear off, both of you, please. I have lots of work to get through."
Doing just that, i usher Quentin to follow me down the stairs, and before he can do anything else, i say what's been on my mind all afternoon.
"What exactly did you tell my friends about Zephaniah? Mikey knew about him being in the hospital. Quentin, you can't just—"
"Relax. All i said was that he fell ill. Mikey didn't question it at all."
"Huh," i muse, conflicted. "Well, he sure was interested in the topic earlier on, that's all."
"He was just checking in, Ria.That's what Mikey does," he immediately reassures me. "He cares about his friends, a lot. There's no need to overthink things, hm?"
I narrow my eyes at him in suspicion.
"Why do i get the feeling you know him a lot better than i do?"
"I mean, we do occasionally hang out." he reasons, blushing a tad.
"Right." i nod, shaking off whatever suspicions i have.
"What is it now?" he questions, defensively.
"Nothing, nothing, that's great," i brush him off. "Oh, and he's coming over on Saturday also. Since you guys are...friends, i don't mind if you hang out with us," i offer. "And thanks for helping me out back there, Quen," i add. "My methods of persuasion aren't always the strongest."
— SUCKER PUNCH —
"Hello, Rori."
I glance up from my chemistry homework, upon hearing the sound of Yakov's voice as he enters the kitchen. His dirty blonde hair is tussled and wet — a tell tale sign that it has been raining — and he pointlessly rakes his hands through it, huffing and puffing when it won't go back to its original place.
I giggle as i observe him.
Yakov is an orderly man, who grooms himself in an orderly way.
He does not suit having hair like a damp dog, as it cramps his style and makes his twenty-six year old self appear a lot younger.
"What are you laughing at?" he narrows his silvery eyes at me, though amusement is clearly visible in them.
"Your hair," i tell him, honestly. "You look like a wet dog," i voice my previous thoughts.
He raises his eyebrows at me, daringly.
"A wet dog, huh?" he repeats me, less than impressed by the comparison.
"Mhm." i nod, proudly.
"In that case..." he carefully eyes my appearance, bit by bit. "Hm." he frowns. "I ought to ask Zephaniah for advice on this one."
At the mention of his name, our brother (who i had no idea was even in the house) enters the room.
"Advice on what, exactly?" he prompts, not even having the curtesy to greet me, staring at our brother with an expectant expression on his face.
"This one criticised my appearance and now i'm trying to think of something to say about hers." he continues to scrutinise me with a playful glare.
Zephaniah firstly hovers by my right shoulder. Looking down at my homework, he scrunches his nose in disgust before heading over to where our brother is standing. Mirroring his expression, he, too, begins to scrutinise me.
"Why didn't you just be honest with the kid and tell her she's fucking ugly?" he asks, nonchalantly, winking at me as he does so.
My mouth falls agape.
"Zeph," Yakov scolds, failing to suppress a smile.
Zephaniah frowns, looking directly into my eyes. Why is he looking at me like that?, i wonder to myself, Like i did something to upset him...
The sound of footsteps direct our attention towards the doorway; Teddy being the next sibling to join us. Only he can't have been expecting to find our eldest brother in here, for he completely freezes at the sight of him.
The elder two exchange a bemused glance.
"Hello, Teddy," my second eldest brother greets him, only receiving a nod and grunt of acknowledgement in return.
Teddy suddenly appears by my right shoulder, in the same way Zephaniah had, narrowing his eyes at my work, before chuckling under his breath.
"The whole equation is wrong, you know that?
I scoff at his audacity.
Of course i didn't know that.
"Of course i know that," i reply instead.
"Oh, yeah? Then what's the correct answer?" he challenges, knowingly.
"Uhh..." i stammer, my mind drawing a blank.
He snorts, shaking his head in amusement as he heads towards the fridge.
"Well, aren't you going to tell me?" i prompt, when he says nothing more
He locks eyes with me for a moment, smirking as he pretends to consider the idea.
"Mmm..." his lips pull into a thin line. "Nah, i'm good."
Rolling my eyes, i refocus on my work with a scowl.
"Let me see," Yakov orders, and i hand him the textbook.
In a very Yakov fashion, he looks me up and down with a raised eyebrow, as if to say 'Are you serious?' after viewing the equation. I sheepishly shrug my shoulders at him.
Let's just say, chemistry is not my strong suit...
"Why on earth have you answered an equation using quantum. That's physics, no?"
Oh.
"Um...i was feeling a little experimental?" i shrug once more, hearing Zephaniah laugh at my misfortune.
"Xavi ought to get you a tutor if you can't even differentiate between the two subjects." he frowns, looking me up and down in scorn. "Xavi, won't you get your sister a tutor? She appears to be rather unintelligent."
My eyes widen and my mouth drops, when hearing the nonchalant, blunt tone he uses to speak of me.
Zephaniah laughs even harder, causing Xavi and Quentin to send us confused looks as they enter the room.
"She doesn't need a tutor, Yakov. She's already sufficient enough in her schooling," he answers, furrowing his eyebrows, as if bothered by the suggestion.
"Hm," Yakov muses, clearly doubting him. "One would think so," he says, with an underlying sarcasm.
"Rori's a disgrace to the whole science department. That's what Mr Clarkson told me," Quentin feels the need to add, as he grins at me from across the room, clearly getting a kick out of this conversation.
I narrow my eyes at my twin, to which he is not phased by in the slightest. He sticks his tongue out at me, and i mimic the action, which, thankfully, Yakov is too distracted to notice.
Just because he has the highest average in practically every class, as-well as being the teacher's favourite, does not mean he should be so smug about it!
"Mr Clarkson has a receding hairline and divorce papers to sign, so with all disrespect, he can stick his opinion where the sun don't shine," i sassily retort, causing a few of my brothers —not Yakov — to smirk.
"I want food!"
Teddy's head appears from the pantry room; he seemingly has not been paying any attention to our conversation.
"Yeah, me too," me and Quentin complain at the same time.
"Pizza's on its way!" Seamus calls through from the family room.
"Fantastic," Yakov says, with an unconvincing grimace.
My, my, someone's feeling awfully moody today.
— SUCKER PUNCH —
"What. On earth. Is that?" Zephaniah seethes, looking in the direction of Quentin's pizza.
Quentin, who's mouth is stuffed with said pizza and who's face is covered in tomato sauce, looks up from his meal in a startled manner.
"Uhm...pizza?" he responds, unsurely, still chewing on his food.
Zephaniah's glare darkens, as he continues to give both Quentin and his pizza a scornful look.
"I know it's a fucking pizza, you delusione di un bambino, i'm talking about your choice of topping." he gestures to it once more. "Sei Italiano, vero?"
Quentin gulps, only now realising his mistake, as he gingerly peers down at the pineapple slices which sit on top of his pizza.
I hold back a laugh, noticing some of my brothers do the same. Yakov, however, does not share our amusement, as he shakes his head and tuts in disappointment.
Honestly, i do not judge Quentin for his slightly controversial topping choice. Whatever makes him happy, right? I'm just more of a pepperoni gal.
Seamus, on the other hand, would rather eat a pig's balls than go anywhere near a pineapple pizza. That is what he said himself!
In Italy, it's not as big of a deal as people make it out to be and many Italian restaurants around the world will list it on their menu.
Truth be told, our family is way too sensitive over such minor felonies.
"Hey, now don't knock it till' you've tried it," Quentin poorly defends himself.
This is definitely a strange sight to see: the nine of us spread around the living room, eating pizza from the local takeaway.
The nine of us, acting like most other families would.
Well, despite the obvious things which prove this is not our usual Wednesday evening set-up.
Things like the fact Yakov — wearing his version of causal couture — winces every time he dares to glance at the pizza.
Or the fact Zephaniah has idly chosen to sit next to myself, but isn't even bothering to make conversation with me.
In fact, despite his pestering everyone else, the only time he has spared me any attention so far was in the kitchen. And even then, it was a mere insult i received and not any form of an apology.
Well, not that i expected an apology from him.
But it's not just him. All of us are deliberately avoiding the subject of what happened last weekend.
Instead, we stick to the safe topics like business. Or rather, the adults do.
And the truth is, i do miss Wyatt a lot as of right now. He is supposed to be here, at this dinner, with the nine of us, sparing me from the awkward small talk. Yet he isn't.
It just doesn't feel the same without him. Welcoming Zephaniah home doesn't feel the same without him.
And does he even know about our brother's state yet, or what happened to us both the other night? Has he even bothered to check Xavi's texts, let alone send a message to say he is okay? To ask if we're okay?
I begin to worry more and more, as my thoughts stray away from that of the light-hearted.
I make up all sorts of unlikely scenarios inside my head and consider that something may have happened to him. But then my thoughts are thankfully interrupted when Yakov clears his throat, gathering everyone's attention.
I watch him closely, as he silently communicates with our older brother. I then face Zephaniah, who notices me staring at him but quickly glances away, shuffling a little in his seat.
"Zephaniah," Yakov warns, and the elder rolls his eyes, facing me but not saying anything at all.
"What is it?" i snarl at him, impatiently.
"Come with me for a moment," is all he says, before standing up and making his way back into the kitchen.
I turn to Yakov, raising an eyebrow at him in question, but he simply gestures for me to follow our older brother and so, reluctantly, i do so.
Hauling myself into the kitchen, i hop onto my favourite stool by the island and patiently wait for him to converse with me.
His tall frame leans against our fridge, his arms folded as he observes me. He releases a huffing noise, close enough to a laugh.
"Why on earth did they insist on eating that cheap, no-good, American pizza for dinner?" he seethes, catching me off guard. "I mean, c'mon, the food i ate at the hospital could almost top it."
I glare at him.
"What do you want, Zephaniah?"
His features soften a little, and he looks into my eyes with an emotion i cannot read.
He is at a loss for words right now — which happens very rarely — but i am not in the mood to tease him for it. And in fact, i almost feel sorry for him when i observe the way his left foot nervously taps against the wooden floor.
"I just wanted to apologise."
Hearing those five words be spoken from his mouth, i almost think the world is coming to an end.
Or better yet, he is preparing me for some fatal revenge attack, and any minute now i will be bleeding until death.
"Y—you're sorry?" i almost laugh, which does not make for a happy Zephaniah. "Excuse me, would you mind repeating that sentence so i know i'm not imagining this?"
"I do not repeat myself, Rori. You heard what i said perfectly fine," he says, through gritted teeth.
"Heard that you wanted to apologise?"
Okay, now i'm in the mood for mocking him.
"For the way i reacted to your outburst the other night. It was...well, i won't lie, it was definitely expected of me but i shouldn't have done it either way," he reasons. "And i also wanted to say thank you, i guess," he adds, after a moment. "God knows what would've happened if—"
He stops himself mid-sentence and i swear it is the first time i've ever seen Zephaniah portray himself as vulnerable.
In fact, i can confirm that it is. For he has never in his life, up until this very moment, apologised or owned up to any of his previous mistakes. And the fact that he is doing it now, let alone apologising to me, only furthers how confused i feel by the whole thing.
It's almost as if some Freaky Friday shit has happened and he has switched souls with a slightly kinder version of himself.
Or perhaps Yakov has forced him into doing this...
Yup. That seems like the most viable option. It has to be. There's simply no way he would be so considerate on his own accord.
"Yakov made me practice this shit with him on the way here," he says, gruffly, after a long period of silence. "You know, the whole 'I'm incredibly sorry, my dearest Rori, however will you forgive me?' spiel," he exaggerates, causing me to suppress a laugh when i hear his scarily accurate impression of our brother's voice. "Said it'd be good if i reassured you, so you wouldn't feel put off approaching me or anything. Whatever that means."
I nod, listening to him intently as he speaks. This right here feels more natural, more like the Zephaniah i know.
Although it is still he who chose to open up to me, so i'm willing to claim this as another Rori victory.
"You know i don't hate you though, right?" he asks, and i shrug.
"You don't?" i check.
"Sure i don't," he says, truthfully. "You are my little sister, at the end of the day," he admits. "My only sister, at that."
"Hm."
"Like, for example, i hate our father, our mother, Henryk, and..." he hesitates, as if he has another name in mind but doesn't feel comfortable saying it out loud. "Obviously, you're nowhere near similar to any of those people. And so just incase you felt like it was that way, know that it's not," he concludes, sending me a meaningful look.
I look into my brother's eyes in an attempt to study him, but i am met with only the reflection of my own face.
I will never fully understand Zephaniah's train of thought, but in my books, him telling you that he doesn't hate you may as well be an expression of love.
And in only a few days time, maybe less, he will be back to messing with me again. He will greet me with a cold shoulder and look at me with disdain. He will get on my nerves, we will have an even bigger argument than the last, and we will be back to being uncivil allies.
But my mind will now be at ease because, after fifteen whole years of being siblings, Zephaniah has apologised to me and admitted, to my face, that he truly doesn't hate me.
That's two things i never thought i'd hear in one night, let alone in one lifetime.
"It's okay," i finally speak. "And i didn't think you hated me, hated me, but..." i drop my gaze, nervously fiddling with the bracelet around my wrist. "I don't know, i guess there's just things you've done in the past that make it seem that way," i reason.
"I completely understand how i may have given you the wrong impression." he nods. "Especially in the past, with Father still around, and for that, i don't blame you at all."
My breathing falters, as he yet again mentions our father. The cruel man, whom i share half of my DNA with.
My mind then begins to bring up things from the past. Things i shut out a long time ago, in order to move on from what was once a very abusive and toxic childhood.
Images flash through my head like a hard-drive, and no matter what, i cannot seem to get rid of them.
Little things, such as the tiny scar on my left hand from when Zephaniah left me, Quentin, and Seamus with our father at four years old. Though Yakov told me he had no choice.
Little things, such as Zephaniah hitting me across the face when i was six years old because our Father had threatened to beat me worse. Though Zephaniah told me that i was brave and that i was a big girl for holding back my tears.
Little things, such as Zephaniah calling me mean names when i was nine years old because i was too afraid to steal. Though Vinnie told me i was lucky that our brother didn't pull a gun out.
If that's not classified as hate, it definitely can't be classified as love. Though i try to tell myself that circumstances were different back then and that Zephaniah was the way he was because of that. That he would never be so cruel to me now, even though i still associate him with the negative feelings those memories evoke.
Truth be told, i was deathly scared of my eldest brother as a young child and would rarely dare to ever speak to him unless i was spoken to first, never mind speak up for myself and others, which is probably why we have a lot of unresolved issues to this day.
And still, every time i look at his face, i cannot help but see the face of my father. Of my tormentor. Zephaniah bears an uncanny resemblance to him, the only significant difference being his eye colour which he gets from our mother.
It is such as shame that our parents were so beautiful in appearances, yet had such ugly personalities.
"It's fine," i brush him off, avoiding making eye contact with him.
"No, it isn't." he shoots me a unimpressed look. "I can clearly see that it's affecting you, so it isn't fine. Don't give me that crap, Rori," he jeers, slowly making his way towards me.
"Why are you being so defensive all of a sudden?" i blurt out.
"Why is it that you can't seem to look me in the eyes when you speak, hm?" he forces my chin upwards, but i immediately avert my gaze.
"Rori," he warns, angrily.
"Zephaniah," i mimic him in a childish tone of voice.
"You're impossible." he rolls his eyes, scoffing. "A real piece of work, you know that?"
"I'm sorry, are you talking to the voices in your head?" i retort, finally looking up at him.
His tongue rolls against the inside of his mouth and a very forced smile appears on his face.
"You know i have like forty thousand insults just waiting to be used. Now why don't you shut the fuck up for once in your life and let me get through this, Ria." he faces me with a displeased scowl, and i scoff.
"Well, what else is there to say?" i ask him, being genuine. "You apologised, which is a lot more than i ever expected from you, and i accepted it," i point out. "So what now?"
"Oh, i don't fucking know. For fuck sake, where's Yakov when you need him?" he grumbles, making me laugh, and a small smile makes its way onto his lips.
"Hey, did you ever speak to Teddy by the way?" he looks at me, puzzled. "You know, after i asked you to...in The Clubhouse?" i remind him.
He nods his head.
"Sure...or at least i tried to," he says. "God, i hate that kid with a passion," he says, though corrects himself after realising his mistake. "I mean, strongly dislike, or whatever...He's just so damn annoying, and—"
I raise my eyebrows at him, in disbelief of what i am hearing, though i secretly agree with his every word.
"Teddy's real tough on the surface but i know he isn't as bad as he seems," i say, defending our absent brother. "I just wish he was nicer," i muse, causing Zephaniah to scoff a laugh.
"Yeah, you wish everyone was nicer though. What difference does it make if it's him?" he wonders.
"Well, because he's close with Seamus and Quentin. Throughout this whole fight thing with them, i felt replaced by him, i'm not gonna lie," i explain. "They were always hanging out together as a group and leaving me out. And i just wanna be included, you know?"
"Right," he agrees, though something tells me he thinks my issues are of little importance. "So, why don't you just talk to him about it?" he suggests, as if it is that simple.
"The last time me and Ted shared words, things didn't end well," i elaborate.
"Hm," he hums, intently. "I remember when Xavi was younger, he used to treat Vinnie with such indifference. But now look at them. They're close, they work alongside each other. You never know, maybe you and Teddy will end up being the best of friends one day," he teases, nudging me in the elbow, as i glower at him.
"Yeah, i very much doubt that," i say, and he offers me a small smile in return for my own.
After a few moments of silence pass by, Zephaniah clears his throat and averts his gaze to his Rolex watch.
The silence is soon disrupted, however, by a very loud ruckus otherwise known as our siblings.
"Well, would you look at that, Ria?" he speaks in a sarcastic tone. "It appears the girls are fighting again."
"I know what we should do." i smirk, and he glances down at me, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.
"And what would that be, dare i ask?"
"Let's walk back in there and pretend we had a huge fall out," i suggest, my eyes lighting up at the mere thought of it. "It won't be the hard to act like we hate each other, right?"
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, i thought we agreed we didn't hate each other?" he feigns confusion.
"Pleeease," i beg him. "It'll be so funny Zeph. Just imagine the look on poor Yakov's face when he sees that his plan completely backfired," i say, grinning menacingly from ear to ear.
Zephaniah gives me a long, hard look, before breaking out into a smirk.
"I can't believe i'm actually saying this, but i like the way you think," he says, causing me to cheer internally.
"Oh please, i learnt such tricks from the master of deception standing right before me," i say, smugly, and he pretends to be annoyed with me by pulling a comical face.
"And i guess i do need to get back at him for earlier on..." he continues.
"So you'll do it?"
I almost squeal, excited by the prospect of the two of us scheming together more often in the future.
Zephaniah has played such cruel tricks on me in the past — on his own and with our brothers — but not once have i helped him play one on someone else.
I've tried to get back at him once before, after he infamously cut an ear off of my Simba plush to punish me for eavesdropping, but as it turns out, trying to cut off Zephaniah's own ear while he's sound asleep will only result in said Simba plush being thrown into the swamp at the end of our garden, each and every one of my brothers — including my most favourite! — laughing as i was forced to go after him.
What can i say? He means a lot to me. More than they would care to know. They all must assume i got rid of him years ago, but the truth is, he still sleeps by my side every night. In fact, i cannot sleep without him.
And now i'm simply over sharing.
But it's not that i'm ashamed of still sleeping with my stuffed animals, it's just that if my brothers knew i kept ahold of them, they would never let me live it down. Plus, i do not trust them one bit when it comes to the safeguarding of my sentimental possessions.
I glance at my brother's right ear in an attempt to spot the scar from where the scissors grazed him. It's faint, but it's still there after all these years. Tit for tat.
I squint, tilting my head to the side.
I almost feel proud looking at it.
No matter if Zephaniah decides to erase me from his life one day, entirely, that scar will still remain and so he will always be reminded of me each time he sees it in the mirror, or if someone brings it up.
I am positive he would hate that scar under such circumstance. The thought shouldn't make me smile, but it does.
After all, Zephaniah did erase me from his life for five whole years, and all throughout our time apart, that scar was there. A mark i left over a decade ago, showing my brother that, no matter what, i am permanent and irreplaceable in his life.
Possessions aren't permanent but family is, to quote the man himself.
Maybe he knew, even then, that he will never be able to get rid of me. Unless he kills me of course, but even still he will live with a piece of me. Always.
"I don't see why not," he says, pulling me away from my thoughts. "Now, just a heads up here, if i offend you so badly that you start to weep like a little baby, i cannot be blamed. You got that?"
"Who says i'm gonna be the one crying?" i question him, incredulous.
"Oh, i'll make sure of it," he says, with his notorious grin. "You're literally giving me a free pass to bully you and you expect me to tread lightly? Nu, uh, uh, Little Girl," he tuts, already walking away in the direction of our family. "This is quite possibly the greatest moment in my entire career as a big brother."
"I'm not gonna cry, Zeph, i swear!" i defend myself, poorly.
"Ten bucks says you will!" he calls back without turning around, his voice smug.
And just like that, my eldest brother and i find ourselves bonding over the one thing we both do best.
Create drama, that is.
And as it just so happens, Zephaniah finds himself ten bucks richer by the end of the night.
But for once, he owes it to my tears of laughter and not that of sadness or despair.
(Edited)