Just moments ago Merlin had been dying, and yet now he was planning a trip to see a dangerous being that might know how to save Gwen. It was insane, but it gave Arthur hope. With Merlin alive and well, his chances of saving his wife were rising by the hour.
When Merlin returned from the Dochraid's cave, his news brought even more hope to Arthur's heart.
"So there is a way to heal her!" Arthur exclaimed, after Merlin told him what he'd learned.
"Yeah but summoning the White Goddess?" Merlin asked, skeptical. "I'm not sure I can do that. And even if I could, we'd still have to actually get her to the Cauldron, and she won't go willingly. Then she has to go into the water of her own free will, which she also won't want to do."
Listening to Merlin talk about how impossible the whole thing was - especially since he started with doubting himself - made Arthur understand for the first time what Gaius had said. It really was only Merlin who doubted his power. Everyone else Arthur had ever heard speak about Merlin did so with awe.
"I have a way to get her to the Cauldron," Gaius said to counter Merlin's pessimism. "And I believe that once there, Arthur will be able to reach the part of Gwen that remains true."
"Even so, I'm not sure-" Merlin began, but Gaius cut him off.
"I know you are more than strong enough to perform the ceremony once we get there."
"What is your idea for getting her to the Cauldron?" Arthur asked, deciding to side with Gaius on this matter. After all he'd seen, he had every faith that Merlin could perform the spell.
"Tincture of belladonna, sire," Gaius replied. "It puts the patient into a deep sleep."
"Patient?" Arthur inquired.
"It is generally used for the badly wounded," Gaius replied.
"How long does it last?" Arthur asked.
"A few hours," Gaius explained. "It will have to be administered several times a day to provide continuous sleep."
"But for no more than three days," Merlin said, chipping in with his same pessimism from before.
"It is true that it shouldn't be taken for an extended period," Gaius admitted.
"Or what?" Arthur asked. Gaius seemed to hesitate, but Merlin was less reluctant.
"The body will not tolerate it," Merlin said. Arthur thanked his friend for telling him what Gaius had clearly been trying to skirt around.
"The Cauldron is less than three days' ride from here," Gaius said.
It wasn't without risk, but what were his other options? The woman he loved was lost to him already, and his kingdom wouldn't last long with a highly trusted spy at its center. He had to trust Merlin. The idea of doing nothing was unacceptable. Arthur had to get his Queen back; losing her meant losing everything.
"We leave first thing tomorrow," Arthur replied. "We can't bring too many knights or it will look suspicious, but I want someone else to accompany us. I think Mordred is the right person to ask, seeing as he is the only one of the knights who is already aware of the Queen's betrayal. Not to mention his magic might be helpful as well."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Merlin replied.
"We don't have time to get into why you are so distrusting of Mordred right now," Arthur said. "Him coming makes the most sense, and we will need help."
"But sire-"
"He's never done anything to warrant your dislike. Unless there is something you aren't telling me?" Arthur inquired, giving Merlin a pointed look. Arthur felt sure there were still things Merlin hadn't revealed about the magical side of his life, even if only for the simple reason of forgetting to mention them. Ten years was a long time to accumulate secrets.
"It's nothing he's done so far," Merlin began, hesitantly. He was about to say something else when Arthur cut him off.
"Right then," Arthur said. "We need to prepare. When everything is ready, we will sneak the Queen out of here and be on our way."
"Why the secrecy?" Merlin asked.
"If this works, I don't want the knights to distrust her when we return," Arthur explained. Merlin seemed to take that as a good enough answer and was kind enough not to ask the obvious follow up question of 'what if this doesn't work?' But Arthur couldn't think about that right now. It just had to work. There was no other option.
Getting Gwen to drink the tincture of belladonna turned out to be quite simple. They created a toast. Once she drank the tincture, she was unconscious in seconds. Getting Gwen out of the castle unnoticed was a little more difficult, but with Merlin's magic to look around corners and distract guards, they managed it without being seen.
"It's still hard to believe how useful you actually are," Arthur sighed as they got past their last obstacle only thanks to Merlin's help. "All these years! It must have felt like having one hand tied behind your back."
"Sure, I could have done more if being discovered hadn't been a worry, but I was still able to do enough from the shadows, and that was what counted," Merlin replied, as easily as one would when talking about being able to finish some common household chore. The humility of the man was truly impressive. It made Arthur feel worse about the way he'd treated Merlin over the years, but he didn't have time to dwell on that now.
As they reached the horses, they mounted, with Gwen riding unconscious with Arthur. The ride was fairly uneventful for most of the day. They were following Merlin's directions that Gaius had given him, though Arthur felt sure Merlin was also using magic to choose the best path ahead.
When a cliff without end appeared before them, Arthur stopped the horses. Merlin informed him that the Cauldron was on the western-most peak.
"That would be the highest one," Arthur sighed. Merlin nodded. It was never easy.
They rode with the horses as long as they could, but eventually they had to continue on foot. Arthur carried Gwen, and Merlin magically floated the supplies behind him. He offered to carry Gwen the same way, but Arthur turned him down. She was his wife, and he would carry her. It was the least he could do.
"Don't fall," Merlin told Arthur as they walked close to the edge.
"Says the man floating all our supplies in the air," Arthur reminded him with a tilt of his head. "If I fall I'm sure you'll catch me."
"And drop this lot," Merlin replied, gesturing behind him.
"Then Mordred will catch me," Arthur countered.
"I'm not as powerful as Merlin," Mordred spoke for the first time in hours.
"Just don't fall," Merlin groaned at him. "This whole mission is going to be hard enough without saving your neck as well."
Arthur laughed, but didn't reply. He wondered how many times he'd accidentally gotten in Merlin's way when it came to saving his own life. He had to imagine it had been more than once. Arthur remembered all the times Merlin had tried so hard to convince him not to do something dangerous and Arthur hadn't listened. Arthur was pretty sure now that in those instances Merlin had very likely known more than he let on.
As night fell, they made camp. Merlin had a roaring fire going magically in seconds and then everyone was going through the now grounded supplies for something to eat. Arthur took a shift administering the sleeping potion to Gwen before laying down to get some sleep. The ground was hard. It made him miss his bed, but that hardly mattered.
Arthur was just barely asleep when the sound of soft voices woke him.
"Even after I saved your life, you can't trust me, can you Emrys?" Mordred's voice reached Arthur's ears. He didn't turn or show he was awake, but rather stayed very still and listened to what the sorcerers had to say to each other.
"I want to," Merlin replied. "You are a fine knight and you didn't have to help me."
"Yet somehow that isn't enough," Mordred's voice sounded frustrated and Arthur couldn't blame him. Even he didn't understand Merlin's attitude to Mordred. They both had magic. Didn't that make them the same?
"I'm sorry," Merlin replied.
"It's alright," Mordred said. "I know you have the king's best interests at heart. One day you will understand that I do too. Then I hope we may be friends."
"I could wish for nothing more," was Merlin's answer.
Then the two fell silent. Arthur just couldn't figure it out. Given all he now knew about Merlin's actions these last ten years, it only made sense that he'd be on good terms with someone who saved Arthur's life. Now Mordred had saved even Merlin's life and still Merlin was wary. It didn't make sense.
Arthur's thoughts ran round in circles as he lay by the fire. Merlin had said his distrust was nothing Mordred had done so far. The way he'd said it had given Arthur an idea, but surely it was impossible. Merlin was powerful, sure, but he didn't have knowledge of the future... Did he?
Arthur put the whole thing out of his mind. One problem at a time. They were here to heal Guinevere, and he needed to sleep if he was going to take on tomorrow.
They began their journey again the next day. Merlin floated the supplies while Arthur carried Gwen. Walking slightly ahead of them, Arthur was still able to catch Mordred's question about the banners that lined the path. Merlin explained it meant this was a sacred site for those who follow the old religion. Merlin's magic elegantly explained his moments of wisdom and knowledge in such matters over the years. He'd always given such weak reasons for his knowledge in the past, making Arthur quite unsuspecting that there was any true intelligence behind them. Playing the idiot had been his cover, and it had worked almost too well. Even so it made Arthur think back to those times with new eyes. With his mind reliving the past, his feet continued walking the path ahead.
"It's not far now," Merlin said. "This gorge leads to the Cauldron."
Just then, they heard a screeching sound, and fire rained down in front of them. Something had flown overhead. Arthur was already moving to find cover when he heard a loud deep voice speak in what could only be described as another language. Turning, Arthur saw that the sound was coming from Merlin.
"I've stopped her dragon," Merlin said with his normal voice again. "But if Aithusa is here, that means Morgana isn't far away."
"What just happened?" Mordred asked, but no one answered him.
"You two need to keep going," Merlin said. "I'll hold her off."
Arthur was just about to say no, when he realized it was actually a rather good plan. All those years Merlin had just seemed reckless, he'd actually been strategic.
"Alright, but we can't heal Gwen without you," Arthur said. "So don't die."
"I'll do my best," Merlin laughed. "Now go!"
For once, Arthur did as he was told, taking Gwen and quickening his pace in the direction of the Cauldron as per Merlin instructions. Mordred kept pace with him.
"Do you know how Merlin did that?" Mordred asked. "That dragon was going to burn us alive, and then it just stopped."
"Remember when we saw that dragon in the clearing?" Arthur began. Mordred nodded. "Well as far as I understand it, Merlin is a dragonlord. I don't really have any details, but as he called the dragon by name I'm guessing he knows a lot more than we do."
Mordred fell silent after that. Arthur suspected he was deep in thought. Even so, they both continued to move forward. Merlin's magic floating their supplies had faltered when the dragon attacked, dropping them somewhere behind them. Arthur suspected they were lost for good, but it hardly mattered.
By the time they reached a body of water that Arthur had to assume was the Cauldron, he was starting to worry about Merlin.
"You don't think Morgana overpowered him, do you?" Arthur asked.
"Not a chance," Mordred replied. "He is Emrys."
"I've heard him called that before," Arthur said, remembering Gaius also mentioning that name.
"It is what he is known as to the druids who raised me," Mordred said. "I met Emrys as a child. I could hear him in my mind and called out to him for help. All druids know who he is without being told."
Arthur tried to take comfort from those words as he stood and watched for Merlin's return. What he tried not to think about was how such a powerful being had somehow spent the last ten years doing Arthur's chores without complaint.
After what felt like an eternity but was probably a matter of minutes, Merlin appeared.
"I've slowed her down, but we should be quick," Merlin said. "I have no idea how long it will be until she goes after us."
Arthur had to fight an urge to hug Merlin. It wouldn't be very kingly. Even though he'd believed Merlin would be alright, he had just faced Morgana and returned totally unscathed. That wasn't nothing.
"This is it. The Cauldron of Arianrhod," Merlin said next, looking around. "I can feel the magic here. It's powerful."
"Powerful enough to save Gwen?" Arthur asked.
"That all depends on you Arthur," Merlin said. "You have to convince Gwen to walk into the water of her own free will. If we force this, she will be lost forever."
"I understand," Arthur said. Even he could feel the seriousness in his tone.
"I'm going to wake her up now," Merlin said slowly.
Arthur nodded. He'd talked to Merlin about this before. He knew the magic enchanting Gwen would fight against him. He knew he had to reach the part of her that was still true.
Merlin leaned down to his knees beside Gwen's sleeping form and whispered a few words Arthur recognized as magical, though he couldn't say what they meant. Then Merlin moved away, and Gwen opened her eyes.
At once she got up, clearly startled by her surroundings. "Where am I?" Gwen asked. "What have you done to me?"
"You've been asleep for a long time," Arthur said gently.
And just like that, Gwen stood up and began to move quickly away from the water, crying for Arthur to get away from her. Arthur stopped her, placing his hands firmly around her forearms and making her look at him.
"You stupid, foolish man," Gwen snapped at him. "I was never yours, and never will be."
Even knowing the words weren't really her, they hurt all the same. Still, Arthur couldn't give up.
"You loved me once," Arthur said. "And still do." He tried to remain confident even while she denied it with every breath.
"It was a trick," Gwen told him. "Nothing more."
Arthur wanted to pull her to the water. He wanted to save her but he could already hear Merlin cautioning him once again not to. He couldn't give up.
"Look at me," Arthur tried again, staring right into his wife's eyes. "Tell me you don't love me." The fact that she only asked to be released gave him hope. She won't say she didn't love him. This gave Arthur an idea. "Do you remember when I asked you to marry me? Do you remember what you said? You said with all my heart. That was no subterfuge. No trickery."
And finally, she stopped struggling. Instead, Gwen stood very still and calm, her eyes fixed on him.
"With all my heart," Arthur said again. He let her go and moved backward towards the water, hoping she'd follow. He kept repeating those words as he moved, trying to keep her attention. This had to work. Had to. She had to start walking. Arthur's feet were in the water, and she still hadn't moved. Then finally, she whispered the words back and started towards him. Arthur held out his hand, encouraging her to come to him.
Once Gwen was in the water up to her waist, Merlin started chanting. The words sounded more powerful than the ones he'd almost gotten used to Merlin saying. Arthur hung back, still in the water to his knees as he watched Gwen. When she was in the water up to her chest, there was a blinding white light.
Once the light faded, Gwen turned in the water to see him. The look on her face made Arthur believe it had worked. Gwen held up her hand to him and Arthur went to her, wrapping his arms around his Guinevere once again.
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Yay my editor is back. Hopefully this chapter is more refined than the last few. Also I am finally caught up with all the extra chapters I had finished and waiting so it's time to get writing again.
Please let me know what you thought of my version of Gwen's healing. I had quite a few of you PM or review about Merlin's pretending to be a woman thing on the show but I just felt like it made no sense in a world where Arthur knew and accepted Merlin's magic, even if it was hilarious.
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Sneak Peek Chapter 09
As Gwen and Arthur moved off towards the wood in the distance they began to outstrip the group and Merlin found himself alone with Mordred.
"I hope Arthur knows how lucky he is to have you at his side," Mordred said.
"I honestly don't know if he does," Merlin replied. "But it doesn't matter. That isn't why I do this."
"I know," Mordred replied. "Then and now you have the same reasons for your actions. I just wanted to say that was some very impressive magic back there, Emrys."
"Thanks," Merlin said, awkwardly.
He really didn't know how to talk to Mordred. The man put him on edge. To Merlin it felt like at any minute something could switch inside him and suddenly he'd be running off to Morgana to betray and kill Arthur.