He sat up, frustrated, defeated and helpless and buried his face in his hands. „I'm so sorry, baby, I don't know what's wrong... really!"
She stopped him right away by shaking her head and gently cupping his face to force him to look at her. „Shhh! Don't worry, alright? Please! Don't talk like that. It's totally okay, I'm serious. It happens! It's been an exciting, but also exhausting day, both physically and mentally. Please don't beat yourself up about it, babe, I beg you! That'll only make you feel even worse. We'll just cuddle, huh?"
However she had intended to make him feel better, it wasn't working all too well. „Oh God... I'm so sorry, I... it's not you! Absolutely not, you are so sexy and beautiful, you turn me on so much, I just... I have no idea..."
She had to suppress a laugh, even though he was embarrassed and absolutely mortified, that much was clear, he was still so sweet. „Oh, I know it's not me, trust me, I know I'm hot, but thanks for pointing it out. But for real though, it's alright, babe. Please don't worry. Stop thinking about it. Come, let's take a bit of fresh air!"
She took his hand, got up and pulled him off the bed with her, then led him outside onto their patio from where they could see the reflection of a million shining stars on the calm ocean water. Without bothering to cover herself, she started to draw a bath in the jacuzzi, then climbed in, looking up to him with a beaming smile.
„Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's enjoy one of the perks of this villa... How often do we get to be in a private jacuzzi with a sea view?"
Finally, he had to smile and shake his head. She did know how to distract him after all.
„Oh! But while you're still up", she added, „Do you think it's too soon to pop that complimentary bottle of champagne?"
Now he laughed. „Absolutely not! After a day like that, we deserve it."
„We SO deserve it!"
He went back inside to emerge again with two glasses and the precious bubbly drink, then joined her in the tub. He opened the bottle, filled up their glasses and handed one to her so they could say cheers.
With a smile she declared: „To us, and to the power we hold. Together! And to a few beautiful and wonderful days here in paradise.""
„Amen to that!"
They drank and they kissed, then he pulled her into his arms to savor her closeness and the gorgeous view.
Eventually, after they'd stopped the bubbles and enjoyed the soothing sound of the ocean waves for a while, he said quietly: „It was a confusing day for sure, but... I don't think that's the main reason for my... slack down there. Or at least not the only reason."
„What do you mean?"
„If I'm being honest... I'm scared."
She turned her head and looked at him, worried. „Scared of what?"
„It might sound really stupid and I don't mean this in a negative way..."
„Babe, you can tell me everything, you know that? You can be honest and completely open with me."
„I know. It's just... the last time we were together... at your place, when I came over in the middle of the night..."
„Yes, I remember. Vividly. What about it?"
„It's not that I didn't like it, absolutely not! But it felt... so different. Distant. It satisfied me, but it also made me sad somehow. And, I don't know. I'm just afraid it would be like that again. I don't want it to be like that, not with you. It's not supposed to be like that with you. I don't know if that makes any sense."
„Oh, babe...", she gently grabbed his chin, pulled him towards her and kissed him, long and softly, then looked him deep in the eyes, „it makes a ton of sense, actually, and believe me, I know exactly what you mean. To be very honest, I cried after you left. I cried myself to sleep. Yes, it was satisfying, but it was terrible at the same time. Something was missing. It was the difference between having sex and making love. We had sex that night, sure. But we're supposed to make love. It's supposed to be special between us."
His eyes lit up when he heard her talk about her experience. „Yes!! Yes, that's exactly right, that's what it is! So, you felt it too then?"
„Yes, of course! Absolutely, and I couldn't agree more... I don't just want sex with you, Jordane, I want intimacy and deep connection on a whole different level. Like we used to have."
He nodded. „How do we get it back?"
She thought about it for a moment, then smiled. „I think I got an idea."
„Really? Alright! Shall we go back inside and try again?"
She laughed at his eagerness. „No no, it's alright. Not tonight. Tonight you should relax and don't get worked up any further. We'll try again tomorrow."
„Fine, I guess that makes sense. But still..."
He took her glass out of her hand and set it aside, then got up from the water and pulled her up with him to her feet. He reached for a towel and gently toweled her dry.
„Wait, what... What's happening?"
„I'm bringing you back to bed."
„Why?"
„Because I can definitely think of more ways of making love to you that don't involve my bottom half."
He picked her up on his arms and carried his queen back inside.
As they overslept the breakfast hours of the restaurant, they decided to start the day right, go decadent and order room service to enjoy their morning meal and coffee in private on their patio. Just as she was pouring some syrup over her pancakes, her phone rang. At first, she paid it little mind – both Trish and Antoinette had been calling and texting tirelessly, most likely hoping to interrogate her about how things were going with her potential new boyfriend on their romantic getaway. She was in no mood to talk to them at this point.
But then she realized that this time, the name that appeared on the display was a different one.
„Oh... can I take this? Sorry, it might be important."
„Sure, go ahead."
She took the call: „Leo? Hey... I beg your pardon?... You're kidding me... Come on, you can't be serious... For real?... FOR REAL? OH MY GOD!!"
She squeaked in excitement and almost jumped up and down on her chair as she said goodbye to Leo and ended their call. Then she started frantically tapping and scrolling on her phone with glowing eyes and a beaming smile. Jordane could just look at her in utter confusion. „Lana... is everything alright?"
„We're number one!"
„Excuse me?"
„We're number one! We topped several charts on beatport overnight."
Although he tried, he couldn't quite follow. It took her a while, but eventually she realized and started to explain: „That was my good friend Leo, also known as Glovibes, that's his artist name as a DJ. We recorded a song together last summer that we released yesterday on this platform specialized in electronic music called beatport. And today we're at the top of their charts!"
„What? Oh my God, that's insane!! Congratulations!"
He got up and pulled her into a tight hug.
„I'm so proud of you! I remember now, you told me once that you recorded a song, I didn't know you released it."
„I have to admit, I didn't think about it either all day yesterday... Too many other things going on, you know. But... oh my God, this is so crazy!"
„So we should have kept that bottle of champagne for today, huh?", both had to laugh.
She waved it off. „No worries, I'm sure we can get our hands on another one. Yesterday was special too", she looked at him, smiling, thinking about how their night had ended, how special it had been being with him nonetheless.
„Man, I can't believe I'm on vacation with a #1 recording artist!"
He held her in his arms and looked at her with the proudest smile and a certain anticipation. As if he was waiting for something...
„Oh... oh, I've never played you the song, have I?"
„Nope!"
„And.... I guess you'd like to hear it, huh?"
He nodded eagerly.
„Alright, let me find it", she scrolled through her phone, slightly uncomfortable all of a sudden. „So, the song's called ‚It's Over Now', it's about getting out of an unfaithful relationship. But it's not based on anyone in particular. I recorded it long before I even knew you."
He nodded. „I see. I'd still love to hear it if you would play it for me."
„Of course, baby. I want you to hear it."
Then the beat of an electro dance number started filling their little private part of the beach, and then he heard her voice growing louder.
Telling me... telling me... telling me lies.
You been creeping while I'm sleeping
And telling me lies.
You been chasing every girl in sight.
You been cheating and telling me lies.
You been messing around, it's over now!
He nodded his head and tapped his foot to the beat. He liked the song. A lot! And her voice was absolutely breathtaking. But something about it made him feel uneasy.
She too seemed to sense that he was somehow pensive about it. „Do... you don't like it?"
„Oh, no no no, I mean, yes! I love it, really! You sound absolutely incredible", he tried to smile, „You know how much I love your voice."
„But...?"
„Nothing but, I mean, it's just", he sighed, „I don't know, it sounds so happy and makes you want to dance, but the lyrics are kinda dark, don't you think?"
She shrugged. „I guess... yeah, maybe."
„But, you said it's about no one in particular? It's just random lyrics..."
He frowned at the thought. He couldn't stand the thought that anyone would treat and hurt her like that. For instance, he knew near to nothing about her ex husband, he never asked her why her marriage didn't work out and he wasn't even sure whether she'd answer him if he did. For all he knew, the man could be the nicest guy in the world and a real sweetheart, but he just couldn't shake the thought that it was his fault that they got divorced in the end. A woman like Lana wouldn't ever break such a commitment without good reason?
All this was one of the world's greatest mysteries to him: how could any man on this earth possibly fail to see what kind of woman he had by his side in her? How could anyone risk breaking her heart and driving her away? What could possibly be worth losing her?
His mind got blank at the thought, and he vowed to himself in this moment, and not for the first time, that he would never ever harm or hurt her, that he would never give her reason to scream or cry, that he would protect her at all cost.
As long as she allowed him to be around her, he would do whatever he could to make her happy, to make her smile, to make her feel loved, desired, cherished and powerful.
„It is! Really... don't worry about it. Let's not talk about it anymore. Let's rather discuss how we're going to celebrate today."
„Right. Up to you! You're the chart topper. What would you like to do?"
She propped her head up in her hands and let her mind wander for a moment. „I want to relax today. We're only here for a few days and I still feel tense somehow, yesterday has been more intense than I would have thought and liked it to be."
He nodded. „Indeed. Shall we try the beach again?"
„Of course! I absolutely wanna go to the beach and also swim in the ocean. At the very least we can stay here at our villa, but I don't want to feel like I can't move freely in this resort just because we had a bit of an unpleasant episode yesterday."
„Totally, I agree. We should go back out there. And... I'm sure they do have a spa here too?"
Her eyes widened. „Oh my God, yes! That's a great idea! A spa day. I read about their lomilomi massage, it's supposed to be heaven."
„Alright, then I'd say we find the spa and see what they have on offer there?"
After a calm morning tanning on the beach and a refreshing swim in the sea they headed down to the spa area. They were almost the only ones here today, resting by the quiet pool in their fluffy robes, breathing in the cleansing scents of flowers and incense burning somewhere in a corner, listening to the healing sounds of the water and the meditative music that was surrounding them like a soft blanket, like the most beautiful dream. They were so relaxed that they almost slept through their couples massage appointment. And every bit of stress they might have experienced yesterday or brought here from LA vanished as they let the massage therapists work their magic on them.
They may have had a rough start here, but today was absolutely perfect. They were on vacation. Finally! And they felt full of anticipation for what was still to come in the days that lay ahead.
First though, there was still one item on the agenda left for today.
By the end of their dinner, when they were done eating and finishing up that delicious bottle of wine they had ordered, she asked: „So, for tonight... would you be open to try something with me?"
„Uhm... yeah? I guess. Depends on what it is?"
„Yesterday we were talking about getting back this feeling of intimacy and deep connection that we used to feel when we made love to each other."
He nodded. „Right. How?"
She took a sip of wine. „Have you ever heard of tantra... or, tantric sex?"
His lips pulled into a little smirk and she could see that he was slightly embarrassed at the thought. He looked down at his glass that he was turning in between his hands. „Heard about it, yeah. But I've never done it."
She shook her head and waved her finger at him. „No no! Actually, I think you did! Not consciously, but we've definitely done it a few times, I would say. You know, a lot of people think that tantric sex is about some crazy acrobatic positions, but that's not the case at all. It's about creating a deeper connection that goes beyond the physical. Sex... the actual act is not even the most important thing. It's a byproduct, it can happen, and in theory it should be felt and experienced much more intensely, but it's not a mandatory part of the whole experience. It's about opening up to each other, fully letting go and trusting each other, about closeness of mind, body and soul, about breathing, about creating intimacy and taking time for each other. Everything else is optional."
„Wow! That sounds amazing!"
„Really? You'd be willing to try?"
„Of course! Why not?"
She shrugged. „Usually, men aren't too thrilled at the thought of having to invest a lot of time into some sort of spiritual foreplay with no guarantee that they'll at least get a shot in the end."
He smiled. „Well, I'll take my chances. And I'm curious. I don't care where it leads or what we'll end up doing or not. I just want to be with you. I want to be vulnerable with you... I want to experience what you just described with you."
Her heart skipped a beat as she started to smile. „Alright then", she reached out for his hand and looked him deep in the eyes, „Then it starts right now. From this moment on, I want us to constantly keep contact with each other. That means, either touching, skin on skin, no matter how small, but there needs to be physical contact always. Or, we're looking each other in the eyes. Ideally both at the same time."
A shiver ran up and down his spine at the thought and he nodded. „Okay. I can do that. We can do that. I trust you."
„And the most important rule: let's not get too excited too quickly! This is not about a fast turn on, tonight is about taking time and taking things slow, bringing awareness to each sensation, to everything that's happening between us, to everything we may be feeling when we're together, physically as well as emotionally."
She leaned over and kissed him gently, her heart was racing in her chest, she couldn't wait to be back in their villa, to be alone with him.