The house was empty, thankfully, when Calvin arrived. Bonnie and Aberama were out, Kaia didn't know where, but they'd been gone since before she'd left for work that morning and from experience, she wasn't expecting them to return home that night.
She shivered as she walked inside, immediately lighting the fire and huddling close to it wrapped in Bonnie's blanket that he'd left draped over the sofa.
Thomas had accompanied her back home, presenting a case to her as to why he should be there when Calvin arrived, just in case he needed to interject. Kaia disagreed. The entire journey home she felt like she'd been encapsulated into a perfect secluded bubble with just Tommy and herself, filled with love and passion, an excitement and a fire growing between the two of them as the thought about what their future might hold.
Only it burst, quite abruptly, when she arrived home and said goodbye to Tommy. The waiting around was hard, sat watching the hands on the clock tick by, anticipating the knock on the door from Calvin. Kaia felt sick to her stomach. There were countless feelings that she had, all of them contradicting one another and none of them with the ability to conquer the rest.
Kaia knew in her heart that she wanted Thomas Shelby. She knew the way he made her feel was something special and she knew that deep down, he was the type of man she wanted. Rough around the edges, perhaps even deeper than the edges but at the very core, a gentle soul.
It was painful that Calvin was different, but she knew it would've been even more painful if he wasn't. It was a case of head and heart, Kaia being more than aware that Calvin Young was the safe choice, a guaranteed life of happiness and a wonderful, comfortable marriage that would likely last until the end of their time, but that was her head speaking, not her heart.
Her heart was pulling her from the inside, not saying anything but rather showing her through gut feelings and the skip of a beat. She knew she would never be happy if she never explored a life with Thomas, constantly drowning in a life of 'what ifs' while she lay in bed, wed to another man. No, Kaia couldn't do that.
She quickly snapped herself out of deepening thoughts when she heard a knock at the door. Jumping to her feet, she took a reassuring breath before answering it. It was quarter to eleven.
"Tommy? I told you to-"
She was silenced by him kissing her. He took her face into his hands without hesitation, not wanting to hear her say another word without kissing her first. He'd been able to think about nothing else, pacing home in the snow with a heavy worry on his mind and an inkling in his stomach that he was going to be let down and she was going to change her mind.
He forced himself to turn around and retrace his steps, trudging through the bitter air of the night until he found himself on the Gold's doorstep again. Light snow had fallen continuously but there were no fresh footprints in the snow outside the house, letting him know Calvin hadn't arrived yet.
"You need to leave, he'll be here soon."
His face held sadness and Kaia's heart crumbled at the sight. She wasn't used to seeing so much emotion from the man that was seemingly colder than her. Happiness she could tolerate, but watching the life drain from his eyes in every frown made her die a little inside.
"I couldn't," he shook his head, his tone low, "I was so worried you'd change your mind, that you'd see him and decide you didn't want me, that you were wrong."
"Oh Thomas," she whispered, gently touching his face, words struggling on her lips but giving nothing but silence.
The sound of a car pulling up and the glow of lights against the snow made Tommy take a step back. Not too far, his arm resting on the doorframe, but a step away from Kaia.
They watched as Calvin paid the taxi driver and walked towards them, suitcase in hand, snowflakes settling into his black hair.
"Kaia, darling, you should be inside, it's freezing out here."
"Yes," she cleared her throat and smiled weakly at him as he approached them, "I know, I was just..."
Calvin looked at Tommy who let go of the doorframe and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat.
"I stopped by to check on her, her father asked me to since he's away with Bonnie. I'll leave you to it, anyway." Tommy nodded, locking eyes with Kaia for a longing moment before turning his back on them and disappearing into the night.
Calvin said nothing, just made his way into the house and closed the door behind him, hanging his coat up by the door.
"You er," Calvin sniffed and shrugged his shoulders, "You don't look or sound particularly ill, Kaia?"
The sickness feeling intensified, growing stronger and crawling up through her lungs, making her feel like she was drowning in guilt. It wasn't guilt from kissing Thomas and it wasn't guilt for lying to Calvin, it was guilt about having to break a good man's heart.
"Calvin..." she whispered softly, biting her lip and looking upwards to calm her stomach and stop tears from falling.
He chuckled lightly and shook his head, "You could've told me over the phone, darling, it'll hurt more in person."
Kaia forced herself to look at him. His dark eyes were pits of sorrow and yet he didn't look angry or frustrated, he didn't seem betrayed or broken. He was calm, collected and mindful, reminding Kaia of the qualities that had attracted her to him in the first place.
She wasn't exactly sure how he'd figured it out so easily, perhaps she wasn't as good at hiding things as she thought. Whether it was the stolen glance Tommy took before he turned and left or whether it was something else, she wouldn't ever know.
"I'm sorry, Calvin. I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want things to be like this but," she paused, sighing as she looked at his face, taking a moment to admire how beautiful he was, "I can't lie to myself."
"I know," he smiled sadly, "I knew when I saw the panic in your face before Christmas and I knew when Bonnie didn't hesitate to try and break his jaw that he wasn't just anybody."
The way Calvin was willing to take it so amicably made it oddly harder for Kaia. She had prepared herself to argue and scream the walls down, perhaps listen to him call her all the derogatory names under the sun, but she got nothing of the sort.
"I'd never keep you from following your heart, Kaia. If you feel in your gut that you should be with him, I won't stop you."
Kaia felt herself tearing up as he looked at her so endearingly, a soft smile playing on his lips and his eyes gentle, warm like sweet honey and his aura feeling like home, only it wasn't her home.
Her home was the black shadow of Small Heath, some would say the devil that walked the Earth and some would say the saviour himself. However, the way other people saw him was nothing to Kaia, she saw Thomas for who he was, a diamond in the rough that people mistook for coal after being buried in troubles for too long. But she saw him, and she would always see him.
There were so many things that Kaia wanted to say to Calvin, she wanted to tell him how highly she thought of him and how much she appreciated his kindness and the warmth of his soul, his chivalrous ways and tiny squeezes of her hand that made her slowly begin to fall for him, but she couldn't manage a single word.
"Hey," he said, walking towards her and gently tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, "You don't have to say anything, alright? I've learned to read you, Kaia."
She struggled a small smile. Nobody had ever been able read her before, though now she had met two men that could. Maybe opening up wasn't such a bad thing after all.
"You are a beautiful, talented, incredible woman and I have great respect for you, I don't want you to forget that."
As he looked down at her, his captivating eyes staring deep into her own, Kaia expected to feel an urge to kiss him, only she felt nothing.
"Thank you, Calvin."
He left the house with his head held high and the way silence became locked in when the door fell shut made Kaia relax. Her body had been tense, her mind confused and muddled and her heart feeling like it had stopped one moment but beating far too fast the next had exhausted her.
The silence fell upon her like a comforter and she felt herself slowly drift off to sleep by the fire, Bonnie's blanket wrapped around her body. That night, her mind revisited a place it hadn't been to in a while, and she dreamt of Thomas Shelby, knowing that when she woke up, her dreams would come true.