(Art above is from the website Picrew.me. I used one of the templates created by Komoworm to create the photo. Also I just wanted to say, this story won't be following the story line between Paul, Mildred and Sarah. I love their storyline in the show, but for the purposes of this fan fiction, it's not the case of what happened. Thanks!)
Trigger warning: This chapter mentions an eating disorder. Please, skip over it if that makes you uncomfortable. It's not my intention to hurt anyone, I myself have struggled with it before and I know how hard it is. Personally, writing about it in the characters I create is the way I cope. I wished I could've been as strong as them. But now I know that I am, and you are to. Please stay safe. <3
*****
Father Paul sat alone in his dark little house, clutching his side.
His throat burned with bile and blood. His lungs ached from all the coughing, as he kneeled, hunched over the floor in his room.
The cough was worsening, he felt it deep in his stomach. He looked at the small pool of blood on the ground in front of him as he sat back and sighed. This should be the last of it for tonight.
His mind began to drift to Ella, and her wound. She hadn't figured it out yet...but he knew she was smart. He knew she would eventually.
Man did she have a beautiful brain. Clever, generous, sarcastic and funny. She was everything he could never have.
No matter how badly he wanted to.
*****
Ella sat up, the warm feeling of sunlight spread across her bed and her face. She'd never get tired of that feeling.
Pebbles was complaining about his food as usual, forcing Ella out of bed.
As she went to go about her usual morning routine, she looked over at the scratched living room and a theory began to form. One that scared her.
What if that creature...was the one that scared Pebbles? It had been the one that killed the other cats after all. Has it already been to town? There's no way no one wouldn't have noticed...
Ella shook off the suspicions. Her mind was sore from all the working theories. She didn't want to think anymore.
"Wish I could just turn my brain off, eh Pebbles?" She sighed. The kitten just went on gobbling down his food paying no attention to her.
She smiled to herself and shook her head. The tension was straining her. It had been the past couple days since the Potluck. Her head had healed, but there was still quite the gash in her arm. She'd spent her life in bed that past few days just thinking about everything. It all led to dead ends. She was so done with all the thinking and pondering.
She had some visitors, Erin and Sarah. Sarah mainly on Doctor business but it was nice seeing a friend. As well as Father Paul, every day actually. He mainly asked her about her life when she'd moved away. She tried to ask him about his as well, but he seemed to avoid the questions. It didn't matter though, she really enjoyed his visits. He even cooked them dinner once. Steak and potatoes. It was really nice.
But now she was tired of laying in bed. She wanted to do something. She didn't like having nothing to do. Tomorrow was another worship at the church, so that was something but today...today was another boring day. That wouldn't fly with her anymore.
Ella grabbed her coat and ran out the door. Her heart pumping with excitement. She was going to swim. No matter how cold, she was going to swim.
It was a terrible idea, she knew that. But her adrenaline fuled by the boredom of the last week was pushing her. So she walked, down towards the docks in the morning glow.
She sang to herself, as she always did when she walked. She sang what came to mind, and the lyrics would speak louder than words, answering questions she never knew she had.
"If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, on a, bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song."
(Song: If I Die Young by The Band Perry)
She continued singing to herself quietly, her heart beat feeling louder with every step she took towards the beach. It was such a dumb idea, but that's how her mind worked. When things got dull, she did something unexpected. Always wanting to mix things up.
"Hey Ella I've been calling out your name for the past minute," some said with a laugh behind her.
She stopped to turn and look to find Father Paul looking back at her.
"W-where are you off to? Are you catching the Belle?" He asked.
Ella paused, wondering what to tell him, before deciding it would be best not to lie. "Nope, I'm going to swim."
He began to smile. A deep wide smile, very clearly amused. "That's what I love about you Ella. The second life gets too boring you do something to shock the world. Swimming in March..." he chuckled. "I wish I could shake my life up like that. Being a priest and all...well it's not really about you anymore."
"Maybe not, but that's because you've dedicated your life to helping people. And that's something Im jealous of. I wish I could leave an impact on this world. One way or another, something good you know?" She replied looking off into the distance sadly.
"Ella, you do. All your work as a forensic scientist in the nypd? Solving murders and getting justice for innocent people and their families? That's something amazing. Plus, you help out with this town as well, making all the citizens days just a little bit brighter. Including mine," he said with that familiar sweet smile.
Ella felt her checks warm as she looked away. "Thank you Father."
He smiled back at her for a moment before going on. "There was another reason I came to find you actually. Well...I-I'd like you to hear me out. Riley and I, we've started an AA group here in town."
Ella looked at him suspiciously. "You're...asking me to join an AA group? I don't drink, you know."
He shook his head. "No no, I know! My apologies I didn't mean to offend. I-I meant more...as a way to heal. I know about your past with...well Monsignor told me all about it. I cooked you dinner the other night because I had noticed, as well as many others, that you weren't eating."
Ella sighed. "So you weren't just being nice. You just cooked me food so I wouldn't starve myself to death?"
He looked at her apologetically. "I did it because I care about you. Maybe more than I should. I'd like it if you joined us, tonight. I want it to be open for anyone dealing with addiction, alcohol or otherwise."
Ella looked away ashamed. She had struggled a lot with Anorexia Nervosa, in her past. It quiet literally was her deepest shame, and now here was Father Paul, calling her out on it. She knew he only wanted to help, but it still burned.
"I care about you. Maybe more than I should."
Why did that sentence make her heart flutter?
"I-Ill think about it. I've gotten help in the past before though..." Ella replied, unable to look at him.
Suddenly, she felt his strong, soft hands clasp around hers.
"Please...look me in the eye," he asked.
Ella used all her strength to turn and face him, looking deep into his dark, caring eyes. He looked back into hers, staring right at her.
"Don't for a second think, that I would judge you for this. I promise you, this is not a flaw, or a fault in you. God gives his hardest challenges, to his toughest soldiers. And I admire the hell out of you for it," he told her, in a deep kind voice.
Ella felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes. Not once, had she ever felt this way. She felt recognized. Just as she felt the first hot tear flow down her cheek, she threw her arms around his neck, as he pulled her close into a warm embrace.
She openly cried into his shoulder, as he rubbed her back gently. She'd done something she hadn't done in a long time. She let her guard down.
After a few minutes, Paul spoke up. "Now as someone who cares about you, its my job to tell you that swimming in freezing cold water in the middle of March is a terrible idea."
Ella laughed, wiping away the tears and pulling apart from Paul.
"Believe me I know. But I'll be careful, I'm doing this for me," She replied.
He nodded. "Fine, but I want you to call me, the minute you get out of the water. I need to know you're okay."
She nodded and smiled at him. "I will."
"Good. Think about my offer, okay? Don't feel pressured to come, but it would be nice to see you later," he said turning back down the road.
Ella nodded, before going her own way. She'd felt so good after opening up to Father Paul, it couldn't hurt to attend... still she wasn't sure. And she was tired of feeling unsure. So she took off sprinting towards the beach.
Ella plunged into the icy blue water, letting it fully surround her unclothed body. The sting of the cold refreshed and reset her mind. She kept swimming, and imagined she was flying. She was weightless, soaring through the waves of the sea and the currents of the sky. The icy, bitter touch of the water filled her body with a complete sense of euphoria. She flipped, and she spun and she glided. She was in complete control. The water flowed with her, obeying her every turn and trick. It didn't sink her, it didn't fight against her, it pushed her onwards. She dived in and out, and watched the sun rays pour through the waves, refracting little beams of light all around her. She swam through them, as they warmed her blue skin. She knew she had to come down eventually though. The cold began to slow her heart rate, and if she wasn't careful, it could completely shut off, leaving her to freeze. She pulled herself out of the water, saddened to cut it short. But she didn't want to dwell on the end of the swim, she wanted to look forward to the next one.
She lay her frigid body against her favourite warm rock, right under the sun. Immediately, the warmth of the rock worked its way into her skin, and began to warm her. She looked up at the blue sky, wondering what I would feel like to swim up there. She settled on the idea that it would feel the same as the swim she just took. Cold, and deprived of air. And it would be free.
When she was little, she used to think that if a genie ever granted her a wish, she would wish to swim in the sky.
She would begin to pray, asking God, pleading that she would do anything, if he let her swim in the sky. Of course, she knew god didn't work like that. He wasn't a drive through. But that's how desperate she was to be free. And then, the feeling overtook her. She became overwhelmed, constantly feeling trapped on the island. Like she would never be free. Like she would never have control. And that's when it started. The pretending to eat, the pretending to dirty a plate, and forcing herself to keep the food away. She thought she could control it, and that's what made it so addictive. But it wasn't control. It was fear. Fear she could never be free. Her parents caught on, when she passed out after a play she had been in, in the high school. Right on the stage, just after her ballad. In front of everyone. And it was humiliating. She swore she would never do it again. But she didn't mean the not eating...she meant the not letting anyone find out. Clearly it didn't work out for her. And once she had moved away, she thought that was it. That was her chance to be free. Only to find disappointment and heartache. The world was so big and so scary. And she lost control.
Ella woke to the sound of her phone ringing in her coat pocket that still lay on the sand. She didn't know how long she had been asleep, it was still day. She had completely warmed up, after the rejuvenating swim.
She sighed contently, as she pulled herself up, quickly throwing her clothes back on and answering the call.
"Els you scared me to death! I thought you got swept out to sea. Where are you?" Father Paul's voiced asked in a very worried tone.
"Sorry I didn't mean to make you worry. I fell asleep on the beach. You'd be surprised an icy cold swim could make you so tired," Ella yawned.
"I'm just glad your okay. I was on my way down to the docks but I had no idea where you swim. Please tell me next time."
Ella smiled to herself. "Really were worried about me huh?" She replied with a smirk.
"Uh...yes. Of course. I...I'm gonna go now that I know you're safe. Don't do that again!"
Ella laughed as he hung up. She could tell she had made him flustered, calling him out. It made her blush as well, knowing how much he really did care about her.
She began to walk, giving one quick glance back at the sea before walking off down the path.
She had a meeting to attend.