Chapter 19// Confidence and Sass
“Lois, get on out here!”
I hear Jennifer’s voice and gulp, clutching my bare arms to try and prevent the goose bumps from reaching the skin. Come on Lois. You can do this! I straighten a little bit, but the blue bikini I’m wearing seems to shrink as I do, making me feel more self-conscious than ever. How am I ever going to step around this wall and face Jesse? I can see every single bruise on my leg (most of which I have no idea where from). The tiniest wobble of my thighs. I know for a fact that Rita works out almost every day: how will my tall body and flat chest ever compare to that? I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Be the confident, sexy girl you were when you took that body shot off Warren.
Show Jesse that you aren’t ashamed of who you are.
Gritting my teeth in determination, I step out from behind the wall and approach the pool. Jennifer and Anne are both wearing black swimming costumes, and they’re struggling to pull the waterproof cover over Jennifer’s air cast currently. Jesse meanwhile, is leant casually against the side of the pool, treading water. His hair is darker due to the moisture, his eyes squinted as he watches me approach. I walk proudly towards him, ignoring the tingle of his gaze on my skin. That’s it girl. Jesse smirks as I slide into the pool beside him. The water is cool at first, but I quickly adjust.
“Heya, crocodile.”
I roll my eyes, and turn around in the water to face Jesse. “Hi.”
“No Lois, you ruined the inside joke,” Jesse whines, splashing me a little. “You were meant to say alligator. C’mon- it’s our thing!” I snort with laughter at how childlike he sounds, but I can’t ignore the buzz of happiness I feel in my chest when he says our thing. It’s cheesy, but so cute to hear.
“Don’t splash me,” I stick my tongue out to him, pushing a small wall of water back towards him, “God. Stupid amphibians these days,” I drawl sarcastically. Jesse smirks, his eyes glinting mischievously as he pushes his hands into the water. Without any warning, I’m engulfed by a wave of water for a few horrible seconds, until I finally take a gasp for air and open my slightly stinging eyes. “You just splashed me!” I accuse. Jesse grins adorably, the dimples shining through in his cheeks. Of course, I don’t see them for long before I splash him back twice as hard as he splashed me. My long hair is now plastered to the side of my face, and I’m pretty sure I look like a drowned rat. Or maybe a cat. Possibly a bat, although I doubt they’d be drowned easily.
I shake my head to rid of my strange thoughts. I think I drank too much of mom’s iced tea this morning. I should’ve known it looked suspicious. Now I’m thinking about drowning bats.
“Lois,” I feel fingers snap in front of my face and my eyes dart to Jesse who is watching me curiously, less than a foot away from my face. My breath hitches in my throat. “You zoned out,” He explains, “Look what Anne’s doing!” He points over at Jennifer and Anne, and I go to look, but I can only gaze for about three seconds before his giant head is in the way again, blocking me.
“What are you doing?” I say, leaning either side to try and get a decent look at what Anne and Jennifer are doing. What if they’re doing something important? Do they need help? “Dude,” I scowl at Jesse, “You’re blocking the view.” I shove on his chest lightly, using it as support as I try to peer over his shoulder. My eye level is about the middle of Jesse’s nose, so I can peer over his shoulder easily normally, however his tickling hands are making it somewhat difficult. His breath is hot as he laughs down my shoulder at my attempts.
“I am the view.” I can practically hear the smirk in his voice, and I roll my eyes plafully. Finally, he stops shoving me in different directions and allows me to peer over his shoulder. It’s only then that I see…that there is nothing to see. Anne and Jennifer are just sat by the side of the pool discussing something. Nothing out of the normal. Either I missed something, or he just did that on purpose. But why would he do that? I blush at the possibilities.
“Did I miss something?” I lean back, frowning. “What was I supposed to see?”
“Nothing,” Jesse smirks, “I just said it to irritate you.”
Did he want to be close to you? As soon as the thought enters my head, I shrug it off. Stupid Iced Tea making me crazy again. What did my mom put in that stuff? I should’ve known better than to drink it. I settle for taking my anger out on Jesse, and scowl impishly up at him. “Is your dick so small because you shoved most of it into your personality?” I fire out without thinking. A second later, it registers what I just said, and my eyes widen slightly. It’s rare that I ever show my fiery, crazier side with anyone other than Heather and Adam. I can’t believe that just slipped out!
“I’m impressed,” Jesse claps his hands, chuckling. “But next time, try not to blush after you’ve just said it. It kind of ruins the sassy image.” He winks at me.
I just blush harder.
<><><><><>
“That’s it, lean your neck on the side of the pool and try and float your legs,” Anne instructs. Jennifer nods, but gasps with effort at the meticulous job, and I’m not surprised. Trying to float that giant cast can’t be easy. Despite it being filled with air it’s still heavy. Slowly I reach my hand under the water and push upwards on Jennifer’s lower back, supporting her as she tries to raise her legs. She glances at me gratefully, and I smile back at her. Gradually her legs lift to the top of the water, and she huffs with the effort of preventing them from sinking. I glance to the other side to see that Jesse is trying out exactly the same exercise with a smug smirk on his face. He seems to be a lot more playful today, and I’m not quite sure why, but he looks so stupid trying out water aerobics.
“What a little lady you are,” I snort, splashing him slightly across his face. His eyes scrunch up and he splutters, legs sinking underwater for a second or two whilst he’s distracted.
“You suck,” He coughs, “So much.”
“Guys,” Anne looks down at us, her eyebrow raised skyward and lips stretched into an amusing smile. “I understand that you might enjoy water aerobics Jesse, but this is your mother’s session. We might need your help for the last five minutes of this session.” Jesse smiles sheepishly up at her, before joining my side and lifting his mom’s upper back slightly. Anne nods, impressed. “Right, Jennifer, that’s great. You can relax now.”
Jennifer visibly exhales in relief, and her legs sink. With Jesse’s aid, she turns around in the water quickly, and supports herself against the side before her feet touch the floor. Anne peers over her cautiously, examining Jennifer’s exhaustion. “I think we’ve pushed you enough for this week’s session,” She frowns, “Time to get you out of the pool, and you can lie down for a little while.”
Jennifer just nods, and Jesse and I take that as our cue. I speedily climb out of the water and onto the side, bending down to support Jennifer’s top half as we twist her onto her back and slide her into a sitting position at the side of the pool. Anne fetches the wheelchair, and with a lot of effort and Jesse’s arm muscles, we manage to sit her in the chair. Her hair is bronze when it’s wet, and I notice the goose bumps rising on her arms at the exposure. I run to fetch her a towel, but I find slightly more than that waiting at the gate.
“Ben?” I question in confusion, as the boy himself saunters through the back gate towards the pool. I clutch the navy towel in my hand, using it to cover up my body a little bit.
“Hey Lois,” Ben greets cheerfully. He doesn’t even glance towards my body, to my relief, instead favoring to wave and holler at the others and make his presence known. I can see Jesse and Jennifer both grin at his arrival, and poor Anne just looks a bit confused. Following Ben, I make my way back to the wheelchair which seems has centered all conversation, and pass Jennifer her towel. Without that piece of fabric, I’m all exposed to the world, and it makes me shiver. I cross my arms across my chest in attempt to cover up a little.
“Ben, how are you sweetheart?” Jennifer greets, “How’s your mom?”
“She’s good thanks, Jenny,” Ben beams, “And I’m pretty good too. Jesse?” Ben narrows his eyes slightly at Jesse, as if to tell him something with his eyes. Heather and I do it all the time, but as I glance between the two boys, I can’t make anything out. I guess that’s the beauty of eye conversation though: outsiders don’t know what you’re thinking about. Jesse seems to understand though, and he grins at Ben almost proudly.
“I am great.”
“That’s good,” Ben smiles mischievously, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. Are they talking about me or something? I soon grow frustrated, trying to make out the mischievous, smug looks that the boys are sharing. I glance at Jennifer for help, but she only shrugs and turns away to say her goodbyes to Anne. Nobody can help me, but asking them what they’re eye-talking about could be a little creepy, so I remain silent. Ben raises an eyebrow at Jesse, “So um Jesse, weren’t you going to go and hang out with Rita today?” He questions, glancing at me as he asks. I feel a small wave of disappointment. I’ve had so much fun today with Jesse, and he’s going to hang out with Rita instead.
“No,” Jesse shakes his head. He looks at me for a second. “I mean yes. I mean-“
“Will one of you just tell me what the heck is going on?” I interrupt grumpily. “You both keep looking at me, and talking through eye contact and it’s really weird, so what is it? Do I have a spot on my nose or something?” I can only restrain myself for half a second before I begin to rub my nose self-consciously. I don’t feel any spots, luckily.
“What do you think about Jesse going to Rita’s house?” Ben asks me bluntly. Jesse curses quietly under his breath beside me, shielding his face.
“Um,” I swallow. This was not what I was expecting them to ask me! Any other question, and I would be fine, but this question is one guaranteed to lead me to humiliation. Why would they ask me that? What if someone has told Jesse that I like him? It seems pretty obvious that Rita knows. “What should I be thinking?” I ask nonchalantly, as if it’s no big deal. With no reply, Jesse just sends Ben a pointed expression. What does all of this even mean?
“Told you,” Jesse grumbles. “Right, I’m going to Rita’s house then. Unless I have any, um, prior engagements…” He trails off a little, and there’s silence for a few awkward seconds until Ben starts laughing again.
“Good try, bro,” He chuckles, clapping a grumpy looking Jesse on the back. “Just go and change clothes first.” I watch, a little pained, as Jesse walks away from us back into the house. I’ve enjoyed today so much: I’m kind of stupid not for realizing that it would have to end at some point though. I sigh, my eyes lingering on Jesse for as long as he’s in sight. Rita is one lucky girl. Speaking of which, I wonder why Ben asked me what I thought about Jesse going to see Rita. I’m not entirely dumb- does that mean that he knows that I like him? And the way that Jesse cursed- does he know too? I shudder at the thought of that possibility. That can’t have happened. There’s no way.
“Lois?” Ben’s voice snaps into my thoughts, and he watches me with an almost regretful expression. “You look like you’re in pain. Is it Jesse? That he’s going to see Rita?”
“You know that I like him,” I realise aloud, confirming my earlier suspicions. Immediately I feel a flush creeping up my collarbones towards my face. If he didn’t know before, then he definitely does now. Way to go Lois- telling your crush’s best friend about your little obsession. Ben hesitates for a second before nodding. His hand rests on my shoulder comfortingly, but it’s completely platonic I can tell. Ben and I are just friends, although sometimes I wish that I was crushing on a single guy instead of a guy in love with Rita Hall. It would probably hurt less.
“Do me a favor Lois and stop whatever it is that you're doing with Rita,” Ben says in a hushed tone. “It’s hurting you that he hangs out with her, I can see it. Trust me, Jesse won’t be angry if you abandon it now.” He offers me a pointed look, and it feels like a tonne falls to my feet from somewhere in my stomach as I realize.
“Does he know too?” I ask, horrified.
Ben shakes his head, to my relief. “I wish I could tell you everything,” He mutters under his breath. “Just don’t hurt yourself hanging out with the both of them. It’s not worth it, and that’s definitely not what Jesse wants you to do. Trust me, Lois.”
“I trust you,” I nod, glancing to the side. “But if I stop helping him with anything revolving Rita, he’ll know that something’s up."
Ben rolls his eyes. “All the more reason to quit.”
<><><><><>
“So you’re going to quit then, right?” Heather asks me, spooning another mouthful of ice cream towards her awaiting lips. She’s sprawled across my bed, watching me as I remove my make-up and get ready for bed. Since our fall out over the sleepover, I’m happy to say that Heather and I have been hanging out again a lot more often. Somehow, I’m still managing to squeeze in my other friends too, though. Rita has invited me to go shopping tomorrow, and Jesse is all for it. I’m not sure if he’s still with her now, in the early evening, but part of me is hoping that he’s by himself or with Ben. Preferably thinking of me, but that doesn’t seem too likely.
“I think I will. Officially,” I nod, carefully wiping some black smudges from my eye and ignoring the satisfaction I feel when I do. There is nothing better than being at home- wearing pyjama bottoms, no makeup and feeling like an absolute tramp. These moments are basically what I live my life for. I consider the idea of telling Jesse that I’m quitting the plan. After all, he basically said that he didn’t need me anymore, so is that it? Am I done? I think I am, but I’d prefer to confirm it with him as well just so that everything is cleared up. Even if the plan is over, I still think I’m going to hang around with Billie, Sophie and Rita because they’re actually really good friends and I’m so happy I met them. Whether I’m scouting Rita for information or not, I’m still going to be friends with them all.
“You should tell him definitely the next time that you see him,” Heather nods, “Get out of this warped little love triangle while you still can.” She shudders, before pausing thoughtfully. “You know Lois, I don’t mean to get your hopes up or anything…but I don’t think he likes her that much anymore.” She wrings her hands together and eyes me warily. “There’s just something about their friendship…it seems so forced now. I think they’ve both moved on from the It couple they used to be, honestly. He hangs out with you more than he hangs out with her now,” Heather points out.
I roll my eyes at her. “At about four o’clock today, he left me and Jennifer to see Rita. I bet you that he’s still there, Heather. I have no chance, but it’s okay. This plan is over now, so I don’t need to worry about it anymore.” I lean over and throw my dirty make-up wipe in the small trash can by my door. “I’ll get over him, and we can move on in our lives.”
“Good luck trying to get over him,” Heather snorts, “You’ve had your eye on him for years, and you’ve been severely crushing on him for the past month and half. The odds aren’t exactly in your favor, honey.” Turning away from the discussion, she flips a page of the magazine in front of her.
“You’ll never guess what I discovered,” I lean closer to Heather, suddenly remembering. “You know I told you about Everett and this secret girl he’s dating? I think I know who it is.”
“Oh yeah?” Heather looks up, mildly curious.
“I think it’s Rita.”
“What?” Heather chokes. “Rita Hall? As in the Rita you’re setting Jesse up with? Why?”
“Well think about it,” I tell her eagerly, “He creeped her out of the back door, because he didn’t want me seeing her. He was completely against Jesse’s plan to try and go out with her again, plus when we were talking about him at Billie’s sleepover- Rita was really quiet. Unusually quiet. It all makes sense,” I nod, “I think he’s seeing Rita. Now all I have to do is find out why he’s not telling me.” I feel smug in my findings, but disheartened about the fact that Everett wouldn’t tell me. I’d tell him basically anything. Does he not think of me of his rock, the same way as I think of him?
“You think he’s seeing Rita?” Heather frowns, almost sadly. “I guess…it makes sense.”
“I know!” I agree, “I mean I know that she’s his type and everything, but-“
“His type?” Heather interrupts sharply.
“Yeah, the popular, flirty chicks that he’s always dated in the past,” I explain. “Come on Heather, you’ve been there through my brother’s many conquests. I wonder how long he and Rita have been dating. Maybe…they’re not even dating at all,” I cringe, “What if they’re just booty calls?” Ew, I don’t want to think about that. Heather seems to interpret the disgust on my face and hastily changes the subject. I can’t help but notice the red blush on her cheeks though. I guess since she’s known me and my brother for so long, it must be disgusting for her to hear about his booty calls as well.
“I’m sure that she’s not a booty call,” Heather says hurriedly. “Anyway, let’s change the topic. I’m fed up of boys at the moment. What pizza toppings are we ordering?”
“Is that even a question?”
Heather cracks a half smile. “Pass me your phone.”
Hope you like the chapter! See you later alligators <3