It was quiet inside the on-call room, the only thing that could be heard was the content sighs escaping her lips as Addison played with her hair. They lay together in one of the tiny beds as she tightly tucked herself to the redhead's side. It was their thing now, laying together after long hours of surgery, hidden away from prying eyes and troublesome people.
The soft kiss Addison placed on her hairline made her purr as those, sometimes, inopportune butterflies were sent fluttering in her stomach. Addison giggled at her reaction and she looked at her with a soft smile in her lips, one that the redhead returned. She laid her head back on her chest tucking herself under her chin, which she recently had decided was her rightful place, before she spoke.
"Did you ever imagine that this could happen?"
"What? Two very successful surgeons sleeping in an on call room after five plus hours of surgeries? Yeah, I think I could."
"Addie." She whined.
"No." Addison chuckled lightly and resumed twirling her golden locks between her fingers. "I'm glad I came back. If Mark knew he'd say this is a win for the Dirty Mistresses Club."
"It's a win for me."
"Hmm."
"Do you... do you think you regret it?" Her voice was soft and her tone uncertain.
"Yeah." Addison sighed.
"Addison, really?"
She was painfully aware of the vulnerability in her voice but she ignored it as she propped herself up on her elbow to look at the redhead. Addison only smiled, brushing some of her hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear before leaning towards her and kissing her nose lightly. The action melting away the pain and sadness and sliver of insecurities that had begun to envelop her.
"I regret wasting so much time trying to find something which has always been here." Addison grinned sweetly and gently pulled her back onto her.
"I hate you." Meredith grumbled and felt the vibrations on Addison's chest as she chuckled.
"No, you don't."
"No, I really don't... Addie?"
"Babygirl, let's take a nap."
"Babygirl?"
"You don't like it?"
"I do."
"Good."
After that they were quiet a while but Meredith was still hung up on a question, which had been floating around her head recently. She was tired and she knew Addison was too but she still wanted to know.
"Addie what if..."
"What if we talk later and sleep now?"
"But..."
"Babygirl, we'll tell people soon." Addison said practically reading her mind without even looking at her. "Now that he's gone back to New York, we won't have to deal with death glares or useless commentary. We'll tell everyone later but right now..."
"We sleep?"
"Yes, now we sleep."
"Addie?"
"Mer." Now it was the redhead's turn to whine, which made Meredith giggle.
"Thank you for staying with me, here."
Addison shifted a bit to look down at her and smiled sweetly before pecking her lips.
"No better place for me to be than right here with you."
After getting comfortable once more, sleep claimed them both.
***
Lexie sat on one of the benches outside eating chips and feeding some to Mark, who laid on her lap. Their relationship had taken some work, Mark being an attending and also the time it took for him to get over himself and accept he was good enough for her. Now though, there was no more hiding or secret keeping. Everything was out in the open for everyone to see and she was happy with that. In fact she was so happy she wanted to share the happiness with her sister.
"Mark?" Lexie began holding a chip above his mouth. Mark took her hand and brought it down to eat the chip. "Oops." She chuckled.
"What is it?"
"Do you think Meredith feels lonely?"
"Uh, wouldn't you know that better than me?" He shrugged. "Chip me."
"Here... and I don't know. I mean she looks ok. But she always looks ok."
"True. Big Grey doesn't really show her emotions much. She's not lashing out though so she's probably ok."
"I want to do something for her."
"Whatever you're thinking, Little Grey, just don't."
"It's nothing bad. I mean you said it yourself the other day."
"What did I say? And when did I say it? If I was drunk you can't pay attention. If I was trying to get you in the mood then you shouldn't give it much credit either. I'll say pretty much anything to be with you."
"You weren't drunk. And we were eating lunch that day we had all the incoming trauma so you were in no mood to get in my pants."
"I'm always in the mood." He smirked and winked playfully.
"Quiet." She chuckled. "Anyway that day we saw Meredith, Addison, Cristina, Altman, Callie, and Arizona on those gurneys down in the tunnels all leaning against each other."
"Oh I remember. I still think Red and Big Grey looked hot together."
"Choosing to ignore the hot comment." Lexie rolled her eyes. "Anyway I was thinking... Derek's gone right? So why not gently nudge those two together. I mean they're both successful and talented surgeons. They both have been through their share of pain. Both been burned by a man that didn't deserve either of them. Addison is pretty amazing and so is Mer. They just seem so compatible too. And I guess yeah they sorta look hot together."
"Are you thinking about playing Cupid? Because if it's to get those two stubborn mules together I'm so in." Mark sat up and turned to her. She could see the wheels turning in his head and chuckled.
"We're playing Cupid."
"I call dibs on Red."
"Did you expect me to talk to her? She barely knows me. I'm still sorta scared of Satan."
"Is that so? What is it you want to talk about Dr. Grey?" Lexie froze as she heard her silky voice and Mark went into a fit of laughter.
"I-I uh nothing." Lexie stammered as she turned around to look at the towering redhead.
"Are you sure?"
"Yep. I should go." Lexie said quickly getting up. "See you later."
"See you later babe." Mark gave her a knowing look and winked.
"Bye Dr. Grey." Addison smirked when she looked at her.
"B-bye."
She could hear Addison chuckle along with Mark as she scurried away to look for her sister. Satan was intimidating but there was something about her that made her trust her. Maybe it was the gentleness with which she treated her patients or the playfulness her and Mark had going on or her willingness to teach and to listen. It could probably be the fact that she had seen her a few times watching her sister with a soft smile or the fact that she didn't hate her, which she had heard from Mark. Whatever it was, she was certain Meredith and Addison could make an awesome couple. Certain that the redhead was someone good enough to be with her, more than good actually. So as she left her boyfriend with one last glance back at the laughing doctors she smiled and went off to find Meredith and work her Cupid-like magic on her.
***
Cristina sat at the residents lounge with her nose in a chart and various textbooks preparing to perform one of her bucket list surgeries. Meredith was amazed by Altman's willingness to find and give her person all of the surgeries in the list. Then again the stolen glances between the two might also have something to do with it. She peered above Cristina's shoulder for a moment before sitting next to her.
"Am I still pretending I don't know?" Cristina asked without looking away from her chart.
"Yes." Meredith replied knowing exactly what she was talking about. "How did you know?"
"Aside from that idiotic smile, you smell like Satan."
"And how do you know what she smells like?"
"The scent of vanilla isn't yours. Plus she hugged me the other day when I got back from the conference."
"Addison hugged you?" Meredith let out a chuckle at that. Cristina was not one for physical contact and hugging was something she quite hated.
"She was helping me out."
"How's that?"
"I wanted a hug from Teddy so I hugged Satan, Robbins, and Callie as well to make it seem more natural."
"You don't hug. I'm pretty sure the fact that you did was the furthest thing from natural." Meredith chuckled and at that Cristina looked at her trying to contain her smile.
"Shut up."
"We'll be telling people soon." Meredith said after a while.
"Finally. You were waiting for Derek to leave, weren't you?"
"Yeah."
"Smart."
"Don't sound so surprised." Meredith playfully swatted at her.
"Was it Satan's idea?"
"It was Addison's idea..." Meredith admitted and now Cristina was the one chuckling. "Shut up."
"Hey guys." Lexie smiled as she walked in, interrupting their conversation.
Lexie sat next to Meredith with a weird look on her face, one of those where you knew she was plotting something. Meredith squinted her eyes playfully as she waited for her to talk but it seemed Lexie was trying to collect her thoughts.
"What are you plotting, Lex?" Meredith asked.
"I'm not plotting anything?"
"You have that look." Meredith pointed out and smirked.
"I have no look." Lexie protested.
"Yeah you do." Cristina lifted a brow.
"Mhmm. What is it? Spill." Meredith motioned for her to start.
"Well I umm..."
***
Mark laughed along with Addison as they watched his intern scurrying away. Once sobered up he looked at Addison who had now taken Lexie's seat. She sat there thinking about something or someone. He could always tell when she was in deep thought as her eyes crinkled and her gaze was seemingly lost.
"What?" She said, snapping her head back to watch him instead because, of course, she could tell he was watching her.
"Why must you always scare her?" He asked, raising a brow.
"It's not my fault you got yourself a skittish Grey."
"You think the other Grey is better?"
"She's not 'the other Grey', Mark."
"Oh. Touchy it seems."
"Whatever." Addison rolled her eyes at that. She knew she'd have to tell him soon why she was getting so defensive but Meredith and her had decided they would tell everyone together.
"So... how come you're here?" Mark asked after a while.
"What? You're suddenly too good to have me sitting with you? I mean I don't have to be here. I do have patients and charts to look at."
"Geez, calm down drama queen."
"You only want, what was it again... Little Grey? Yeah, you only want Little Grey with you."
"True but that's besides the point. Hold on, are you jealous?"
"Don't flatter yourself, Sloan." Addison replied with a laugh.
"Sounds suspicious." The smug smirk made her want to slap him across the face but she contained herself.
"I can always go hang out with Callie. Why do I bother hanging out with you?"
"Easy, I'm irresistible."
"Not to me. Maybe to that intern but not me."
"Did you ever think I'd get there? I didn't." He said leaning back on the chair staring out at the trees lining the back of the hospital.
"Get where? The pinnacle of arrogance mixed with god complex? As if you rule the world but the only thing you rule is your kitchen unless Callie or Arizona and, I imagine now, Lexie invade it."
"They don't call you Satan for nothing, huh?"
"Come on Mark, you know it's the Ruler of All that is Evil."
"Right." He chuckled as he shook his head.
"What did you mean?"
"I grew up. I guess I..."
"Stopped looking at yourself as less than. Let yourself believe you're worth it. That you aren't broken." A sad smile etched itself onto her lips as she spoke.
"Yeah. It only took some kid for me to get there."
"Not some kid. It took a woman. One that's perfect for you."
"You think so?"
"I know so. Also I'm sorry Mark. I am part of the reason you looked at yourself like that. I'm really sorry." She placed a hand over his as she spoke and Mark enveloped it within his own.
"If we look at it the other way I did the same to you. You know when... when..."
"When you kept sleeping with half the hospital while you were in a relationship with me?"
"Yeah that."
"It's fine. I'm fine."
"Fine can mean so many things when it comes out of a woman's mouth. Most of those things are bad."
"I mean it in a good way, dummy."
"Good." He smiled and continued after a pause. "You know I'm happy and I sorta want you to be happy. So I have a proposal."
"God, Mark. I won't have another threesome with you."
"Why didn't I come up with that?"
"Oh shut up." She said as she playfully shoved him away.
"I just don't want you to be alone. You've been alone for quite some time. You deserve to be happy after what Derek and I put you through."
"I am happy, Mark."
"But..."
"I am. I really am happy with how things are right now."
"I just think there's someone that would make you happier."
"Not interested."
"Red..."
"Not. Interested."
"Ok. Not interested now. Just think about it though. and be open minded."
"That's not necessary. I'm fine with the way things are."
"Addison."
"Gotta go." She winked and stood. Before leaving though she smiled down at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for taking care of me."
"Always. I'm not giving up though. I'll help you find your someone."
After that she left him sitting there to bask in the rare warmth of the Seattle day. As she walked she couldn't help but smile at his resolve in finding her a happy ending. Thing with that was that she had already found it, her happy ending. She had found that happiness with Meredith and she really didn't need anything else or anyone other than her. She continued walking down the hallway and towards the residents lounge to find the blonde so they could go over the joint case they'd been working on.
Addison took a peek through the windows and saw Meredith sitting there with Lexie and Cristina, who seemed not to be paying attention to what was being said. For a moment she thought of just walking away and coming back later but then this was work and they needed to get on the same page about the patient. Taking a deep breath and bringing on the mask of professionalism she made her way towards the open door more quietly than usual since she was in scrubs and tennis shoes.
"I just think that you deserve better." She heard Lexie say as she stood at the doorway. To which Meredith replied with a hum. "Like, I know you would hit it off if you're open minded about it. You've healed, right? Like, you feel good?"
"I like to think so." Meredith replied.
Addison listened quietly to their conversation, she wasn't sure what they were talking about entirely. However, she had the nagging suspicion it was about relationships. She wondered if Meredith had told Lexie about them being together. She was sure Yang knew because she was the blonde's best friend just as Callie knew being hers.
"Then be open minded. I don't want you to stay like this. You are alone. I want you to be happy and not hide yourself away." Lexie continued. "I think you should at least give thought to going out and stuff. Like, maybe I could set up a double date or a triple date and bring Callie and Arizona with."
Her words resonated inside Addison's head. What exactly was Little Grey talking about? Was she really making a dig at their relationship? Was she really suggesting Meredith go out with some man she didn't even know? That couldn't be it and if it was Lexie was about to feel the wrath of Satan as it began to boil within her. She supposed there was no better time than now to state her claim over her blonde, beautiful, kind, amazing, sometimes dark Meredith.
She was about to interrupt when Meredith spoke. "I guess that might be a good idea."
Addison felt the floor give away as she heard Meredith speak. The pang on her chest sucking out the air from within her lungs as the insecurities and thoughts of being a failure erupted from the dark recesses of her mind. Tears pricked her eyes and she took a step back, almost bolting away.
"Right?" She heard Lexie's excitement.
"Yeah." Meredith's reply came quickly and she could hear the smile on her lips.
She couldn't take any more of that and quickly left as the tears she tried to keep at bay eventually gave way and started to line her cheeks.
***
"It would be a good idea but for someone else." Meredith smiled at her sister.
"Meredith..." Lexie tried.
"I'm fine Lex."
"You're always fine. Why can't you be good? Just be open to it. Maybe you'll even like her."
"Her?"
"Yeah. And don't give me that look. I know you're attracted to women. I'm not blind."
"How? Wait what her?"
"Don't worry about it. Let me do that. Just say yes."
"No."
"But you could..."
"I appreciate what you're trying to do. I really really do but I'm ok with the way things are."
"Mer..."
"Give it a rest Little Grey she doesn't wanna." Cristina grumbled.
"You're just saying that because you're about to hit it off with Altman." Lexie protested but the glare Cristina gave her had her back tracking. "I just mean she uh she could be happy and stuff and not alone."
"I'm not alone." Meredith chuckled.
"Cristina doesn't count." Lexie countered. "Just promise you'll think about it."
"I don't..."
"Promise."
"Fine."
"Ok. Gotta go. See ya later. Bye Cristina."
"Bye, Lex." Meredith smiled and shook her head as Cristina grunted in response.
Once Lexie was gone Cristina looked at her and after a few seconds they started laughing loudly. If she was honest with herself she was happy she had a worry wart for a sister. It felt nice knowing Lexie was trying to ensure she wasn't alone. Soon though, she'd find out Meredith wasn't alone at all and was in fact more than just fine. After a while laughing Cristina let out a soft sigh before speaking again.
"Well at least you're telling people soon."
"Yeah... oh I should go, I have some stuff to go over. You gotta tell me all about your surgery tonight." Meredith said, getting up.
"Won't Satan keep you busy?" Cristina wiggled her brows.
"Oh, be quiet." Meredith pouted then chuckled before walking out and heading to the OB floor.
***
Meredith found Addison going over a chart, completely and totally engrossed in its contents. She loved the passion and care she took with every case. For Addison no patient was less important than the next and she loved that about her.
With a smile painted on her face she stood next to Addison and gently nudged her. She expected a playful glare or a soft smile however what she got was a cold gaze devoid of any emotion. As she looked into her jade eyes she noticed Addison had been crying at some point. Worry settled at the pit of her stomach as she watched the redhead. She reached for the back of her elbow before whispering.
"Addie?"
"Good of you to join us, Dr. Grey."
"I uh..."
"Let's get a move on. I don't have all day to dawdle with you. I've already wasted enough time."
"Oh um sorry."
Her voice was hard and just as cold as her gaze but before Meredith could say something else or try to drag her away, Addison was walking away. She followed promptly after her in silence, dread filling her insides for a reason she didn't understand.
For the rest of their shift and during their surgery Addison continued to be as cold as ever. Cold but still reassuring in a weird way when Meredith let insecurities flood through her about the procedure. That was it though, Addison didn't give much more than that. The usual twinkle in her eyes as she looked at her had gone. All she found in those jade eyes was a deep and dark abyss. Every attempt at small talk was met with deafening silence. Meredith had gotten a taste of Satan before but this, this wasn't Satan. What she was getting wasn't Addison at all and she needed to know why she was acting this way. She needed to find out what had happened between the time they had been peacefully sleeping to when she saw her again.
"Dr. Montgomery, could I have a word? Privately."
"Does it pertain to our case?"
"No."
"A consult perhaps?"
"Not really."
"Then we have nothing to talk about."
"Are you upset? An-angry with me?"
"What reason do I have to be angry with you?"
"I... I don't..."
"Forgive me, Dr. Grey. But I have things to do and none of them involve you. Enjoy your night."
It wasn't ice she was met with right now, it was stone. No emotion, her face was devoid of it. No happiness nor sadness or anger. Nothing. There was absolutely nothing and Meredith couldn't, wouldn't, take that. So as soon as Addison turned and began to walk away she followed and somewhat forcefully dragged her into an empty exam room.
"What the hell is your problem?" Addison shook her hand off.
"That's what I want to know. What is your problem?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm busy Dr. Grey."
"Dr. Grey?! Stop it! Why are you talking to me like that? You are being cold and distant and I want to know why. I left you happy and smiling in the on-call room this morning. What the hell happened?" Meredith spat bitterly.
"I have no time for this." Addison said and she heard her voice waiver.
"Addie..." She softened and reached for her.
"Don't touch me!" Addison snapped and Meredith recoiled back. "You... I want nothing to do with you."
"Addison what's wrong? Did I do something? What did I do? Why are you being like this?"
"Don't act as if you care."
"I do care!"
"I do regret it." Addison whimpered as tears ran down her cheeks. Meredith felt the wind being knocked out of her at her words and her tears.
"Addison..."
"You enjoy your date. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy and not alone."
"Date? What da..." Meredith began and suddenly something clicked. "Lexie."
"I'm leaving."
"What?"
"I never should've come back here."
"Addison no. Listen, I think you missed the rest of the conversation. Lexie was only..."
"I don't want to know anything else about it, Grey."
"But if..."
"I don't want to know."
"Addison I didn't..."
"You didn't what? String me along to toss me aside once you were done? Use me to heal yourself?"
"No. Addison I didn't do..."
"I should know the behaviors. I've dealt with it before. You were so good, though. It was hard to see."
"Just listen to me."
"I don't want to."
"Addison please."
"Tell me how many dates do you have lined up now that you're doing better?"
"Watch it, Addison."
"Watch what? I really should've known there'd be someone else."
"Addison, not everyone is a cheater!" Meredith felt her blood boiling and anger bled into her tone.
How could Addison even think she could be with someone else? How could she compare her to what Mark used to be? She would never. Not when she knew first hand how it felt. Not after her. Not everyone was like that. She wasn't like that. She wasn't like Sadie. "Not everyone is like..."
"Like me." Addison finished for her.
"Addison, no."
"That's where you were going wasn't it?"
"No, it wasn't."
"Meredith, I'm tired." Addison wiped away her tears. "Today has been exhausting. Looking at you. Being next to you. Talking to you has been exhausting."
"Addison, I wasn't talking about you. I wasn't..."
"Save it. I don't need to know anything else."
"Addison, please." Meredith reached for her again but Addison moved away from her reach.
"Go on your date. Go be happy. And for the love of god don't come close to me."
With that she left and this time Meredith didn't follow. She probably should have but she didn't. She too was tired of chasing. She had done that before. She had dragged herself through the dirt to get Derek to come back to her. All that had done was have him calling her a whore and feeling as if he had some sort of hold on her.
Addison wasn't like Derek though. But right now she wasn't being Addison either so she watched her go and stayed put, a few tears traveling swiftly down her face. With each step the redhead took Meredith grew hollower.