I was in trouble. I giggled at Linda who giggled back, taking another sip of the chardonnay she had swiped from her mum.
Lincoln would be furious if he could see me right now. The thought made me giggle again.
"You're a bad influence." I blurted at Linda who giggled, leaning closer to kiss my lips.
"Anything to take your mind off it, babygirl." She said, giggling.
I wasn't entirely sure how I got here. After Max and I got home, we fought when I told her to have a bath and watch TV with Amelié until Louis came and gently asked to talk to her. He led her out of the room despite her resistance and I could hear him asking her what was wrong.
He was still talking to her when Amelié told me to take some deep breaths and I screamed at her to leave me alone.
By the time Louis came back downstairs, we weren't speaking and he asked calmly to speak to me.
"Just leave me alone!" I yelled, trying to leave the room.
"Come on, Emma. I think we need to have a little chat." Louis said, in a stern tone I hadn't heard him use before.
He took me by the arm and gently led me out of the room.
"What's the matter?" He asked, tilting my head so I was looking at him directly.
My mouth remained shut.
"Emma? Talk to me, please." He said, patiently.
I rolled my eyes and he waited.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." He chided.
"I don't know. I don't know." I shouted.
He clenched his fists and took a deep breath.
"Why don't you go for a walk for a bit and calm down?" He suggested. "You can tell me what the matter is when you get back. Keep your phone on so I can contact you."
I waited for a beat, as if he was trying to trick me before I slipped my boots on and left the house, walking through the quiet streets as I pulled my phone out to message her.
She met me at our usual place and wrapped her arm around me.
"I have something that will cheer you up." She whispered into my ear, ticking my cheek with her minty breath.
She pulled out a bottle of chardonnay and swirled it around with a smile.
"Where did you get that?" I whispered.
"Borrowed it from Mum's collection." She giggled. "Come on, it'll help take your mind off things."
~*~
"Do you ever think about running away?" I asked, wistfully. "Just packing a bag and walking away from society. From the responsibilities."
"Sometimes." She replied. "That's why I'm here."
I didn't ask anymore. If she wanted to tell me she would.
"I'm going to run away one day." I declared. "I don't need these homes. I don't need Lincoln. I'll be just fine on my own."
She smiled, not taking me seriously.
"Come with me." I said, excitedly. "We can figure things out together."
"I don't know, Em. I think you need to go home. You're drunk."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are." She insisted. "Come on, I'll help you get home."
"I don't want to go home." I mumbled.
I don't know where it is.
"You're going home." She repeated. "You're tired and drunk. Come with me."
She took my hand and told me to tell her where to go. Reluctantly, I started to give her directions and she led me home. Raising her fist, she knocked on the door and it flung open.
"Hi, I'm Linda. I brought Emma back because she's...not feeling very well." She said cheerfully, as Louis stared at me, he looked exhausted.
"Thank you." He whispered. "Do you want a lift home?"
"No I don't live far away. I just wanted to make sure she got home safely." She replied.
She let go of me so I stumbled into Louis's arms, he gripped me tight to keep me on my feet and said a faint goodbye to Linda.
He shut the door and swore softly in French before turning to face me. He guided me into the living room.
"Sit down." He instructed gently. "I'll get you some water."
He disappeared for a minute whilst I sank onto the sofa. I wondered where Amelié was. What would she say if she saw me? What would Lincoln say?
I don't care. And maybe if I kept repeating that, it would become true.
Louis came back into the room and handed me a bottle of water.
"Drink up." He said.
He sank on the sofa opposite me and watched whilst I drank, he didn't say a word but his expression was unreadable. It was rather unnerving.
He looked down at the ground as if he didn't want to look at me anymore and I took another sip of water.
"Are you going to lecture me?" I asked.
He laughed softly. "Would you like me to?"
I thought twice.
"Not really." I muttered.
He sighed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. He looked completely frazzled, like he was almost sick with stress and exhaustion.
"I'm very disappointed." He said eventually, looking up to look me in the eyes. "What's this about?"
"I'm tired of hoping."
"Hoping for what?" He gently coaxed the answer out of me.
"Hoping Lincoln will step up. Hoping I'll see him soon. Hoping I'll find a permanent home."
"You have a permanent home." He said, patiently. "I've told you this before and I'll keep telling you until you listen. You're not going anywhere."
I remained silent.
He sighed. "I can't promise to make everything better, Emma. I can't say I know what you've been through and I understand how hard it's been because I can't. But I do know what it's like to have been in That Place."
"What place?"
"A place where you don't quite belong." He said. "I was once in a foster home too."
This was news to me.
"You were?"
He nodded. "And I'm not going to let you down like I was, alright?"
The conviction in his voice made me nod and he put a hand on my shoulder.
"I'd like to adopt you one day, Emma." He said. "And if you'll let me, I'll happily spend the rest of my life trying to keep you safe."
I considered his words. Safe. I felt safe here and it had been a long time since I had felt safe. Why was I trying so hard to ruin that for myself? For Max?
You can't live your life expecting people to let you down, Emma. I reminded myself.
Sooner or later, I had to trust them enough to let them be the parents they want to be.
And I wanted to. Just not yet.
~*~
"I'm going to ring the Home again and see if we can speak to Lincoln." Louis said after a long silence. "And if we don't get him on the phone, I am going to drive there myself and demand to see him."
He pressed a button on his phone and paced as it rang. All the sounds suddenly seemed far away and I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying the peace and quiet.
"I want to speak to Lincoln Johnson, please." He asked in a tone that brooked no argument.
"Louis Beaumont. I'm looking after his sisters." He answered. "What do you mean?"
His voice changed and I looked up as he walked out of the room, talking quieter as if to avoid alarming me.
I would get up to follow him and find out what happened but I was so tired. Maybe if I just close my eyes for a little bit. Have a little rest...
~*~
"Ok, I'll let you know if anything happens. You have my number." Louis's voice made me snap awake.
I blinked at his blurry figure as he sat back down.
"Where's Lincoln?" I asked.
"He wasn't there." He replied.
I waited for a punch in the gut like I usually got when someone said those words but nothing happened.
"Figures."
He gave me a look and I wondered what it was. Frustration? Anger? Pity?
"Emma, go to bed." He said. "I'm tired and you need some rest. We'll discuss this more in the morning."
I frowned. "What happened?"
"Nothing you need to worry about. Go to bed. I'll bring you some paracetamol in the morning." He sighed.
I did as I was told and he followed me upstairs. A light hand resting on my back and supporting me. I slipped into bed and cuddled Buttons, my old teddy, and Louis pulled the covers over me before turning out the lights.
"Sleep tight, Em." He whispered. "J'aimes tu."
"J'aimes tu." I muttered back, allowing my eyes to flicker shut before I even realised what I had said.