I notice a distinct; lack of color on my walk home.
I don't typically leave the cathedral this late, nor do I remember how exactly the time managed to go by as quickly as it did.
And yet, here I walk under dimly lit streetlights emitting a soft buzzing noise signaling that the end of their days approaches.
It reminds me of a noise I've heard recently, but can't remember where or when.
̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶c̶k̶w̶o̶r̶k̶
I don't look down as I walk.
I keep my eyes focused on the sky.
It burns.
It's unsafe, sure. But I've walked this path time and time again and have yet to truly get lost.
Or at least "lost" by the common definition of the word and not some more artistic way of describing it.
Actually, since we're on the topic of art, there's something I'd like you to look at.
Even with your eyes held open. it is not possible to see everything.
There will be things that happen to you beyond your control.
And whether that be something like...The death of a loved one.
Or a string wrapped around your finger connecting you to someone, or something that you are meant to love, see, hate, k̶i̶l̶l̶, love again-
No matter what that string is.
You must be careful to not let it wrap too tightly around your neck.
Good things can be bad depending on the color of the light, emitting from that light hidden away in a̶ ̶r̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶c̶k̶s̶ your room.
I come to you exactly as I am.
In all of my glory.
And all I ask is that you witness.
All I ask is that you see.
Before you lies a line.
And if you align that line alongside lines of lies you tell yourself so you can fall asleep at night-
You have something red.
And red is an evil color.
Or so many would like you to think.
But I think red can be beautiful; under the right circumstances.
The color of a loved ones hair.
A gift carefully wrapped underneath a Christmas tree.
A fledgling cardinal, taking flight for the first time.
The color of a heart.
How can red be a bad color, when all things like these; bring smiles to our faces?
Tug the line.
Tug the line and cross it.
Tie it around all the things you love; and pull them along.
Start dragging them across rough terrain, until their skin (if applicable) begins to tear away.
all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy!
smile! :)
all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy! all I want is for you to be happy!
Please smile! :)
I feel arms ̶w̶a̶r̶p̶ wrap* around me.
The same way I've felt them countless times in the past.
My sinuses have become mostly clogged from the temperature of both the air and the rain dancing around me. And I try to reopen my already opened eyes.
I see a sky, but it isn't the right one.
It's not the one that burns like the one I saw moments ago.
And it forces me into a state of worry that I have somehow gotten lost in a more literal sense than I'd been alluding to before.
Why does everything have to hurt so much?
//Oh, how pitiful it is to lose yourself once again.
//To find yourself trapped in a state of being that you can not influence and yet, somehow or another, PRAY to move your own limbs.
//To think your own thoughts.
//Oh, how pitiful you are to find yourself lost.
//To wander so aimlessly through the dark in search of...what?
//Salvation?
//Is that why you are here?
//HAS THE TIME FINALLY COME FOR YOU TO BREATHE?!
//Why does everything have to hurt so much, you ask?
//Wouldn't it be wonderful if the answer was something like, "So we can feel alive?"
//Oh, how glorious that would be.
I happen upon a girl in a white dress standing still under the only dead streetlight.
She shouldn't be out this late.
Bad things happen to girls who stay out this late. Especially ones as cute as her.
Especially one as cute as her.
Thoughts happen.
You don't want to hear about them.
//I've come out of hiding.
Have we met somewhere before?
//Have you forgotten me already? How sad.
//I may have interrupted your stay in the happiest room in the world.
The girl remains remarkably still, letting snow fall on top of her already snow-colored hair. Never blinking even once.
She has a soft mechanical whirr to her.
I think for a moment about whether or not those with blue eyes see everything in a slightly bluer tint and then, in a matter of seconds wind up slipping toward the idea of the color red once again.
//Do you need me to remind you?
Forget that. What are you doing out here just...standing under a dead streetlight?
It's the middle of the night and it's freezing cold.
//Are you worried about me?
Not particularly. It's just weird.
//Then can you come closer? I would like to continue speaking with you, but my voice does not carry very well.
Something tells me that I have nothing to gain from obliging but...
There's a morbid curiosity deep within me. A curiosity deeper than the thoughts of lines or lies, that moves my limbs without my consent.
//Am I truly so forgettable? That's no good at all.
So, do you know what could be buried beneath my feet?
//If I told you, would you run away?
If you're somehow communicating with otherworldy forces then yeah, I'd consider booking it.
//Hahahahahah!!! Hahahahaha!
//An unexpected response! How delightful it is to see you stand still as a cross instead of running away!
//But why does everything have to hurt so much?
Do you need something or?
//We all need something.
//Water. Food. Sex. Sleep.
//Without these pillars of existence and the endless pursuit of true bliss, we are but puddles of unused potential slowly dripping into sewers through grates ground.
No offense, but you don't really strike me as someone who revels in sex.
//Of course not. I'm as pure as the snow.
//My chastity is proof of a love much greater than I could ever have.
//More pliable than flesh and more pure than water from the cleanest spring in the land.
//But I'm sure someone like you doesn't need to hear that from a lowly messenger, do you?
I have no idea what that is supposed to-
//You know exactly what that is supposed to mean.
//You know exactly what that is supposed to mean.
//You can hear things too. You can see things.
//I can see that you se things. And I am a seer, so what I SEE is real.
//You can only feign ignorance for so long.
I don't know what you mean-
//Then you must be truly callous or truly dense. And I PRAY that it's the latter for both of our sakes.
I don't care about whatever you pray for, but you should find a place to stay for the night.
//And if I have nowhere to go, will you escort me to your stable like a lost, little lamb?
Sure? I am locking the doors though.
//I have no reason to hurt you. Nor anyone else.
//I exist solely to communicate. To spread the word of G̶O̶D̶,̶ ̶g̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶G̶o̶d̶ Daisy and to bathe in her light.
//Light that you have the pleasure to bathe in whenever you want, and yet you stray further into the dark and further away from the answer to everything.
//You are special.
//Much more special than someone like me.
//But nothing bad will ever happen to me, for I am blessed.
//And if something bad did happen, it would be for a reason. It would be for something larger.
//Why do you continue to wait?!
//Why do you make m̶e̶ DAISY wait?!
//Why is there so much waiting?! Every hand on every clock is moving! They tick! They tock!
//Time marches on and yet you remain still!
//STILL STILL STILL STIL STILL!
//But why does everything have to hurt so much?
Maybe I should get you back to a stable you're clearly delusional from the cold and-
//Stables are for animals.
//I am not the little lamb you think I am.
//If anything, you are the lamb. And I am the shepherd, here to guide you to where you need to be.
//If only you were wiling to open your heart wide enough to be accepted there.
Sorry opening my heart isn't really a strong suit of mine.
I prefer to keep everything locked away. And honestly, I'd prefer it if you would do the same. You're kind of freaking me out.
//The things I do with my body and mind are not my own choice. I am but a vessel for the one so commonly mislabeled.
//A god not as old as the others. But dying just the same.
//If you were to find a dying animal on the side of the road. A lamb, convulsing after being hit by a car, coughing up blood.
//Would you ignore it? Or would you attempt to save it/
//Or would you feign ignorance and just keep walking?
//But does that fulfill you?
//Does it not haunt you when you crawl into bed at night?
//It's all real, everything you see is real. Everything you feel is real. If it exists yo you, it is real.
//What else would it mean to be real in the first place?
I get that you're a missionary, but comparing your GOD to a dying animal is not at all convincing.
//You can not convert someone who does not believe in anything.
//You can only wait patiently and explain.
//Which is why my "dying animal" is the answer to all things.
//It is a dying animal. that will lay there, convulsing and coughing up blood until someone reaches out their hand.
//Eternally writhing in pain, for the sake of giving others a chance to be saved.
//Which is precisely why everything has to hurt so much.
//I hurt because you hurt, you hurt because I hurt. She hurts because all of us hurt.
//We are all but dying animals. So when we see someone else having a particularly hard time, we must offer out assistance.
//I reach out my w̶i̶r̶e̶s̶ hands to you. Take it if you will. For I may not be able to show you the light myself, but I can take you somewhere brighter.
//I know where HAPPINESS is. And I can show you the moment you decide to open yourself up to something greater.
//Come with me.
//I can show you such beautiful things.
//I ask for nothing in return. Nor could I if I wanted to.
//I am only a vessel.
The wind begins to pick up and blow the strange girl's hair around.
It whips her in the face and turns her already rosy cheeks an even darker shade of RED.
But she does not attempt to stop the pain that comes with her own body being turned into a weapon.
She just grips those wires and looks deep into my eyes.
Deeper tan I would ever want anyone to.
//YOU ARE SURRONDED BY WHISPERS.
//SOMEONE MISSES YOU VERY MUCH.
//TICK TOCK.
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Here only pain exists.
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