EDEN
I feel like I should be clicking my red sparkling heels and chanting, “There’s no place like home.” After almost thirteen years of living in California, I’m on my way to my childhood home in Colorado. I’m not just going back to visit, my small car is packed to the brim with the only things that really matter right now and I’m getting ready to start over. I’m still not sure if I’m making the right move, but San Diego doesn’t have what I need anymore. Change is good, at least that is what I keep telling myself.
Glenwood Springs was my home for the first fifteen years of my life, but I was uprooted when my dad, a hotel tycoon, gained full custody of me and moved me to San Diego where he was getting remarried and starting his second life. I never came back to visit and have had very little contact with anybody here. It probably sounds crazy to move back on a whim, but I’m always one for adventure.
My parents were only married for the first four years of my life. They met when my dad moved to Glenwood Springs to build a huge vacation resort. He never planned on staying, but they fell in love decided to get married, and then had me. After their divorce, my dad went nomad and traveled all around settling just long enough to build his new hotel, and then came back to visit for a few months,
Wash, rinse, repeat this cycle for most of my life until one day he decided that he wanted to be a full-time father. Rather than move back to Glenwood Springs and put his roots down there, he fought my mom for full custody and won. My things were packed and we moved within a few days of the court ruling.
Of course, that was hardly the story that he told me. I was led to believe that my mom no longer wanted to take care of a rowdy teenage girl and she was sending me to live with my dad. I probably should have known better, but he said all the right things and my mom never tried to get back in touch with me so obviously he was right.
Fast forward to after he died, I was going through his house and found a box full of cards, letters, pictures, and things that my mom had sent me all those years. I did some more digging and found out that my mom wanted me so badly, but on a librarian’s salary, she was hardly able to fight my dad’s panel of experts and piranha-like lawyers.
I’m not sure whether it was irony or coincidence, but I soon found myself in a very similar situation as my mom was in. The only difference is that, unlike my mom, I had a good amount of money to my name that was left to me after my dad had died. Caleb, my ex-husband, was more than happy to sign over all of his parental rights in exchange for everything. He liked money more than family, a huge part of the reason for our divorce.
When I called my mom for the first time she was shocked to hear from me. We talked on the phone for hours that first night. She told me how my dad frequently called her and said that I wanted her to stop sending me things, but my dad never gave me any of the things she sent and sold me a lie of a heartless mother. We shared a lot of tears in those first few phone calls. I couldn’t believe my father would betray us both through his lies.
Missing out on all those years with my mom is something that I can never forgive my dad for. Because of him, I grew up thinking that my mom didn’t love me and I was nothing but a problem for her. The truth couldn’t have been more different. So perhaps it was a little hypocritical that I had taken Joseph away from his father, but I told myself that it was different and as I glanced in the rearview mirror at the boy with long eyelashes and the pouty lips, I know I made the right choice.
At only four years old he doesn’t really understand why we moved away from Daddy, but when he spoke on Facetime with my mom, he was beyond excited to finally have a grandma. Caleb’s parents were mostly uninvolved and my dad passed before Joseph had a chance to get to know him. After talking almost every day for a few weeks, I decided that once the divorce was finalized, Joseph and I were heading to Glenwood Springs. Back Home. I was going to give him a childhood that would be better than one here. I wanted him to get to know his grandma and grow up in a smaller town and less fast pace than San Diego living.
The sun is just beginning to set as I pull down the long road that leads to the house that my mom and her husband Carl own. Carl is a horse trainer and my mom is still a librarian, although she only works part-time now and is getting ready to fully retire. They must have some sort of gate alarm because as I see the house they are both standing on the front porch.
The butterflies in my stomach are out of control, minus the Facetime sessions, I haven’t actually seen my mom since that day about thirteen years ago. She’s aged, so have I, but when I see her and that glimmer in her eyes, I know without a doubt that it is her. I can hardly get the car put in park before I swing open the door and run to her. She had already begun to head off the porch and we held each other in a long and emotional embrace.
“My sweet Eden, look at you!” There is a strain in her voice, one that I can totally relate to.
“I can’t believe it’s real, Mom! I missed you so much. I’m so sorry that…”
She waves me off, “None of that now. We aren’t talking about the past, only the future. I’m so glad that you’re here. I’m so glad that you reached out.”
We both pull apart and wipe away our tears and I look over at Carl who already has his arms open. “Eden, it is great to finally meet you, sweetheart.”
“Thank you, Carl. And thank you both for letting us impose a bit.”
“Eden, dear, you are Alice’s daughter, which makes you my daughter. Our home will always be your home for as long as you need it.”
“I promise that once I can get a job and get my feet under me that I’ll find someplace else for us to live.”
“Take your time. We have the space and I know there are years of lost time that need to be made up.”
The housing market is slim in Glenwood Springs and I didn’t want to live in an apartment, even temporarily. Joseph is a super active kid and needs a yard. After living in the city for so long, I need a wide-open space and something away from city center. Carl and Mom live on this huge acreage that checks off all of those boxes. Mom was the first person who offered up a place for us to stay. I promised her that it would only be temporary, but she doesn’t seem concerned about it at all. As Carl said, we have a lot of time to make up for.
I can tell my mom is excited to see her grandson, she looks behind me into the backseat where my son is passed out in the backseat. “Joseph fell asleep about twenty minutes before we hit town, go figure, right?”
“Sounds about right. You don’t need to wake him.”
“The second I take him out of the car he’ll be up. He’s a really light sleeper.”
I open the back door and reach across to unbuckle Joseph from his booster seat. He stirs in his sleep and then his eyes open and his smile reaches to his ears. “Are we here?” He asks in a groggy voice.
“We are. Your grandma is really excited to meet you.”
He wraps his arms around me and I pull him out of the car. He doesn’t attempt to get back to the ground, so I can tell he’s nervous, but my mom slowly approaches and puts out her hand to shake his.
“Well hello Joseph, my name is Alice and I’m your grandma.”
He squeezes about my neck a little tighter after shaking her hand, “What can I call you?”
“I guess you can call me grandma, meemaw, even Alice if that makes you feel better.”
He looks at me and then back at my mom, “I want to call you grandma.”
My mom smiled, “I guess Grandma it is then!”
“You can call me Joey,” he said with a soft smile.
“Do you like to be called Joey instead of Joseph?” My mom looked between Joseph and myself. I had only ever referred to him as Joseph the times that we spoke. We had a few people that tried to called him Joey over the years, but Caleb always corrected them.
Joseph shrugs, “Mommy and Daddy like to call me Joseph, but I think Joey is a cool name.”
“Is that okay with you, Mom?” I nodded at my mom’s question. Who was I to tell my son he couldn’t be called his preferred name? “Then I guess I’ll call you Joey.”
Carl made a few slow steps forward and spoke in a soft, calm voice. “Hi Joey, my name is Carl. I’m married to your grandma and this is my house and horse farm.”
The two guys shake hands and Joseph finally slithers out of my arms and onto the ground. “Do you have a lot of horses here?” Joseph’s eyes lit up at the word horse.
Carl laughed, “I have two that are my own and then people will bring their horses here for me to train or even to board. That means that sometimes I babysit other people’s horses.”
“That’s so cool.”
“It is pretty neat. Maybe tomorrow we can look around some more, but I think right now we should get a bit unpacked, don’t you think?”
Joseph’s shoulders slumped, he was a little disappointed, but it was already late and we had been on the road for so long, it was really the best choice to wait another day. “Yeah, I guess.”
My mom slid her arm around my waist, “I didn’t know when you’d get here, so I did chicken in the slow cooker. If you want to just grab what you need for overnight, we can get you settled and have dinner.”
“I think that sounds perfect. Joseph, why don’t you grab your backpack?”
Joseph grabs his backpack and stuffed dog and I go into the trunk and get a few other bags. My mom takes one from me and when we start walking back, Joseph has run up to Carl and is in a full chat conversation with him.
“Those two look like best friends already,” Mom chuckled.
I was surprised that he managed to open up to Carl so quickly. Joseph is usually shy around new people. I was happy to see this from him. “This is going to be so good for him, Mom. We may never leave.”
She smiled and looped her arm in mine while we followed the guys up the sidewalk and into the house. “You won’t find me arguing to get rid or you anytime soon, my dear.”
I squeezed her hand and let out a sigh of relief. It felt so good to be home.