guys i'm not fucking ready
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The restaurant was quite classy, which was immediately clear from when Renjun had followed that waiter over to his table. There were members of staff everywhere, checking how everyone was doing, carrying plates along their arms like ornaments and flashing sparkly smiles. The whole atmosphere made this situation ten times more stressful for Renjun than it had already started out as.
"Have you ever been here before?" YangYang asked cutely, head tilted ever so slightly with that fluffy brown fringe of his flicking across his forehead. He was undoubtably beautiful: handsome and pretty all in one...but the older of the two's heart was trying to pull an escape plan from his ribs and the blonde-ravenette could barely focus on anything else.
"Uh, no. I don't think so," he glanced around once again, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. When Yang had sent him the name of the restaurant, Renjun had merely checked Google Maps for the general location and never looked into the basis of the place. Had he known it would be this way, maybe he'd have come better prepared.
His pretty, yellow jumper was the perfect hideout for his hands as he kneaded the wool over his sweater-paws and slightly stretched the fabric from stress. His entire body was alight with nerves, but he needed to calm the Hell down. This was his friend in front of him, not some convict from prison holding a gun to his head.
"Here we go," a young waitress cut in, somewhat interrupting how they'd been staring at each other with a lot to say. It had never been so difficult for Renjun to just talk. The girl serving them was quite cute, not in an actress, stunning sense, but more-so in a girl-next-door type of way. She had auburn highlights through her dark hair which was plaited, and innocent eyes. The only reason the blonde-ravenette was denoting this was because she seemed quite fond of YangYang. "Would you guys like more drinks?"
"Actually, could we have—" his dear companion started to explain before Renjun zoned out and started to stare the boy's profile. The genuine little smile of his as he tried to relax those he spoke to, and the endearing accent when he used Korean. He was so huggable, but the elder needed to refrain. He knew Yang wanted something else besides hugs, and this meal felt like 'the night' for such a question.
"That's fine, I'll go grab those for you now," the waitress beamed professionally. Her sights turned to the smaller adult before she offered as well. "Would you like anything?"
"Ah, no. I'm fine..." Renjun murmured awkwardly and crossed his ankles under the table. He couldn't even muster the energy to pretend to be bubbly. This was an off-day at its finest, and to top it off he knew the boys were all together somewhere having fun and chatting while he wasn't with them. Why did that make him feel so bitter?
Before he knew it, the girl was gone. YangYang playfully nudged his foot with his own and wore this adorable grin. "You're all shy. What's up?"
"I'm not shy."
"No? Girls make you awkward then?"
"Girls are the least of my worries..." Renjun shook his head and leaned back into his chair to relax. "I don't know very many, actually."
"You met Jaena, didn't you? The actress from the premier Mark Lee took you to. When I was a bit younger, she was my standard. And then men..."
"Fuck, don't make me laugh in a restaurant like this," the elder giggled behind his hand, trying to contain it. It was so hard to stay uncomfortable with Yang when he really did ease an atmosphere perfectly.
"They'd be blessed, in fairness," he hummed and picked at a chip from the side of his plate. They hadn't even gotten around to the food yet. "I like your laugh."
"My laugh is exaggerated and dramatic. I rarely just chuckle, YangYang, I full on belt it. I'm not looking to annoy people tonight." But he did find this conversation amusing. He'd only heard the other laugh properly a handful of times...usually he was too busy making the jokes.
"Renjunnie, you're awfully hard on yourself. For a lot of things, really. I don't know if I've ever heard you commend yourself for something."
"Because I feel like I make one fuck-up after another. Apart from getting into college to do a medical degree, after that it's been chaos. I'm not even sure if I remember how I was before this place."
"It's tough, that's for sure. But you're doing fine. The results for those last exams will come through next week and I'm sure you did great. On top of that, you've moved to a completely different area, met new people, forced yourself to interact with strangers and made it this far."
But he's done all that and more, Renjun inwardly grumbled and wanted to point out that he had not forced himself and had more-so been forced...but left that alone. It had worked out for the best. "Thanks."
"No need to thank me, you're the one surviving. I haven't loved this stage of my life as much as I would've liked to, although that does lead me to a particular topic."
"Oh?"
"Renjun..." he mumbled, suddenly growing bashful and looking down to his food to avoid eye contact. That was when the older knew what was happening. And dear Lord, he had no form of preparation this time. This was sprinting at him way too fast.
"N-Now you're all shy," he tried to play it off, but his face was screaming 'Noooooo' as he tried to meet the other's gaze. He needed to make this as easy as possible on both of them.
"I don't know, but I feel like you've known this all along. You're...really hard to read sometimes."
"Known...known what?" Fuck, Renjun! You fucking know damn well. Shut up, shut up, shut up!
"So..." YangYang breathed heavily and brought both his hands down to his lap to sit straighter. He was petrified and that alone was breaking the smaller's heart. He didn't want to be the cause of his stress, and he certainly hated that this wasn't easy for him like it seemed in movies. "It's been a while since we met, and I wasn't trying to be subtle. But you disappear a lot, so I'll just say this now in case I never do. I really like you, Renjun. Like, a lot. We've always gotten along so well, but I guess it meant a lot more to me than I'd initially realised.
He's confessing, the blonde-ravenette thought, like he hadn't just been anticipating this. His breath caught up in his throat, and the world stopped spinning for too long. Everything took on this dimmed filter and a lightheaded sensation hit him like a truck.
He was being confessed to for the first time in his life. Well, wholeheartedly. The boys and all their playfulness had never made it feel this important.
The boys...
"I know you're probably buffering right now. I get that," YangYang gushed quickly and suddenly he seemed a lot more panicked. "I just...I had to get this off my chest. It was literally hurting inside keeping it in. But don't feel you have to rush into an answer." He kept rambling with more along those lines, but it faded into a slight white noise as Renjun took a deep breath to steady how severe this felt. It was just a confession. It was just a confession. He wasn't being fucking proposed to to spend the rest of his life with someone.
This is better for me, he thought, just one boy to care for. Just one boy looking after me. One guy to introduce Mum to and take out to movies and dinners. One to live with, no weird looks on the streets. No pretending we're just friends. No actors, no hosts, no kleptomania, no littles, fuck, fuck, fuck—
"Renjun?"
That name falling from his mouth dropped the veil of surreality in a heartbeat and suddenly the engine for his universe was up and running again. "Y-Yes?"
"I...you were daydreaming. Was this...was this a bad time?"
"Oh, no. No, sorry, I'm so sorry!" He flushed scarlet and looked around the table for nothing whatsoever. "I was just...oh God."
"You don't need to apologise, I'm the one putting you on the spot," YangYang dipped his head in a way that made him look distressed. "I've said all this, but...is it them? You're neighbours...is it them?"
"Is what them?"
"You like them like that, don't you? I've wondered how, but..."
"No, not at all. It's not like that, they're just...they're just pushy, y'know?" He chuckled in an awkward fluster. His hand fanned the air to disperse the anxiety but it wasn't working. "It's...it's not them."
"Then, w-would you be interested? Would you go out with me, Renjun?"
And there it was. That very question.
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