─────── • ❥ • ───────
The weather hadn't actually gotten much better even the following day. It wasn't quite so torrential, but the rain continued to spit across the cityscape and Renjun couldn't seem to get his head out of the gutter no matter how hard he tried. The dull clouds and streams of water running along the lecture hall's windows just kept dragging him back to his incredible time with Donghyuck yesterday, and he needed to focus.
Much to his dismay, the lecturer decided to stop speaking for ten minutes to let the small enough group read the passage on the projector and answer the questions emailed to their laptops. "Shit..." he whispered, having zoned out completely and logging into his device as fast as possible.
"You're awfully spacey today," YangYang, perched quietly beside him, hummed softly as he leaned on his palm and read the board. "What's up?"
"Oh..." the elder murmured and distractedly got the document up on his screen so he too could get on with scanning the information ahead, "Uh, nothing. I've just had a couple of late nights recently."
"Yeah? Late enough that you're not even focused on this degree? What's bugging you, Renjun?"
The blonde-ravenette was staring at the board, but the more YangYang scrutinised his profile, the more evident it was that his friend wasn't even reading. He was daydreaming again.
"Renjun—"
"Huh? What? I'm listening..."
"No. You're clearly not," the younger sighed dramatically and folded one side of his notebook behind the other to start answering the questions. He didn't want to come across as needy or patronising, but he really did care an awful lot about this man. He wanted him to be okay, and it was hard to achieve that level of understanding when the subject of his affection wouldn't open up anymore. There was once a day when Renjun couldn't stop going on about his 'crazy neighbours' and how badly he wanted to move out...but now he wouldn't breathe a word about them. What had changed?
"Yang...how do you spend your time? You're obviously like me; waited a year or two before starting college and now have a clear head for what you want. But what's your idea of fun? We don't do a lot of young guys stuff like a lot of the first years in our classes."
"Well...I suppose I study a lot since this course is hard as hell. But otherwise, just normal stuff..."
"Do you play video-games? Watch television? Mess around on your phone?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Why?"
"I feel like I've lost the point of being a college student," the older grumbled lightly and tried not to look outside at the rain for fear of thinking about how he'd been pushed up against his own window yesterday. "My life is so strange and spontaneous...so I've never gone to clubs properly, or had hookups or played drinking games or cut classes during hangovers. Is that bad?"
"It's not necessarily bad," the taller murmured and wrote down a few words so it looked like he was being attentive, for all it didn't matter in college what you looked like. "I haven't done those things either. I wish I had a crazy roommate or something, y'know?"
"Yeah! Someone to push me out of my comfort zone and introduce us to new people."
"Exactly. That's what we've not been doing."
Renjun paused on that thought and shrunk back into his initial mindset again. "That's all well and good, but I'm also too awkward to try any of it. Plus the guys in the apartments surrounding mine take up most of my life..."
"Yeah...so I've noticed."
The shorter didn't seem to detect any particular tone from that, and he was on the verge of staring into space again had his friend not interjected.
"Renjun, we should go get lunch after this. We haven't chatted in a little while."
•
Their plates were emptied at record speed after such a long, boring lecture. The growling stomachs had been resounding across the entire room before, so ten minutes before the class was due to end, the professor let them go early and they couldn't have been happier for it.
"I'm so tired again...like my mind won't sleep but my body will at night," the smaller Chinese adult yawned before reclining into his seat. "The exams will be on their way again for the end of this year. Can't believe it's already been this long."
"Don't stress over too much before bed. Do something relaxing and think about all the stuff you're looking forward to rather than what you have to get on with the next day. Life's too short to give a damn."
"And that," Renjun chuckled fondly, "Is why I keep you. You're like a ball of positive energy most of the time."
"Just doing my job," he pretended to paint his nails. But with all jokes aside, he really felt the time had come upon them where he needed to either change this relationship forever, or end it altogether to save himself the pain. He really wanted to spend time with this person in a different way, and act different with him. And he knew he couldn't keep up this innocent façade forever because he wasn't a masochist. He didn't hurt himself if it could be helped.
Renjun gazed at the modern lights dangling from the campus canteen's ceiling, some form of crude artwork he just knew he wouldn't keep in his own house. The whole theme was pale blue and white, a bit too close to that of a hospital for his liking.
"Jun, you've been weird all day..." YangYang then broached the subject. "You're smiling to yourself now."
"Of course, you're here," he teased, but quickly faltered from his messing around when it was clearly not the response his younger friend had been looking for. "I-I'm figuring stuff out right now, is all. No need to get so worried, I'm fine."
"I want to meet up with you tomorrow, maybe for some food. You can pick the cuisine this time," he tilted his head. "How does that sound?"
"Is there an agenda to this sudden meet-up? You're all serious now."
"Hmm...no. Just a hangout."
Renjun threw a quick look over the boy's figure and wondered inwardly if this was a safe plan to make. He didn't want to be asked out yet, and he needed as much breathing time as possible before he could properly handle everyone and what they wanted from him. But rejecting YangYang's offer was just too suspicious, and for God's sake this man was his friend. His only one, at that. He needed to stop being so stupid and just remember that first. "Okay. When?"
The brunette was a little surprised he agreed so nonchalantly, and so he cleared his throat and shrugged with uncertainty. "Uh, whenever suits you. I'm free all day tomorrow after the ten o'clock class."
"Oh? I don't have that one, so we should be fine anyway from about twelve onwards. Should we meet at one? For lunch?"
"Sounds nice," YangYang smiled faintly, but now he felt nervous. He'd been telling himself to do this all along and now he wanted to chicken out.
Man up, he mentally slapped his cheek, sitting straighter and attempting to wear more confidence. He wasn't marching to his death, he wasn't about to receive a scolding...he was going on a date with Renjun. His lovely friend. There was no need to start sweating about it.
"We should get some ice-cream. Look, they have bubblegum," the older beamed happily and pointed back towards one of the various eatery chains situated in the canteen. He didn't seem fazed, and it was a little disconcerting.
But what YangYang didn't realise was that Renjun was equally if not more terrified than he was of this hangout. He was screaming over 'what ifs' way too many times in his head and he needed to calm down.
They needed some ice-cream.
─────── • ❥ • ───────