PHOEBE HAYES
"GUYS, I'M HUNGRY." I say purposefully dragging out the y. My eyes are dropping down from all the sleepless nights but for some reason I think food will cure that. Though I do know that it can't.
"Well then go get something to eat." Elijah gives me the 'are you dumb' face. This bitch is really starting to get on my nerves with his smart ass comments.
"Last time I remember I wasn't talking to you." Folding my arms across my chest, I give him a smile then turn my head back towards everyone else, a glimmer of excitement flashes through my eyes and I contain my happiness because nobody likes an overly happy person.
At least that's what my parents said.
"You are now."
I throw my hands up frustratedly, automatically giving up on trying to have an actual conversation with him. "Oh will you just shut up." The amount of times that I've rolled my eyes while talking to him today is making me think that they might roll into the back of my head if I don't stop.
"Like you said, not going to happen." He smirks at me, continuing on with his homework. His eyes trail all over his page, while his other hand has a pen in it writing down some random shit that I can't see. I wonder if he has good handwriting. All the guys I know except for Luke have terrible handwriting, and it makes me believe that all of them automatically have horrible handwriting.
A thought pops into my mind and I quickly grab his notebook by the metal springs, to which he lets out a very defeated sigh. "Ha!" My smile quickly fades when I look at the page in front of me. Covered in black ink but more importantly, his handwriting is so neat. Well would you look at that. Never did I think I'd be proven wrong.
Joking, but if I'm being honest, I think of myself to be right all the time, never to be proven wrong because I know what I'm talking about. . .most of the time.
Okay fine, I always lose arguments but that's besides the point.
Now this just makes me want to punch him in the face more than I already do. That's saying something because I've only known him for a few hours.
He grabs the paper back without saying a word and I put my chin on my hand turning to Harper. "Do you wanna go get food with me?" She shakes her head no with a sad smile on her face, "I can't, I have class in like five minutes, which reminds me that I should be going." She grabs her backpack off the back of her chair waving goodbye to us.
"What about you guys?" I look at Luke, Gia and Andrea.
"I have another shift at the bakery." Gia says clasping her hands together on top of the table.
"I have practice soon." My smile falters knowing that I'm going to be spending the evening alone.
"Andrea. . ." I speak hesitatingly.
"I'm sorry Phoebe, I can't, I'm supposed to be working on a group project with some people for a little bit." Well, there goes all my fun.
I hate being alone so I fill my time with my friends, but at the end of the day they have things to do other than hang out with me and I get it. I just wish it weren't like that. The thought of being alone makes me sad and actually being alone is even worse. Yet, I find myself doing it all the time.
"It's okay you guys, just call me if you want to go out later, okay?"
They all nod in unison before getting up from their seats to go back to class, or wherever they have to be that I'm not.
That only leaves—nope, not happening. He probably wouldn't even say yes anyway so there's no point in doing it.
Grabbing my bag from the back of my chair, I clear my throat before speaking. "I'm gonna go now, bye." I smile at him but when he looks up, he seems more frustrated that I said something then just leaving without a word.
"Well okay then, have a nice day I guess. . ."
I walk out of the dining hall and into the main hall that leads towards the other classrooms, and the front entrance. I decide that I should get in some work on my article for the art exhibition so I make my way back to the newsroom slightly feeling an ache deep within my heart.
God, why am I so sensitive?
• • •
I ended up taking a detour instead of going straight to the newsroom and I've been wandering the halls for about an hour with nothing to do. If I'm being honest I forgot where I was going for the first forty minutes of my walk but then I remembered and now I'm just taking my time since I don't have to go work on my article right away.
I slow my pace when I feel a buzzing noise going off in my sweater pocket. My phone. I take it out and place it to my ear waiting for the person on the other side to talk.
"Phoebe."
"Hey Jared!" I smile into the phone.
"I have a favour to ask you, if that's okay." He says hesitantly like he knows that I won't like it and I have a feeling that I won't, cause frankly I don't like a lot of things.
I sigh lightly before speaking, "Yeah what's up?"
"I need you to come by the newsroom if you're not too busy?"
"Yeah sure I'll be there in five."
"Thank you Phoebe, you're a lifesaver!"
I hang up the phone letting out a sigh knowing that I won't be leaving there before the sun goes down. The sun is starting to set but because it's getting colder the sky is still a cloudy colour that makes it seem like it's still mid day.
I walk leisurely towards the newsroom taking out my phone again to play some music. I have a bunch of playlists from like four years ago that I always forget to update so I just listen to whatever is on there.
A random song comes on and it's not the right one, even though I put my playlist on shuffle, so I skip to the next song until it plays the song I want.
Some song by Patrick Watson starts playing and I don't change it this time because I can't be bothered to. I adjust my airpod in my ear before continuing my truck to whatever is so important that Jared needed me at—4:53pm? I'll never know what goes on in his head but the one thing I do know is that he's a really great guy and I'm glad he's my friend.
In high school I was also on the school paper and safe to say the president was a total bitch. She assigned me all the bad pieces to write and constantly nit-picked at my writing even though most of what I was writing wasn't even that important.
School lunch surprises? I should have given more detail about the 'surprise' she said. The fuck was her problem, that's something I'll never know. I don't want to know either because last time I heard she was working for a big publishing company, but she tried bossing around one of the executives and they let her go even though she wasn't getting paid, I mean how. . .sad? I don't wish bad upon anyone but she deserved a little karma.
I make my way over to the big brown doors that lead to the newsroom, pushing them both open and when they make a squeaking noise, I involuntarily flinch backwards at it. When I finally come too, I see Jared pacing back and forth at the front of the room. His hands run harshly through his dark brown hair. The light coming from the window sill illuminates his face, but not in the way it should.
He looks frustrated, really frustrated. I almost feel bad that he took on the role as head of the school paper because everyone was telling him that he should, and though I thought the same, I never would have pushed him to do it if he didn't want to. That's why I'm vice president. I try to help when I can except for when I have homework and other things like my job.
"Jared." He stops pacing at my words, his eyes gleaming with happiness. I feel very. . . confused right now. He walks up to me leaving a little bit of space between us. "Is something wrong?"
He sighs heavily, "Okay, it's not that big of a deal and I'm sorry I scared you on the phone, it's just that Marcey came down with mono and she usually writes the advice column of the paper but since she's sick. . ." He trails off waiting for me to speak but when my lips part to say something my mind goes blank.
Fuck.
This happens all the time. I try to form sentences but my brain blanks out and seems like I can't form sentences. It makes me look so. . . I don't know, it just makes me feel embarrassed.
I open my mouth again, and this time words actually come out of my mouth, "You want me to write this week's column, right?"
He clears his throat trying to say more, "Not just this week's column. . .the next four weeks I want you to do it. Marcey doesn't know when she'll be back, and I'm sorry to call on such short notice, but the newest issue is due by tomorrow, do you mind staying a little late?"
"I don't mind at all, really I'll be fine, it's just a few people I have to respond to, right?" I shrug my bag off taking a seat in front of one of the already set up laptops. I click on a few things and enter my password for the anonymous letters that people wrote in and I go to the inbox so I can respond to them.
"It's um. . ."
I run a hand over my eye trying to stay awake, "Spit it out, please so I can get to work."
"There are five public responses you need to do and some people wanted personal letters from you because they sent in some pretty private stuff that they wanted advice from only you."
"Well then, I better get to it I guess."
"Thank you again."
"No need to thank me, really."
I skim through most of the things that people send in and most only need a one paragraph response or less, whereas there are two that will take longer but I want to prioritise the long ones because they take quite some time to write.
I click on it, wait for it to load and when I do I realise that this is going to get. . . emotional.
To whoever ends up reading this. . .
Now is the time when the most emotional song starts playing. Oh for crying out loud. I go back to reading, ignoring my random thoughts.
I hope that you know I'll be okay but I wanted to get your help on something.
For starters I'm only a freshmen and I haven't had a lot of experience with anything other than being in high school so this is all new to me.
Okay, back to my main point. My friends have been acting all weird around me and I don't know what to do, they always whisper when I'm far away and they forgot my birthday even when they said they were planning something big for me.
I got my hopes up for nothing and now they are posting about hanging out. . . without me and I know I shouldn't cry because they aren't my entire life but it just hurts. And the worst part is that my now ex boyfriend broke up with me because of a rumour they started about me saying that I cheated on him, not once but twice.
Though I've been studying so I didn't do it and I feel like giving up on making friends all together but I can't because I promised my parents that I would make friends when I came here.
If you can just please, help me.
Signed, Anonymous
I look at the white screen in front of me wondering what I'm even supposed to say to that, though I know exactly how to respond I don't know if I should say what I want to. It is after all an advice column, and I'm most definitely not a therapist. I know what this person is going through and it makes my heart hurt so I get to work on writing them back.
Dear anonymous. . .
•••
By the time I finish all the public responses, I have had to take two snack breaks and another one to put on my glasses because my eyes are starting to hurt some much from looking at the screen so much, and I know that it's not healthy but this is my life; staring at a computer all day and night. Not even resting my eyes, and maybe that's the reason why my vision keeps blurring in and out of focus, and sometimes when I stand up my head hurts a lot and I feel like I've lost my eyesight. It's worse than I thought but I can't do anything about it.
At least not for now.
I'm on the last private response and I've been waiting to open it because the subject line reads something that makes me think that this person isn't safe, but I rid my brain of that thought before clicking on it to answer.
Dear anonymous, from anonymous
That sounds dumb but I wanted to use it so who really cares, anyways.
I don't want to waste too much of your time but I did want your advice on something that has been happening for a while.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years now and it's been going really great, I mean up until a year ago. He started acting, I don't know, different and I'm really scared.
He's been very possessive and controlling and he sometimes. . . well he treats me like trash, I still love him but I want to leave him and I've told him that many times but he refuses, saying that if I leave him he'll kill himself.
Typical man.
I care for the person he used to be but he just lies to me all the time, and people ask me if I'm okay and I don't know how to respond.
I really need your help, if you can and if not then it's fine
okay byeee.
Signed, T—oh wait I meant anonymous
I blink back tears not knowing if I'm even up for the task of writing back to this person. I know they need help but I feel as though I'm the wrong person for that. I'm terrible at giving advice and I've never had to be in a situation like that. It just makes me think about how much I take for granted.
I start clicking at the keyboard writing back my response.
Dear anonymous,
I wouldn't say I'm the best person to ask for advice but I'll give it to you anyway. First of all, I'm not going to pity you because I know a lot of people hate that. I will say that I've never been through something like that but I can tell you one thing.
If you are genuinely happy with who you are and where you are at in life then just tell someone who is close to you, ask for help from them, that's if you can, if not that I truly am sorry for that.
Second, never let a man define you, doesn't matter how much you love them. You could love them for however long and it still wouldn't matter. If he doesn't treat you right then you have a good reason to leave.
If he doesn't know how to contain his temper, well they screw him because he needs help.
And I know that as humans we all make mistakes but hurting another person whether it be physically or mentally, is never the ultimate option.
Never stay with someone just because of love, it has to be more than that, if they make you laugh, smile and feel safe then stay, but if you're in a constant state of worry and panic then that's a big sign you should leave.
If you need any real help from me I'll happily give you my personal number so we can talk. If not I understand.
(856-347-9943)
If you need me I'll be here.
Signed, anonymous (though I'm not so anonymous anymore am I? lol)
Letting out a heavy breath, I pack up my things, putting away my pen and notebook. I close the laptop before standing up from the wheelie chair I've been sitting in for the past two-ish hours.
I rub my eyes tiredly trying to fight the sleep slowly overtaking me. "Jared, I finished, I'll be back tomorrow to fill out some more, for now, goodnight."
"Night Phoebe."
I walk all the way down the hall and into the sudden darkening light. The sun had just gone down and by now the sky is a light blue but it should get darker within the next thirty minutes or so.
While I'm walking I see a familiar face sitting on the bench on the other side of the street and I smile, the tiredness fading away as I look at Elijah reading on a park bench. I know I should be at home but it's not quite dark out which gives me just enough time to take a stroll through the park and to talk to a certain grumpy person who seems to not like me very much but I don't care.
It's my job to annoy him because no one else will and because it's fun too.
"Elijah. There you are." I walk up to the bench he's sitting on after crossing the street. I plop down beside him suddenly feeling the warmth of his body heat beside me. Maybe I sat a little too close.
He sighs, like he always does when I talk. "What do you want this time?"
___
a/n:
wc: [3256]
Thoughts?
Okay so I just wanted to say that this is going to take a little while to get interesting so I apologise in advance
I want it to be slow burn but I love adding lots of dialogue so yeah
also I dedicated this chapter to depressed_bitch30 bc she helped me write it
anyways if you guys have any ideas, feel free to share because I'm writing most of these chapters on impulse and after school when I'm supposed to be doing homework, oops
Anyways, don't forget to vote!
I love you all
-Solara