I had hoped you wouldn't find out.
Six minutes have gone by. I haven't answered.
What am I supposed to do with that?
Chan is still typing. Deleting. Typing.
I'm staring at the screen and don't know what to do. Do I answer?
Do I call to yell into his ear?
Do I ignore and ghost him?
Finally, another message arrives.
I wanted to tell you right away, but it was really nice to talk to someone who just treated me like Chan and not Bangchan from SKZ. I am sorry for lying to you, I realize it was childish and hurtful.
I groan.
Fuck. Now I feel bad for being mad.
Before I can type an answer, he texts again.
Your anger is justified, Ollie! I am so sorry.
I sit down on the couch and gnaw on a piece of pizza. I don't want to let him off the hook so easily, and I still have questions.
On a whim of courage, I call him.
Chan immediately picks up.
"Listen," I say as a greeting, "I'm still mad, but I'm willing to listen. It was not okay to lie to me. I look like an idiot, Chan. You must've thought I live under a rock."
"No!" Chan sounds distressed. "We did not think that at all. I swear I wanted to tell you the first time we talked, but you were the first person I talked to in ages that treated me like just any other person. It was nice to have a part of that normalcy, however small."
"And your friends? I mean, you literally lied right to my face."
"They wanted me to tell you! They're already yelling at me, don't worry. They're also mad. Especially because you're in the eye of the public now. I am so sorry, Olivia. I never meant for our fans to see you. I really just wanted to be a kid for one moment."
His voice is strained, helpless.
I roll my eyes and smile.
"Is your name even really Chan, or is that just a lie, too?"
He chuckles relieved and answers, "No, that's true. Everything else we said is also true. Promise."
I chuckle and he adds, "I really liked hanging out with you, and I guess I was scared that you or your behavior towards us would change once you knew."
"Don't worry, I don't do favorites. Everyone is equal here."
I can hear Chan giggle over the phone and have to smile.
"So, you're not mad anymore?"
"Part of me still wants to be mad. I want to say that you could have trusted me, but we were literal strangers. So a bigger part of me understands why you didn't tell me. I guess being famous robs you of certain liberties."
"You have no idea," Chan sighs and I imagine him scratch his neck. "It can get pretty difficult but I mean... we're all so thankful to be doing what we do."
There's a thud in the background and suddenly Chan yells something I can't understand, then there's a static noise and suddenly another voice is on the phone.
"Olivia," it's Felix, "Oh, we are so glad you called! I promise I wanted Chan to tell you right from the start but you know how he is! He doesn't listen, like ever."
I laugh. "Hi, Felix."
He's yelling and I hear heavy steps. I guess he's running away from Chan.
"Ollie," he yells, "Has Chan told you to come over someday soon? We want to hang out with you again, has he told you yet?"
"I was getting there!" Chan in the background.
"Come over Wednesday night, if you can! Please! We can do a movie night! With popcorn and snacks!"
I go over my work schedule. Wednesday I'll get off at eight.
I tell him, but Felix blows raspberry into the phone.
Then he says, "Ah, that's totally fine! We have practice until 9 anyways. Just come over after, and one of us will get you inside."
Another set of noises from the their end of the phone, and finally Chan speaks again.
"Only if you want, of course. No pressure," he says and I can hear a door close, "If you don't, that's totally fine, too. I know it's probably weird for you with all the fans and media and everything. So if you'd rather hang out somewhere public, that's okay with us.. with me, too."
"Wait," a smile forms on my lips, "You're inviting me to your apartment?"
"Well, the dorm, really," he says and chuckles, "But yeah, totally."
"Yes, I'd love to," I answer, "I'll be there!"
Shortly after, we hang up the phone, and I drop back into the sofa.
I finish the pizza when my phone dings again.
It's a message from an unknown number.
Hi! I stole your number from Chan-hyung, hope that's okay!! So excited to see you Wednesday! Xo Felix
I save his number in my phone and shoot him a text back that it was really nice to meet him today and that I can't wait to have a fun movie night.
Then I clean the living room, take my stuff, and settle in the guest room. It's technically my room, because I am the only one using it, but we don't call it that.
It's way past twelve when the apartment door opens.
A few minutes later, Dad opens my door and peaks inside without turning the lights on.
I don't say anything, I'm almost asleep and dreary. But I can hear him say, "Saranghaeyo, Ollie."