When Shoto was younger, not only did he take in the fighting he was forced to do, but the life he saw in his house.
Not long after he would have to endure the pain of being hit straight in the stomach, or the dizziness he had to wave off after fighting for hours on end without any food, water or breaks, he would have to deal with the screams in the house.
His mother and father shouted at each other, the slaps and punches and sobs the only thing to be heard from the wealthy household as all he could do was stand in between his mother and father, trying to stop whatever was going on between them because after all, he was maybe a tad bit too young to understand.
As he got older, the screams and yells and punches became normal. Yet, it wasn't a 'normal' he liked. He hated it. Despised it, in fact. Every time he had to see his father punch his mother as he hid behind a wall, his tears falling onto the floor beside his small feet as he saw his mother unconscious on the floor, all he could think was is this how mom and dad talk?
Through hitting each other until someone fell?
Other times when he was able to escape his father's grasp, he would try to go outside where nobody was there. Or so he thought.
As he would pitter-patter his way through the hallways, his aching small hand slowly grasping the door, someone else opened the door from the other side, the force too much which made Shoto step back to try not to lose his balance.
From the outside stood someone much taller, his hair with sparks of red and white while his body was covered with small chunks of dead skin as if they were merely tattoos.
"Move," the older boy seethed, kicking Shoto on the leg, not too hard but enough to prove his point.
Shoto whimpered as he had enough bruises on his leg to add on another one. But as he saw Touya walk away, he couldn't help but think why his older brother hated him so much. And why when he would even get as much as to meet ways, Touya would look at him in such a disgusted look it made Shoto both sad and confused.
Touya on the other hand, hated his brother so much to the point he would show his hatred in any way possible. Harming him with words, punches, kicks and everything else. He wanted Shoto to feel the pain he had to endure to become the best hero.
Touya wanted to see Shoto ache just as much as he did.
Even after so many years later, it stuck to Shoto. Stuck the fact that maybe, just maybe, the only way to get a point across was with fighting. Maybe the only way was through fists and fire and ice and never through words.
Maybe that's why he was always down for a fight. To let his ice and fire run wild like feral animals getting released from the cage. Because every time he did that, he felt a little bit of his anger slip away from his soul. And he liked that.
Never was he one to express himself; to actually talk about his feelings. He couldn't communicate even his most deepest, most complex feelings. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to express something like happiness. Sadness. Anger.
That was all until Izuku came.
Izuku wasn't like his family, he wouldn't bruise him left and right.. He wasn't someone who would be monotonous, who would have a straight face and wouldn't be able to imagine what it was to smile. Because unlike Shoto, Izuku could laugh and smile and express himself.
Shoto found himself slowly falling. The gravity parting ways because Izuku was everything he wasn't. He was the sunshine and smile and patience Shoto would've given every single hit to get when he was younger.
The warm smile felt like spring, his laugh like candy and freckles like the stars. Izuku was every kiss and every hug, every laugh and every tear, every chocolate and every candy, every patience and every second.
Izuku was everything Shoto wanted as if God had sent him straight from the unknown. Crafted with the love of Venus, Neptune's creativity and Saturn's ambition. It was everything he ever wanted on a silver platter. A knight in shining armor because Izuku was everything he wasn't.
Izuku was his first savior. He was his first love.
***
"So he lost his quirk," the nurse whispered, more to herself than the man in front. Katsuki sighed, running his hand through his messy hair, "Yes. And if you or your team spill anything about it, I will personally send all of your asses exploding to oblivion. Got that, four eyes?"
The nurse nodded quickly, feeling Katsuki's presence too intimidating to say anything until Mika walked up to him, snatching his shirt as they pulled him to where they were. "Apologies ma'am, he's still not processing the information."
Mika had followed Katsuki in place of the FBI and Pro-Heroes in case any information was given or if they had to give out any. Never did they think they would have to be a therapist.
'Izuku is in a coma. Not only is he malnourished and lacks a lot of blood, his body is covered in bruises and scars and because he inhaled so much water, it affected his lungs and brain.'
They didn't expect for Katsuki to break down the way he did, sobbing with emotions so loud but with tears so quiet they didn't know how to help. Not only that, they and four other nurses had to drag him out of the room where Izuku was because he refused to even move an inch away.
'Let me go damn it! That bastard is all alone! Who the hell is going to be with him when he wakes up?!'
'Pro-Hero Dynamite, we don't know when he's going to wake up. We don't even know if he's going to wake up.'
Holding Katsuki's shirt as the nurse explained all the other things that was wrong with Izuku, they remembered how Katsuki almost sent an explosion when the other nurse said that. It was painful to remember, so instead they decided to look at the wall behind the nurse and listen into what she was saying.
"...not only that but he can also run the risk of memory loss and would even have to run a few surgeries if necessary. I am so very sorry, believe me. But I must ask, are there any questions?"
The nurse was kind, her sad smile as she tried to brighten the mood in hopes to lighten up Katsuki was a nice touch, however it didn't work.
"When can we see him?" Katsuki asked, both eager and upset as he also tried to shake Mika off, which didn't work since their grip was too surprisingly tight.
"Get off of me," He seethed. But to his surprise it was is if he had told them to tighten the grip. "Get off of me!"
"Shut up," they whispered back.
The nurse went over her notepad, completely ignoring both of them. "Visiting hours are over for today, sir. You can come back early in the morning or wait here. However, we can only offer blankets and pillows. Apologies again."
Katsuki was about to go off, yell at her for both not letting him see Izuku and because how could the best hospital in Japan not have mattresses for guests. That was until Mika pushed his head as she did the same, "Thank you very much for your kindness. We will wait in the waiting room. And don't worry about the pillows and blankets, I have some in my car."
The nurse was rather shocked by how not only was Mika Harumi bowing to her—-the best FBI agent out there, Pro-Hero Dynamite was too. Nevertheless she smiled softly, "No problem."
~~~~~
"Oi, eye bags! What the hell was that back there?" The hallways were empty, Mika walking in front as Katsuki stomped behind them. "Oi, I'm talking to you."
Mika turned around as they scoffed in annoyance, "You need to learn how to be respectful. Especially with people that are trying to save your friend's life." Katsuki furrowed his eyebrows, marched right up to Mika in anger.
"Heh? What do you mean 'save'? He's in a coma damn it. If they were trying to save him, shouldn't they send some person with a good quirk to fix him?" Mika couldn't deal with this thing. They wanted to leave it there, walk away to the waiting room but part of them wanted to knock some sense into him.
"Using a quirk requires energy from the other person. Midoriya is weak, his body won't be able to handle that," Mika said, remembering what the nurse had told them both back then.
Katsuki huffed, placed his hands in his pocket as he couldn't think of what else to say, yet too prideful to accept defeat. Mika noticed. Noticed how even though his feet stomped angrily, his eyes looked sad, even his hair drooped a bit.
His pout added to that, a glum look on his face like a child whose friend had to leave the playground just as they were about to save the world, explore inside the slides and under plastic bridges, maybe even fight bad guys, use little sticks as swords and trees as villains.
It almost made Mika laugh at how animated he looked. Yet, now wasn't the most appropriate time. Also, they were still angry at him. "He'll be fine."
Katsuki paused, turned his head around to face them. "Midoriya went through so much. He can't give up now." Mika's voice might've been monotoned, might've lacked a bit of enthusiasm, but for Katsuki that was more than enough.
All he remembered were Izuku's words.
"Who said I gave up? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't."
But then again, pride, buddies and resentment take up way too much space. Too small, not enough, could do better, should've done better. "Shut up, eye bags. Don't start telling me sappy shit like that. You don't know anything. You know nothing!"
Mika's eyes furrowed, their limited kindness leaving the rhythm so all that was left was the all too familiar feeling of loss, "Don't know anything? Oh, so are we back at it again with the same thing?"
Katsuki clenched his fists, his veins practically popped out of blood and flesh, "If you just did something before, none of this would've happened! You call yourself the best FBI agent but here we are, waiting for Deku to wake up from a damn coma-"
The popping sound echoed across the empty hallways, forcing Katsuki to stop his little rant only to see blood dripping onto the clean floors. And so when he looked up, his eyes widened in surprise and the words he was going to say leaving his tongue, he was greeted not by the quiet, reserved and kind person who told him it would be alright, but by the other person underneath. The one who's fist craved flesh and bone. The one whose words could become a two-edged sword.
"Don't blame me for your pain, bastard."
Katsuki swore he almost backed down. The face Mika held, their eyes tearing him atom by atom the same way their fists would.
But, there was another part of him that took pride in that. He couldn't really understand but-
"Heh, didn't think you'd actually hit me, bastard," Katsuki said, his voice raspy yet, held the same ego he'd always have. And as he wiped his nose, he said, "But hit me again, and I'll kill you."
Mika raised an eyebrow, sarcasm and hatred in their actions, "You? Kill me? Says the one who's just a selfish little shit who can't seem to comprehend others' emotions. However-"
In one swift motion, they had managed to close the side of their hand to Katsuki's neck, a chopping motion, "-I'd really like to see you try."
Katsuki scoffed, smacking their arm away. "Like you could do that. Aren't you quirkless? What are you gonna do, heh?"
A low chuckle escaped Mika's throat, the vibration of their chest a ticking time bomb.
"You've taught me two things. One, I hate you. Two, until you learn to respect the people that respect you, I will break every bone in your body for every time i feel I want to kill you. And don't worry, your little explosions don't scare me.
What are you going to do? Explode me? Ha, don't amuse me."
For Katsuki, him and his buddies were more than willing to punch them unconscious. However, he was a hero. So, he had to restrain from doing such actions.
With veins popping up from his forehead, and his teeth bared like some sort of feral animal, he had to try to not kill the person in front of them who was laughing at him as if he was a clown.
"Shut up!"
"I think I'll break your arm next."
"I said shut up, I'll kill you!"
After that, Mika went to their car as they grabbed extra blankets (their personal favorite was one with a blossom on it) and some random pillows. They knew Katsuki would never shut up if he slept on a bare chair, so they decided to save themselves the extra fight.
But as they looked at the blanket, the one with the pink blossom on it, they couldn't help but let their face wrinkle, their nose burn as their eyes watered.
A few droplets landed on the soft material as it soaked it right up, more tears falling along.
'I said I was going to cry later. But not now.'
Mika wiped their eyes, fixed their makeup as they locked their car and went back inside where Katsuki was sitting.
"I got the stuff," they said, handing Katsuki a blanket and a pillow, wiping their runny nose.
Katsuki grunted in response, snatched the things as he set sort of like a den in that little scrawny chair. Mika eyed him for a bit, confused yet amused as to why he was acting like a bird building a nest.
"What are you doing?" They finally asked. Katsuki snapped out of his focus, "What?"
"You look like a bird doing that," Mika said, monotone yet teasing all in one, made Katsuki glare at them for a second.
"It's what they—-I mean, ugh. Just shut up, would ya? What? You gonna tease me about it?" He glared harder as he said that, a tad bit more defensive than he was before.
Mika shook their head, focused on their own blanket as they got themselves comfortable. "No, not really. Just thought it was cool."
Katsuki tsk-ed, not believing in the 'cool' part because who would think what he was doing was "cool"? It was nothing but weird and strange.
Yet, he let it go. Too focused on his daydreaming, his buddies and Izuku were too busy filling up Katsuki's mind that Mika's little sentence couldn't bother him. Even after their argument and a broken nose, it was as if it never happened.
Once both of them were comfortable, they tried to go to sleep. Tried to ignore the bright lights that hung on top of them while they tried to cancel out the noise of other people talking, shuffling, etc.
An hour later, just as Mika's eyes were finally becoming heavy, they soon noticed how Katsuki had his earbuds in. At first, they thought he was talking to someone since he wasn't talking to anyone beside him.
Their eyes slowly widened a bit more as they soon realized how he was rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself as he was some sort of weirdo.
It freaked Mika out a bit. Made them slap Katsuki back to reality which made him snap back into the real world. "Heh?"
"What were you doing?" Mika asked, a tad bit afraid of what just happened to the strange man beside them. He was even stranger than they thought.
It took a second for Katsuki to settle in before going completely silent, the quiet talking of nurses and doctors with the combination of snores and shuffling filling their ears. "Nothing."
Mika raised an eyebrow, "So talking to yourself while rocking back and forth is considered 'nothing'?" It wasn't really sarcastic, mostly a sincere question.
Katsuki scoffed, "Why does it matter? Leave me alone."
They nodded, deciding not to push it any further to a strange man they just met.
A few minutes later however, Katsuki sighed, letting his curiosity get the best out of him. "Who did that bastard murder?"
It was those times where Mika really wanted to break that arm. Their eyes met his, locking both in anger and shame. Because how could someone just outwardly say that at a time like this?
"Why do I need to tell you that?" Mika hissed. They had taken their glasses off, having nothing on which made their eyes shine a bit more. However, those eyes of theirs shined with a bit more than their typical intelligence. It shined with shame. With red.
Katsuki didn't drop their staring contest as he glared just as much as Mika was. "He is—-was Deku's boyfriend," He mocked the last part, a sort of mocking tone that was nothing but bitter, the word leaving a sour taste in his mouth.
Mika nodded, "And?" Katsuki grumbled in response, letting a bunch of profanities out.
"What do you mean 'and'? Me and Deku are-" Mika had given up—-sighed heavily as they slouched a bit on the chair. "Figure it out yourself."
"I want to hear it from you."
"Then wait. I don't feel like talking about this, especially with someone that I hate."
"So it's someone you know," Katsuki muttered, already trying to get little clues and hints here and there to maybe better understand at least who it was.
Mika however, didn't give in, "I don't know." Katsuki was not liking that as he got angrier by the minute he felt left out on this information, smoke practically coming out of his ears. "You piss me off, you know that? Just tell me!"
"I'll break your arm and then kick your balls if you ask again," Mika said, Katsuki getting sort of annoyed at all the threats was getting.
"Fine! But you have to stay with me until Deku wakes up. Or I'll break every part of your body and then explode the ashes until there's nothing left of you," he threatened, his threats a bit too creative yet there was this excitement in the way he said it that reminded Mika that Katsuki had hope.
He may be strange but he had hope.
"Kiss ass."
~~~~~
It soon became clear that hours would become days. And days would become weeks.
Katsuki never faltered in checking in, however. Always being the first in the visiting area and always being the last to leave.
Sometimes on the way to the hospital, he would grab food, make himself comfortable in that little chair that sat beside the bed and waited. Though he hated waiting, that's the only thing he could seem to do.
And when he wasn't dreaming, he would talk out loud. Talk about his small adventures going on in his little brain and everything that was going on outside in hopes that the body that laid in front of him heard every word.
Though, he knew he was expecting too much.
But he tried. Tried to remain positive. Tried to not let go of that little glimmer of hope that everything was going to be ok. That the bastard was going to wake up and everything would eventually be back to normal.
However, there wouldn't be positive thoughts if it weren't for the negative. But on those days, where his anxiety ate on his mind and body alike, Mika would be there.
They weren't...the best in comforting. Always trying to help but never really knowing how. Their sister was, though. Always ready to help every time Mika seemed to be too far away from perfection.
Mika would (without warning) join Katsuki, throwing over a pillow or a blanket so he could at least talk in comfort. His raspy and tired voice echoing through the room which sometimes made Mika a bit drowsy, made them want to drift off along with Izuku (even though Mika didn't want to give Katsuki the thought of being able to fall asleep around him).
He would talk about anything in mind. Anything he thought Izuku needed to know. Yet, there was always too much for him to know. As if sometimes Katsuki would run out of space to write yet wanting to say so much more.
And he would say it with such a passion too, his hand subconsciously holding Izuku's as he talked and talked and talked until he himself fell asleep. That was when the nurse would have to escort two drowsy adults who reminded her of kids who just woke up from a nap in the car.
This happened for weeks. Weeks soon turning into months. And no one seemed to notice how much of a toll that took on Katsuki.
Obviously, there was court. However Shoto himself was still in the hospital and just like Izuku, both physically and mentally unstable to do anything. Therapists and Psychologists came and went in attempts to see what was going on with him. Because apparently, he wasn't normal. It was tearing Shoto apart piece by piece, knowing that in others eyes, he was mentally unstable.
This is all just a small price to pay, he thought.
Katsuki would have to go to the police station, FBI squads, interviews, he also had to catch up on hero work and trying to avoid the annoying reporters.
After the disaster that Izuku did, nothing has really been the same. Not only for Izuku and Katsuki but for everyone. Not only did people die because of him, the whole city was ruined. Everything was under ruins, dead trees from the fire added onto collapsed houses and that one house.
The one house with the marble floors and blinding chandelier. Of course nothing would be the same.
Everything was in such chaos. Katsuki wanted to help, wanted to fix everything for Izuku so that the day he woke up, everything would be spotless. But he couldn't. There were just too many things going on; it felt like his mind and body alike were going to explode by how many things he had to juggle at once.
Tried to calm down the citizens, tried to fix the disaster that left people dead, tried to attend court and interviews so that those bastards would get what they deserved, tried to visit Izuku as much as he could so that he wouldn't be so alone, tried to calm down his buddies, shutting them up only for them to talk again, tried to control their dreaming so he could get something done only for him to give up and give in.
Tried to just—-do something. Anything and everything. His work had to be perfect as well, not one wrinkle or crinkle.
Because he soon learned that if the universe wasn't going to do anything, then he was.
But of course, it was technically impossible.