I LOVE YOU SO
Chapter Eleven
❛ Burning bridges. ❜
CROSSING COMPLICATED BRIDGES can be quite the task. With the rumbling waters below the unsteady bridge, it's often difficult for one to journey through it. The thundering waters start with a tiny tributary, it meanders and sometimes or mostly, there are perplex obstacles in the way, which causes the river to split up. Then eventually, the entirety of the water ends up in the sea.
The final destination.
A river quite literally represents the fond memories of the past, it gradually follows us until the final destination. Of course, there are other ways to escape the darker memories, and that's by crossing the bridge we mentioned before. The bridge can be rickety and unsafe, causing uncertainty to arise and often cause doubt.
With one palm pressed against Aera's cheek, Sae-byeok glazed her eyes over Aera's soft features, and for a moment, it felt like those innocent times, where the young heart was not tainted very often. Lowering her hand slightly, she parted her lips to say something, but thought against it. It's rare to think that such beauteous features can take such a toll on the heart.
"Why are you here Sae? Out of everywhere, I never thought . . . I never thought you'd be in a place like this," Aera roughly muttered, she winced as it felt like a couple hundred cactuses were tearing at her throat.
Aera's gentle breath caused Sae-byeok's delicate eyelashes to flutter slightly. She was still rested on the stairs, her back aching a tint bit from reaching over to nurse Aera. The question brought Sae-byeok back into her cruel reality, one where she's trapped in a death zone. "Why are you?"
Scanning Sae-byeok's lightly freckled face, a small smile reached Aera's lips. She remembered when she tried counting each individual freckle, during those nights under the faint moonlight by the tranquil river in the park. She always lost count. Noticing how Sae-byeok shifted uncomfortably on the steps, "it's a long story, might be easier to buy the e-book," Aera tried to lighten the mood, a weak chuckle fell from her soft bubblegum pink lips, "but I'm serious Sae. What made you come here?"
Sae-byeok tore her gaze away from Aera's worried face, it was easier to drill her eyes into the ground, rather than watching concern flood into Aera's eyes. Fiddling with the label on Aera's blanket that was draped over her legs, "I need the money. For my family," Sae-byeok's expression hardened.
"Money?" Leaning her head forwards, her forehead nearly colliding with the side of Sae-byeok's temple, "why didn't you tell me I could've lent you some," almost chuckling loudly, Aera pulled away whilst shaking her head slightly, a compassionate grin made its way across her face, "hell, I would've given you all of it-"
Turning her neck around sharply, with dull eyes, Sae-byeok's lips began to draw into a thin line, "well I couldn't exactly reach you could I?" Seeing Aera's feeble smile falter, caused each string that attached itself to Sae-byeok's heart to tug. Biting on the corner of her lips with her eyes softening, guilt crawled into her veins, she knew her outburst impacted Aera faintly, "sorry," Sae-byeok mumbled.
Putting her hands onto her lap in a slightly frustrated way, Sae-byeok shut her eyes with a slow exhale. She continued, "you don't get it. You have your brothers and your Omma to fend for each other. I only have myself. I can't just give away money whenever I please."
"I would've done it to help you-"
"I don't need your help. Money doesn't work that way for me, Aera. I'm not able give it away so easily. We live in totally different worlds now," her tone trembled, "I can't just run off to New York because I feel like it-" Clutching on to a handful of hair, Sae-byeok gripped on to it tightly before lowering her palm, her knuckles paling.
Tilting her head acutely, Aera's eyebrows knitted together as the lump within her throat grew, making her it even more inflamed. "I went to New York because I got the chance to steer myself into a good direction, so I can help my family," flickering her eyes towards the side, a heavy weight began to fall onto her chest, "I thought you understood."
"That's exactly my point. You have all these privileges and I . . . I don't," shrugging whilst elevating her chin, an emphasised exhale left Sae-byeok's lips. She couldn't bring herself to look at Aera, she could feel Aera's tense aura, meaning the merry glint within Aera's eyes was beginning to fade away. "I can't make drastic choices with money. I'm not like you. So no, I can't take your money. I don't need your help. It just doesn't work that way."
"I may have all these privileges, Sae, but that doesn't stop me from helping the people I want to help. I am literally willing to help you- always have. Why can't you just accept the fact that maybe . . . people actually care?" Bringing her hand up to slam it into to her other palm, but stopping mid-way, Aera squeezed her eyes shut before fixing her eyes on to Sae-byeok's rigid figure.
A storm always brewed whenever they exchanged words, it caused Aera's shoulders to slump, a dreary sigh to be released. Taking in the prolonged silence she received, it seemed like it only increased the storm they created, making it twist and turn rapidly. "We're doing it again," Aera's shoulders sunk, this time she wasn't angered with such a fury. This time, she was too exhausted, she didn't have the energy to add fire to the disagreement they had.
"What do you mean?" With her eyes fixated on her palms that settled between both her kneecaps, Sae-byeok stayed unyielded, but it was obvious that her strong voice was weakened with fatigue.
Laying her head against the head rest with weary eyes and biting on inside of her cheek, Aera took a long and deep exhale, making Sae-byeok's wavy hair fly slightly against her soft breath for a milliseconds. That side of Sae-byeok's face felt as if it burned tenderly. "You know what I mean," Aera played with the sleeves of her jacket, the hems were frayed already.
Staring down at the blood-stained floor, a hundred thoughts swarmed within Sae-byeok's mind, with her pulse thumping hard against her chest, she mustered up the courage to say, "I'm sorry," Sae-byeok ignored the startled expression that spread through Aera's face, from the corner of her eye, "for treating you like shit when you got here."
The other side of the bridge was now clearer to see, bright colours greeted the two from the other side. The waters still rumbled below the bridge, trying to hold them back.
Still finding it difficult to speak with her increasingly sore throat, guilt stained Aera's blood and it ran through her veins, "I deserve it," gripping her elbows tightly and hugging her arms close to her chest, "leaving you for New York without telling you was the most shittiest thing I've ever done."
"Was it nice, at least?" The uptight tone slowly seeped away from Sae-byeok's voice, she was more curious than tense, leaning an arm against the frame of the bed, she glanced towards Aera's delicate eyes from time to time. "You know, New York?"
"Yeah," with a dreamy glow caught within Aera's eyes, Aera hummed to herself, "I feel like my brain's multiplied itself ever since I took more classes in the NYU."
A small chuckle toppled out of Sae-byeok's tight lipped frown, causing a more pleased grin to form, "so it was worth it then?" Drumming her foot against the set of stairs, Sae-byeok asked the next question in a hushed mumble, "are you happy?"
The apples of Aera's cheeks physically warmed at this, some part of her felt more relaxed with these questions, as if moving to New York was somewhat a good decision. "I was," she couldn't help but notice Sae-byeok's features droop slightly at this, "it's sort of complicated. I . . . I love the idea of having my dreams planned out by going to NYU. But-"
"But what?"
"But . . . it's hard to fulfill it when most of my dreams involve Seoul," Aera flickered her starry-eyed gaze over towards an attentive Sae-byeok.
The storm they created seemed to die away, but a more complicated rainstorm with some hints of sun rays, over took the storm. The complex feelings that arose within both their stomachs, caused them to shift around within their places awkwardly.
Tucking her flyaways behind her ears, swallowing thickly, "but then again I love New York," Aera tore her eyes away from Sae-byeok again.
Becoming a little jittery from Aera's words and the perplexing gaze they held, Sae-byeok was left wondering what Aera was trying to say, "then why are you back here?"
"My brother. Apparently he got mixed up with this place, and that he's part of this mess," Aera mindlessly searched the room with her eyes, before placing her eyes briefly on Sae-byeok, then returning them on to the ground. Aera let her jaw hang open slightly, thinking she was going to say more, but after some thinking, she decided against it.
Nodding at this, a small scoff fell out of Sae-byeok's lips as the twirled a lose bit of thread from the blanket that covered Aera's legs. "The hell we'd go through for our family huh?"
"Yeah," finding a soft grin etching its way across Aera's now relaxed features, "it really isn't," sighing gently, "easy."
"Nothing difficult never made anyone stronger," shrinking her shoulders slightly, and shifting her position on the stairs so that she faced Aera, the side of Sae-byeok's lips pulled into a more gentle grin.
Blinking slowly, a quiet gasp tumbled out of Aera's lips as her jaw went slack. "I used to tell you that all the time. It's been so long, how do you still remember it?" Trying to get closer towards the frame that was like a barrier between the two, her eyes glazed over with a thin layer of tears.
"It just stuck by me. It wasn't easy trying to forget you, you know? Not when your words are always drilled into my head," glimpsing back at Aera's glossy eyes, the sides of her cheeks increased in colour, and even though she tried her hardest to conceal it, Sae-byeok tried drawing her lips into a thin line, but it came out in a more wobbly, tender grin.
They fell into a comfortable silence once again. "Sae?" Fiddling with a strand of her hair, one that was in dire need of a haircut, Aera clasped her hands together, with an uneasy sigh, she watched as Sae-byeok broke away from her trance and settled her tranquil eyes at her.
"Hm?" The easy smile on Sae-byeok's face wavered at Aera's serious tone, fidgeting with the blanket, she feared for what Aera may say. She didn't want this peace between them to end.
"Can we maybe . . . stay this way?" Aera felt as if she was running on egg shells when she asked it. "We've been burning our bridges every time we get to make a new one. Could we maybe give each other a chance? Like a proper one?"
The two of them took their first step together on the wooden bridge, the rumbling waters below them, lessened its current.
Sliding her tender fingers through the gap between the bed frame, one that was like a barrier between the two, Sae-byeok glided them into Aera's soft hands, before interlocking their fingers. A fiery current shot up Aera's arm at the touch.
The lights began to dim, the robotic woman that voiced their lives interrupted their heartfelt conversation, making Aera deflate slightly. Her hopeful smile dithered as she casted her eyes away, watching with squinting eyes at the distance, she could see the faraway players rush over towards their beds.
"Let's just get some sleep," patting Aera's warmish palms, Sae-byeok caught Aera's attention again as she dragged the soft blanket further up so that it covered the entirety of Aera's body, apart from her shoulders.
Even though Sae-byeok didn't answer her question directly, Aera could still distinguish the genuine smile that Sae-byeok held on her dainty lips. From the gigantic digital board that was drilled onto the wall above the entrance, the faint lights that gleamed over the quiet dormitory. It reflected against Sae-byeok's strong cheekbones, creating an ethereal glow on her soft eyes as she nodded at Aera. Aera's pulse pummeled against her chest as she returned a dumbfounded grin- Sae-byeok's expression was almost enough as an answer.
Perhaps crossing complicated bridges isn't so difficult with another being with you.
( 2231 words )
DEAR ALL,
I'm trying to keep them happy💗💖💘 but the Squid Game plot said no: ❌❌🙁
This was one of my favourite chapters to write, I say this a lot, but I'm being genuinely honest rn💪
I literally don't know what to say in my author notes anymore but today I had boba tea and went to China Town💕💗💓💝💞💖💟 tell me about your days bffs
WITH LOVE, SYLVIA