CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
❝ the end of the line ❞
FIVE YEARS LATER, Lucy fell into a routine.
Turning the corner of the sidewalk, she kept her head down as she entered the gates of the graveyard. The bitter cold air sent a chill down her spine, causing her to pull the large jacket that rested over her frame tighter against her body.
She could see each breath coming out of her mouth, the white puffs of air proving just how cold it was outside. Snowflakes fell all around her, coating the streets of Brooklyn as the sun slowly disappeared over the horizon.
After the war was over, Lucy had no choice but to return to Brooklyn, selling her old apartment to move into a small house instead. It wasn't ideal but Lucy couldn't bring herself to move back into either apartment she had lived in over the years. There were too many tough memories to face there.
She kept working for the SSR, now being the only super-soldier left in their possession. Peggy, Howard, and the rest of the Howling Commandos stuck by her side, attempting to help distract her as they went on small missions.
Everyone told her that things would get better. They said that her broken heart would hurt less and less as time went on. But without Bucky, Lucy felt like her heart would never heal. Each day, she missed him more and more.
When she reached the middle of the cemetery, Lucy paused and stared at the two graves she had come for. She visited them each Sunday, sometimes even more, but seeing their memorials would never fail to render her speechless.
She knelt in front of the first desired grave, laying the white roses that she had in her arms down on top of the grass. Placing a hand on the cool gravestone that stood there, Lucy leaned forward and touched her forehead to it. "Hi, Stevie."
After a moment, she pulled her head back and studied the setup in front of her. Steve's grave had dozens of gifts littered around it, new ones appearing even years after he died. It was decorated with ribbons and thank you notes, picturesque for the memorial of Captain America.
The grave beside Steve's, however, seemed to be unacknowledged by the rest of the public.
Lucy shuffled over to the lonesome grave, taking a deep breath in as she laid another set of flowers down. These were a small bouquet of lavender, the kind that Bucky had always carried with him because they reminded him of her.
She had to brush the snow off of the front to be able to see Bucky's name engraved on the front. Obviously, neither his nor Steve's bodies were ever found, so Lucy had to try and make the graves feel as personal as possible.
Fiddling with the dog tags around her neck, Lucy cleared her throat and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Hi, sweetheart."
She always paused after greeting him. Some part of her still thought she would hear his husky voice greet her back. But the only sound she could hear was the chilling wind whipping past her ears.
"I kinda feel dumb talking to you like this but I'm never gonna stop. You can laugh at me all you want from up there, I get it."
Silence once more. "Anyways..." Lucy used the back of her hand to push her blonde hair from her face. "Uh, things are okay. I've been doing a lot of training with Peggy and helping Howard with his new work. And..."
She didn't truly care about any of the small things like that. Truth was, none of it helped to distract her from the hole in her heart.
Realizing that she had paused in the middle of her sentence, Lucy sighed. "I really miss you, Buck." Her voice cracked a bit.
After taking a moment to compose herself, looking up to the sky to stop the tears from falling, Lucy continued, "I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought that continuing to work for the SSR would help but each night after a mission with Peggy or the Commandos, I always go home to an empty apartment. You're not there waiting for me, and I hate it. I hate not having you by my side."
She leaned forward to lightly press her lips to the stone, leaving a ghost of a kiss in her wake. As she pulled away, she left her forehead resting there and closed her eyes. "I love you. Please come back, Bucky."
A small beeping sound came from her pocket, causing Lucy to retract her hand from the grave and search for it. She pulled out the pager that Howard had made her, the eagle emblem for the SSR flashing in an attempt to get her back to the facility.
"Okay." She gripped the pager, leaning forward to leave one more kiss on the stone. "I've gotta go. I'll be back. I love you."
As she stood, she turned and pointed at the graves. "I mean it, you two. Stay put."
Half expecting someone to laugh at her joke, Lucy paused in her steps and cringed. "You guys would have laughed at that if you were here, right?"
Silence.
"Right," she nodded to herself, trying to leave before she got too upset about the fact. She blew a kiss to them, eyes straying on Bucky's grave as she walked away. "Love you."
───
Lucy unlocked the front door to her small townhouse, needing to grab her bag before heading to work.
As soon as she was inside, she stripped her coat from her body, dropping her keys on the table beside the entrance while pulling her shoes off. Walking over to the kitchen, Lucy swiped a glass from the table and filled it up, taking a few large gulps while leaning against the counter.
Each time she visited the graveyard, it got harder and harder to leave. She sat there for hours on some days, having a one-sided conversation with the ghost of the love of her life. It was tearing her apart. Still, she would never even think about stopping her visits.
Taking another sip of her water, Lucy froze when she heard something. It was barely audible, but there was a small thump that came from the other side of the house.
She slowly pulled the cup away from her face, quietly placing it down. Reaching underneath the table in front of her, Lucy searched for the gun she had hidden there in case of an emergency.
Lucy felt all of the blood drain from her face when she realized the spot was empty. Somebody knew her gun was there, and somebody knew that if they took it, she would be unarmed.
Exhaling a shaky breath, Lucy leaned over and pulled a knife from one of the drawers beside her, keeping it tight in her grasp as she took a few slow steps forward.
She was trying to reach her SSR pager, shuffling her feet across the floor in hopes that the intruder wouldn't be informed of her movement.
That's when the chaos started.
Two tall, bulky men in black tactical suits rushed her, one coming from the hallway across the room and the other coming from behind her.
Lucy quickly jumped into action, spinning around and swinging her kitchen knife at them. She nicked the man behind her in the arm, following up with a jab in the same spot that made him drop his gun.
He stumbled back a few steps but Lucy was quick to follow, grabbing him by the front of his suit and pulling his body in front of her. Ready to use him as a human shield against the other intruder
The second attacker had already started firing at them, his bullets landing in the first man's chest as Lucy hid behind him.
When the gunfire momentarily ceased, Lucy grabbed the discarded gun and dropped his limp body to the ground, running forward with a grunt as she engaged in combat with the man in front of her.
The two of them were successful in blocking each other's hits and bullets until Lucy caught him off guard by aiming lower and hitting him right in the abdomen. The man hissed at her, using all of his might to land a powerful blow across her jaw. Lucy's head whipped to the side, allowing the attacker to circle her body and grab her from behind, locking his arms around her.
She didn't let him get very far. As soon as he lifted her into the air, she swung her legs forward, catapulting them both to the ground in a heap. The gun that was in his hands fell out of reach, sliding across the floor.
Lucy strained her arm as she reached for the intruder's gun, her fingernails scraping against the wood flooring as she finally grasped the weapon.
She wasted no time in rotating her body and bringing the gun down right on the man's temple, knocking him out cold on the floor.
Standing on shaky feet, Lucy was heavily breathing as she pushed the hair out of her face. Before she could even process what had just happened, the sound of heavy boots hitting the floor behind her alerted her that there was a third intruder.
By the time she had turned around, a fist was already coming her way. She ducked just in time to dodge the punch, a surprised noise coming from the back of her throat as she regained her footing.
Lucy used one leg to kick him in the chest, attempting to put distance between the two of them, just enough to get a glance at who she was fighting.
He was tall, standing there with dark and stringy hair covering his face. His black suit hugged his muscles tightly, all of his skin covered except for the—
The metal on his left arm?
Lucy had no time to ponder his appearance past those few seconds before he was lunging at her once more. The two danced around, landing a few hits on each other while simultaneously trying to dodge the other.
One particular hit to the shoulder had the intruder in front of her reeling. It gave Lucy time to dive behind the table, grabbing the second gun that her first two attackers had dropped.
Once situated, Lucy jumped up with her gun extended out in front of her. The intruder's hair was no longer in his face, allowing her to finally lock eyes with the man.
Lucy felt the world spin around her when she made eye contact with those blue eyes.
The same blue eyes that haunted her like no other.
She was frozen in place, unable to fight him tackling her to the ground.
The back of her head slammed against the floor and the force of the impact snapped her out of her daze. Her vision blurred for a moment as she felt his body weight on top of her, pinning her to the ground.
But when the stars cleared from her sight, he was still there. It was him.
"Bucky? "
He looked straight through her as if she wasn't even there. His eyes showed no sign of recognition, his face lacking the shock that was taking control of her expression.
His hand wrapped around her throat, slowly but surely
Lucy was still staring at him, her mouth wide open as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that Bucky didn't know who she was. He didn't know who she was.
"Buck—"
Her plea was cut short by him tightening his grip. Her hands shot up to his wrist, pulling with all of her might in hopes that he would let up.
"Bucky," she repeated, resisting the urge to close her eyes as she suffocated underneath him. "Stop! It's me!"
Tears escaped the corners of her eyes. Lucy wasn't sure if that was because of the lack of oxygen she was receiving or the weight of the situation at hand.
She reached a hand up and gently laid it on his face above her, nearly crying out as her palm made contact with his scruffy jaw.
A twitch in his hardened features had Lucy keening. "It's Lucy! Your Lucy! "
The sincerity of the name she had called him had him scrunching his face in awful confusion. His hand stayed on her throat, although his grip had slightly faltered. Lucy struggled to pull a deep breath in, gasping for air as she silently begged him to let up.
The moment of confusion quickly faded back into anger, as if a switch was flipped in his brain. Bucky's expression went stoic once more, increasing the pressure on her throat as he responded with the only thing he was programmed to say.
"You are my mission," he gritted through his teeth.
As the edges of her vision began to darken, Lucy attempted to shake her head. She didn't know what the hell was going on, or if this was one big nightmare, but she couldn't die like this. "I am the love of your life."
Bucky recoiled, the wording causing him to slightly frown in confusion. His bewildered eyes flickered around him before returning to Lucy, subconsciously letting up on her throat.
"Lucy." Her name wasn't a realization yet, it was more a way to test it on his tongue. It was like the name sparked something in his mind, but failed to ignite the flame of remembrance.
Lucy took his moment of hesitance to finally draw a deep bout of air into her lungs, coughing a few times before gathering the scattered words in her brain. "Yeah, Lucy! The same Lucy you met when we were still kids, yeah? The same Lucy that you would walk to class and take on diner dates. The same Lucy that would steal sips of your strawberry milkshakes and the comforter in the middle of the night."
She laughed through her gasping. "You... You always hated when I did that. Remember? But then you'd tell me that you loved me too much to be mad."
Her hands went to cup each of his cheeks and her bottom lip quivered as she released a sob. "I don't know what happened to you, but I saw you die. Who did this to you?"
The room fell silent as the possibility of what could happen next floated through the air. Bucky studied the woman beneath him, his head beginning to hurt as a flash of forgotten memories hit him.
That blonde hair. He knew that blonde hair. He knew that sweet voice. He knew Lucy.
His Lucy. His sweet girl.
"Lucy? "
She heard the change of tone in his voice as he exhaled her name. It was an epiphany, no confusion present as he identified her.
"Bucky." Lucy smiled up at him.
"Lucy," Bucky repeated. His grip on her throat was gone in an instant as he drew his hand back. He was visibly trembling as he hovered over her, glossiness coating his beautiful blue eyes as he remembered. "Oh my god."
Tears were rolling down both of Lucy's cheeks. "Are you with me?"
One hand, the metal one, wrapped around her torso, the other resting on the back of her head as he pulled her body to his. His breathing was ragged as he held her, matching the shake in his figure.
Lucy's arms snaked around him tightly as she released a sob. She was too afraid to close her eyes and soak in the moment, terrified that this was all just some twisted dream.
Bucky still had one arm holding her up as he pulled back and cupped her cheek, staring at her like she was the single most important thing in the world. "Lucy." He needed to make sure she was truly there, to make sure that this wasn't an illusion like the past five years had been.
"How—" Lucy paused to take a gasping breath in. "How are you here?"
Bucky just stared at her, his expression pained. "They made me forget you."
Lucy carded her fingers through his hair as she tried to stifle a sob. Bucky closed his eyes at the nostalgic feeling, tilting his head into her hold as she questioned him, "Who?"
"HYDRA."
Lucy felt nauseous. She breathed out the name once more, unable to process what he was saying. "No, no. HYDRA is gone... Steve—" Her voice broke off into a sob. "Steve sacrificed himself to stop HYDRA. You both were gone... and so was HYDRA."
Bucky shook his head, his bottom lip quivering at her words. He knew Steve. An image of a scrawny, short blonde popped into his mind. Horror clouded his thoughts. "Steve." Another realization.
Lucy was truly struggling to breathe. Her eyes went soft and sincere as she leaned up and kissed him. Bucky melted into her lips, nearly crying out as the feeling he longed for took over his senses.
There was a lump in his throat as they parted. "Oh god... They made me do horrible things, Luce. I didn't mean to..."
She didn't know exactly what had happened but the pieces were coming together. Bucky was alive. HYDRA was somehow using him as a weapon. Torturing him. Her grip dropped to his metal arm, shaking her head as she breathed, "It's not your fault."
"Yes, it is," Bucky insisted, a mangled cry spilling from his lips. "All my fault."
"No," Lucy choked on a cough. "This wasn't your fault."
Bucky felt like he was going to throw up when he finally understood the implication of her words.
He didn't see the bullet hole in her chest until she pulled her free hand away. He didn't see the blood pouring from the wound at a cruel speed until he felt the warm substance drip onto his hands.
"No," he breathed. He lowered her body to the ground, shaking his head as he pressed both hands against her wound. "No, no, no. Fuck. What did I do?''
He looked at her, desperation evident in his eyes as tears streamed down his cheeks. Lucy groaned as he increased the pressure on her chest in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "It was the agent I was taking down before you. You didn't have a gun... Not your fault."
"H-hang on. Stay with me, honey." His eyes snapped to the kitchen, searching for something to use to help her. Lucy whimpered at the familiar nickname she had been longing to hear for the past five years.
He spotted a cloth on the table, looking back down at her as he tried to think of a solution. "Hang on, okay?! Just stay with me, sweetheart. I'm gonna grab—"
"Bucky." Lucy rasped his name. Blood spurted from her mouth as she coughed, dripping down the side of her cheek. "It's... It's too late."
"No, no! I can fix this. Just—"
"J-just hold me, please." Lucy's choked plea had Bucky releasing a heart-wrenching cry. He could hear how scared she was. "I dreamed of you... you being able to hold me again. Can you h-hold me?"
Bucky tightened his hold on her body and pulled her flush to him, sobbing into her hair. He shook his head in denial. "You're going to be okay. Just don't leave me. I love you. Please, don't leave me."
He could feel her grip slacken more and more as each moment passed. "I r-really missed you." She struggled to talk, let alone breathe. "This, s'not your fault. I l-love you."
"Stay with me, okay? Honey, I need you here with me."
That time, Lucy didn't respond.
Bucky felt the moment she stopped breathing. He felt her hands slip away, landing on the cold floor beneath them. He felt her heart stop beating as his worst fear came true.
A heartbroken sob spilled from his lips as he pulled his head back. "Lucy! " He shook her limp body. "Wake up! Luce!"
He pressed his forehead to hers as he wept. "I love you. I'm sorry, I love you. I love you," he repeated, trying to resuscitate her with the affirmation.
But he couldn't.
Lucy, his Lucy, was dead.
Bucky didn't let go of her body for the next few hours. He couldn't possibly. He just wanted to hold his girl and she died begging to be in his arms.
When he missed his check-in with HYDRA, they went to the house and found him curled up on the floor with her in his arms, still sobbing over the loss of his love.
His handler grunted in frustration as he stood in the doorway. "I told you!" he screamed at his agents. "He wasn't ready. Wipe him and then put him back in cryo."
The men nodded, wasting no time in stepping forward and reaching for their Winter Soldier. A few hands went to Lucy's body, trying to grab her and remove her from Bucky's hold. When he realized that they were going to take her away from him, Bucky saw red and fought back.
He swung his metal hand at them, cracking his fist into the first agent's jaw. He was about to stand and fight the rest of them off until an electrical impulse hit his metal arm and the appendage fell to the ground.
His arm was limp as he tried to lift it again. More agents flooded the room, some harshly ripping Lucy from him as the others restrained him. "Don't touch her! Let go of me!"
His handler stepped forward, motioning for his men to keep Bucky still as he backhanded the soldier. Bucky's head whipped to the side with the force of the hit. Still, he didn't care about the pain. All he cared about was that they were taking away his Lucy. Again.
"Your work will be a gift to mankind," his handler eerily whispered, leaning down to Bucky's level. "But not if you are weak. Understood?"
Bucky clenched his jaw, groaning as he struggled to get his arm up. "Fuck you. Fuck you! " He repeated with a sob. "You did this! You... you killed her!"
His handler was unphased. He motioned for his agents to drag the soldier to the armored vehicle waiting outside. Bucky struggled, unable to give up until he lost sight of Lucy's body. He had nothing to fight for anymore.
HYDRA won. Again. They had full control of their Winter Soldier.
And all it took to wipe Bucky Barnes' soul away was watching the love of his life die in his arms.
AUTHOR'S NOTE!
I'M SORRY, DON'T HATE ME.
stay tuned for my next update, and in the meantime, i'm sorry again.
kisses to all of you!
<3 mal