- before any of y'all read this book please know of the content warnings i put in the beginning of each chapter if it's needed.
-also the first few chapters have intentional lowercase because back when i first started this fic, i never expected anyone beyond me and my friend to ever read it but i'm so thankful so many of you have. a lot of the relationships in this fic and especially just y/n as a character are very personal to me and i hope you all can connect to them in one way or another. enjoy :)
-also i have an insta for this fic it's @retroackermanS lol okay go read now
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LIBERIO, MARLEY / YEAR 843
you let out an exhale as your eyes flutter open and you see a familiar blonde standing over you, giving you those familiar cold eyes as if she was trying to tell you "what the hell are you doing."
it was annie, not to your surprise. besides your family she knew this was your favorite spot to take naps. the spot was in an open field near your very own home and stood planted into the ground was an enormous oak tree with lots of shade that stood next to a little lake.
you had known the blonde since you entered the warrior training program about three years ago. you were eight now and as was annie. you had showed her this spot all those years ago on those training days where it was harder than others.
you had told her you liked to sit here and watch the tiny ripple of waves in the lake crash into each other, it was relaxing. so relaxing it also grew to be the best nap spot in liberio for yourself. annie lived a little bit outside of liberio with her dad, who you only met a handful of times. it was always annie coming back to you now that you thought of it. coming to your house, meeting up with you at training and coming to this spot.
still lying down, it's almost like your words took over before you can realize what you say to annie;
"annie, you look younger."
not even understanding yourself, annie scrunches her face at you and you begin to sit up.
"what is that even supposed mean, idiot."
you scoff and push her shoulder. you smile at her and look at the lake. it was nothing compared to the ocean despite only seeing it a handful of times during some special events marley had there. on those days they had to take the eldians somewhere else to punish them. when you were at the ocean on those special occasions you tried to enjoy it with all your friends. annie specifically but there was also bertholdt, marcel and reiner. but thoughts of eldians falling to their death to become mindless creatures always intruded your mind. the ocean, more like that area, almost felt haunted by the tens of thousands eldians killed there.
but when that wasn't on your mind those days you got to be at the ocean, you liked to look out into the horizon. that endless horizon. all you saw was sky for forever and the water, but you heard the stories of what was really over there and some days you could've sworn maybe it was in your blood, because curiosity always found it's way to eat away at you. it made you feel crazy and like it was in your blood specifically for even thinking such a thing because every time you mentioned it to your friends you were given a variance of the answer of a "who cares" or a "why do YOU care?" like you were absolutely insane for even asking or having the thought cross your mind.
and they were right. why did you care so much or even think about it. you had your goals here and you knew what your duty was. you had to live to achieve the ultimate goal, to be an honorary marleyan.
but forget the ocean, who cared what happened there, what was in it or what was on the other side for that matter. you'd probably always prefer this little lake with this tree. it was comforting, you could see the beginning and end of it, it was familiar, it was nice.
once again annie pulls you out of your daze with her hand brushing against your face. you look at her confused.
"why are you crying?"
you touched your face, and sure enough, it was wet with the water source being from your eyes. you hadn't even noticed. you wipe your face quickly and feel embarrassed but then again, it was just annie.
instead of giving her an answer, besides you didn't even have an answer to give her, you join annie in standing up and brush yourself off.
"come on, we have training camp to get to, y/n." annie says softly. her voice was always so soft. it was a nice break from all of the yelling commanders at camp you had to bear with all day. there was a lot of things about annie you liked. one was the fact you didn't have to feel embarrassed in front of her. another was that she was always was a constant in your life ever since you met her. she stuck right by you. you always felt lucky to have annie as a friend, it always felt like you had to be lucky that she even chose you to be her friend considering you, her dad and maybe sometimes bertholdt and marcel were the only people she cared to talk to.
as you begin your short walk to the camp annie asks, "what were you dreaming about?"
that was another thing about annie, she always seemed to read your mind, it was honestly annoying at times but that's just how in sync you guys were.
you were already trying to remember. it felt like the more you tried to remember the more the memories kept slipping away.
but what wasn't slipping away was the feeling in your chest. your heart felt heavy which explained the crying as you woke up from your nap. but no matter what you couldn't remember which made you want to start crying all over again for some reason. it felt like you were forgetting something important, or maybe someone that you didn't want to forget.
"i can't remember, it was probably something stupid." you say still wiping your face to erase any signs of your tears. the last thing you needed was anyone at the camp seeing you cry. you already had a reputation of being sensitive despite the family you came from, it was like you weren't living up to the reputation and quite frankly, it was embarrassing. as warrior candidates narrowed down and hosts were getting ready to be chosen, your family had been talking to you about how it was time to grow up and get your emotions in check. you were almost guaranteed one of the seven, however captains and commanders all had the same critique for your family when asked what could change, and that was your emotions. you were "too dependent emotionally on others" or just some critique on your emotions.
that's another reason why you admired annie so much. she was always so cool and calm. you had never seen her let her emotions get the better of her and you always credited her dad and the way he raised her for that.
it was a gloomy day out, but no rain. the walk to training camp with annie was quiet until you arrived and stepped in front of her. she gives you that same "what the hell" look and you say
"annie please don't tell anyone you saw me crying."
she rolls her eyes "you idiot, i wasn't going to. we have more important things to worry about. have you forgotten they're choosing hosts within this week? you need to get over yourself."
you sigh. "annie"
"what"
"does it look like i've been crying?"
annie rolls her eyes, "how bad was that dream you had? why are you acting so shook up? just relax, you look fine, come on." she said stepping in front of you. you follow her.
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training camp today didn't even feel like training camp. you were all down to your last week before they picked the warrior candidates to inherit the seven as annie mentioned and it seemed as though they already made up their mind of who would get what titan explaining why there was little to no training today.
so here you stood in the yard of the camp with bertholdt, marcel, annie, pieck, porco, reiner and zeke. everyone was talking amongst themselves as annie and bertholdt were playing with some ball. you stood with marcel, pieck and porco.
their conversation drowns out as you try to match who could possibly inherit what titan.
there was the obvious ones of marcel, annie and yourself. you all served superior judgment in your class and ranked the highest. everyone else had fair shots, you were just unsure who would end up with what.
if there was someone you were almsot certain wouldn't place a spot, that was reiner braun.
you weren't very close to him but you saw the way he was in camp. sure, he had potential but you couldn't see him being chosen over someone like zeke or pieck or especially porco. now that you think about it, you couldn't even recall where reiner ranked in your class.
miraculously, you had ranked first in your class. more so expected since it was almost like a tradition in your family to rank first in the warrior candidate program. your older brother, paul, ranked first in his group 13 years ago and he had the honor of inheriting one of the seven, the same titan inherited in your family for decades now.
the cart, the beast , the jaw , the armor , the colossal , the female and the mayhem titan.
the mayhem titan being passed down from your family when that 13 years rolled around to choose a new host.
it wasn't even a matter like it was marley tradition or something to give your family the mayhem titan every 13 years, it just happened to be the way things worked out.
your family genes were strong, not only did everyone look scarily similar, but everyones physical abilities were unmatched. the L/N's were incredibly strong people. if you had told someone they were a product of marley science and that's why they were the way they were, it was believable.
given that fact, the L/N's were very respected in marley. maybe that's why it was easy for you to find friends, because eveyone knew where you came from and maybe they wanted to be surrounded by that. sure it made you feel used, but at least you weren't alone.
it almost felt that often times when people got to know you , they were left disappointed, almost everyone besides annie and maybe that's why she's stuck around for so long.
arguably, the mayhem titan was the strongest of the seven and maybe that's why your family always inherited it.
once transforming into it, the host stands 14 meters high and is bestowed upon incredible speed and agility. the most noteworthy trait of the titan however was the ability to to blow up anything on command once the hosts touches something.
it was the ultimate weapon in war.
you shared your families looks, physical abilities but where you lacked was your emotional strong suit that they all seemed
to inherit excluding you.
you asked too many questions and cared too much about the things that didn't matter and not enough about the things that did. as soon as you began talking, your parents believed you would grow out of the crying episodes, the sobs over things they seemed unnecessary. but that trait seemed to stick with you. the only thing that truly changed was your ability to be able to hide it more or find the timing you knew people wouldn't see you cry.
out of everyone in you life, annie definitely witnessed you cry the most, it wasn't even on purpose, she just always happened to be there for it. and maybe that's why it was hard for you to feel embarrassed in front of her, considering how many times she saw you so vulnerable. and you trusted annie. you knew what happened between the two of you would stay, and you valued her so much for that.
when you tune back into reality you notice porco and reiner fighting. your attention focuses on reiner who is threatening to report marcel to the authorities. you wish you had paid attention sooner because the drama between the two of them seemed too good.
too good until you have to stand witness to porco throwing reiner in the dirt. you couldn't help but feel sorry for reiner. you knew he wasn't the best but you knew how passionate he was about this. you believed if he were to inherit one of the seven it would be because of the passion and dedication he showed, it was just a shame how weak he could be.
marcel apologizes to reiner it seems on porco's behalf and leaves the yard. zeke and pieck follow after. leaving yourself, bertholdt, annie and reiner face first in the dirt. you cant help but cringe looking at reiner, it was horrible to admit but it was such a pathetic sight.
bertholdt leans down to help reiner up and when reiner lifts his head up you can't help but be taken back.
reiner was crying.
bertholdt and annie also seemed to be taken back by this. but it seemed the way you were taken back was different from theirs.
it was obvious bertholdt and annie were shocked for the fact alone reiner was crying in the first place. all porco did was push him but here he was tearing up like a baby.
you on the other hand were taken back because you had never seen another warrior candidate cry. especially in such a public place like this. it made you terrified.
although you barely knew reiner, you didn't want an officer to see him cry and perhaps damage what little chance he has of inheriting one of the seven. you didnt want him to lose an opportunity like this over something you knew very well yourself, was almost impossible to control.
you stand next to bertholdt and say
"reiner, please just get up."
bertholdt reaches out his hand as the blonde boy stands up.
he looks at you and almost blubbering says
"hey y/n. how'd you do it? how'd did you become so strong?"
if only he knew how well you knew how he felt right now
you look at him and just give him a soft smile, trying to be comforting;
"couldn't say. but stop worrying, this decision isn't up to porco, i think you have a good chance reiner."
bertholdt smiles at you and says
"she's right reiner. isn't she annie?"
annie is on a different section of the yard but still not far away. if you didn't know her so well you would think she didn't hear the conversation.
but you saw the focused look on her face and knew she knew.
"i wasn't listening." annie says
you shoot her a dirty look and she makes eye contact with you, looks at reiner, shrugs and walks away.
"i think that's my cue to go. reiner try not to let his worry you too much. bye bert" you say quickly.
reiner just stares at you before walking in the opposite direction of annie and bertholdt following him after.
that stare reiner gives you stays with you until you catch up with annie. he looked at you like he had sometning against you which upsetted you slightly. after all,
was that really the thanks you got for being the only person besides bertholdt to stay with him to make sure he got up and was okay? not that you were looking for thanks but still. maybe he was just embarrassed you saw him cry. you try not to let it bother you too much.
once you catch up to annie you decided not to bring up the reiner situation since she was already acting weird. now that you think about it everyone was acting weird this week. it had to be everyone's nerves for the candidate choosing.
your walk back home with annie was quiet, she lives closer to camp so she departed with you first.
it was a good 10 minute walk now until you arrived at your own home.
tonight was the last night you had with your brother paul, because by tomorrow or the next day at the latest , one of candidates, who could very well be yourself would have to inherit his titan. you swear you could feel your heart about to explode.
to say you weren't ready or upset about the situation was an understatement. your family, especially your parents had been treating the situation like a bittersweet goodbye. he had filled his L/N duty and what more could they want?
paul was an excellent mayhem titan. he had been the reason to win many of the battles the past 13 years here in marley. he was celebrated and praised. if you weren't the one to inherit his titan, you felt incredibly sorry to whoever had to live up to him.
not only was the burden to live only 13 more years on the table by inheriting the mayhem, but the burden of living up to the great paul seemed equal or even greater.
bittersweet to your family losing him was, where to you, it had to be the most excruciating pain you've faced during your short eight years on this planet.
you wanted to cry everytime you saw him this year, knowing what was coming soon but you couldn't . because if you cried how stupid and selfish could you be? your brother fulfilled his destiny and all
you can do is cry? pathetic.
paul inherited the mayhem titan from a cousin on your dads side of the family
those 13 years ago. and that's how it worked with your family. it was always some cousin or sibling on your dads side of the family getting it.
and before you know it, you've reached home.
the sun was setting and it had become a little chilly out. you take a deep breath and step inside.
your mom was in the living room straightening up and your dad, you could only assume was sleeping upstairs.
you exchange quick hellos like it was a normal day which you almost could not wrap your mind around considering they all
knew what was coming in the next day or so.
when walking upstairs you see paul in his room with the door open , standing, looking out his window watching the sun go down.
"hey." you say quietly but enough for
him to hear you. he snaps his head towards you and smiles.
"hey, kid."
you walk into his room and stand opposite from him, head facing the window watching the sunset.
this sunset was nothing special considering how gloomy the weather was today. so you two stood in silence watching the light be sunken in by the darkness of the sky.
you break the silence first.
"how are you feeling? are you excited?"
his eyes switch to you and he stares at you for a second.
what is everyone's problem with staring at me today. first annie then reiner and now him.
paul sighs and turns his attention back to the window.
what he said sent chills throughout your whole body, you pray you just imagined it, because you can't hear this right now. but the house is so quiet there's no way you imagined it.
"i just-"
he choked on his words.
"we were just kids. i was just a kid. what the hell did i know about anything? about any of this."
your eyes are glued to the window but they widen. that feeling of your heart beating out of your chest returns.
your brother looks at you and you look back and he breathes heavy, and there's another heavy breath.
he begins hyperventilating and you swear he's about to cry but nothing comes out. before he gets louder he stops himself. he buries his head in his hands and mumbles
"you're a good kid y/n i want you to live a long life."
you stay dead silent because you're scared if you make a noise you'd lose it.
"go to bed kid, you have a big day tmrw." he smiles slightly.
as soon as he finished that sentence you see outside the sun has disappeared and you're faced with nothing but darkness.
before you leave you give paul a hug and at first he doesn't hug back. this is probably the last interaction you'll have with him.
finally he gives you a pat and sends you off. before you can look back he's shut the door of his room.
as you make your way to your room his sentence just replays in your head. reiner crying, annie being quiet walking
home today, you crying under the tree.
you were trying to remember the dream you had and why it made you so upset, the man you saw in the dream and his voice. it's all just keeps replaying over and over until it finally knocks you out and sends you to sleep.
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you wake up the next day in time for camp. you notice when leaving the house paul
isn't there. in fact his room is empty. you sigh and begin your walk. as you pass annie's house she comes out and meets up with you.
the two of you make small talk until you finally arrive. when there, you notice commotion with porco and other candidates you don't recognize. when entering you and annie are pulled aside inside the main building on the sight.
as soon as you enter the building you and annie are pulled into different rooms, nothing is ococuring to you or making sense until one of the commanders begin talking to you. suddenly you hear white and the commander passes you a piece of paper.
it reads as follows
Zeke Jaeger to inherit the beast titan
Marcel Galliard to inherit the jaw titan
Annie Leonhardt to inherit the female
titan
Bertholdt Hoover to inherit the colossal tian
Pieck Finger to inherit the cart titan
and the next like is what truly shocks you, more than the one that reads next
Reiner Braun to inherit the armored
you blink and your eyes dart to the final line
Y/N to inherit the mayhem titan.