1.
"I am going to fucking murder you, Tommy!"
The shout echoed through L'Manberg. Several people whipped around in time to see TommyInnit sprint past them, cackling wildly. Dream followed a moment later, wielding a netherite axe.
"Can't kill me if you can't catch me, bitch!" the teen shrieked gleefully, then screamed and jumped off the path as Dream hurled the axe, sending it spinning past Tommy's head. "What the fuck!"
"Tommy!" Dream howled, stopping to retrieve his axe before leaping off the path as well. "Get back here!"
"Sam!" Tommy screamed, doubling back and ducking under Dream's wild swing. He leaped up the side of the hill back onto the path, dashing towards the community house. "Sam, help!"
The creeper hybrid looked startled, frozen midstep. His gaze darkened when he saw Tommy sprinting towards him, Dream hot on his heels. Tommy skidded to a stop behind him, panting with exertion. "Sam," he choked out. "Sam, you gotta help, he's gonna kill me--"
Sam slammed his trident into the floor, standing tall as Dream approached. "Dream, stop."
The man growled. "Step aside, Sam."
Sam met his gaze, glaring resolutely. "No. I've already let you get away with too m-- what happened to your mask?"
Tommy burst into hysterical laughter. Dream's grip on his axe tightened.
"Tommy," he snarled threateningly. The curly mustache drawn across his mask ruined the effect. Tommy continued to devolve into hysterics, practically asphyxiating on dry land.
"Er. . ." Sam glanced between the two of them, bewildered. "I- what?"
2.
"Tommy, please!" Tubbo screamed, tears pouring down his face. He strained forward, Eret's grip on his arms holding him back. "You're better than this!"
Tommy laughed madly, insanity shining in his eyes. He raised the remote. "It was never meant to be!"
BOOM!
Eret yanked Tubbo down, covering his body. Explosions and screams resounded through L'Manberg.
Gradually, they faded away. Silence fell, the terrible quiet that followed an explosion. Slowly, Eret shifted away from Tubbo, allowing him to sit up and assess the damage.
Smoke filled the air, and Tubbo coughed, waving aside the haze to reveal--
L'Manberg. Perfectly intact, save for the fact that every available surface was covered in glitter.
Tubbo looked down at himself. The gritty texture he'd taken for dirt was, in fact, glitter.
"FUCK IT'S IN MY EYES!" Tommy shrieked. Tubbo blinked, bewildered, at the sight of his friend (?), rolling from side to side on the roof. He'd escaped the worst of the blast, but his hair and shoulders were still dusted with glitter. "OH GOD IT STINGS!"
Dream landed next to him, raising a neat puff of glitter around his feet. Somehow, he was perfectly pristine, not a single speck on him.
"Why would you set it off while you were in the blast radius?!"
"FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT! FUCK YOU!"
Dream snorted, only to yelp as Tommy grabbed him by the ankle and yanked him off his feet. He landed on his back on the glitter-covered roof, sending up another puff of glitter that he accidentally inhaled, if his coughing was anything to go by.
"I-" he wheezed out when his vocal chords start functioning again, "-am going- to- hck- murder you."
Tommy only grinned before scooping up a handful of glitter and dropping it onto Dream's face.
"What the fuck," Tubbo said, then spit out the glitter that had fallen into his mouth.
3.
Technoblade opened the door, saw Dream and Tommy, and promptly shut it again.
"Rude," Dream huffed, pounding insistently on the door again. "C'mon, Technoblade, we just want to talk!"
"No," Technoblade deadpanned. "Leave me alone, I'm retired."
"Techno, open the fucking door!" Tommy shouted. There was a loud thud as he kicked the wood.
"I'm calling in the favor," Dream added.
Technoblade stared incredulously at the door. "Wha-- the favor is to open the door?"
"No! I mean I want to call in the favor, but I gotta talk to you about it."
The piglin hybrid huffed and reluctantly unbolted the door. "What do you want."
Dream shifted awkwardly. "Uh. . . can we come i--"
"No."
"Okay. I want you to go on a vacation with us."
"A vacation," Technoblade said flatly.
"Yep. To L'Manberg."
Technoblade stared at Dream, then at Tommy, who seemed to find nothing wrong with this situation. "In case you forgot, Tommy's exiled, and they're kinda tryin' ta kill me."
Dream shrugged. "Details."
"C'mon, we're gonna go visit Philza Minecraft," Tommy wheedled. "Don't you wanna see Phil?"
"You're both insane."
"So are you," Dream chirped. Technoblade conceded that it was a fair point. "The question is, are you insane enough to come with us?"
"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Technoblade turned back inside. "Let me grab some gear, then we'll go."
4.
"Ten paces, fire!"
A pause.
Dream and Tommy turned to face each other, making no move to attack.
"Dream, what are you doing?" Sapnap shouted. He was ignored.
"I'm speedrunning this shit," Tommy said aloud. He lowered his crossbow. "I'll give you Cat and Mellohi for independence."
"No," Dream replied instantly.
Tommy made an indignant noise. "The fuck?! I'm tryin' do a revolution here, Dream, stop messing with me!"
Dream sighed, dropping his crossbow. "Counterdeal," he intoned, looking up at the sky. "Come with me and L'Manberg can have independence."
The L'Manberg side instantly erupted into protests. They were ignored.
Tommy stared at him for a long moment, then smirked. He strode forward, grasping Dream's hand. "You got yourself a deal, big man."
Dream grinned. "Excellent."
"TOMMY, WHAT THE FUCK?!" Fundy burst out.
"Tommy. . ." Tubbo stepped forward, concern shining in his eyes.
Tommy waved a hand as he was pulled away by Dream. "Don't worry, I'll be fine!"
"You can have him back later," Dream called. "I just need him for something."
"What exactly do you need him for?" Wilbur demanded.
Dream pressed a finger to his lips. "Secret."
~~~
"Dream."
"Hm?"
"Who the fuck is that?"
Dream grinned. "That's XD, guardian of the End."
Tommy stared blankly at the Dream lookalike. "Doesn't look much like a guardian, does he?"
"That's his human form," Dream replied cheerily. "Don't ask why he--"
"Why the fuck does he look like you?"
"--looks like me," Dream finished, sighing with exasperation. He turned to XD. "Hey, can we have a dragon egg?"
"No."
~~~
Tommy slammed the door of the camarvan open. "I'M BACK!"
Fundy shrieked, jumping a foot in the air. Wilbur whipped around from where he had been staring at a bunch of important-looking papers.
Tubbo rushed forward and engulfed him in a hug. "You're alive!"
Wilbur looked relieved, but his eyes were narrowed with suspicion. "What did you do?"
Tommy pulled away from Tubbo, looked Wilbur in the eye, and said calmly, "Fight god."
A long pause. "What?" Fundy asked.
Tommy grinned. "Fight god," he repeated, "and commit sin. Lots of sin."
5.
Tommy grinned victoriously, raising the axe and bringing it down upon Dream--
--only to swear and redirect it at the last moment. The momentum of the swing ripped the axe out of his hands, sending it skittering across the blackstone floor.
"Oh, oh fuck," he gasped. "Dream, big man, you okay?"
Dream sighed, lowering the arm he'd raised as a paltry defense. "So we're back here now?"
"Here?" Tommy followed his gaze to the crowd gathered behind him, decked out in full netherite and all glaring hatefully at Dream. "Oh."
"Oh," Dream echoed mockingly. "What do we do?"
There was a long moment of silence.
Then Tommy kicked Dream in the face. The man careened back, mask cracking. "What the fuck?" He demanded.
"I'll get you out later," Tommy replied cheerily. "But I got the chance to beat you up, you bastard, and I'm not wasting it."
Dream sighed. "This is because of Tubbo last loop, isn't it."
Tommy smirked.