Hera
"Are you okay?" He's voice almost fainted and his warm breath send shivers to my whole being.
Hindi ko pa siya nilingon and still his arms around my waist, my heart almost break the ribcage. How am I suppose to move in this situations, my body won't listen to me.
He suddenly shifted me to other side without letting go of my waist. "It's too crowded here" He resumed and I'm still processing on how to move.
"Hera-" I cut him off.
Finally, I was able to utter a word now and seems like my body is also responding "Uhm, I'm okay" I mumbled and I hate it. "Bye!" I immediately get off his arms and was about to walk away from him when he instantly grabbed my wrist.
"Can we talk?" A glimpse of light landed in his eyes. Ah, it reminds me so much of Dylan's pair of brown eyes.
"About what?" I keep my normal pace while hiding the fact that my hands are shaking now, probably I was surprised.
He step closer to me and I step back "I just want to ask you if..." He trailed off "Are we good?" He continued and I swallowed a large lump inside my throat.
"Sorry?" Hindi ko alam ang isasagot sa sinabi niya so I babbled whatever now.
He inhaled a large amount of air and then he instantly looked directly in my eyes and I suddenly can't move "Okay I'm sorry to bothered you. Enjoy the night" He then, left.
What was that? Am I furious? I can't even move, can't even utter a single word or use a perfect pronoun to fit the the sentences and he left immediately. Probably he's thinking about his family all this time. Tsk, why I even let myself cornered by the thought of that.
When I turned around I almost lost my balance but thankfully someone got me. "Hey, are you okay?" It was Nathan, holding me from behind.
I plastered a reassuring smile "I'm fine. Uuwi na muna siguro ako. Dylan's probably waiting for me"
"Sure. Should I drive you home?" He asked gently.
"I can manage. Thank you" Hindi ko na hinintay ang isasagot niya at agad na akong naglakad papalayo sa kanya.
I didn't mind the crowd, dire-diretso akong naglakad until I reached outside. I inhaled a large amount of air and closed my eyes out of frustration.
"Why I even bumped into him..." I whispered. I settled myself and waiting for a taxi.
Ilang minuto na akong nag-aantay ng taxi pero walang dumaan. Malalim na din ang gabi kaya siguro wala ng dumadaan sa ganitong oras. I decided to take a walk since I'm still driven by an alcohol and maybe walking is a best way to sober up. I was about to take a walk when a black BMW stopped beside me.
Dahan-dahan bumukas ang pinto sa driver seat at agad lumabas si Kyjie. "I'll take you home" Diretsong sabi niya, agad kumalabog ang puso ko sa sinabi niya.
Taking me home? What if maabutan niya si Dylan? I don't think this is the right time for the both of them to meet.
"Thank you but I'm okay" I was about to continue walking when he suddenly grabbed my wrist.
We are now so close to each other. I can even catch his hot breath. He sighed "Just let me take you home"
"Will you please stop! It's none of your concern anymore!" I was furious but I don't want him to take me home.
"I'm still-"
"Thank you for your kindness but I hate giving you an owe. Please let me walk peacefully tonight" Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at napagtaasan ko siya ng boses. Kita sa mukha niya ang gulat at dismaya.
"I'm sorry but..." He trailed off, stepping closer to me "But at least, can I hug you?" Without any hesitant he hugged me, tightened his arms around me.
I can't deny the fact that I miss the warm of his hug. I miss being around his arm, smelling his manly scent.
"I miss you" He whispered before letting go of me and he go back inside his car and drive away.
A droplet of tears escaped my eyes. "Me too..."
I ended up riding a taxi since may dumaan naman habang naglalakad ako. Hindi ko maiwasang maiyak sa loob ng taxi habang dinadama ang naiwang yakap niya.
It's already too late for the both of us. He found his new home while I was still il hoping for him to come home with us.
Umuwi akong namumugto ang mata buti nalang at tulog na si Shaira at Dylan since tahimik na ang bahay at patay na lahat ng ilaw. Dumiret ako sa kusina para uminom ng tubig. Napasandal ako sa ref habang tumatakbo parin sa isipan ko ang biglaang pag yakap niya saaken. It seems like I want to hug him more...
Hinugasan ko na ang basong gimanit ko nang' biglang may pumasok sa kitchen.
"Mommy?" Nagulat ako at agad akong napalingon. It was Dylan in his sleepwear and seems like he's half asleep.
"Baby? What are you doing here?" Agad ko siyang nilapitan at kinarga. "Did mommy woke you up?"
"No mommy. I just had a dream. I was with daddy" Something throbbed my heart. It pained me.
Gusto ko nalang maiyak sa harap ng anak ko paulit-ulit humingi ng tawad. He suffered a lot, even in his dreams his daddy hunting him obviously I deprived him so much.
"Mommy are you okay?" Dylan's voice snapped me out. Agad akong napatingin sa inosente niyang mata.
"Yes baby. Mommy is okay" I plastered a reassuring smile.
"Let's sleep mommy" He said and wrapped his arms around my neck, placing his head on my shoulder. I suddenly remembered the hug that Kyjie was given me earlier.
Halos hindi ako makatulog buong gabi, the thought of that incident last night triggered my insomnia. My head hurt and I felt sick because of the alcohol I drank last night.
"Rae! Wake up already, I have flight today pa. Walang kasama si Dylan sa living room" Nagising ako sa boses at alog ni Shaira saaken.
The sunlight from the window welcomed my swollen eyes. I groaned and slowly getting up "Anong oras na?"
"It's late already na kaya! I have fight pa, you should fix yourself. Wala ka bang work today?" Dire-diretsong lintya niya.
Napahaplos ako sa sentido ko at tumayo "Wala. Rest day namin" Puna ko at tinalikoran ko na siya at agad naman siyang sumunod.
"That's great. Uhm could you at least buy a groceries? It's ubos na kasi" She pleaded as if asking a candy from me.
I just nodded and since wala naman akong magawa ngayong buong araw. Gusto ko ding' ipasyal si Dylan dito.
Umalis na si Shaira at naiwan na kami ni Dylan sa living room. Kakatapos lang namin kumain ng agahan at pinahinga ko muna siya bago ko siya paliguan at bihisan.
He's watching a cartoon movie on the television, he sat innocently beside me. I was staring at him and thought about his dad's image.
"Mommy?" I suddenly snap to reality when he called me.
"Uhm. Baby?"
"When can I meet daddy?" Agad akong natigilan sa tanong niya. I really want to avoid his questions like this but I don't want to disappoint him.
I shifted my seat and faced him. "Uhm baby, hindi parin kasi maayos ang bagay namin ng daddy mo. Uhm can you wait a little longer baby?"
Dylan sighed and then looked at me with his innocent eyes but longing is visible inside him. "Not until my birthday mom" Agad na may kirot sa puso ko sa mga sinabi niya.
Malapit na ang birthday niya and I don't want to disappoint him. I'm still not ready at hindi ko pa alam kung ano ang tamang sabihin kay Kyjie na may anak kami.
Nakabihis na kaming dalawa at agad na lumabas para mag-antay ng taxi, mabuti nalang ay agad na may dumaan at nakasakay na kami. Hindi ko pa nakuha ang kotse ko na nandoon sa NYC at baka' bibili na din ako dito para mapapadali lang ang mga lakad ko dito. Hindi ko naman pwedeng gamitin ang kotse ni Shai at naka'tambay lang sa isang bahay nila at sinusundo lang siya.
We arrived at the supermarket, I instantly held Dylan's hand tightly so that he won't get lost. The place is not too crowded but I still need to be careful. I get anything that needed for our groceries while I'm still holding Dylan's hand.
"Mommy can I have this?" He get something from the grocery stand. It was a pack of candy with a superhero print.
"Of course baby" I smiled at him and he instantly get one pack and we proceeded to other side.
"Mommy can I go there?" Agad akong napalingon sa tinuro ni Dylan.
Sa hindi kalayuan ay may playground na may mga batang naglalaro. Hindi naman siya nakahiwalay sa supermarket pero masyadong matao sa lugar. Napatingin ako sa kanya and he's still waiting for my response.
"Baby-"
"Please mommy. I'll be right back" He pleaded with his puppy eyes.
Napa buntonghininga nalang ako and beside I don't want to deprive him "Okay. Just promise mo babalik ka dito okay? I'll just pay for this" I answered and he instantly hugged my legs.
I watched him as he ran towards the playground. A few kids approached him and invited him to play. Agad naman silang nagkasundo at naglaro. Medyo mahaba ang pila kaya medyo matatagalan pa ako. Everyone's eyeing me and I even heard them mentioned my name but I just ignored them like I didn't heard their bad mouthing about me.
It's my turn already and the cashier scanned all the items I bought and totaled it all. I immediately get my wallet and paid the cashier. Dala-dala ko ang dalawang malalaking reusable shopping bag. I was about to leave the supermarket when I remember that I need to buy an ice cream for Dylan para may kakainin siya habang mamasyal muna kami.
I bought cookies and cream and finally left the place. I went to the playground to fetch Dylan. There's a lot of kids inside the playground and my eyes can't find him. I calmed myself and maybe I just didn't see him because of a lot of kids playing.
"Baby?" I called out as I started to get worried "Dylan? Dylan Harrison?" I keep calling out and I entered the playground already and searching for Dylan.
"Did you know Dylan? Did you see him?" I asked a random kids but they just shook their head and shrugged their shoulders.
Kinabahan na kaagad ako at iniwan ko sa gilid ang groceries na binili ko. Naglibot na ako sa paligid at hindi ko parin makita ang anak ko. Nagtanong tanong na ako sa ibang tao pero hindi nila napansin si Dylan.
"Excuse. Did you see my son? He's wearing a white shirt" I asked a parent who just fetch her daughter, agad kong kinuha ang cellphone ko para ipakita ang picture ni Dylan "Ito po siya" Halos nanginig na ang kamay ko habang hinahawakan ang cellphone ko. I can't afford to lose my precious son!
"Ah itong batang ito. Nandoon lang yun kanina tapos napansin naming may sinundan siyang tao" Para akong binuhosan ng isang malamig na tubig at agad nanghina ang tuhod ko sa narinig ko.
Where is my son? Sino ang sinundan niya? Is he safe? No! Probably no! Paano kung may mangyaring masama sa kanya? Hindi ko kakayaning mawala siya. Ayokong mag-isip ng masama pero maraming tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon.
"Baby.." Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at naiyak nalang sa kalagitnaang mataong lugar.
Hindi ako nawalan ng pag-asa at nagmamadali akong tumawag ng tulong at iisang tao lang ang natawagan ko at si Nathan lang. Agad ko siyang pinaalam sa nangyari at sinabi niya kaagad na pupuntahan niya ako.
Habang naghihintay ako kay Nathan ay pumunta ako sa malapit na police station para ireport ang nangyari. Nananatili akong matataga at wala naman akong mapapala kung iiyak nalang ako.
"Saan mo po siya huling iniwan?" The police asked.
I gulped and stopping my hand from trembling "Sa playground. Sabi kasi ng ibang magulang na nandoon ay umalis bigla yung anak ko at may sinundang tao"
Tumango-tango lang ang puli at may isinulat sa maliit na notebook "Please find my son sir. He's everything I got" Naluluhang pakiusap ko.
"Gagawin po namin lahat ng makakaya namin" The police nodded and he called another policeman and assigned them to find my son.
I don't know what to do already, hindi ako mapakaling naghintay nalang na hahanapin nila ang anak ko. I was praying so hard while tears keep falling from my eyes.
I can't lose my son. He's the reason of my everything, he's the reason why I am still here standing and keep fighting. I can't imagine my life without him. He give me reason to continue living and he's the only one who's there when everyone left. I can't survive the day without his hugs and kisses.
"Hera!" Agad akong napatingin sa likoran ko kung saan may tumawag saakin. It was Nathan rushing towards me. "What's the update?"
I gulped and sobbed "Wala pa. Wala pang' update" Halos mangiyak ngiyak na sagot ko "I can't forgive myself if something bad happened to him"
"Don't say that yet, ang importante ay mahanap natin si Dylan" He caressed my back at may nilapitan siya sa mga pulis.
I was about to go outside to continue searching for Dylan when the group of policemen approached us. Agad akong kinutoban at halos hindi ako makahinga.
"Ano pong' balita?" Nathan asked as I didn't utter a word because there's a lump inside my throat.
"Hindi po kami sigurado pero may nakitang batang nasagasaan sa highway kanina pero agad naman itong dinala sa ospital" Tuloyan nang nawalan ng lakas ang tuhod ko sa narinig ko at agad akong bumagsak sa sahig.
"Hera, get a grip!" Agad akong nahawakan ni Nathan at tinulongan akong makaupo ng maayos.
No way.
"Sigurado po ba kayong si Dylan yung tinutukoy niyo?" Nathan asked while he supported my weight.
"Base po doon sa larawang pinakita ni ma'am at pinakita ko din ito sa mga taong nakakita at namumukhaan din nila ang bata" Nakatulala nalang ako at patuloy na tumutulo ang luha.
I can't lose my son! He's my one and only everything now, no one left it's only him. I can't imagine life without my son.
"Saang' hospital po daw dinala?" Tanong ulit ni Nathan.
Hindi ko na narinig ang mga ibang usapan nila at tuloyan na akong naiyak. Agad naman akong dinala ni Nathan sa kotse niya at nagmamadaling nagmaneho patungo sa ospital kung saan dinali si Dylan.
"Ang sama sama kong ina. Hindi ko man lang binantayan ng maayo ang anak ko" Naiiyak na sabi ko habang nakatakip ang kamay ko sa mukha ko.
"Hindi nababawasan ang pagiging mabuting ina mo dahil lang sa isang pagkakamali. You are always a wonderful mother" Nathan comforted me with his words but I can't stop blaming myself of what happened to Dylan now.
We already arrived at the hospital and we both rushed inside then we immediately went on the nurse station to asked about Dylan. Nathan asked about Dylan's information because I can't utter a words and I don't know how to ask in my situation wherein my entire being is shaking.
"Let's go. He's still in the emergency room" He grabbed my wrist because I can't move with own will already and I froze like an ice.
Nasaharap na kami ng ER pero nag dadalawang isip akong pumasok at baka ikaguguho ko ang makikita ko sa loob pero hinila na ako ng Nathan sa loob.
"Dylan!" My heart jumped when I heard Nathan calling my son. I didn't take a look and remained my eyes on the floor.
"Are the parents of this boy?" I heard a voice of a woman but it's calm.
"She's the mother" Sagot ni Nathan pero hindi ko parin inalis ang tingin ko sa sahig.
"Well, there's nothing to worry about..." Parang akong tinanggalan ng tali sa leeg ko at nakahinga ako ng maluwag at agad akong napatingin ng diretso sa hospital bed kung saan nakahiga ang anak ko.
He has a bandage on his knee and arm but he look fine. I instantly ran towards him and hug hin tightly.
"Baby! Don't scare mommy like that!" I sobbed between our hugs and I heard him sobbing too.
"I'm sorry mom. I shouldn't left you" He said while crying and I faced him.
"Hindi na importante yan, ang importante ngayon ay walang ibang masamang nangyari sayo" Puna ko while drying his tears. "It's okay baby"
"He's all fine but still we need to confine him at least three days so that we can observe the side effects of his injury" The doctor said while smiling at us.
"Thank you so much doc" I smiled emotionally.
"I'm just doing my job and beside you should thank the man who brought your son here" My brows furrowed after hearing what she said.
"Who do you mean doc? Did you know him?" I asked again.
"No but you should meet him. Actually he'll be right here, nasa baba lang siya buying food for your son because your son asked for it" Her smile never left her face so it creeped me out "Anyway, ililipat na siya sa room niya ngayon and I'll have to go"
"Okay doc. Thank you again"
"Dylan my boy! How are you now?" Nathan approached us finally while I am still thinking about the man who brought Dylan here and he is know buying food for my son.
Hinayaan ko lang mag-usap si Dylan at Nathan hanggang sa nilipat na siya ng room niya at hanggang ngayon hindi pa tumambad yung lalaking nagdala kay Dylan dito.
"Uhm Hera. I have an emergency can I go? I'll be back" Nathan approached me as I arrange Dylan's blanket.
"Sure. Uhm thank you for helping me and do you need any help?" I assured him.
"No it's okay. Alagan mo nalang si Dylan" He pointed out and already bid his good byes to us.
Umupo ako sa kama sa ni Dylan at hinarap siya "Baby, kilala mo ba yung lalaking nagdala sayo dito?" I asked gently.
"Nope mommy but he's a good man po" Nakangising sagot niya.
"Are you sure? Bakit siya ang nagdala sayo dito"
"Because mommy, I followed him when I saw him in the playground. He's with his daughter and the ball I saw the ball he carried so that's why I followed him until we reach outside" He explained like a man but he plastered a smile in the end of his words.
"Baby don't do that again okay? Mommy can buy you a ball you don't have to do that" I scolded him in a gentle way and make sure to put my words in a nice way.
"But that ball is the one who use in football mom" I instantly shivered and my heart is racing. I shouldn't be thinking of him kasi hindi lang naman siya ang naglalaro ng football dito and I don't think he is still playing football.
"Baby-" I cut off my own words when I heard the door opened and someone is entering.
"I'm sorry. I was searching for his room and I want to give this to him" My heart beat even faster when I heard the voice of the man speaking. My entire being froze and I can't move.
"Is that a nuggets po?" Dylan asked excitedly and I heard the door closed now.
"Yes baby" The way he addressed Dylan throbbed my heard.
"Yehey! Mommy there he is po" Agad akong napatingin kay Dylan at kitang-kita ko sa mata niya ang matinding saya.
"Hera?" Nanginginig ang kamay ko at parang ayaw ko siyang lingunin pero naramdaman ko ang dahan-dahang paglapit saaken.
"Kilala niyo po ang mommy ko?" Tanong ni Dylan sa kanya at hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko para akong naipit sa sitwasyon.
"Of course. She's my..." He trailed off "My old friend" Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa sinabi niya.
Old friend huh?
"Anak... huwag kang malikot" Wala sa sariling sabi ko at tumayo ako without looking at him.
"Anak mo? So this is-" I cut him off immediately and grabbed him by his wrist papalabas ng room.
"Is that my son?" Nagtatakang tanong niya.
Huming ako ng malalim at tinignan siya sa mata "Yes"
Wala naman akong planong itago sa kanya ang anak namin, though he has a family now. But I just don't want to deprive both of them.
"I knew it" Bulong niya and he instantly looked at me in the eyes "Why did you take him away from me?"
"I was hurt that time! I don't know to see you kasi nasasaktan ako kaya hindi ko sinabi sayong buntis ako sa araw na sinaktan mo ako!" Bigla nalang akong naluha at agad sumakit ang puso ko.
"I saw the box and surprised on what's inside..." Agad siyang napayuko at nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.
"So all this time. Alam mong may anak tayo pero hindi mo man lang kami sinundan?" Nanliit ang mata ko sa kanya at patuloy na tumutulo ang luha.
"I was trying to reach you out that time but as you said nasasaktan ka pag nakita mo ako at alam ko yan so I stayed away from you kasi hindi ko kayang nakikita kang nasasaktan" He said with a droplet of tears escaped his eyes.
"Pero hindi mo man lang kami kinumusta, kahit si Dylan man lang? Bullshit you even had your own family" Mariing sabi ko sabay talikod sa kanya but he stopped me.
Hinarap niya ako sa kanya with his brows furrowed "What do you mean? I don't have a family with someone else. Kahit matagal na I'm waiting for your return" He said like he mean it.
"Liar. Then who's that little girl calling you daddy on the airport when we bumped to each other? And even our son saw it!" I want to lashed him out but I keep calm because we're in a public place.
"You don't understand everything. That was Ivy's daughter and I'm not the father but I let her call me daddy because her daddy left them" My brows furrowed and pinned my eyes on him.
I tsked and laugh annoyingly "So nagsasama pa pala kayo?"
"You don't understand. Humingi ng tawad si Ivy saaken and for the exchange of my forgiveness I let her do something that probably help me" He explained but I was eaten by my anger now.
"I don't care anymore on what connections you have with that woman. Ang importante kilala mo na ang anak mo" Tuloyan ko na siyang tinalikoran at agad pumasok sa loob at naabutang kumakain si Dylan sa nuggets na binili ni Kyjie sa kanya.
"Mommy where's the man who brought this?" Tanong niya kaagad habang tinitignan ang pintoan at umaasang papasok si Kyjie.
I smiled and sat in the front of him "Baby you like it?"
"Yes mommy. I should spare him because he brought this" Hindi ko maiwasang maluha habang tinitignan siyang masayang kumakain sa pagkaing binili ng daddy niya.
I think it's time to end his longing for his daddy. My baby deserve the happiness of meeting his daddy.
"Uhm baby. You're daddy bought that" Agad natigilan si Dylan sa pagkain niya at agad akong tinignan.
"Mommy what do you mean?" He asked at agad napalingon sa may pintoan since may pumasok naman.
"Your daddy brought you here and your daddy bought that food for you" I smiled emotionally.
Naramdaman ko ang paglapit ni Kyjie saamin at agad namang naiyak si Dylan. Hindi ko maiwasang naluha habang tinitignan siyang naiiyak habang nilalapitan siya ng daddy niya.
"Ikaw po ba ang daddy ko?" Naiiyak na tanong ni Dylan sa kanya.
"Oo anak. I'm your daddy" Sagot ni Kyjie at naluha din.
"Why? Why did you left us?" Nagulat ako sa sinabi niy Dylan at agad akong napatingin sa kanila. Nakayuko na si Kyjie habang naiiyak ang anak ko.
"I'm sorry" Ani Kyjie habang naiiyak.
"Mommy is lonely all the time. Mommy needs you dad. I waited for you but you didn't come" Tuloyan ng bumuhos ang luha ko sa mga sinabi ni Dylan at tuloyan na ding' umiyak si Kyjie sa harap niya.
I didn't expect him to say that because all this time he was so excited of meeting his daddy so I thought he would be so happy when he meet his daddy. But seems like kabaliktaran ang lahat. Nag-iiyakan kami sa loob at nasasaktan ang anak ko.
"I'm sorry anak. Daddy's not there when you need me the most. Marami akong pagkukulang sa inyo ng mommy mo but I never cut my connections between the two of you. I continued reaching out for you at sa malayong distansya tinitignan ko kayo" Nangingiyak na paliwanag bi Kyjie. Nadala na din ako sa iyak niya at sa mga sinabi niya kahit nagdadalawang isip pa akong paniwalaan.
"Do you love us?" Naiiyak na tanong ni Dylan.
"Of course. I did not stop loving the both you of" Sinulyapan niya ako at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa sinabi niya.
"Don't leave us again dad" Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya pero hindi na ako nagsalita pa at hinayaan nalang silang mag-usap muna.
"I will never do that because I never leave you. I'm always here baby" Pinunasan niya ang luha ni Dylan at hinalikan ang noo niya.
It was like Kyjie was facing a mirror. Mas magka mukha sila pag malapitan.
"Dad do you play football? Are a pilot? Can you teach me how to ride a plane? Can we play football?" Nagulat nalang ako sa sunod-sunod na tanong ni Dylan pero natawa lang Kyjie.
"Yes baby I'm a Pilot. I play football and we play it together and about riding a plane we will do that soon if your big already okay?" Paliwanag naman ni Kyjie sabay sulyap saaken and looks like his eyes says that I talked too much about him that's why Dylan knows everything.
Nakatutuwa pa lang tignan silang dalawa mag-usap and the shared a lot in common.
Nakatulog na si Dylan habang nagkukwentohan sila. Nakaupo lang ako sa sofa at bigla nalang akong nilapitan ni Kyjie.
"You should go home. Alam kong may mga dadalhin ka pang gamit niya, I can stay here" Aniya while looking at me directly in the eyes.
"How about your flight?" I avoided his gazes.
"Next day pa ang schedule ko"
"Okay. Uhm I'll be right back" Tumayo na kaagad ako and I was about to leave when he said something that caused me stopped.
"I want to live with you... I want you again"