From the way Leigh's glaring at me right now, I think it's safe to say that I am officially under her list of people she despises.
It reminds me of when I was sixteen years old and my very first scandal shrouded all social media after eight years of basking in the limelight without any controversies and drama within the industry.
It's like standing in front of Mom all over again; with the feeling of a little kid being chastised.
"Are you gonna tell her you're leaving?" She asks, her glacial stare rendering me motionless.
"I have to," I answer instantaneously, mentally shaking myself enough to focus.
"And then what happens next? You'll break up?"
I take a moment to answer. Perrie and I haven't established our relationship yet. We just kissed and called it a day. But I still say, "Yes, we'll break up."
"And then you're gonna leave?"
I nod mutely. I feel like my throat will close up if I try to answer that. I can already feel the lump forming already even before I even mustered the word 'break up'.
She shakes her head, fixing me with a gaze that I always get when I disappoint someone. She opens her mouth, then closes it, unsure of what to say. And then she turns around and starts walking ahead. I give her a few steps head start, then I tag along.
Perrie's house is just a few steps away when Leigh stopped, prompting me to stop as well and look at her expectantly.
"Can I ask you something?" She starts.
"Yeah, sure."
"Steve Harrington," she pauses as if to let it sink in, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to proceed. "Who is he? To you?"
"One of my best friends," I answer almost instantly.
They were at the tip of my tongue, ready to get out the moment someone asks me who Steve is to me. And I didn't want Leigh to doubt me and think that I was hesitating. I didn't want her to think that Steve meant more than that to me. Because he didn't. At least not more than a best friend.
Leigh still looks dubious. "That's it?"
"That's it," I confirm, nodding. I add, "Whatever picture you saw of us kissing is simply it, just us kissing. We didn't go further — I was the one that ended it before anything substantial happens."
Leigh doesn't respond. She simply nods and resumed walking ahead, with me traipsing behind as if abiding by an unwritten rule. But when we reached the front of Perrie's door, she leaned in.
"Pez is just," she hesitated, then continued, "She's beside herself right now. So if you're gonna tell her you're leaving, just let her down slowly."
"Leigh, what's really going on?" I ask, only to be interrupted immediately when suddenly, the door swings open, revealing Perrie — in a state I'm surprised she'd be in considering who she seemed to be.
Seeing her eye-bags, her disheveled hair and her wrinkled clothes, it's as clear as day that she's not herself at the moment. A protective part of me wants to hold her right then and there but I try to hold myself back. If I'm going to tell her I'm leaving, space will be important.
Suddenly realizing my purpose of being here, nerves settled in my stomach until I felt like taking a step back and running away from all of this because this is not what I had in mind when I first got here in Miami.
"What took you so long? I texted you awhile ago and you didn't —" Perrie's eyes land on me, and they widen instantly. "Jade? What are you . . . I mean, hi. I'm sorry — was it you that I texted . . . ?"
If it was really me she texted, I know that I wouldn't react very well when she asks me this question — that is for certain. But either way, with her acting surprised when she sees me, with her forgetting that I am somewhat a part of her life and sort of have the privilege of paying her a visit from time to time, it would definitely sting.
I watch as she straightens, combing through her unkempt hair. If this was any other circumstance, I would have giggled and tell her that she looks cute trying to look presentable. But this wasn't like one of those circumstances. And instead of doing those things, I find myself wondering what's really going on that made Perrie feel like it's the end of the world.
Leigh plants a hand on my shoulder, almost telepathically telling me to keep my mouth shut.
"It was me you texted, Pez," she says, "I ran into Jade on the way. She was looking for you."
Perrie simply nods her head slowly, her eyes never leaving me and it's getting increasingly difficult to unsee the brokenness within them. The fact that she didn't bother to hide it anymore speaks volumes.
For a moment, I thought I was being intrusive. I thought that my being here is unnecessary and that I should just leave. It's clear that she needs Leigh more than me; Leigh understands her more than me.
And before I could stop myself, however, I take a step back. words start spilling from my mouth, "I'm sorry, I feel like I'm intruding so I should just leave —"
"What?" Leigh barks, planting a firm hand on my shoulder and abruptly turning me to face her. And then with a lower volume, she hissed, "What the heck are you talking about?"
"It's no problem, I can wait."
"Actually," Perrie interjects, and we both face her expectantly. From the look on her face, I can tell she's having a hard time explaining, "Jade, if it's alright . . . I can come by the hotel later. I just have something to discuss with Leigh."
I don't say anything; I just freeze into inaction. It was silly of me to be feel hurt because I know that I was the one who suggested it in the first place — but heck, my chest felt so heavy I would need to hunker down. And it's immensely childish of me to even feel a tinge of jealousy when Perrie wants someone else to console her.
Geez, why do I have to like someone right now?
"Jade has something impor —"
"It's fine," I say as I take a step back, feeling Leigh's hand slip off my shoulder. Ignoring the heavy weight in my chest, I give them a lopsided smile and a helpless shrug. "Like I said, I can wait."
And I meant what I said.
I can wait until Perrie sorted herself out. The only problem here is my movie and if Steve is willing to wait for me, too.
XXX
The walk back to the hotel was dreadful. Not because I was dreading going back to bed even at almost eleven in the morning because if anything, I most certainly need to go back to sleep after having what seemed to be the most awkward encounter awhile ago with Perrie and Leigh. But because I dread having to talk to Steve and Jesy if ever they decide to call me.
Especially Steve. I don't even know how to tell him that I need more time without sounding harsh. He's bending backwards extending my deadline until today but circumstances are complicated right now, and I'm afraid he might snap.
I heave a heavy sigh as I feel the heat of the almost-afternoon sun coating my body. Although I have eaten breakfast before I trudged down towards Lily's only to stumble upon Leigh, I feel famished now. Perhaps it's because I have wasted almost all of my energy walking away.
Almost as if on cue, Perrie's restaurant comes into view. I stop a few meters away from the entrance.
I look about the interior, letting my eyes sweep over everything that's going on.
Harry's busy jotting down some guy's order, another waitress is tending to another customer along with a few other waiters. A group of guys with model-like frames are cackling at the corner of the restaurant while a few girls are sneaking peeks at them from time to time.
There was never a time that I genuinely regretted entering Hollywood. But there will always be a time when I would wish to live like them — normally and peacefully.
My phone buzzes at the deep pocket of my sundress and I fish for it.
"I'm guessing you're staying there for a while?" Jesy greets as soon as I answered. I couldn't tell if her tone was meant for teasing or for seriousness.
I bit my lower lip. "I told you. I'm sorry, though."
"Don't say sorry to me, say sorry to Harrington," she says, sighing heavily on the other line. "That guy has been breathing down my neck for days, I tell you. He might be a levelheaded dude, but lately he's been badgering me about bringing you home."
My gaze darts on the wooden sign displaying the name of Perrie's restaurant.
Lily's.
I didn't ask what was the meaning behind the restaurant's name; she didn't offer an explanation. I can probably ask Harry or Leigh or Liam about it but . . . I want Perrie to be the one who tells me.
It suddenly occurred to me that if I leave now, I wouldn't have the chance to ask Perrie about how she decided to open a restaurant, or how she came up with the name Lily's and whether this Lily person is in fact real or just a random name that had just popped out of nowhere inside her brain.
If I leave now, I might not have a chance to come back. Not when Hollywood has me under the microscope, and definitely not until I've cleared my name with the scandals that tarnished my reputation — which would take a long time all because I'm a woman.
If I leave now, I wouldn't know what makes Perrie tick, what makes her melancholy, what makes her ecstatic. Heck, I wouldn't know what the hell just happened literally a few minutes ago.
"Jade? Are you there? You're not listening again."
I blink myself into reality and realize that Jesy has been talking on the phone all this time and I have no idea what she was on about.
All I could think about right now is that if I don't tell her sooner, I might burst.
"I'm gonna stick to staying here for two months," I finally say, waiting with bated breath.
"And what did Steve say?" She queries.
I roll my eyes at the mention of his name. "Is Steve your boss or am I?"
"For your movie, he will be," she says matter-of-factly. "He gave you one more day, not one more month."
"He can go kiss my ass." It was a joke, but I know I mean it. "If he really wants me, he'll wait."
"Jade, stop being so hardheaded." Her tone implies irritation and I almost feel sorry.
Almost.
"I have to be, Jes," I respond sternly, "I have to be hardheaded otherwise, nobody will listen. And you know that I hate being ignored."
Jesy doesn't respond at first, and then she finally asks, "Can I ask you a question?"
"It's not like I can deny your wishes," I remark flippantly.
"You were ready to leave," she reminds me. "Not just ready, really— you were eager to leave. You had me call Derek to get you the earliest flight as soon as possible . . . but you didn't go. Did you know that Steve was with us when you told him that you needed more time on the phone? Yeah, he was with us. And he just cursed in front of Derek's son — by the way, can you imagine he has a fucking child? — and he literally scolded Steve!"
"I didn't know he even has a wife!" I exclaim, suddenly exploding in giggles with Jesy. This is probably the first time I've actually laughed today; I miss it.
"Anyway, we're digressing here," she speaks up again. "I just wanted to know if you're serious about . . ."
"About . . . Perrie?"
Jesy hums in response.
By this time, Harry sees me from the counter. His eyes brightens up in recognition and he doesn't dither to wave his hand aggressively at me. I flash him a big smile and before I know it, I discover that my own two feet are dragging me towards the entrance of the restaurant.
"Jes," I call out on the phone.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not ready to leave yet," I finally admit, watching Harry go back to his work as he carries a tray of a soda to one of the tables near the bar. "And it's not just because I like Perrie. I just . . . I just know that I don't feel ready yet. I mean, the only reason why I insisted was because I felt like I owed Steve."
"And did you?" She questions.
"I did. I do. But I need this."
I hear a thoughtful sigh on the other line, and could almost hear the gears shifting inside Jesy's brain as she ponders on what to say next. And then finally, she speaks up again.
"And you promise to stay there until next month?"
I halt just at the threshold of the restaurant, wondering if she has reasons for asking that. "Yes."
Another heavy sigh. "Fine. Fine, fine, fine. I'll just — I'll convince Steve to leave you alone, at least until next month."
My eyes widen after she said that. I couldn't even stop the huge smile that's threatening to rip through my mouth. "Really? Are you serious?"
"Yes, but you have to promise me that you're there for one more month. Go mingle with Perrie and your new friends or whatever — then you come back here, you hear me? Steve's gonna be pissed and throw tantrums for another month but like what you said awhile ago, you're my boss, not him. Well, technically, I'm your boss considering I'm telling you what to do right now . . . "
I roll my eyes halfheartedly at that. I feel like words can't express how grateful I am of her right now, so I don't say anything and let her continue.
"But while you're there, I'm gonna need occasional updates about what's going on with you, because I swear to Almighty God if I see some bad news about you on social media and was not apprised of that, I will drag. You. Home."
I move to lean my lower back against the restaurant's barrier, thinking Jesy's terms and conditions would have to take a minute or two of my time. And after that, we said our goodbye's on the phone before hanging up.
"Jade, you're back." Harry slips outside and also leans on the barrier just a few inches away from me. "Have you eaten lunch yet? I can order for you. It's on the house."
I roll my eyes playfully when he winks at me. "Don't be ridiculous. Perrie didn't teach you to give food for free."
"Oh, but I'm pretty sure that if it's you, she's alright," he replies with a wink, which earns him another eye roll from me. "The question still stands, though — are you hungry, mate?"
"Actually," I say, suddenly aware of my stomach growling silently, "I am kinda hungry."