They had finally found a place to stop after driving for more than half the day, Wooyoung had switched out with Yunho after some point. Seonghwa wasn't entirely sure when it happened, but all he knew was that when they finally caught up to the others who were multiple minutes ahead of them, Wooyoung was in the driver's seat with only one hand at the bottom of the steering wheel.
It was mainly countryside, about as flat and dusty as it got, and when they finally stopped, Seonghwa had to force his body to move from its slumped position in the backseat. His entire body protested, aching everywhere and the migraine he was sporting did not help any of it.
Hongjoong seemed to be no better as he groaned softly, sliding out of his seat, and made a noise again when his feet hit the ground. He still had Seonghwa's torn shirt pieces wrapped around his arm, the cloth was stained a dark red and brown color, a heavy contrast to his still pale skin.
They had stopped right before a small countryside town, a population no greater than one hundred but most likely was completely abandoned by now. There were only two other trucks ahead of them, and Seonghwa chose not to think about what that really meant. He prepared himself for the worst, limping forward to greet the others that piled out of the two vehicles and stretch out their cramped limbs. It was clear to him that there were more people in those two jeeps than what the room actually allowed for, but the headcount number was still much smaller than he wanted it to be.
"Yeosang," Seonghwa mumbled, pulling the blonde in for a relieved hug when he finally saw him hop out of the jeep. The hug was instantly returned, a very firm and comforting hold with both of his palms pressed against Seonghwa's back.
"I'm glad you made it," the shorter told him, the I didn't think you were going to, was unspoken but still communicated with the silence that followed.
Seonghwa might've still been somewhat delirious, a lack of water and blood loss plus the combination of the heat was getting to his head. He wasn't overly responsive, but so were the others, which he assumed was normal after the night they had just experienced.
But right before he was about to pull away, he felt strong arms wrap around him from behind, sandwiching him between two people. His first guess was San, but he could see out of the corner of his eye that the man in question was off to the side talking with Wooyoung and Hongjoong along with some of the other survivors. So by process of elimination due to height, he could tell the man behind him was Jongho.
He did his best to reach an arm back and pat the youngest's side, knowing that Jongho wasn't really a big fan of skinship himself unless he was the one to give it out on occasion. The action spoke volumes so they didn't have to physically speak, and Seonghwa could feel Yeosang's body vibrate against his in a soft laugh.
"How many survived?" Seonghwa asked when they all pulled apart.
Yeosang looked around, his lips moving as he counted silently.
"Twenty-two."
Twenty-two.
Twenty-two out of the fifty or so that still remained alive in the base. Seonghwa found himself looking around, seeing the way that some of the people around him limped as they walked or others found themselves sitting down, nursing wounds they obtained from the fight. It was disheartening, but Seonghwa thanked his utter exhaustion for not allowing himself to think too much about it. As selfish as it may have sounded- he was just thankful that the ones he cared most about were okay. Not everyone there was lucky enough to say the same, and that much was evident by the soft cries as some of them were hunched over with their faces in their hands.
"Hey," Mingi came up to them, looking like death itself. "We're coming up with a game plan."
"Already?" Seonghwa asked, looking around again to gesture to the people who were finally starting to process what had happened now that they had stopped. "Give them a moment at least- especially after everything that's happened. We don't need to come up with a plan right now, we can wait."
"You of all people should know we can't wait," Seonghwa turned around to see Hongjoong walking over to them, San and Wooyoung in tow. Yunho was off to the side, crouched down next to a little boy who was crying as he looked around for the boy's parents.
Seonghwa's eyes narrowed a little. "And why not? There is no harm here, we'll be able to see any threat coming from a mile away with how flat and open it is out here."
"Exactly that, we're in the wild. Surely you know that means every ounce of daylight is precious," Hongjoong said, a thin layer of sweat visible on his face and neck. "We don't have a place to go to at night anymore. There is no security, and I thought you knew that better than anyone else here because of how you lived before you came to us."
The realization of what Hongjoong was saying finally hit him a little harder than he wished it did. The idea that Seonghwa would have to go back to how things used to be- when he, Wooyoung, and Yunho used to barely scrape by- and it had only been three of them. It installed a new fear in him, looking around and seeing young children and elderly folk and only a few able-bodied people that could potentially fend for themselves.
There was no way they could survive like this.
It seemed Mingi shared the same thought, his own emotions very evident on his face.
"So what are we going to do?" Jongho whispered, his eyes wide with worry.
"Head West," Mingi answered with a heavy sigh. "I think that's our best bet for now. We need to stay away from major cities and even small towns at this point. Going into the deep countryside is our best bet, maybe we can find shelter in an abandoned farmhouse or something like that."
"We barely have any weapons," San spoke up, the rest of them subconsciously looking around to confirm that terrible fact for themselves. "Maybe a few rifles and handguns combined, but we only have the ammo that's already in the guns. If we get attacked, we will not be able to protect ourselves."
"We don't have fuel either..." Wooyoung mumbled from beside San, looking down at the ground sheepishly. "I doubt we'll be able to travel much farther with the fuel we have left."
Seonghwa's jaw dropped open a little, his skin crawling at just the thought of that.
"What about food?" Jongho asked who had been one of only a few who were lucky enough to obtain a gun. "Where are we going to find food out here? And what about water?"
The more they talked, the more hope left them. The odds were looking terrible as it was already, but it was getting more overwhelming as time went by. No one was in good shape, it was very clear to Seonghwa that no one would be able to think clearly under the current circumstances, not even himself. His stomach was twisting in knots and he decided he needed to tune out what the others were saying so he wouldn't get sick.
"Some people here are injured really bad..." Wooyoung whispered, his own face was pale as he pointed out a few specific people. Seonghwa knew immediately from the looks of some of them that they wouldn't make it past the night.
"I'll uh... check for bite or scratch wounds," Yeosang spoke absentmindedly as he swallowed thickly. "But as far as treating wounds, I don't really have many supplies."
"So..." Wooyoung was speaking out the word they were all too scared to ask. They knew what Yeosang meant, but it was still sort of shocking to think that's what was about to happen.
Yeosang shifted from one foot to the other, looking around randomly to avoid any of their gazes.
"The supplies I have are very limited," he started, kicking at the dirt with the front of his shoe. "You know during the wars like seventy years ago when supplies were limited, doctors and nurses would have to run through the battlefields and tag wounded men, and depending on the color tag they got- it would mean whether they were treatable or not. If they were... well if they were too wounded and- uh... didn't show a likely sign of recovering well, they would be tagged with the color that meant it was a lost cause, so the doctors wouldn't bother with them and waste supplies."
"So what are you saying?" Hongjoong asked, his voice loud and clear, much unlike Yeosang's shaky and rambling tone.
"I'm saying that we need- that I need to basically decide whether or not..." his voice died down, looking around nervously to those who were tuning in to their conversation. Yeosang didn't complete his sentence, but he didn't have to. They knew what he meant. As inhumane and wrong as it was, it made sense.
But it was clear to Seonghwa that Yeosang was very shaken up about the idea that he would have to basically choose who was going to get what little treatment he had to offer and who would basically be left to die due to their injuries. Seonghwa could see the way his hands were shaking as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a marker, his lip pulled between his teeth as he swallowed thickly again.
But before Yeosang could walk away to start doing what he needed to do, Hongjoong stepped forward and snatched the marker out of Yeosang's hand and gripped it tightly in his own.
"I'll do it," he said, looking down at the marker. "I'll make that decision."
Seonghwa's eyes widened, his own fingers twitching by his sides as Yeosang's lips parted and his shoulders sagged.
"Hongjoong, you don't have to-"
"Better me than you," was all the older man said before he offered Yeosang a soft and gentle smile. It was so uncharacteristic of him that Seonghwa had to do a double-take to make sure that was actually Hongjoong in front of him.
Had it been three years ago, Seonghwa would've been all up in Hongjoong's face, claiming that the younger man was just doing that to feed the complex he had. He would've thought that Hongjoong still wanted to 'play god' and choose who got to live and who died to feed into his superiority complex. But not now, instead, he was able to stand there and understand that what Hongjoong was doing was nothing like that. He was trying to take that heavy guilt off Yeosang's shoulders so the young doctor in training could focus on just treating who he can with what little supplies they had left without worrying about choosing.
Because at the end of the day, even though Yeosang was hands down the scariest person Seonghwa had ever met, he still had one of the biggest hearts. Seonghwa knew that Yeosang would try to save them all when it would be impossible to do so. So Hongjoong was taking that guilt and pressure away from him.
When no one else spoke, Seonghwa nodded his head, his hands tightening into fists by his sides.
"Alright, then I guess we'll go from here," he spoke, the back of his throat still sore. "We'll head West and try to find shelter as we go. Maybe we'll be lucky and find fuel along the way before we run out of gas, but if not we can travel on foot. I know it's not ideal but we have to try. I think our best bet in terms of weapons is to gather what we have and divide it up evenly among those who are most capable and then find make-shift weapons wherever we go. Rocks, bricks, poles... anything can be a weapon if you try hard enough. Nothing will be as good as a gun but it'll work."
"I can hunt," San spoke up with his hands crossed over his chest. "I can take Jongho and we can try and go hunting. I can't promise we'll find anything big, but hopefully, we can find enough to get us all by."
"We'll find resources as we go, and we'll have to ration way more than we ever did back at the base. But first, let's treat those who we can, and come up with a more detailed game plan, and then we'll go from there," Seonghwa finished off, and saw everyone nod their heads in agreement.
They seemed to move on autopilot. They were all still in a heavy state of shock, even Seonghwa himself found it difficult to put one foot in front of the other and attempt other simple tasks. Some walked around cluelessly, and Seonghwa had to physically tell them a specific job to do because their brain functions were just not connecting. But it was understandable after everything that had happened the previous night. The fear was settling in that they were officially out in the fallen world alone with no food, water, shelter, or weapons. They had gone from a secure home to nothing in the span of maybe ten hours- and not to mention they had been kicked out and killed by their own friends and family. It was a lot to take in.
Yunho was still kneeling on the ground with the little boy who was now in his arms. The blank look on the tall man's face was easy to read, Seonghwa knew that the boy's parents were not there, he was probably an orphan now. San had grabbed onto Jongho's arm and pulled him away, most likely to see if they could find any food nearby. Yeosang was already forcing himself to move as he jogged back to the jeep he had come out of and started digging through the glove compartments.
"I'll gather some people who look to be in decent shape and start thinking of ideas for a plan," Mingi said, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked around. "Brainstorming is never a bad idea, plus I think it would help us get our minds off of the obvious."
"That's a good idea Mingi," Seonghwa told him with a nod of his head.
Mingi left after that, walking around and tapping people on the shoulder and gathered them around in a circle under a tree, and pulled out a map to set on the ground. Seonghwa couldn't tell what they were talking about, his head still sounded like it was underwater and his lungs were on fire, but Mingi seemed to have it somewhat under control so Seonghwa did his best to not worry.
"Do we have any supplies in the vehicles?" Seonghwa turned to Wooyoung to ask him, trying to ignore the bloodstains on the younger's body.
"I'll check, but I doubt we have much. Maybe a few stray water bottles if we're lucky or medical supplies..." Wooyoung answered him, doing surprisingly well despite everything. Seonghwa wondered if he had disassociated himself to get through it, and if he had, it wasn't all that bad of an idea.
"How about you go check, try and find anything we can use?" Seonghwa asked him gently and Wooyoung only responded with a half nod before he was walking away robotically.
Seonghwa did his best to swallow, but his throat was so raw and sore that it only made him cough and wince. It caught Hongjoong's attention, the shorter between them took a step closer to Seonghwa but before he could say anything, Yeosang was coming back, a small first aid kit in his hands.
"This is all we have, nowhere close to what we need," he mumbled, his fingers rubbing over the cheap plastic of the kit. "The lack of supplies is worse than I thought..."
He looked at Hongjoong, his expression was absolutely helpless and it made Seonghwa feel even worse than he already was.
"I can hardly do anything with this. These people have serious injuries- bullet holes, gaping wounds- a bandaid isn't going to fix that," he sounded exasperated, but his tone was still soft as to try and not alert the rest of them what was happening. "And not to mention the serious respiratory damage caused by all the smoke-"
"Yeosang," Hongjoong spoke, reaching up with a hand to rest at the juncture between Yeosang's neck and shoulder and held down tightly. Seonghwa wasn't sure if it was a pressure point or what- but the blonde seemed to relax a little under the older man's touch. "Just do what you can for now okay? I'll mark those who have a high chance of living with a star and those who aren't likely with a smiley face. It's hard I know, but we can't waste necessary supplies."
"Okay- yeah, yeah that will work. I have a small bottle of morphine- I can give some to those that I can't help... god this is so awful... but it's what has to be done," Yeosang said more to himself than anyone else, shaking his head up and down like he was trying to convince himself. "Just- just let me treat you first. Your arm looks terrible and it needs to be cleaned before it gets even more infected."
"Focus on the others first okay? If you have extras come find me after," Hongjoong pulled his hand away from Yeosang's body, and Seonghwa could tell that the blonde wanted to argue with him about what he said, but decided against it instead. Yeosang walked away, going back to the other jeeps to rummage around again, ultimately teaming up with Wooyoung in search of much-needed supplies.
Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong who was still standing by his side, not even have moved a single step.
"We can't provide for all these people," he whispered to the shorter, far enough away from the main group of people that no one would be able to hear him. "We're going to starve and die before we ever find shelter out here. We barely have any weapons- there are too many children and elderly folk- they won't make the journey, especially in this heat with no water."
He could see Hongjoong swallow, the motion was not smooth, and when the younger did not react to what he had said, Seonghwa found himself speaking up again.
"When I was out here with Yunho and Wooyoung, we struggled every day to stay alive- and that was only three of us. There's twenty-two now... Hongjoong there is no way we're going to make it like this. They are all going to die."
His words were steep and painful to say, but he knew the truth of it. In the middle of summer, in what basically could be considered a desert, with no food or water or proper medical supplies- the odds were already against those of them that were still physically capable. But for those who were very young or old, it was nearly impossible- the reality of what was about to happen was sickening.
"I know," was all Hongjoong said, before he pushed his shoulders back and squared his jaw, and walked towards a mother who was holding her unresponsive son in her arms tightly.
The boy seemed no older than maybe twelve, his dark hair matted with blood, and had probably suffered a terrible head injury. Seonghwa could see that the boy's lips were an odd shade of blue, and the mother looked rather unresponsive herself, though she was conscious and rocking them back and forth.
Seonghwa watched Hongjoong slowly make his first mark, one of many for that day. He knew this first night would be the worst- if they could get past it, then things would look up from there, but it would be easy for no one. He felt small like he was no longer in his body from that moment on. The pain in his face was pulsing, and even though his eyesight was still spotty probably from a severe drop in blood sugar and the smoke from the night before, he could still see the ink that Hongjoong had very hesitantly drawn on the boy's hand.
It was all a dream, a nightmare, from that moment on. The hell that had become his life had somehow gotten even worse when he thought it couldn't.
The smiley face that had been written on the child's hand stared him down, laughing at him for thinking that it was ever going to get better.
They made somewhat of a plan for the next few days, deciding that staying the night where they were for the time being until the next morning when it was safer to travel was a good idea. San and Jongho eventually came back after dusk, much to Seonghwa's disapproval, but they came back with a few squirrels and rabbits in hand. Seonghwa didn't expect them to find anything else, it was barely enough food for more than one mouthful of cooked meat over a fire that Wooyoung had built when the sun started setting. Mingi and Yeosang had gone into the small little countryside town and came back with a grand total of two water bottles that they attempted to share between all of them.
Seonghwa watched the way Hongjoong removed himself from the main group who had gathered under the tree near the fire. He had finally let Yeosang tend to the wound on his arm, and Seonghwa could tell from the way that the blonde grimaced, it was not good.
"You didn't eat or drink anything," Seonghwa told him, pointing out the obvious when he found it mildly infuriating that Hongjoong was acting stubborn again.
"Neither did you," was the reply from the shorter man who was sitting down on the ground, leaning against the wheel of the jeep with his knees pulled up to his chest.
"There's hardly enough for those who really need it," Seonghwa replied with a heavy chest. "So of course I didn't."
He heard Hongjoong sigh heavily and leaned his head back against the jeep's frame, the light from the fire finally returning the more natural honey color to Hongjoong's skin.
"Has it ever occurred to you that we think the same way?"
That made Seonghwa look down at Hongjoong, his eyebrows pinched together as he huffed out as a reply. He didn't say anything other than that, and perhaps he stared longer at the man on the ground who had his eyes closed longer than he should've, but the silence around them and the cracking noises the fire made was enough to calm his body down and he found himself in a sloth-like state.
It was fine anyway, he decided. Mingi had the first watch of the night, so it wasn't bad if Seonghwa wasn't paying attention.
The next morning went exactly how Seonghwa expected it to go. They lost five of them that night, which wasn't a shock, but it still didn't make the pain any better. They were lucky that the night had gone smoothly, no zombies or anything for that matter had disturbed them. Even if most of them weren't able to sleep that first night, the calm atmosphere did them well.
Just like Mingi suggested, they started heading West for more farm country. After they had buried the people who they lost the night before, they packed up what little supplies they had left in the jeeps and piled in. It was heartbreaking that two out of the five that had died were both children; the one Yunho had taken under his wing and the one Hongjoong had marked with a smiley face. The one Yunho had taken in was a mystery, no one knew why he didn't make it through the night. He didn't seem to present any external injuries, which made it worse when Yunho woke up and the boy was not breathing.
The mother to the boy who Hongjoong had marked grabbed Seonghwa's arm and pulled him to the side right as they finished packing up. She had tears in her reddened eyes, bits of splattered blood on her skin, and Seonghwa could already hear what she was going to tell him before she even opened her mouth.
"I'm going to stay here," she whispered, her voice cracking a little and her hands were shaking where she held onto his arm. "You understand right? Like you- I'm sure you want to have a family right? Kids of your own perhaps?"
Seonghwa stayed quiet and just listened to her, his heart aching more than he wanted it to.
"I can't just leave him," she continued on, looking back at the piled dirt under the tree. "I'm his mother- I failed him. I can't just leave him... I'm going to stay with my little boy."
He wondered briefly why she chose him of all people to tell, like why couldn't it have been anyone else? He found no words came to him, just the burning feeling in the back of his throat that he had grown to hate, as he just nodded his head. He knew that the mother knew they wouldn't be able to stay. They would have to leave her behind, even though her son had died and there was no point in staying. But he could understand partly- he knew that a mother's love was strong and she had just lost the most important thing to her.
So he didn't push. He just grabbed her shaking hand and gave it a soft squeeze and offered her as much as a smile he could muster up.
They left after that, following the lead vehicle that Mingi drove. The plan was to find some sort of long-lasting shelter, preferably a farmhouse. Seonghwa told them that their best bet would be to hide out in the country because there would be fewer zombies and a lesser chance of risk in general. But he also brought up that resources would be even more limited in the countryside. They would all have to work together if they even wanted a chance for survival. Seonghwa had his doubts, he knew the chances for that were so slim, but he couldn't help but try anyway.
But by the second day, just like Wooyoung had told them, they had run out of fuel. There were no cities in sight and Hongjoong wasn't willing to risk driving in one direction for a long period of time just to hope to find something. So they took to foot under the hot sun, and after the first hour of it, Seonghwa already knew it was a horrible idea.
They lost another one that day, one of the elderly folk due to what Seonghwa assumed was heatstroke.
It was hard to watch, his broken-down body made everything ten times worse- he had let Yeosang look at his nose a little bit, but after hearing the younger tell him that it wasn't technically broken, Seonghwa deemed himself good to go without any further treatment. It wasn't like Yeosang could do anything for him anyway.
That second night they had a run-in with a group of three zombies. Hongjoong took care of them before anyone knew what was really happening, and even after the longest and most grueling day of their lives, San pulled Jongho to his feet and they did their best to go out and try and find more food for them. Seonghwa felt bad for them, he knew how utterly exhausted they were, but still they went regardless. Seonghwa would argue that the second night was worse than the first- he could tell by the way his eyes refused to open no matter how many times he tried. It was agony the way his throat was so dry and his body was so dehydrated and as bad as he thought he was, he was doing better than most of them there.
They just had to keep breathing, one intake at a time.
The group of survivors continued like that, walking along in the dirt and then hunkering down for the night. At one point they contemplated trying to stay out of the sun and rest during the day and travel at night- but Hongjoong insisted that it was too dangerous. Seonghwa had argued with him about it extensively, but it never got into a dangerous fight because they all were too exhausted for extra movements.
It got so bad that Seonghwa started seeing things in the daylight. He could physically see the heat radiating off the ground and whenever they stopped for a breather, Seonghwa swore he saw birds flying around in a circle above them every single time.
"The birds are back," he muttered, pointing his hand up to the sky.
"You're seeing things again," San answered from next to him, sweat dripping from his chin as they both were sat down on the ground.
"I don't know, they might be real," Mingi squinted, putting his hand over the top of his eyes to try and block out the sunlight.
"Shoot them down, we can eat them then," Jongho said as he was already reaching for his gun.
But San stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. He didn't even have his eyes open as he was panting like a dog in summer, but he still shook his head.
"They aren't there. It's a trick of the mind," he said once more, closing his mouth and trying to swallow. "It happened to a lot of us when we did special ops training. One person starts to see something and then everyone else does... they become delirious because of the heat and dehydration. Don't waste your ammo, they aren't there."
"We're not gonna make it," Wooyoung mumbled half unconscious from where he laid on the ground, his arms and legs stretched out. "I'm not going to be able to get up."
Hongjoong had been the only one still standing beside Yunho, and he kicked Wooyoung's leg lightly, but with enough force to move him.
"Get up, we're leaving now."
"But we just sat down-"
"I said we're leaving," Hongjoong spoke again, but it was stern and harsh, something that not even the devil in Wooyoung would try and confront.
Seonghwa made eye contact with Hongjoong, the shorter man looked like he was just a few seconds from passing out himself from the heat. The bandage around his arm was dirtied by both his dried blood and the dirt, and surely the amount of sweat he was producing was not helping it at all. The eye contact had been brief, and it only made Seonghwa frustrated, but at least it gave him enough adrenaline to pull himself to his feet.
"You're so sunburnt," Seonghwa said to Yunho once they started walking again beside a never-ending dirt road. The taller beside him just nodded his head, his hands briefly coming up to touch the bright red skin on his shoulders. He had torn the long sleeves off awhile back, offering them as bandages because Yeosang had run out of them quickly and was in desperate need, but now Yunho's shoulders were burnt to a crisp.
"I know," he answered, wincing at the sensitive touch. He avoided Seonghwa's concerned gaze, licking over his dry lips that did absolutely nothing because his mouth was too dry. "But I guess it's better than sweating more than I already am... I can't afford to lose any more water than I have. I think we both know how I do in the heat... I can't overheat."
Seonghwa knew that Yunho was making a reference to the very beginning- when he had passed out due to the heat when he and Wooyoung were running away from the horde of zombies and Seonghwa had found them behind the dumpster. If Yunho passed out now because his body couldn't handle the heat... there would be nothing they could do for him.
So Seonghwa technically couldn't argue with him.
It could have been day four, or it could have been day fifteen. Seonghwa couldn't remember how many times they stopped or how many times the sky had turned dark and they were allowed to sleep until their watch shift came up. They had lost more people to the heat, and Seonghwa's quick headcount in the morning ( which he had to do multiple times because he was seeing doubles) supplied they only had thirteen left of them.
But whatever day it was, Seonghwa swore it would be the last one for all of them. Wooyoung had collapsed to his knees multiple times, and Yeosang wasn't that far behind him. They all decided to lose their shirts but kept it wrapped over their shoulders to protect themselves somewhat from the burning sun, and while it helped somewhat when the wind would pick up, it just wasn't enough. They all were staggering along the dirt road in the middle of nowhere, the burning sun laughing at their poor attempts at survival. There wasn't anything they could really do at that point, the road was spinning to Seonghwa and he was sure that the way all the others were swaying, that it was spinning for them too.
At some point, Seonghwa knew he had completely lost it and was probably only an hour away from dying of heatstroke because he saw a big, washed-out, red barn in the distance. It was literally waving at him, and he couldn't help but laugh out deliriously at it.
"Hey the barn is waving at me," he laughed out loud, waving back to it. He hadn't even meant to say that, but his brain wasn't even working right, which he figured he was probably on the edge of insanity territory.
"Seonghwa- for the last time, you're just seeing things," San told him, nearly tripping over his own two feet and bumping into the older man.
"No-" Seonghwa grabbed San's arm and pointed his finger in the direction of the barn. "Don't be rude, wave back."
"He's lost it-" Yunho groaned, but not in an embarrassed way. It sounded like he was about to cry, even though his body had no tears to give him.
"Hold on," Yeosang whispered, his voice scratchy as he walked over to them shakily. He squinted his eyes as he did his best to ignore Seonghwa basically bullying San into waving back at the barn that was apparently waving at them.
"Is it actually there, or are we seeing what we want to?" Hongjoong asked Yeosang.
"I can't tell," the blonde answered truthfully. "But there's only one way to find out. It's not like walking over there is going to do anything bad for us... we're gonna die regardless."
"How morbid."
"I'm stating it how it is Joong, our bodies are not built for this at all. We aren't making it through the night unless that barn is actually there."
Which is how they found themselves standing in front of the wooden structure in disbelief, San reaching his hand out to touch the painted wood just to make sure it was real. Seonghwa wasn't sure how long it had taken them to get there, he didn't even remember walking over for that matter, but he supposed it didn't really matter because there was shade. They did their best to check out the area to make sure there weren't any zombies inside, but if Seonghwa was being honest, he didn't care at that point, and it seemed the others shared the same mindset.
They piled in, relief of finally being out of the burning sun made them all rather emotional as they collapsed to the ground. Before Seonghwa could tell exactly which body had collapsed on top of his own that had stopped maybe five steps away from the front entrance, Seonghwa was already passed out cold, his body refusing to hold on for one more second. He only remembered very distantly hearing doors creak and groan like they were being closed- but he couldn't tell if that was reality or an illusion his mind was making up.
He didn't dream of anything. It was just dark and quiet, like a very long blink. And even in his unconscious, he could tell that his body was hurting physically and begging him for water and food desperately. It was a very interesting state of mind he had entered into, he had never experienced it before, but he figured it must be his body doing its best to keep itself alive and had forced him into this very weird mindset that kept him both asleep and conscious at the same time.
But what he did know for sure was that one second he was asleep and the next he wasn't. In fact, he was both rudely awaken and wet, all in a matter of seconds. It took him way too long to put two and two together seeing San standing above him with an empty bucket in his hands and seeing how he was now soaking wet.
"What-" he sputtered, wiping off his face and spitting out the water that had gotten into his mouth.
"Good morning princess, sleep well?" San asked way too cheerfully, his usual dimpled smile was back - the one Seonghwa hadn't seen for a very long time.
Instead of addressing San and whatever was happening, Seonghwa just inhaled a deep breath and dropped his head back to the ground, and stared up at the roof. It took him even longer to remember where he was, who he was, and what had happened.
Fire- rebellion- the walk of death- waving barn... ah right. So he hadn't been hallucinating and the barn was real and he wasn't dead. He was in fact very much alive and wet.
"Is he alive?" Someone asked, Seonghwa wasn't sure who.
"Yeah," San replied dropping the bucket to the ground and poked Seonghwa's stomach with his shoe. "He's alive."
When Seonghwa finally had processed everything and was able to sit up without the entire world spinning, he was greeted with a few small smiles from people he knew. It seemed he was the last to wake up, his stomach bubbling in embarrassment about that, but once his eyes fell upon Hongjoong who was sitting up against the wall of the barn off in the corner and saw that the man was also soaking wet much like himself, Seonghwa found himself utterly pleased.
Ah, yes. The simple joys in life.
"Wooyoung found a well out back," Jongho told him when Seonghwa walked over to join the little circle they had created. "I don't know how he manages to find all these resources, but it's like he's got a knack for it."
Seonghwa was not able to suppress a proud smile, knowing very well what Wooyoung was capable of doing out in the wild. He sure did have a knack for it, and it never ceased to amaze Seonghwa how good Wooyoung was at it.
"He really does. He was the reason that Yunho and I stayed alive all those years on our own," Seonghwa told them. "I killed the zombies, but Wooyoung found what we needed."
The water well out back explained the excessive amount of water, and when Yunho and Wooyoung entered into the barn, nearly scaring Seonghwa half to death as he reached for his crowbar, he was overjoyed to see a bucket full of water.
Seonghwa would never use the word 'animalistic' to describe himself, he always thought of himself as proper and mature, but the way he grabbed the bucket that Wooyoung offered him and downed the water like he would die if he didn't have it in two seconds, was nothing less than animalistic. He drank it so fast that it spilled from the corners of his mouth and made his stomach hurt painfully. It was a moment later that he feared it would make his sensitive stomach sick, but luckily it didn't and he just laid back on the ground again, listening to the others talk around him.
He envied their energy and wondered how they seemed to be doing so much better than he was. They hadn't gotten better treatment than he had- Jongho and San had just left to go see if they could find any food- so it wasn't like they had eaten and he hadn't. But no matter how hard he tried, his body refused to work. But with one tilt of his head, he could see that Hongjoong had not moved one inch from where he had been seated the whole time. His hair had dried by now, but his head was resting against the tops of his knees that were pulled up against his chest.
He looked at bad as Seonghwa felt.
"There's a river maybe a mile out," Wooyoung spoke to no one in particular. "It's windy today too so maybe later after we get some food in our system we should pay the river a visit and try to wash all the sweat away and cool off. Yeah sure being out of the sun is important but it's still roasting in here."
God bless you Jung Wooyoung, Seonghwa thought. You really are the reason we are still alive.
Like most things that happened that day and even the day after, Seonghwa wasn't very 'present' for it. Sure he was conscious and able to make decisions if he needed to, but he wasn't really in the moment like all the others were. He stayed off to the sides, sitting in a pile of hay that Mingi and Yunho had pulled apart from the multiple bales the barn had to offer in make-shift beds. He was struggling to come back to himself for whatever reason and he wasn't sure if his body had delayed the shock of everything or if the fear of being forced back into the wild had subconsciously made him extremely lethargic. Whatever it was, it needed to cut it out.
The only reason he wasn't more upset about his failing body was the fact that Hongjoong was in the same situation. He took to his own little corner and stayed there most of the time unless he was needed elsewhere. Granted Hongjoong had a hell of a wound to heal and attempt to recover from, but Seonghwa still took it as a small victory.
The trip to the river did everyone good. There was always something about washing the sweat and grime away after a long day in normal circumstances- but there was just something rather holy about feeling the cold water on your skin in the current circumstances. Seonghwa was always a clean person by nature, but he didn't care that they didn't have soap or shampoo, just the river water was enough to rejuvenate him enough to feel more like himself.
Over the next few days of staying there, they searched the whole property for supplies they could use. The house that wasn't too far from the barn offered only canned food, very, very spoiled milk, and a few medical supplies that Yeosang nearly cried over. There was a moment of panic when Yeosang pulled away Hongjoong's bandage and freaked over how terrible it looked- the wound was very clearly infected and Yeosang started scrambling all over to try and fix it.
"I would literally kill for some antibiotics right now," the blonde rambled as he rummaged through the few supplies he had left with one hand and he held Hongjoong's arm tightly in the other. "And I mean literally. I would murder someone for it."
Even though Seonghwa knew he didn't have any antibiotics on him- or did anyone else there- it seemed everyone stayed clear of him for the rest of the day as Yeosang worried over the wound that even brought heavy concern to someone like Seonghwa who had no medical experience at all. But the man seemed to pull through and get a little better every day as did everyone else. It was a miracle what water could do on a hot day, and San and Jongho were lucky enough to be able to catch birds and small rodents that grazed in the fields that had not been overtaken by the dust storms.
"What if we get rabies or other diseases from eating this?" Wooyoung asked one night, holding the (hopefully) cooked meat on a stick in his hand.
Everyone turned to look at him, some even paused in their own consumption of the meat and looked at it with an odd expression. They had created a large fire outside using some logs that were already cut in the barn and attempted to cook the meat that way, and now that Seonghwa was thinking about it- the chances were not looking too good.
But Yeosang sighed and stuck his tongue against the inside of his cheek. "Just eat it. It's fine."
Now whether or not that was true- no one actually knew for sure. But they were in the wild with no food, so it wasn't like they could really complain all that much. That didn't mean Seonghwa didn't grimace as he ate it though- no he definitely flinched with every bite.
Seonghwa thankfully had come back to himself, it took a few days but he finally did. Everyone's spirits increased and the atmosphere had improved which definitely helped with it, but he was just glad to be able to help out like he used to. The evening fires were his favorite part of the day. They didn't have to worry too much about zombies finding them where they were at, in fact, they hadn't seen one the entire time they had been there which had been at least a week.
It was odd at first, being out in the open and acting so leisurely. Ever since the zombies appeared out of nowhere, and all the years since then, Seonghwa had never been able to sit outside and enjoy time with his friends. It felt wrong in more ways than one, but he couldn't deny his desire for it. It was like he could imagine that for once ever since this never-ending nightmare, that things were okay.
He could look at his friends sitting around the small fire and imagine that they were taking time off from university and had gone camping after finals. He could pretend that none of the horrors had ever happened and they were living in a perfect world. San's constant jokes followed by Wooyoung's laughs made it even easier- and even the occasional appearance of Yeosang's soft smile made him believe that he was once again living a normal life.
"You know San I have to ask," Yunho started after everyone had finished laughing from a previous comment that Jongho had made but Seonghwa had not listened to. "While all of us were about as close to real zombies just a few days ago, you seemed to be doing the best out of all of us- how was that even possible?"
San let out a laugh, a rather proud smile on his face, and the light from the fire made him glow even more. Wooyoung had rested his head against San's shoulder, but sat up and looked at the older man with a curious gaze.
"Because I'm just better than everyone else," he answered with a show-offy tone but apologized as soon as Yeosang smacked the back of his head.
"Don't be rude."
"I was just joking- fine. I mean I was quite literally dying myself, but I think all the training I had in special ops kinda prepared me for that. They had all these grueling programs where they would send you out and try to survive in horrible conditions- they claimed it was how they 'weeded out the weak' and were able to see who was fit for the program," San answered easily like the memories were not painful for him at all. It spoke to the level of desensitization he was under.
"They actually do that?" Seonghwa found himself asking in disbelief. He knew San was part of a different level of law enforcement or whatever they called it- but he never got to hear the extent of it or what he had gone through.
"They do, they start us out really young to help us get through it mentally. So that was probably the reason I was doing better than the rest of you. Just because my body had been through very similar things many times."
It was a heavy topic, but the way San spoke about it made it seem that he didn't think about it with remorse. The atmosphere was still light because of it, and Seonghwa was thankful for that, but he still couldn't shake the rather upset feeling after hearing such a thing.
"How young were you?" Seonghwa asked again. San seemed to think for a moment, his arms dropping in his lap.
"I think I was probably fourteen when I entered the program," he answered after a few moments, and he only smiled at Wooyoung when the younger gasped.
"So all of this- the program had been going on even way before the apocalypse ever happened? You guys were children- that's..." Jongho spoke, his face pinched together like he couldn't begin to comprehend how San had been so nonchalant about it.
"We were orphans, what else were they supposed to do with us? At least they offered us a chance to do something good with our lives," that comment made everyone stiff, even though San still had the gentlest smile on his face. He pulled Wooyoung closer to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "You know, my first mission was to help evacuate the city when this whole thing started, well my first official mission at least. We were stationed in the middle of the city, surrounding the capital and trying to defend it. That was before we knew what we were actually dealing with at the time, and that much was obvious because despite all our training, we were overrun very quickly. You see we were taught how to handle extremely dangerous situations with people- how to protect ourselves and others from people, bombs, guns, etc. Our training didn't extend to ... well zombies."
Seonghwa saw Hongjoong who had been off on the side sharpening his knife with a rock, perk up at the story.
"That was actually how I met Hongjoong," San said next, and Seonghwa felt his eyes bulge out their sockets. "And despite me being a trained, special operations personnel, he saved me because he understood what was happening before I even attempted to accept it. He didn't even know me but physically pulled me into an alley away from the massacre that was happening right in from of my eyes. Remember that Joong?"
San turned his head to look at Hongjoong who had put the rock down and nodded his head a few times.
"I do. You were stubborn then and you still are. I'd give you two stars out of five for character development."
"I will choose to ignore that statement," San deadpanned and then turned back to the rest of them. "But yeah, I guess it's fair to say that the world has always been unfair, even before this whole thing happened. To me, this isn't all that different because of all the things they made us do, so I'm sure it's been a lot harder for everyone else than me."
And that left Seonghwa thinking more deeply about it than he probably should've. It made sense now why San had always been so easy about everything- how it seemed like second nature to him and how nonchalant he was. San had been so young- and Seonghwa didn't even know all the details about what sort of training they put all those children through- but it sounded like either you ended up surviving and being assigned to a group, or you died. That realization made Seonghwa deflate as he looked at San, and saw the way he was smiling down at Wooyoung and the rest of them. He had so much to say to the younger man but nothing would even come out if he was presented the opportunity. At fourteen, Seonghwa was sitting on his couch watching anime for hours at a time- but San had been literally fighting for his life at the same age. It made Seonghwa rethink everything.
"But don't worry," San was speaking again, his tone soft like he was speaking to an upset child. "I do not regret any of it. It made it so that I can protect all of you guys, and for that, I would go through all that horrid training again and again. I never knew what a normal life was supposed to be like- so in that sense, I didn't miss out. Ignorance is bliss, or at least so I've heard."
"You're a fucking sap," Wooyoung jabbed his fingers into San's side, but Seonghwa didn't miss the way that Wooyoung's eyes were a little glossy. Seonghwa would have been furiously wiping away his own tears because apparently, he was an angry ball of emotions as of late, if it wasn't for the way he noticed Hongjoong had been gripping onto his pants so tightly Seonghwa thought he was going to tear holes into the thick fabric.
"It's true though-" San continued after he recovered from Wooyoung's angry assault. "You guys are the family I never got to have. Of course, I'm going to protect you."
Oh perfect, now Seonghwa's eyes were really burning and blurry and he couldn't even blame it on the smoke. That hit a little harder than it needed to, and Seonghwa found himself in a state of distress as he frantically looked around to distract himself from the insane amount of emotion attacking him all at once.
"Oh well that's ..." Yeosang started before he swallowed once before nodded his head. He too was clearly having a hard time after hearing San say that as well and it was almost funny seeing him trying to navigate himself after that. "Just say 'I love you' like a normal person and go- geez... I did not order rabbit with a side of onions."
Jongho smacked Yeosang's shoulder and Seonghwa waited for all hell to break loose- but then remembered that Jongho had special privileges the rest of them didn't. Was it fair? Absolutely not.
"Ow- what the... fine, we love you too San," Yeosang said as he was in a very heated glare with Jongho who held it with practiced ease. Someday, hopefully in the near future, Seonghwa would be able to look Yeosang in the eye and not coward away like Jongho could. Someday. "And as lovely as that was, and truly it was, I need to bring something to the table before I completely forget about it and all my hard work is lost."
That sobered them up and Seonghwa was personally thankful for that. But even then, the way Yeosang sounded did not bring him complete ease. And before Seonghwa got too far into his head about what Yeosang meant, the blonde man was reaching into his pocket and pulling out the small vile of liquid that Seonghwa had completely forgotten about. It seemed everyone else had too- including Hongjoong who stared at it with his lips parted open.
"It involves the small tests I've been doing in the free time that I definitely never had," he continued, setting the cure that many of them there had risked their lives to get, on the ground in front of him. "Hongjoong and I talked a little bit about the first topic I wanted to bring up because it seems to be a hot topic as of late."
Oh great.
"I've been doing blood tests with the different blood types because I've suspected that the T-virus, which is what it's being called, affects the blood mostly because that's how it's transferred. Our blood is what reaches every part of our body and keeps us going, we all know this, it doesn't require any medical knowledge. But what I couldn't understand was why some people changed quicker than others. The difference could be days or hours, and at first, it made no sense until I found a pattern. So I ran test after test after test with the four different blood types and found out that depending on the blood type you have, it will determine how fast you change."
"Oh shit, really?" Mingi asked, his eyebrows shooting up.
"Yeah, I infused the pureblood samples with infected blood samples, and every single time, one blood type always went first and one always finished mutating last," Yeosang explained, doing his best to use common folk language as to not confuse the rest of them any further.
"Well, which one takes the longest?" Wooyoung asked, pulling away from San's arms.
"If you have blood type B, then you will take the longest to turn."
Immediately, certain people around them let out a shout of joy. Among them was San and Mingi, who shot up and gave each other that brotherly love look, and pulled each other in for some type of handshake and a pat on the back.
"What a glorious day to have blood type B- whatever that actually means!" Mingi cheered, wiping fake tears from his eyes as the two of them celebrated.
"If you have blood type A like me or even AB, then you're kinda stuck in the middle," Yeosang continued on, even though those who were not those two did not pay attention. "I had mixed results with those, but the blood results turned a bit quicker than B did."
Seonghwa glanced over at the rest of them, noticing that Wooyoung and Yunho sort of looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. He assumed that those two had one of the previously mentioned blood types, as did most of the people that were still in the group. They chatted amongst themselves quietly, talking about how they were superior because of a certain blood type.
Seonghwa caught Hongjoong's eyes, his cat-like gaze was back and it made Seonghwa shiver in frustration for whatever reason. He looked smug, leaning back on his palms as he held eye contact with Seonghwa with his nose pointed to the sky.
"What's got you so high and mighty your highness?" Seonghwa asked sarcastically and with a dry tone.
"Oh, I'm so glad you asked," Hongjoong's lips curved upwards into a smirk, stretching out his legs and then crossing them at the ankle. "I suppose my bloodline paid off, I got lucky."
Of course. Of fucking course, Kim Hongjoong who was younger than Seonghwa ( he's still not okay about that ) - was also lucky enough to have the letter B as his blood type.
"Oh congratulations," Seonghwa smiled bitterly, before bringing his hand up to flip him off. He wasn't entirely sure what caused this moment of hostility- he thought they had moved on from it- but for some reason, it was burning deep down in him. Jealousy perhaps?
"I appreciate the support dear," Hongjoong replied, placing his hand over his heart.
Seonghwa might have had a moment where his brain refused to work, which caused him to stare blankly at Hongjoong for way too long, and the whole cause and effect thing led to Hongjoong tilting his head to the side, his smirk only increasing. But before he could say anything else, Yeosang was speaking again.
"The last is type O," and Seonghwa saw Yeosang reach over to grab Jongho's arm. "You'll change in minutes... maybe an hour if you're lucky..."
Yeosang had kept talking, explaining the whole thing in more detail and even going as far to say that he thought this whole virus was actually a bioweapon, but Seonghwa stopped listening to him. He knew after Yeosang talked about the other three what that meant for him. He tried not to let it bother him so much- his own blood type did not mean he was going to die- it just meant if he was to get bitten... he would die quicker than others. From the looks of it, Jongho had type O from the way Yeosang was clinging onto him, telling him something that Seonghwa could not hear.
"And you," Hongjoong's voice was breaking back into his mind. "What about you?"
It was a genuine question, Seonghwa could tell that Hongjoong had asked it out of curiosity and not out of spite. And even then, with all that knowledge, Seonghwa couldn't help but feel inferior, even though it had nothing to do with that.
Just because Hongjoong had the desired blood type and he had the inferior one did not make him any less of a person. They would all die, it just was a matter of time. But Seonghwa still couldn't find it in himself to stop the lie that left his mouth before he thought properly.
"I have B," he lied straight through his teeth, his expression blank and plain on his face as he regarded Hongjoong. "You're not the only special one here."
Hongjoong didn't react much, just a small raise of his eyebrow before Mingi was speaking loudly and pulling all their attention back to the circle.
"Didn't you have something else to talk about Sangie?"
And had Seonghwa been straight in his mind... had he been paying attention to every little detail like he always did, he would've noticed the way Yeosang flinched at that, his eyes going wide for a split second. Seonghwa would've noticed the way Jongho seemed to freeze as well, worrying his fingers together that anyone else would've passed off as being slightly nervous. But no, Seonghwa was too busy being upset about stupid blood types to notice a very, very, important and life-changing detail.
"Ah-" Yeosang stuttered a little but then shook his head, picking up the vile from the ground and holding it tightly in his hand. "I forgot actually. But if I remember, I'll bring it up again."
It happened two nights later. The fateful thing that Seonghwa wished he had seen coming- should've seen coming in fact. Had he not had been an extremely light sleeper, he would've missed it entirely and wouldn't have known it was happening before it was over.
The doors to the barn had been left open that night, Hongjoong requested it because he was going to stay out for a while and didn't trust that Seonghwa wouldn't lock him out, and if it wasn't for the twig that snapped under someone's shoe, Seonghwa probably wouldn't have woken up. At first, he thought it was an unwelcomed guest, and the adrenaline kick-started into him as his first instinct was to reach for his crowbar. But once he was able to sneak up on whatever was exiting the barn, the fight to protect feeling died out immediately.
He was met with two pairs of eyes staring at him like a deer that was caught in headlights. Seonghwa was sure he was staring back just as shocked, his arms dropping to his sides in confusion as he was met with both Yeosang and Jongho who were decked out in their gear and guns in their hands. The three of them froze where they were, the only sound that was audible was someone snoring off in the background.
"What are you doing?" Seonghwa whispered. The immediate thought that popped into his head that would explain why the two of them were sneaking off into the night was something he refused to accept. "Why are you sneaking off?"
Yeosang seemed to flinch a little, looking over to Jongho for help but the youngest seemed just as scared.
"Seonghwa..." Yeosang swallowed and then stood up straight from his hunched position, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "You're supposed to be asleep."
"So are you," He replied curtly, bending down to put his weapon on the ground and walked over to the two of them and looked over them. "What are you two doing?"
"You really are supposed to be asleep Hyung," Jongho mumbled, looking down to the ground and holding the gun close to his body. "We didn't want you to see this."
That made Seonghwa hesitate, something very uneasy settling deep in his stomach.
"You didn't want me to see what?" He asked very slowly and with a tense tone.
Yeosang and Jongho looked at each other again, a quick and nonverbal discussion happening between their eyes before they both regarded Seonghwa and pointed to step outside to hopefully explain what the hell they were talking about. It wasn't like the total of fifteen steps would do much, but now that they were out in the night with only the small bit of light that the moon offered, it somehow seemed to dawn on Seonghwa just how serious this conversation was about to be.
Yeosang stood in front of him with Jongho slightly behind him, both looking upset and guilty which only made Seonghwa's worry increase exponentially.
"We're leaving," Yeosang said finally, avoiding Seonghwa's gaze completely.
What.
Seonghwa was stunned dumb for many moments after that. But once his voice found itself, he was able to choke out the most strained "What?" he had ever spoken before.
"We're leaving," Yeosang repeated, his voice considerably softer than the previous time. "We have to go."
It echoed loudly in his ears, his throat turning dry as the realization of what Yeosang meant had hit him full force.
"There's just too many people here and too many mouths to feed... we've seen the signs, there is hardly any more food left. Someone has to go-" Yeosang was saying, nearly rambling on and on. "I can't stay here in good conscience knowing that my presence will only be hurting the chances of your survival. Jongho and I ... we can- well we can take care of ourselves out there."
"That's one hell of a fucking death wish!" Seonghwa found the pain and confusion leaving him in a jolt of anger. "Where will you go? There is no one out there to take you in when you're about ready to die of dehydration- which in case you forgot- you nearly did just days ago! Have you already forgotten how that went- how it felt?"
"Seonghwa, if we stay here we are likely to meet the same fate... I just- we have to go. You will save a bunch of food and resources with two fewer mouths to feed- grown men mouths at that," Yeosang reached out to grab Seonghwa's arm, but the older yanked his arm away in a fit of confused pain.
"No- you will not survive out there on your own!"
"What's going on-"
Oh, look at that, perfect timing.
Hongjoong had suddenly appeared next to them, confusion was written all over his face that only grew once he noticed that Yeosang and Jongho were both carrying weapons. He must've heard Seonghwa's rather loud outbursts and had wondered over from wherever he had been hiding that night.
Before Yeosang could even say anything, Seonghwa was speaking up, pointing an accusing finger at both of them.
"They want to leave."
Seonghwa wasn't sure what emotion took over Hongjoong's expression but in a blink of an eye, he was reaching for the closest person to him which just so happened to be Jongho, and yanked him away by his arm.
"Just what do you think-" was all Seonghwa could hear spewing from Hongjoong's mouth as he pulled Jongho a decent distance away from them.
"Hyung..." Yeosang offered weakly, his gaze still anywhere but on Seonghwa. "I know that this is not what anyone planned- I certainly did not plan this... we just do not have enough supplies to keep everyone alive and we have no means of getting more. Jongho and I know how to survive out there, and I'm sure if you could do it so can we."
"Things have changed Yeosang- those creatures have mutated! When I was out on my own, things were simpler. You can't leave us," so many thoughts were running through his head that he was struggling to put one coherent sentence together to try and get his point across- but no matter how much he tried to make sense, it wasn't working and it only made him more frustrated.
"I know- I know that, Seonghwa. I am very well aware of just how bad things have gotten. But you have a much better chance of surviving if we leave and try our best to survive. You know this too- you've seen the signs... someone has to go," he sounded the most destressed Seonghwa has ever heard him before. Even during raids or attacks where they fought endlessly for their lives, Yeosang had always still held a level of control to himself. But not now.
"Then- someone else... not you, not Jongho," Seonghwa wanted to slap himself for what he was saying, knowing that it was so twisted. But he couldn't handle the thought of the two of them leaving to help lessen the burden. It could be someone else- it shouldn't be the two of them. "Please... not you two."
Yeosang was quiet for a few moments, his bottom lip pulled up in his mouth as he glanced over to where Hongjoong was in a very heated discussion with Jongho. He seemed to be getting nowhere- just like Seonghwa was- and he feared that Yeosang and Jongho had already convinced themselves that they had to leave to a point of no return.
He felt his heart in his throat, the pure fear and panic was settling as nervous energy in his body. Seonghwa found it hard to breathe as he just looked at Yeosang in the dead of night with a hurt expression, trying to understand how the two of them could even think to do something like this.
"We've lost enough haven't we?" Seonghwa ended up croaking out. "Why are you making us lose more?"
He could see something click in Yeosang's eyes, his pupils dilated for a split second as he took a step closer. For whatever reason it was, something snapped and Seonghwa knew he had already lost. He wasn't sure where the energy was coming from, or if it was the sad and very small smile that Yeosang was offering him as the blonde reached his hand up and put it very gently on his cheek, but Seonghwa just knew that there was nothing he could do to keep them from leaving.
It brought him back to the very beginning when he had first met Yeosang. He remembered being paralyzed by the blonde's beauty and how Yeosang had told him that he too had a similar experience to Seonghwa's and that was the reason Seonghwa was able to stay at the base for the first few nights. It all came crashing back to them as the wind blew gently, the memories of Yeosang cleaning the blood from Seonghwa's body that one time in the bathroom when he was unable to do it himself. Seonghwa thought about when he had almost been too late to save Yeosang that time in the laboratory- all of it.
Seonghwa understood- he really did, he knew why they were doing it. But he also couldn't understand. The selfish part in him wanted to keep them to himself. Jongho had even been the one to find him- to take them back to a better place and helped them survive for the past few years. How could they just leave after everything they've been through together?
"We will be okay," Yeosang said gently, caressing the side of Seonghwa's cheek with his thumb. "Do not worry about us."
"You're asking the impossible," Seonghwa's voice cracked, a tell-tale sign of how close he was to crying. "Please just stay with us- we'll figure it out I swear. I have to know you're okay... please I can't lose the two of you too."
Yeosang had always looked gorgeous, no matter what state he was in. But now, under the soft moonlight with the slight breeze that ruffled his hair, he looked the most elegant he had ever looked. He pressed his palm into Seonghwa's cheek with more pressure, his eyes shining slightly.
"I was going to tell everyone," Yeosang whispered, his deep voice vibrating Seonghwa's broken heart that was refusing to beat. "That night at the campfire, I wanted to tell everyone that we were leaving so we could say goodbye."
"You owe it to them," Seonghwa put his hand over Yeosang's and pressed it against his skin. "You're family you know?"
"You can't just fucking leave us like this! After everything we've been through, Jongho you can't just do that!" Seonghwa and Yeosang turned a little to see Hongjoong who seemed to be cracking as he too was beginning to understand there was nothing he could do. He had both of his hands on Jongho's cheeks and was forcing the youngest to look at him. "Not like this Jongho, not like this. We'll figure something out- we've always done that... this doesn't have to be any different! You can't fucking leave!"
Except it was different, and they all knew it. Seonghwa stood there helplessly, looking around without a clue in the world. His eyes were burning and his lungs felt deflated, and he could tell when his chin started to shake that he would not be able to push back the cry that was forcing itself out of his throat.
"Oh Hyung, don't cry please," Yeosang stepped closer, pressing his own lips together to control himself as he wiped his thumbs under Seonghwa's wet eyes. "It's going to be okay, we're strong. Jongho and I can handle anything that comes at us."
"With what weapons? You have a total of what...five bullets?-"
"Seonghwa," Yeosang cut him off, pushing his finger over Seonghwa's lips. "Please, don't make this any harder than it already is."
And it was then that Seonghwa could hear Hongjoong say something, and when he glanced over he saw the smaller man with his head pressed to Jongho's chest as the younger was looking straight up into the night sky.
Hongjoong had given up.
That was the end of that. They lost them.
"When all of this is over," Yeosang stepped closer, pushing up on his toes ever so slightly to press his forehead against Seonghwa's. "We will meet again, I promise."
That had Seonghwa choking internally, his hands clenched in fists so tightly he was sure he was drawing blood on his palms with his nails. When what was over? The apocalypse? Or when the entire god-forsaken world was over? When they were all dead and the nightmare had finally ended, is that when they would meet again? The promise was empty, Yeosang could never guarantee such a thing and it left Seonghwa shaking against Yeosang's warm body.
When Seonghwa said nothing and remained rigid and Yeosang pulled away, Seonghwa's heart fell when the younger called Jongho over with a wave of his hand. Hongjoong was left there standing like he was crushed beyond repair, his expression so confused like he couldn't process that this was actually happening.
Jongho was by Yeosang's side in an instant, and his eyes were red like he had been forcing himself not to cry the entire time. Yeosang reached up and patted Seonghwa's cheek again, offering a small coo when Seonghwa's eyes really watered up and told him not to cry once more.
Kind, gentle, selfless Yeosang.
"Take care of them for me won't you?" Yeosang said when he pulled his hand away from Seonghwa's quivering body. The older knew who Yeosang was talking about, the happy and sleeping bodies that had grown to love and depend upon Yeosang would never know what had happened. "I can't bear the thought of having to look them in the eye and tell them I'm leaving after everything. So please, take care of them when I'm gone. Watch over Mingi- I know he's all jokes but he's got a fragile heart."
Seonghwa bit his lip and swallowed a thick lump down his throat.
"I promise, they will not die before I do."
Now that was something he could promise and he would do everything in his power to make it happen. The smile that appeared on Yeosang's face was nothing short of heartbreaking and relieving as his shoulders sagged down and let out a soft breath.
"That's good," he whispered more to himself than anyone else. "That's really good."
When Yeosang turned on his heel with Jongho doing the same, Seonghwa's heart jumped forward, not at all ready to let them go. He would never be if he was being truthful, but his hands shot out in front of him to grab at them and pull them both back to his body where he could keep them safe. But he stopped himself halfway, his fingers twitching around nothing painfully as he felt the most helpless he had ever been.
But Hongjoong was there, and Seonghwa felt a very dim flame of hope ignite, praying to any god out there that Hongjoong would be able to pull them back to where they belonged as he had previously failed to do so. But with the way the smaller man shakily reached into his pant's pocket and pulled out the vile that Yeosang must've given him at some point, the flame of hope disappeared as quickly as it came.
"Take this," Hongjoong said as he grabbed Yeosang's hand and put the vile in his palm, and pushed his fingers closed. Yeosang had his back to Seonghwa, but he could tell the blonde's eyes widened in shock.
"But-"
"Take it, find a way to replicate it, and save the world," Hongjoong cut him off, his eyes stern but his shaking hands that fell by his sides shattered his intimidating stance. "If anyone was going to save the world, it would've been you... so take it, and do just that."
It was silent after that, and Seonghwa could just stand there and shiver even though it was not cold at all. The tension that grew made him sick to his stomach. The fear and the pain with the increasing heartbreak left him confused in more ways than one. His chest had never hurt so bad in his life and Seonghwa couldn't help but clutch at his shirt to keep himself breathing.
"It's been an honor Hongjoong," Yeosang said, reaching his hand out and shaking Hongjoong's. It looked like a business transaction and Seonghwa had a feeling Yeosang did that to help keep himself together. He and Hongjoong had been together since the very beginning- Jongho as well. But Yeosang was Hongjoong's right-hand man, he was the one that stayed up night after night to help keep them all safe. He practically ran the place as well and made sure to take care of the older man. "I wish I could've been by your side at the very end."
He could only imagine how much emotion that firm handshake held.
"You still can," Hongjoong argued, gripped Yeosang's hand tighter. "You still can, and you will."
Yeosang's face fell before he nodded his head and the ends of his lips curved upwards. His next words were the softest thing Seonghwa had ever heard, the crickets around him almost drowned Yeosang out.
"Alright then, I'll be there."
And just as quickly as Seonghwa had gotten to know them, they had left him. He watched Yeosang and Jongho's back as they walked away, each step forward increased the distance between them, and Seonghwa couldn't help but choke on a cry he refused to let out. There were no goodbye's and no matter how hard Seonghwa screamed internally at them to look back over their shoulders so he could see their faces one last time, they never stopped.
It was probably better that way, he knew Yeosang knew not to look back. In fact, Yeosang was probably whispering to himself to not look back with every step he took. Seonghwa and Hongjoong stood side-by-side as they watched them leave, standing in the silence, the sound of their footsteps echoing in their ears. But at some point, they sat down, leaning against the wood of the barn, and strained their eyes to see Yeosang's and Jongho's bodies in the far distance. They were nothing more than maybe a dot on the horizon, and by the time the sky started to light up, Seonghwa remembered he needed to blink.
"You know I knew that someone needed to leave," he said absentmindedly, his whole body numb. "I knew that if we kept our same numbers, we would not make it for much longer unless an actual miracle happened. I knew that- I just never expected that it would be ... and you know I can't even fucking complain because at least the last time I got to see them, they were still alive and healthy."
Hongjoong remained motionless and silent beside him.
"Like that's damn fucking good if you asked me. The last time I was able to hold Yeosang's body, he was still warm. That's not a luxury we ever get anymore so I can't even complain," the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could even think of what he was saying or before he could register the hot tears filling his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "At least I won't have to worry about witnessing their dead bodies... you know mauled apart and bloody? I have no room to be upset."
"Yeah," was all Hongjoong said, his voice so quiet that Seonghwa nearly missed it entirely.
By the time morning had rolled around and the crickets had stopped chirping and everyone in the barn started to wake up, Seonghwa and Hongjoong had not moved an inch from where they were slumped against the barn, still staring off in the distance where Yeosang and Jongho were long gone. They had failed them, and Seonghwa would never be able to forgive himself for that.
His chest burned with each breath and no matter how desperately he tried to move his fingers, he couldn't. His legs had weights attached to them, pulling him back down to the ground every time he tried to force himself to get up.
"Where's Yeosang?" Seonghwa heard Wooyoung ask from inside the barn after a while when everyone seemed to buzz to life. The two of them had gotten very close as of late, nearly inseparable, so it didn't surprise the older that he was the first person that Wooyoung looked for first thing in the morning.
"I don't know, but Jongho's gone too," someone else answered after a while.
"Seonghwa and Hongjoong aren't here either." That was San speaking.
It was only a matter of time now, and Seonghwa still couldn't find it in himself to move.
When Wooyoung and San found them sitting outside after poking their heads outside the open doors, Seonghwa finally found the strength to look up at the two of them.
"Oh, damn there you guys are- have you seen..." Wooyoung started, but his face fell instantly when he saw the sort of condition Seonghwa and Honghoon were in. "Wait... shit are you okay? What's wrong? Did something happen?"
Seonghwa wanted to laugh, he really did. What's wrong? Oh, if only there was a simple answer.
He didn't answer the younger and it was easy to see that Wooyoung's worry increased when he looked over his shoulder at San who shrugged but his eyebrows pinched together in confusion. But Seonghwa couldn't find it in himself to care if he was scaring them. He was exhausted beyond his years and every breath nearly killed him every time he tried to inhale.
Instead, he tilted his head over to look at Hongjoong beside him, momentarily forgetting about Wooyoung and San's presence.
"Do you think they made it?" He asked, his voice hoarse but the question was so heavy on his shoulders he couldn't bear to not ask. He knew it was too soon to ask such a thing, but he knew Hongjoong understood what he meant.
Hongjoong rested the back of his head against the wall and lifted his arm up to point to somewhere far, far away from them.
"They made it," he finally answered, squinting his eyes like he could still see them. "They survived. Yeosang found a way to replicate the cure and he ended up saving the world. Even if we didn't make it... if we finally fell victim to this curse, they didn't. They lived."
Hongjoong's words washed over Seonghwa's body like a comforting blanket. Even though Seonghwa knew he would never truly know whatever would happen to Yeosang and Jongho, whether they fell victim to the virus like so many already had, or if they actually ended up making it- it was nice and comforting to imagine that they were able to survive as they all had planned to together.
When Hongjoong turned his head to look at Seonghwa, the older felt his blood run cold when he saw the tear streaks running down the younger's cheeks.
"They made it," he repeated, his eyes bright red and his bottom lip shaking. "I'm deciding that they did."