(𝘈 𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘈𝘨𝘰)
⋄∻⚜∻⋄
"𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑒𝓎𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈."
∻⚜∻
"𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝒸𝓁𝓊𝑒𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝓉. 𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒."
⋄∻⚜∻⋄
(Chiang Main∙ 6:30 p.m. Pi is a High School student.)
Red and pink balloons drift along with the cold breeze tied to thin strings on ends outside shops. Glass display showcasing all related to the theme of red and pink. It gave a captivating sight to every viewer with the sky turning a pretty shade of orange mixed with shades blue blended perfectly with hues of pink, and strokes of red if looked hard enough.
A perfect day for such an event. The day was as clear and fresh as it could be in the populated and polluted city of Bangkok, slow breeze made it all better in late evening. The downpour a few hours ago cleared away dust and warmness of scratching heat of summer. Any other time, he would've loved to take a stroll alongside when it wasn't crowded and bustling. But unfortunately, tiredness took over his body and eyes.
Wooden tables and stalls were arranged on either side of the street filled with whatever could please the eyes of lovers enough to pick and pay, the marketplace was decorated alike a festival. An effort to lure every loving pair at their first glance. Pi had eyed all objects depicting love as he walked with bag hung loosely. The most dreaded day for Pi, Valentine's Day was finally here.
Couplets of outfits or accessories were flooded into every shop since the month began. Eyes lingered longer for gifts, choosing what could be presented to their partners. Many stood in front of aisles with a frown of great concentration, contemplating on what to buy. Pi had to squeeze through some places, most flooded by men and women of variation in ages, all for the se purpose.
Individuals held hands, stealing shy glances at each other. Simply where your eyes could take will witness couples wearing matching shirts with eyebrow-raising quotes, cheesy words printed over clothes, bracelets, whatever is available to showcase their blossoming relationship. It looked like every human had a twin, from matching shirts, to converse to bags and caps. It was easy to differentiate who were happy and who weren't.
Pi would never invest in such a mass-produced, corporate-controlled faux-lain(he made that one up himself).
It looked like he was walking in the middle of a Rom-Com movie with hearts and flowers floating around. Romantic for the ones with partners and bitterness toward people like Pi. No one to share the day with chocolates and flowers or messages with.
Who could understand the pain of working and being alone on a day like this better than he? The extra bonus he will get better be worth it. Pi side-eyed all of them with a gaze that held nothing but malice.
He wanted to walk up to some random couple and yell-
"Who the hell is she?" and then walk away crying, just to f*ck with them. He had heard so much cheesiness just on his walk to work that he wanted his ears to bleed at this point. He should've booked a cab if only the cash was enough. He will have to save up for some necessities hence better a walk than waste money. No compromise on buying merchandise.
Pi had been panting by the time he reached the turning point, near his workplace. He had to run all the way, muttering 'Sorry's' and 'Excuse Me's' to people he bumped.
But most of the time, they were so busy whispering nonsense to each other, blushing and giggling, never noticed themselves blocking his path. And he groaned and diverted his eyes each time someone kissed. Published display of affection had it's limits.
Maybe he would've tapped someone on the shoulder gently while they were kissing and then poked their eyeballs with his fingers, then walk away from the rhythmic screams of their agony like nothing happened.
Will he be going to hell for hating people right now? They weren't at fault though. It was their day, after all. It merely pissed him off when it looked like he was the only one walking alone. The single community must be hiding from his eyes today.
If his brother was here, he would've smacked the top of his head for thinking evil about people. And P'Meen would've shook his head in disapproval.
Reminded of them, Pi is sure they were out having fun after a long time from their busy schedule. He had to lie to Duean that he need to complete all of his homework due. Otherwise, his brother would've forced him to tag along on his date with his boyfriend. And Pi will never accept his presence as a third wheel because his bother thought Pi would feel lonely.
Meen did feel bad about him but a little hint of happiness for spending time alone with Duean granted to him was enough. You see, his brother is quite a dense material in some cases. Meen had taken his time off work specifically to spend with him and Duean just wanted Pi to ruin all of his pre-planned events because of what?
'Pi, you should not stay home alone on such a great day. You can tag along. I am always busy with work and you stay in the library most days. We can all enjoy together.'
Pi sometimes still doesn't understand the patience and love Meen was holding in their relationship. Staying in a long-distance relationship must be tough on him. Pi had heard many did not last long. He was grateful to Meen for handling Duean so well.
It sounds nice when life is not hard on them. He hoped that they could stay forever happy.
Busy in his thoughts, he felt someone shoving his shoulders and walking away without sparing him a glance. He scrawled at the behavior and lack of decency. Turning his heated gaze at the back of the culprits walking away un-bothered.
It was a typical couple you can close your eyes and imagine. A cute girl from the little glimpse he saw and a tall boy wearing fashionable clothes.
His soul must belong to hell for thinking the man should trip and fall face first. Or have someone bump into him so hard, that his arms fall off. Pi rubbed his shoulder where the stranger bumped and started walking again. He didn't want to be in this sticking place at all for longer.
Most of them were wearing school uniforms. He bets they were all middle schoolers. How only even were these middle schoolers? Ignoring the fact he was one himself.
His finals were over a week ago, so technically, he is a high schooler now soon. It doesn't matter though. Nothing could convince him that this was not the worst day. Or maybe he was just envious that everyone around him was having a great time but him.
He has enough of this for the whole day.
Why was February even a month? February was a sucker and it should not exist. They should remove all moths from the calendar that had less than thirty days.
He stopped by the red light, along with a few others.
'This day is so much better with you.'
Pi hears a girl mutter beside him, her voice dripping with honey.
'Me too. I hope we stay like this forever.' He rolled his eyes and turned away. Pressing his lips together not to say something offensive and gaining a purple eye from her boyfriend. Do they really think it was that easy?
It was always stupid in his eyes to promise someone forever when the next moment was not ever certain. He had seen the hardship his brother went through with Meen. Pi won't deny they never had fights, each time he felt bad.
Pi would fake his sickness when Meen stopped visiting him due to the sourness. And then he will force them to speak to each other. It was his childish antiques but always worked. They would resist, but Meen never got angry. It was nice to see others making effort for him. Now that they were away, on a day Vacation, he was left alone.
There was a ritual for Valentine's day in high schools, to give small heart stickers to friends and people you like. Small stickers adorning the fabric of white uniforms, ones no one could refuse no matter how much you dislike them.
It was more of a competition about who got the most at the end of the day. Pi was disgusted by how these silly mindless junks could compete about who got more people stuck on them.
What do they think, is it easy to walk in front of someone they were crushing. Stand confidently and say the words they were afraid to and let others listen to them. There was a reason many confessed when no one was around. Or requested them to go to a more quiet and secluded place.
It was not easy to have a one-sided crush, it brought a lot of weight on them. Never mind the insecurities and reasons they have to count, and why they were not good enough. If having a crush had some advantages, it will always be overpowered by disadvantages.
Who understands it more than Pi. And they made fun of it until they were the victims.
Will he ever talk about his silly puppy love of eighth grade? A senior who gifted him a beautiful, rainbow-colored friendship band.
Pretty strings of thread made of nylon with colorful beads, some having printed with letters and well wishes.
Pi had been standing in the hallway alone, looking at others on the ground floor from the window. Everyone was on the playground, happily exchanging their friendship bands, some bragging about the amount that covered their wrists.
Someone had tapped him on the shoulder then. He turned around to see the school prefect, the Senior in tenth grade smiling brightly at him.
P'Tine, was famous for his wealthy inheritance and ideal personality, his father being the Director and his mother being the Vice Principal of the School. Pi had seen him in school assemblies leading his class, representing the school in Swimming competitions with gold and silver medals. Certification for spell bee and Writing contests.
His left arm was grabbed, and the thickly braided black-colored band with colorful beads was tied around. It was simple at the center, a tiny rainbow-shaped clip with some clouds at the very middle, all seven colors that made the black and boring thread fascinating in his eyes.
Pi had never known it would be his first crush because he had no knowledge at that time what he felt was labeled as puppy love, Meen ones told him. And he would feel something for a boy, but he did.
He was tall and thin, his smile wide and cute. The shirt he wore fit him perfectly, a little loose, and black pants. Pi swore the uniform looked boring on anyone but him.
The long lashes fluttered and his voice dripped with honey as he spoke. No one ever saw him getting angry or worked up, soft-spoken with diligence. He was raised with grace and discipline, the proper mannerism and qualities. Expected from a wealthy and known family.
Pi admired him when he saw the latter helping others and sharing things. Even being in grade ten, high school Seniors were his friends. He hung out with every group circle and managed to sweep attention on himself in a matter of seconds. He never got into trouble and defended the weak with all his might. Filled with affection and love.
That was his first time being aware of his sexuality unknowingly, yet not knowing he was gay. Just simply being aware he felt the same for boys as other boys felt for girls. He knew at that point that he had a different kind of liking towards P'Tine, boys in general. He thought celebrity crushes don't count. But after that, Pi noticed that most were males.
And he thought it was normal for a boy to like a boy then. His brother had a boyfriend, what was wrong with it? It was normal in his mind.
If only he knew what it would lead to.
That day wasn't Valentine's day but Friendship day, yet he felt like it. Happy to have someone who gifted him. It was just mild admiration then if Pi ponders over it. His eyes sparkled when he greeted P'Tine at school, or during lunch hours. They did become friends afterward.
Glorifying how the hand fondly ruffled his hair jovially made him feel all the 'tingling's'. The dazzling white smile and bright crinkled eyes made his mornings. Face bright and aura comforting. P'Tine reminded him of a bunny.
But his happiness did not last long. After that, P'Tine had to move away, somewhere far from his parents because of financial problems. He came to find out about it from some of his Senior friends talking while Pi walked past them.
It was a heartbreaking year to imagine never seeing that face again for Pi. He had cried under the warm hands comforting him, tapping his head in the most gentle manner.
And moments after, he spends all his time with the Senior. Walking around during lunch and talking to him about what he liked. The latter always listened.
And now with P'Tine gone, Pi had entered the phase where students in every class already decided in which group they belonged and were wary of others. Small, discrete groups of couplets and triplets that hardly shared their space with new ones.
He long missed the chance to participate in any of them because of his crush. And became the friend-less and awkward guy whom anyone rarely talked to.
Talking about that, not like this was any better. He remained like that for the rest of his middle school. Things got much worse after.
His school shirt has been blank, with no heart stickers, not even yellow ones symbolizing friendship or platonic love, let alone a red one. And no one was there to tap his shoulder and put the damn sticker to see him smile.
It made him feel more out of place, hiding inside a cubicle munching on sweet bread. The sight made him feel so foreign and salty. The smell of chocolate and giggling made him sick.
What else did he expect, he scoffed at some pair sharing a single cotton candy, passing right in front of him. They might as well pass right through him blinded by looking at each other.
Even the regular color of pink cotton candies looked too fluorescent and bright in his eyes. What was wrong with him, or them? All of them felt overboard.
He wanted to trip them with his leg, blindly walking with eyes on each other like the avenue was their property. It may be Valentine's, but the street was still busy with vehicles. Maybe a fall on their face first would make them come back to their senses.
Oh, and let's not talk about how many times he had seen boys and girls on their knees offering gifts, rings, cards, and flowers. Some even kissing out of happiness. Others around hooting and cheering to accept the proposal immediately. He did divert his eyes on a few cases when things went downhill. Rejections were always sad.
Was it even safe to confess so openly? Were they not afraid of being rejected and being witnessed by so many? Or is he just being too pessimistic?
How unfair it would be to be rejected on this day and continuously witness couples everywhere.
If an individual was hesitant to take a step closer to their crush on any normal day, witnessing this could instantly surge an impulse to stupidity.
You know, too focused to see the consequences of heartbreak and go for a blind confession.
How stupid to confess out of nowhere and expect the person to like you. How would even someone like him, who was deprived of such luxuries, can accept, if he never knew them in the first place?
Does it ever make sense to confess to a person who never has known you? Admiring someone from far and actually taking 'the step' were two different universes.
The first step to love is always getting to know them, learning about them, and sharing their own. A blind confession was always failing, that is, if you are not good-looking. He has seen enough in Animes, all of them were publically rejected.
Cause let's be real, pretty faces are always an advantage. No one denies it no matter whether you love yourself. Looks always mattered. He had been through enough to know it.
According to Pi, if you don't dare to approach the one you like on any other day, then there was no use being brave and ruining everything in a season like this. When you may not be the only one with their eyes set on the latter.
How tragic to see people being turned down, building up the courage to expose their feelings only to be disclaimed.
He had seen many failed attempts, tears, and ugly crying over someone who clearly did not deserve them. Or someone who was misled just for 'fun'. He may be lonely, but that made him observant. Maybe that is why he hated people in general. Surprised by how their brain worked and what rotten thinking they possessed.
He even predicted some, how long they will last from far. Though not all of them were right, but some were. There is a fine line between courage and stupidity.
Taking the courage to propose to someone and being confident enough that the proposal will be accepted with happiness. He wanted to feel the same way, to feel accepted and loved by someone unconditionally.
Knew there was no fear because someone was standing right beside him, holding his hands. So even if his faith was dimmed, it was still there, hidden but illuminated. After all, the world works on hope.
But sometimes thoughts struck his head at random times. A young and foolish mind questioning how will it happen?
How will he know that the right person arrived?
Will he ever be able to tell?
Would things be different if he took enough breaths to confess to his first ever crush of eighth grade?
Maybe yes. Maybe no. Who knows, that time passed long ago.
He had seen many broken hearts, and heard sitting right next to a table where sat three friends consoling the miserable one. Not eavesdropping on purpose but couldn't help his ears wandering when they clearly did not understand what whispering meant.
Of how things turned out for the worse, signals misunderstood, sweet gestures manipulate in the wrong way. Kindness granted mistook for love and affection that only led to disappointments.
There was a fear of much worse than that for Pi though. Of someone's confession to your crush right in front of your eyes and getting accepted. A hard slap of reality. Maybe someone much better than you will steal the person, right in front of you.
That would be such a mess, leaving you in tangles of insecurities.
He had seen his fair share of dramas, wiping his teary eyes and biting his lips at the heart-clenching scenes.
The movies he watched were people falling madly in love but never having the fate of ending up together. Where they were the right people and at the wrong timing.
These two need to match for someone to last longer with the other.
The right timing but wrong people. Loving someone unconditionally and ruining themselves in the process only to be forgotten.
And let's not forget the time he had seen 'school-confessions-gone-wrong.'
According to him, confessing your love on Valentine's day was the worst idea if you were not sure it will be accepted.
He knew how it felt to be rejected while others were happy and laughing around. Happiness is the hardest thing to achieve if you are not yourself.
No, he is not talking about confessions, must to his appeasement, but something far more worst.
Rejection in a community was way worse than being let down by a single person whom you like. Being rejected just because people don't like him, or thinks he is weird for his preferences was a fate worse than a confession turndown.
Excluded from a common circle of people because they encountered his appearance as not fitting to be 'cool' enough.
Or the way he leaned more towards men than women.
How he did not have parents or why his brother was with a man. The worse kind of pain it brought to him, though he stayed quiet. His words never mattered, and his tears never mattered, so he won't waste them on people that had pathetic thinking.
He was a loner in school, still the same in high school, the place you better understand friendship, learn new meanings, make friends, and relish. A place that starts molding young minds.
You learn to form opinions and learn to differentiate between right and wrong. A chapter of one's book that starts the story, something to remember and cherish.
Where you sneakily share food in the middle of class and laugh at your friends when you're caught, without feeling guilty. Being punished together, playing pranks, pushing and pulling each other in and out of trouble.
Unaware of what the rest of the world holds for them. Where bags are heavier, not hearts, pencils are broken, not promises, and tears are fake than smiles.
When one ring of the bell dismissed everyone all at once even if the teacher was writing.
Throwing paper balls at each other, and drew funny figures from their classmates and teachers. Hiding giggles behind a hand for being called the 'worse class of all'.
The place where you get the slightest glimpse of what the world outside is like. A definition of your own, be it beautiful, evil, deceptive, greedy, beautiful, or scary world.
Creating new bonds and stories in the name of having fun. The memories you create that take a great part in building you, the memories people carry for life.
But what happens when it turns into hell? When you are gaining attention for all the wrong reasons. When you neglected all of these for being 'different'.
When you sit alone in all places, no one passes the ball to you. You don't have anyone to share your food with, no one invites you to hang out?
No one to share stories with swing alone, no weight on the other side of the see-saw to raise and drip him.
School is an important part of someone's life, something people remember till death, the first step to knowing the world outside your comfort but still being close enough.
That's what his brother told him, he remembers the fondness in Duean's eyes. It felt foreign to him because he never experienced the stories.
For Pi, being alone and lonely were two completely different things. Some people don't like company, they prefer silence, the distance, and have no problem being friend-less.
Their minds are occupied with their own thoughts. They are enough with themselves. They want to be alone, it being a choice.
But some are lonely, which is not their intention, rather they are forced to. When people don't want to sit next to you, they constantly get picked on. And you are not accepted for all the wrong reasons.
Work being dumped on group projects, notebooks being thrown at you for homework, walking in the hallway cautiously, praying no one starts picking on him again.
Take advantage of his silence, use him when needed, and forget as soon as the work was done.
Mocked by the group of friends he considered his own while individuals' gathered around him, making fun of his miserable state. Those 'friends' he had ones trusted and got betrayed. The people who did not think twice before ruining his life.
His secrets, thoughts, and opinions were ridiculed.
The ones he trusted stabbed him in the back, talking behind him about how nasty he was for liking boys. He still feared their laughing faces, their fingers pointing and whispering as he passed by.
Pi wonders what a nice feeling it would be to look at a boy soaked in ice-cold water, shirt damp standing, and crying with his face covered in humiliation.
Would he be able to laugh at this scenery as others did if he was one of them? Was he feeling bad because he was the victim or because it was pathetic of those people to make a laugh out of someone's misery?
Maybe he was a reject because he couldn't understand what was so joyous about this. They understood he was weird, and different, and decided it was alright to heckle him.
If only he could understand their way of thinking then it would have been better to react the same way they did. To change himself and blend with them, it would make his life easier.
Pointing and laughing at someone wearing broken glasses and bruised lips after fights. Pushing him around and throwing wrappers and garbage at him. Too afraid to walk in empty hallways, use empty washrooms.
But no matter how much he tried to find a funny element, it never struck him.
So he gave up on being like them, his state making him feel guilty for those who experienced the same as him. He would rather have no friends than try fitting in, molding himself like them just to not stand out from the crowd.
Doing bad to someone would never bring joy to him, never satisfy his ego. Rather it would make him feel worst to the point he could cry himself to sleep.
He would wake up at midnight feeling guilty about something he did unintentionally to hurt someone days ago and overthink it. How could he go against his morals and hurt someone intentionally? After all, he knew the pain.
He was not raised like them, Duean taught him that manners and actions reflect how you were raised and what kind of people contributed to it.
So he would rather endure the absurdities than change himself for the worse and let his brother's teachings down.
Pi accepted their rejection and gave up on making friends like them. He could do anything but be fake, his life was bad enough on its own. It was more important to be a human than pretend what was being done was 'entertaining'. Adding them in his life would make things worse.
It's important to focus on what you are than bother judging them for what they do. It never ended his trouble, but he sleeps at night satisfied that he had two people waiting in the house that loved and cared about him the most.
He doesn't need friends asking for free treats and showing off money, leeching off greedily only to abandon soon when no benefit was seen.
Or friends who were fake, laughing at his back. Worshipping him when he was of use and throwing him around when word was done.
He took a deep breath and shook his thoughts. Tonight was going to be long and Pi did not feel like recalling horrendous memories.
His thoughts are diverted to a boy on his knees holding a red rose to another boy who stood shily with red cheeks looking back. The scenery brought a hint of jealousy and warmth to his heart at the same time.
It was accepted with a cheerful laugh and they hugged each other. Looking at the scene, the definition of love looked so easy.
We watch movies and read poems and books about Romance that feed our fantasies. The perfect camera angle, with extraordinary lighting and filters. The slow motions and zoom-in, and zoom-outs have our hearts fluttering.
How much time do we spare on reassuring our beating heart, the adrenaline, oxytocin, and serotonin, that it's all illusions?
Thinking love comes easy to you, it falls into your arms and you accept it immediately.
The biggest lie of them all is, that Love waits.
It waits until you are ready and people have patience and time for you.
It waits until you are ready, and accepts unquestioned.
It sounded like such a lie. Why would someone wait where there are others much better. And who wouldn't want a 'better-half' for themselves than to wait for someone damaged, broken?
Meeting a person, getting to know them, fighting conflicts together, saving each other, and getting together finally. It was, all the same, he compares them, the screen that showed lies most of the time.
If only reality was similar, people would never go to Cinema halls to watch them. The large audience indicated how little of it was true. And how fewer people knew about love. How they were fed what they wanted, and not what actually happened.
'A happily ever after' was never a truth, it was the sweetest lie ever told to people. And especially people are not always accepting when you have different preferences.
It was nice to accept that you were different, like anyone, may it be the same gender. Pi knew what he liked, but was it be easy to come out of the closet? Never.
He guessed they have been through a lot to have the bravery, not care about others and have the mindset of being more confident and selfish. Because words hurt, they stay, scare deep, and bleed when the thread keeping them together is touched.
They leave stains that can be seen in your lowers and darkest phase. And how many stay by your side. Surely not the one who was the reason for those wounds. It was never easy to survive, and carry the scars.
Seeing the two boys liberated made him smile even in his sour mood. As he said, however bitching he was, there was always a ray of hope that shines.
Them openly announcing it in such a way made him feel relieved that he was not alone being 'different'. There are many around him and they are proud of who they are, carrying themselves with pride in this month. This made him whim carry on strong.
He was not desperate to find someone soon, he was in high school after all. Pi can wait until someone arrives in his life that can deal with him, who will accept him without question.
But the real question arises, will it ever happen?
Was it too soon to answer this question?
Or he should start finding? But what exactly?
Questions that can never be answered simply. So maybe he should stop bothering about these.
Soon Pi stands in front of a small café, with glass windows on both sides. The shop that had introduced him to good people, the one he appreciated and trusted. People who changed their views of the world, that it still contains kindness and sympathy, empathy, care, and humanity.
Pi twisted the knob with a jiggle, the bell ringing to catch the attention of one of the waiters serving hot chocolate to someone.
The fresh smell of warm chocolate made his stomach growl for skipping lunch and completing his unfinished homework instead. He smiled and nodded in acknowledgment despite his growling stomach, and was returned with a greeting from the latter's side.
Fluke was the fastest to grab the opportunity and participate in serving for the night since most were out with their significant others, and he was very single.
Staying home with his evil sister Pi heard horrible stories about was a fate considerably worse than working. Fluke's words, not his own.
He saw the shorter male taking away the empty tray, passing by the Manager near the counter.
Chairs and tables arranged and filled, loud murmurs and chattering filling his ears, though less loud compared to outside. this was the familiarity he felt after a long day. Like he belonged somewhere. Where he could fit in without trying hard. A second home to Pi.
The lights enhanced all the decorations they had stayed late at night organizing, he nodded satisfied. Flowers, balloons, teddy bears, everything felt the more beautiful and perfect result of their hard work.
Pi's eyes are instantly on the counter where a cake made of chocolate red rose petals on top shaped perfectly lays on the tray in all its glory. Freshly decorated ready to be delivered soon in a fancy box. Another was ready to be kept behind the glass on display and he wants to jump his face right on it. It had a 3'd heart at the very center made out of vanilla.
His patience and luck will be tested tonight. And can someone share how to keep his stomach from growling without eating? He should've at least purchased some sandwiches and eaten them on his way.
But being late by half an hour made him hurry, shoving his books inside and sprinting out of the library. He completely forgot his shift would start an hour earlier than usual. And with his phone on silent, he got distracted while completing the last bit of his assignment.
It was a group project but no one showed up. One sends him a text to leave his part of work for the next day and the other is not even bother replying to him. Nothing unusual. he was sued for all of this.
A lonely guy working on an empty stomach inside a café filled with couples and chocolate. On any other day, it was a habit to ogle over desserts with dreamy eyes and wipe the saliva as a new customer walked in.
But today it was different, the alluring scent was seducing him with sweetbreads cut into shapes and coated with thick lays of flavored chocolates.
Crunchy sticks draped with melted white cream and brown balls sprinkled with colorful candies on top. The texture is soft and smells enticing.
It was a strategy by retailers to tempt consumers, especially demanding girlfriends into buying the same cake but decorated with more effort.
The same chocolate you would eye and pass by because it's ridiculously expensive or not appealing enough will be bought on this day proudly because you want to eat it in the 'name of Love'.
It's customary to buy chocolates for your loved ones, and efforts are put into a marketing strategy to increase sales. Take advantage of your vulnerability. It was worth being the victim if the melting sweetness on your tongue can be felt.
He almost felt bad for the lost wallet people are going to suffer from but
It was his payment day today, and Pi giddily smiled at the extra bonus they have been promised. One of the reasons he was working today in the first place. The leftover cupcake and snacks will be distributed among the waiters, and who was he to skip? Working wasn't that bad after all, he slightly smiled.
He remembers how desperate he was when he saw his brother struggling, almost about to give up on them. Paying bills and calculating with frustration on the dinner table when Pi went to bed so that it doesn't bother him to see his elder brother stressed.
Bringing him all the convenience even after rough months. Paying his fee, for his uniforms, costumes for class dramas, and school trips so that Pi doesn't feel left out. Anything to not make him feel left out at school. Cutting down his own necessities to provide Pi with the best he can.
Pi felt burdened by the weight of his own existence, desperate to contribute. He clearly remembers the night. So lone and barren.
He sat right at this very doorstep, crying that starry night. No one was out in hours of midnight. He had no courage to go home and face his brother's strained and forced smiles, pretending everything was alright.
The owner had heard his sniffling's, sat beside him, and comforted him. The only man he now called grandpa. At that time, P'Gun was still in University. The same hands made him cry some more, for the first time not covering away from a stranger's touch. There was sometimes so soft and soulful about the soft-hearted man, Pi trusted him immediately
He offered Pi the job despite him being a middle-schooler. It was illegal to make him work because of the underaged labor law, but Pi was desperate and refused to accept money without hard work.
Good things come with handwork, even if it was kindness. His brother taught him.
There was a risk but he took it. If people found out about his real age, the man could be sued for forcing a child to work.
But Pi pleaded with them to give him a job in exchange for working on a lesser wage than others and keeping his age a secret until he was eighteen.
Things had changed since then, and he had gotten a close family in the form of the workers here. They were warm and welcoming, nobody mentioning how young and incapable he ones was. They taught him from scratch to this, where he could handle the shop on his own.
And it helped him deal with people, learn how the world works, knowing the skills to communicate with strangers. Trying to take small steps outside his introverted personality.
Although he was still a great shamble, the least one to be on the counter, but it worked well. Because he knew they had his back. He could never repay their kindness.
He was getting to sentiment today. Was he on his menstruation day?
The only spark of enjoyment besides the extra pay today looking at his Oh-so-dear Manager who would have to be here rather than home celebrating with his boyfriend.
Karma pays back as Pi was forced to work yesterday out of working hours, and now the culprit who forced him had to stay the night had to watch couples with a grim expression. His boyfriend is busy with some work.
"Swat-dee-Kah P'. I was late due to traffic, lots of people out today." P'Gun does not pay must attention to his lateness and just smiles softly.
He was on his way to taking another order from a girl. There was no denying P'Gun looked nice with dimple smiles and received several boxes of chocolates this week.
It was all denied with utter politeness and Pi at some point started to feel bad, minorly for the dejected faces but majorly for the box of chocolate taken back.
He wanted to take all of them and devour them till the box was cleared with no trace of sweets left. Duean would surely complain about how much he had been seeking snacks and sweets.
So he kept his mouth shut watching the colorful box tied with ribbons being escorted out of the door. Pi was surprised by the number of proposals in a day, P'Off will surely be upset by the amount to his boyfriend.
He quickly slips inside the locker room to change into his new attire that did not smell of sweat and looked dirty. Pi was glad they had a shower room renovated last year and it helped him refresh after long school hours and the constant bullying.
He could stand under the shower and pretend water was running out of his fingertips like a superhero. Little silly joys in life.
He was starting to hate sports day when balls were purposefully thrown over his face or pushed harshly on the ground for not being 'fast enough to catch them.
He made silly excuses instead, hiding in the library, and reading books instead of playing. It felt like he was disadvantageous from all sides with no good qualities in him.
The mud patch over his white shirt that he had to vigorously rub before his brother sees it at home. At no cost was he going to tell he was being bullied.
Duean was already loaded with work, Pi wasn't going to bother him more. Besides, it would be over soon. His final was a month away. He could be free in just a matter of fourteen days.
After changing into a dark pink T-shirt and white pants, he was out holding trays and noting orders. All the others were wearing the same as him, it was today's special uniform. Too colored and eye catchy for his liking but he could go with it, it was just a night.
What actually made it funnier was a tall individual wring the most colored cloth Pi had ever seen him even touching in his entire life. He giggled a little. Someone who was used to wearing bald and black clothes just like Pi.
P'Mek was in charge of wrapping up gifts the way it was demanded and writing sweet notes with the most boring face he had ever witnessed.
It looked like his soul has long been sucked out of his body as people muttered stupid and lame lines for him to write on cakes and cards.
As much as he felt bad, Pi would much appreciate it if it was P'Mek who did the work than him. Pi had no interest in being involved in any of this.
P'Mek was one of the people who was struggling to make way by following what he loved. An aspiring artist who wanted to gain attention for his beautiful work.
All the paintings hung on walls and decorations he found hard to keep his eyes from inside the shop were done by the artist himself in exchange for the job. He had to say, P'Mek was good in business. Re-decorating the interior for less money but attracting audience on a busy street.
Not to mention how the youth of his generation mostly visit places to chick pictures and post them online. And thus, the decorative and creative environment attracted many to the shop for photos and posts making most of them as regulars while introducing many new costumers.
The senior knew right people would be curious about the paintings, and Mek was an everyday full-time worker, except for weekends. With the growing demand for their desserts, 'Cupcakes' was gaining attention. So were his hard words on full access to admirers.
It was right around the corner of a busy street so this place was in good view. Right in front of eyes where the general population could see.
They needed more workers who were available and sincere. Since the savoring desserts were already gaining popularity, amidst all this, P'Mek showed up demanding for the job at a negotiable price, his painting display.
He may be not good at baking, but he could decorate the interior cost-free till he works here, filling the pastel wall with colors. And help in deliveries, packing, and small works to afford his art supplies. Make creative posters and online ads to gain more attention.
Portraying his artwork for free on display in a busy shop to get noticed. Many came by asking who was the artist, getting calls for orders and demands from the number on the back of their menu, a poster hung on their shop wall. It increased the sales in their shop, and it gained more recognition. And the online posters and websites he created worked wonders.
P'Mek had been offered a few words here and there, and Pi hoped he soon accepts projects. Pi had admired his work for so long, a genuine amount of respect for following his dreams despite struggling.
Keeping all the clothes inside his locker in a crumbled ball, he was still not ready for the night. It was late evening but the three-hour-long shift seemed lonelier and longer than usual for obvious reasons.
"Pi, you need to be on the counter while I prepare the candies with Am." P'Gun instructs me and hastily moves towards Am, the new co-worker, who looked like she was going to faint any moment.
She had been newly hired a month ago seeing the busy season. She was good at what she did, baking and making the batter, her products being delicious and eye-catchy.
But preparing the chocolate dough and baking cookies for the night sale alone was a hard job with so many orders and deliveries on time. They needed to be shaped in a particular way as instructed by the customers and decorated.
Her partner and our shittiest worker had ditched us again on an important day. It was just because of his mother's good relationship with P'Gun that he was granted countless chances that he did not deserve. P'Gun had kept a blind eye on him for a long time because for some reason we never know.
The boy was struggling with something in life for sure and he made this known to everyone by his harsh and careless behavior. Always ditching shifts in the middle, skipping on workdays, dropping things in rage, and picking fights with customers.
Taking his place behind the counter, Pi looked at the countless amount of paper wraps at his feet, some under his shoe crushed and dirty. He grim thinking they will be wrapped around a chocolate box at some point. No one wants pretty white and soft pink gift wraps stained with shoe prints and dirt.
Walking on them to create a loud and crunching noise and then picking them to wrap as a gift was nothing pleasant in his eyes.
Pi bent down picked them one by one and started folding them neatly by running his figures through them. The speck he wore almost slipped, a little lost.
Dusting them with his hand to leave no evidence it was on the floor ones for customers. It looked so shiny and glittery, pretty.
∻∻∻⚜∻∻∻
A trio walked on the pavement with bouncing steps, two at the front, indulged in a heated and passionate conversation while the tallest stayed behind by a few steps. Pretending to be lost in thought but paying close attention to the conversation out of courtesy.
He was wearing a dark blue hoodie and jeans, hands in his pocket looking at the ground. The girl in front was wearing a simple white shirt and a pink vest with a baby blue pleated skirt reaching her knees. While the one beside her was in a maroon T-shirt and black joggers.
Valentine's day wasn't exactly great to hang out with friends. With pairs hugging, kissing, and proposing to each other. He was surprised by the amount of them, at the same time not, for it was their day after all. Most people he knew were busy with their partners. Except two, three him included.
Mork was home alone pacing back and forth, bored, watching things around his room, and sighing in despair. There was no way he will be able to concentrate on his studies today. He had tried reading in every place of his house possible, even on questionable places, but nothing worked. He soon gave up, slamming the book and making his way out.
The text he got an hour ago from the two had him rolling his eyes. They were quite excited to spend the day together because studies and managing class had been difficult for the First year'ers. And this was their free day when all of them had time.
Mork had typed a single-'No'. But here he was. Because he knew the walls would soon suffocate him, and ones it does, he will never feeing the same way again. So instead of letting it happen, he got out before thoughts got out of hands.
Nothing better to do than imagine how his parents were doing in Cheng Mai with his great aunt. His favorite cousin out of all he had, P'Say had told him they could spend some more time together when he was free. After he was free from classes and days off to meet them.
He wanted to go but it was not the time for vacation, he had extra classes to attend till late evening. And the morning class was important to attend. Med school was not easy on them.
Netflix did not sound appealing enough and nothing to watch on television, something about a dog committing suicide that was trending on Twitter this week. That or politics he had no interest in. He was never to watch celebrities and variety shows full of lies.
"Mork, which movie would you prefer, horror or action." His day was better with the two who kept him distracted enough. They displaying all their options while placing the phone between them, both looking over their shoulders at him for a final decision. He was not wearing his specs to see anything clearly.
Bam wanted to watch horror while Nan was a fan of action movies, from the conversation he heard. Mork preferred horror, thriller, and mystery movies, anything that would engage him enough to turn his brain cells upside down. Tire him out if not thick books so that he can lay exhausted and go to sleep.
"I don't know what movie they have here, show me." The screen was pushed closer to his face as he leaned forwards inspecting and scrolling thoughts. Looking at the screen Nan held, Mork eyed both, the horror one interested him. The poster was eye-catchy with more ratings. At least it was not horror-comedy like most released nowadays, he was bored of them.
"Let's watch the second one." Nan looked at him with betrayal before looking at the smirking face of Bam and said nothing. He knows a call will be made late at night that Nan can detect a shadowy figure in his bedroom at the very corner creeping his way and Mork had to talk him out of it again through a video call.
But let's enjoy the time here with friends and distract ourselves from our thoughts. Maybe this movie would scare Bam enough because no one has ever seen her scared much, not even flinching when they watched all parts of Conjuring together, in complete darkness. She was a hard nut to crack from what he knows.
He smile thinking about how Nan was screaming and clinging to him like glue through Conjuring two, it was scary as hell late at night for the poor soft-hearted. Mork would save him some face and pretend he didn't see the trembling hands of his friends or the teary eyes. While she finished it with him holding onto her like a life line with a straight face.
Even Mork had jolted a couple of times at the sudden rush of adrenaline on chasing scenes and jump-scares. It was instinctual. Majorly because of the screams beside him.
Now the short video secretly recorded by her was securely saved in her folder to blackmail Nan on times.
"Fine, Bam, buy the popcorns since we will watch your type of movie while I go buy tickets. It's on me today." Mork has no interest in waiting in lines while people push him and breathe down his neck. He hated queues and absolutely resented crowds.
He was not in the mood for any kind of interaction today. Feeling thankful they understood him enough to not force him into conversations. Not like he talked much.
The meds he had been prescribed sometimes made him feel exhausted, when every fiber of him screamed to lay in bed all day. Or choked him with memories until he was walking out of the house in the middle of the night.
They knew well it was one of his 'those' days. For context, it was the 'man periods' day, teased by Bam and agreed by Nan smugly.
His mood swings were unexpected and showed up rarely but they have been frequent nowadays. Most probably due to his medications, they ever asked much. The pills had side effects. His muscles ached but tossing and turning in bed did not help in sleeping all night.
They both look at him expecting what he will do in the meantime. He knew well they had dragged him forcefully so that he could feel better rather than be cramped in his room.
"I will just buy a bottle of water and come back." They nod without a word and move their way. Mork was in the mood for a short walk, it will surely take them full twenty minutes to buy tickets and snacks looking at the occasion and special day.
Many shops around him were flooded so he looks out for any that wasn't swarmed with couples. On getting notice of one that looked small and quiet, he walks towards it with hands in his pocket.
It wasn't quiet but less chaotic than others, swarmed with people behind the glass doors. No line outside the gate and people waiting. He even spots an empty table at the far left corner, perfect.
The bell chimes on his arrival, and a young-looking girl welcomes him with one of the most lifeless smiles ever seen.
She repeated the words robotically with a frozen smile that could terrify anyone for a moment. Her lips were smiling, but her eyes looked dead boring into his.
God! Is she ok? He wanted to ask but didn't.
The interior was plain and simple, with red walls made out of bricks outlined white, lamps hanging down with dim, yellow-colored lights. One of the walls had a large glass window through which people can view outside. Small frames of animals and quotes were decorated with fairy lights. The paintings were surely something.
No bright or fluorescent colors, no exaggerating ornamentation. Why was this shop not flooded, it looked good, and eyeing the desserts and gifts, it was not bad.
Walking to the empty counter he look left to right searching for someone and clearing his throat to make his presence known.
Most wearing the uniform, dark pink shirts, were either taking orders or walking in and out of the kitchen door not sparing him a glance. It may not be flooded but a significant amount of customers occupying most tables and limited workers made it busy.
"Is anyone there, I need a bottle of water." He spoke loudly to gain attention.
A squeak is heard from behind the counter followed by a yelp and then 'BANG!'.
A blurry image of a head pops out from under the counter. Mork was surprised that he took off his hands from the counter and stared at the boy for a moment. Looks like someone bumped their head hard.
Soon Mork widen his eyes looking at the small face that stared back. The black speck the individual wore was a little tilted, out of place, and lose. It almost looked like it would fall if the hands did not reach out to stabilize it.
A face was so familiar and unexpected that his heart skipped three beats at once. Then started ponding furiously again on his chest. For a moment he feared it could be heard audibly by the latter. Could anybody look cute with glasses? Surely, right now, someone did.
For a minute, he blacked out after reality hit him. Like ice-cold water dumped over him on a warm and sunny day.
If someone asked Mork what amount of time could've prepared him for such a face then there were no words to answer, cause there wouldn't be.
Someone who had been in his thoughts so frequently before he forgot the fading memory.
The first thing Mork noticed was the stars resting beneath his eyes with all the fairy lights decorating his space. It could be seen even through the thick spectacles. No hint of sadness or dejection on his face as that day.
Mork so wanted to pull them away and look at those pupils up close. Why would he think? It didn't make any sense.
The second was his long lashes hitting his pale cheeks tinted red with embarrassment. Some amount of baby fat was 'still' evident on his cheeks and lips pump and pink like rose petals.
As if an old music box covered with dirt was opened and played, its melody bringing chains of events nostalgic. There were no tears this time, no red eyes and trembling lips. The face was not crumbling with sadness but discomposure.
This was the least expected time and date to expect a person like him. Inky black eyes blinked rapidly looking at him in panic.
A silver ribbon hangs over his head, across his face that was quickly swatted off with his slender fingers. The boy clearly looked nervous and out of place.
He shook his head and adjusted his hair biting his bottom lip, it did not help Mork. He did not change one bit even after one and a half years. Still, the same timid boy Mork had saved once. He glanced at the name tag, it read 'Patawee'.
No feeling could describe how it felt to finally know the nameless boy. Whose face often flashed before it was gone. The blurred features took a new shape, the one that was on the verge of erasing as it was not visited anymore for a long time.
His hair was well combed but looked rough. Mork wanted to ask him if he was fine and not hurt from genuine concern but the humiliation he must've felt would be extended judging by the discomfort on his face. He almost wanted to laugh at his fate. It was their second time meeting and just like the last, Pi was hurt in some way. Thought he didn't.
He didn't want to mention it and embarrass the cashier further so he kept his lips sealed. Maybe pretending he never saw it happening was a better option.
His eyes never met Mork's for more than three seconds, instead diverted to the computer screen. A ghostly reminder. It was enough time to take someone's breath away, leave him speechless and dazed. Those pair of eyes held nothing more than shyness and panic. Those behind the thick pair of glasses.
He must be crazy for thinking like this. Mork was aware he was staring, hard.
And he needed to band his head on the hard counter.
Without thinking much he blurs out the name of a drink with complementary sweet cake even though he hated cakes of all desserts when asked in a timid voice.
Mork was painfully aware of the owner of those captivating eyes glanced at him. In his defense, he did not expect to meet the individual so suddenly, out of nowhere without warnings. Though defending does mean it held a little truth. The latter seem to be adjusting his speck from time to time, was he nervous? Did he remember the moment?
Patawee surely does not remember him, it doesn't sound significant to anyone but Mork? Who would remember a few minutes?
It doesn't look like it, no emotions of recognition were shown on his face the whole he typed. Or maybe he was hiding it, feeling embarrassed about crying?
Should Mork bring up the topic? But won't it feel weird if, on their first encounter after a year, this was the conversation starter?
"So, I remember you cried ones in high school. And I was there? Must be funny meeting me again like this?" No, it sounds pathetic.
It made a nerve inside him flip and he forgot how to speak for a whole sold minute. Mork has passed by many pairs of eyes, some in admiration while others wanting more.
But these were the ones he got interested in, a moment to remind him how to inhale and exhale. Chest expanding but unable to catch pace with his racing heart. The prettiest shade of pink on his pale skin Mork wanted to touch.
It was the same Mork remembers from his memories, sweet and reluctant eyes. He heard the distant tingling of windchimes. Was he hearing things now?
He was planning to leave with a bottle of water soon but changed his mind looking at the Barista and biting those lips in anticipation. It would take my friend some time to return and it could be utilized well if he sits here and relax in this shop.
He must be crazy for these thoughts arising. Mork must be crazy thinking Pi shouldn't bite his bottom lip that hard. Was it his concern or something more?
The only noise he could hear was typing and his breathing. Was he intimidating Pi with his intense eyes? He remembers he was told his dark eyes were not pleased when he glares. Should he apologize, but what for exactly. He doesn't think watching someone within his safe distance was wrong, it just felt right.
∻∻∻⚜∻∻∻
Pi was folding gift wrappings under the counter. Neatly folding them in squares and keeping them in stacks rather than walking over. They did not belong under his shoes, it was ruining the pretty patterns, and the noise was irritating. The shop is quite a mess on a few sides, like the kitchen and the other counter where P'Mek was packing ordered gifts. It will take them some time to get used to the popularity and work efficiently in an organized manner.
It was unexpected for Pi to bump his head when a new customer walked toward him and cleared his throat. He, for the moment, completely forgot that no other was present beside him like usual when the café was not busy. It was either TingTing or Fluke chatting away with Pi when most tables were empty.
He was startled and panicked by the baritone voice asking for assistance. On top of that, a ribbon managed to slip from the edge of the marble top and land above his head. He didn't notice it immediately under the rushed situation until he felt something blocking his left eye view. Pi swatted it quickly, letting the piece fall on the ground near his foot.
Way to go and make a fool out of himself. Pi though embarrassed.
The tall boy, way taller than Pi, was looking at his face dumbfounded. He backed away in surprise when Pi yelped in pain and got up in a hurry. He was looking right into Pi's pupils without blinking.
Pi licked his lips nervously and asked him in a timid voice what he would like to have. It took him a few seconds to compose himself and bring back his professional voice that somehow hid at the other end of his throat.
For a moment Pi thought the customer was trying to shoot lasers with his intense gaze, but Pi doesn't remember seeing him in school. He would remember someone so tall and, dare he think, good-looking. Pi could already feel his cheeks heating up.
He was shy when people stared longer at his face. He usually handled the situation well. Most of the time, it was someone else who managed the counter and he would just have to bring their orders. He could feel eyes boring at his forehead. The thick silence from the other side despite it being loud made him squirm.
Pi doesn't think he knew the tall individual or was related for him to look so dazed. He clenched the mouse in his right hand and bit his lip. Still waiting.
Oh lord. He prays he is not in the type of customer under 'difficult'. Those who think it is necessary to throw rash comments on how slow he is making a coffee or preparing their order.
Those types of customers come here often and throw tantrums if the coffee was not up to their expectations or had not enough money to pay. Asking for a refund or returning the empty cup refusing to pay.
Pi hoped no communions happened tonight. He was turning hungry and grumpy. And with the mood P'Gun was in, he would very much like to be away from the I-am-missing-my-boyfriend- guy.
Pi nervously looked at the computer screen, waiting for the latter to order. He does, in a soft voice without looking at the list of contents hung behind me. Or maybe he did, Pi doesn't meet his eyes during the exchange.
Pi was not able to notice how the latter was analyzing his face since he dare not lift his head. His lashes waited tons from the heated intensity. Pi types as fast as he can to get rid of the weird customer's presence near him when he feels his stare burning his forehead more.
His hands shake and he did some silly typos, pressing the backspace key repeatedly. It was just two orders but it took Pi a while to note as he felt fire over my body. His throat felt dry and his toes curled inside his shoe.
Was he a thief looking for good money?
But who was stupid enough to rob a shop filled with people on a busy day?
"Wait for your turn, Sir. You can take a seat." He spoke in an audible voice. it was mechanical and deprived of emotions is contrary to what was bubbling inside. Pi had learned to use it in such situations.
He slipped the bill over the counter wordlessly, praying the person gets the hints, and left for an empty seat. He pulled his hands quickly when the latter receives it, not like unfamiliar touches. The consumer did what was told which he was grateful for.
Pi did not have enough courage to glance his way and meet those dark eyes. He had been warned how creepy stalkers behave and he was afraid he could be a victim. He is soon called into the kitchen to help P'Gun while someone else can manage the counter, glad to comply.
When he was walking inside, Pi turned for the last time, the hot holes on his head still lingering. Goosebumps rose on his body when a pair of sharp eyes looked up from the corner table straight into his soul. He had gulped audibly.
∻∻∻⚜∻∻∻
This is the longest chapter but I am not sure if the upcoming ones will the same length. It takes a lot to edit them and I am thinking of publishing shorter ones for ease.
I am truly sorry for publishing and un-publishing so many times. I am new to this platform and there is some network issue. It's just an endless loop of modifying on my laptop, uploading on my phone, and realizing it was incomplete and not modified property due to some minor mistakes.
I will try my best to not to do it again. Though Editing takes a lot of time. Don't expect all chapters to be this long though. The maximum word count would be 4000- 5000. Not 10000 like this one.
Please do tell me how you like the writing so far, even if it's just one chapter.
∻∻∻⚜∻∻∻