The calming draught from Dumbledore sent El into an odd half-asleep state for a few hours, now she was sat on the sofa in silence staring straight ahead, wearing the jumper James had left out for her before he'd gone on his mission. Lily was cautiously perched on the armchair, bouncing her knee and biting her nails.
"Do you want tea?" Lily asked, breaking the heavy silence of the flat.
El shook her head.
"I think you should eat something."
"Not hungry."
"Do you want a hug?" Lily stood to take a cautious step closer.
El didn't even bother to look at her, "Evans, you come near me and i will break your arm."
Lily sat back down. "I think you should try get some sleep."
"Not tired."
"El—"
"You can go home, Evans. I don't need a babysitter."
"I'm not leaving you here by yourself," Lily said firmly, "i'm gonna cook you some food, you are gonna eat it, then you are gonna go to sleep."
If El was shocked by Lily's change of tone, she did not show it, ignoring the girl as she began to bustle around the kitchen.
"My mum always said pasta was the best kind of comfort food," Lily began to measure out some pasta into a pan, "she always used to make me mac and cheese whenever i was sad."
"I don't know what that is," El grumbled.
"You don't know what mac and cheese is?!" Lily asked, as if the question had offended her personally.
"My mother didn't let me eat cheese, she said it would make me fat," El replied, her tone unchanging.
"There's nothing wrong with being fat," Lily said calmly, "mac and cheese makes it worth it."
El didn't reply, she pulled a cigarette from her pocket, producing a flame in her hand to light it. She stood and trudged to the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of firewhiskey—actual firewhiskey this time.
Lily turned to see what she was doing, "no, you aren't drinking, that's no way to deal with grief."
"Not everyone grew up with parents to cook them mac and cheese when they were sad," El snapped, moving to take a sip before Lily snatched the bottle from her hand.
"Well you have someone cooking it for you now."
The flat remained quiet while Lily cooked, accompanied by the occasional sound of El inhaling and exhaling her cigarette smoke. Lily placed two bowls on the kitchen table, both filled to the brim with enough mac and cheese to feed a quidditch team.
"Before you say you're not hungry, i know that's a lie because you haven't eaten all day. It will make you feel better if you do, i promise," Lily smiled kindly.
El prodded the pasta with her fork, then took a tentative bite.
"It's good, isn't it?"
El nodded, then after a moment of silence, said, "thank you," she placed another forkful in her mouth. "If the shoe was the on the other foot i probably wouldn't have been this nice to you."
Lily shrugged, smiling weakly, "i know."
They fell back into silence as they ate, the half eaten mac and cheese being put into the fridge when they'd had all they could manage.
"You should get some sleep, we can go see Sirius and Remus later if you want," Lily suggested.
"I can't just sleep while James is Merlin knows where," El said, the calming draught still causing her to appear tired.
"Aurors are out looking for him, i'm sure he'll be back—"
"Oh because aurors having been doing such a good job at saving people's lives," she said sarcastically.
"El there's nothing we can do, it's no use if James returns to find you dead. Go to sleep, i will wake you if Dumbledore has any news."
El didn't move from her seat.
"Fine, be annoying about it, but you aren't leaving this flat."
"I can't just do nothing," El argued, her head falling into her hands.
"Yes, you can. Drink this," Lily handed her a vial with what El presumed to be more calming draught.
"Get out of my apartment, Evans," El sighed, massaging her forehead as if it would massaged her brain.
"No."
The sound of a key unlocking to door caused their conversation to pause, both their heads turning to that direction. The door was pushed open, and Sirius barged into the room, followed by Remus, and then Peter.
El stood and began to walk towards them, Sirius opening his arms out wide to engulf the girl into a hug. Up until that moment, El had not allowed herself to cry, but she couldn't hold the tears in any longer. She buried her face in his shoulder and let his familiar scent soothe her. He smoothed down her hair, placing a kiss on her forehead. When a tear fell down Sirius' cheek, Remus wrapped the two of them into his own embrace, kissing the top of both their heads.
Peter hung back from the group awkwardly, El hadn't noticed him yet. He cleared his throat to announce his presence.
El detached herself from the hug and stared at Peter, who seemed to be fighting the urge to cower under her gaze.
"Why is he here?" she asked, her voice uncharacteristically calm.
"Don't blame him, El," Remus attempted to reason.
"But it's his fault," she said simply.
"I'm sorry, El, honestly i did everything i could!" Peter took a cautious step forward but still kept his distance from El.
"Well you didn't do enough."
Remus walked towards Peter and put a comforting hand in his shoulder. "Look, mate, just give her some time, but i think for now you should just go home."
Peter's eyes darted over to El who was still glaring at him, he nodded, then left.
Another tear fell down El's cheek and Sirius pulled her towards him again.
It was silent for a moment before Lily spoke up, "Does anyone want tea?"
"Please," Remus nodded, guiding El and Sirius to sit with him on the sofa, his eyes were red but it was clear he didn't want to let himself cry.
Sirius sat in the middle, his arms around El and Remus' arms around him, the three of them an entanglement of limbs on the sofa. Lily placed three mugs of tea on the coffee table in front of them, then took a seat on the armchair, her own mug clasped in both hands.
"C'mere, Lily," Remus beckoned her towards him with one arm, pulling her to rest against him when she sat down.
Silence hung over the flat as they all just sat there staring straight ahead, El fell asleep at some point, though she didn't remember even closing her eyes.
***
"You guys know there is a bed in this flat."
The four opened their eyes in sync at the familiar voice. James was standing opposite the sofa with an amused smile.
El stood first, practically throwing herself at James, who caught her easily. Sirius followed, wrapping his arms tightly around his brother, slapping his back. James then hugged Remus and Lily before taking a seat in an armchair.
"What happened, mate, where were you?" Sirius asked once they were all seated again.
"Oh we don't have to talk about that now," James dismissed, "the important thing is that i'm fine!" he smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm gonna have a shower."
He stood and walked off before anyone could reply, heading in the wrong direction before quickly correcting himself.
The remaining four sat in silence for a while. Remus was the first to speak, "That was weird."
"He's been through a lot in the last 24 hours, maybe he just doesn't know how to talk about it," Lily suggested, clearing the four (now cold) mugs of tea off the coffee table.
El sighed, "i'll talk to him about it later."
"Are you guys gonna be okay, do you want us to stay?" Sirius asked, standing to flatten out the creases in his clothes.
"We'll be fine, thanks," El smiled, it felt like a large weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
James had been missing for less than 24 hours, but that was still enough time for El to have come up with every terrible possibility of what had happened to him—Death Eaters rarely took prisoners unless they needed information.
"See you later, Prongs!" Sirius called through, not receiving a reply. He hugged El goodbye, "come round if you need anything."
El nodded, smiling at him in thanks, Remus pulled her into his own hug, "i think you should speak to Peter tomorrow."
El pulled back, "i'm not fucking apologising."
"You don't need to apologise, just maybe allow him to speak to you."
El huffed, "fine."
Remus smiled, then the two men made their exit.
Lily stood awkwardly twisting her hands around as if she was desperately trying to find something to do with them. "Do you want me to leave you two?"
"No, you're fine, you can stay, just don't piss me off."
Lily tried her best to hold back a smile, nodding eagerly, "thank you."
El walked through to the bedroom and sat on the bed, waiting for James to finish his shower. He came through the doorway moments later, dripping wet with a towel hanging loosely on his hips.
"You hungry? Lily made mac and cheese."
James pulled on a pair of boxers, then looked around the room to try find his pyjama bottoms, "could you make me some toast?"
Eleanor nodded, "sure," she stood and walked past him, he pulled her towards his chest as she did, kissing her with far more passion than she had anticipated.
The kiss was odd, and far different from the ones El was used to, it felt awkward and too fast.
She pulled back and continued her walk to the kitchen, pushing any thoughts to the back of her mind. She placed two slices of bread in the toaster, pushed down the lever and listened to the low hum it made.
As she buttered the toast, there was suddenly the sound of music coming from the bedroom, she recognised the album quickly—Dark side of the moon, Pink Floyd.
El carried the plate of toast back through to the bedroom, where James was standing by the wardrobe, looking for something.
"What you looking for?"
"Nothing," he sat back down on the bed.
"I thought you hated Pink Floyd."
James laughed awkwardly, "what? Oh uh, i do, i just wanted to play some music." El sat next to him, passing him the plate of toast, he pecked her on the lips in thanks. "Have you got any missions or anything tomorrow?"
El was shocked by his choice of conversation, her and James had always had an unspoken agreement to keep conversations about the Order to a minimum. "Umm, no, i don't think so."
"Okay," he took a bite of his toast.
"Do you wanna talk about what happened?" El asked cautiously.
"Not really."
"Are you hurt anywhere?"
James gave a nonchalant shrug, "no."
Weird.
"Okay, i just need to talk to Evans about something, i'll be right back," El said, leaving the room before James had a chance to ask why.
Lily was reading a book on the sofa, sitting under a large fluffy blanket. If she heard El enter the room, she showed no sign of it as her eyes remained trained on the page.
"Evans," El said, speaking at just a whisper. "Something is wrong with James."
"What?
"I don't think this is actually James."
Lily's eyebrows furrowed, her gaze glancing cautiously towards the closed bedroom door. "What makes you think that?"
"He's weird—he was listening to Pink Floyd, James hates Pink Floyd!" El whispered. "And he was kidnapped by Death Eaters and returned without a scratch. Do you not think that's weird?"
"Well what do we do?"
"I dunno, we—"
El stopped herself mid sentence when the bedroom door opened and James poked his head out the gap. "El, you coming for a nap?"
"Yeah, i'll be one second."
His head disappeared again.
"I don't want to get into bed with whoever the fuck is in my apartment," El whispered, now being extra cautious so as to not be heard. Whatever weight had previously been lifted from her shoulders, had been put back on
"Well he can't know we know, do you have a sleeping draught anywhere?"
"I might, but it would be in the bedroom."
"Just use a sleeping charm, pretend you're saying goodnight or something, then we can figure out what the fuck to do."
***
a/n: word count 2.1k
believe it or not i am actually still alive