It's a night just like any other night in the dorm. Chaotic, cluttered. The ceiling lamps cast soft shadows against carpeted floors which are as messy as the residents sitting on scattered cushions, sharing food and drinks with friends.
It starts as a prank, playful, light-hearted, and Nayeon turns, the corner of her lips quirking up in a dazzling smile as she narrows her eyes at her room mate. She demands Momo to hand over her phone, voice loud but laced with exhaustion that's not unusual after three days of recording a music video.
Momo grins, denies taking her phone, though everyone in the dorm gathered for dinner knows it's a blatant lie.
"Right." The older girl drawls, certain that her phone is on loud. "So you surely wouldn't mind giving a ring to mine from your phone?"
"Sure Nayeon-chan." Momo laughs, dropping her hands from around Mina's arms, and pulls out a phone from her pocket, making the call earnestly, with an innocent look on her face.
Members' eyes dart around the living room when a phone begins to ring loudly, breaking the momentary silence.
"It's under the coffee table." Nayeon hums, bending down to pick it up off the floor. There's a frown on her face as she looks at the object she has retrieved. "It's not mine."
"It's mine." Mina looks almost flustered, stretching her arms out in front of her.
Nayeon's eyebrows pinches together, "I'm the one calling you." She turns to face Momo, rolling her eyes, "Give my phone."
"Took you long enough to figure that out." The younger girl teases and luckily Nayeon, although spent, is in a good mood, laughs.
She grabs her phone back from Momo and makes a move to give Mina her phone.
She falters mid step as her eyes accidentally flicker to the younger girl's phone screen. She isn't smiling now, there's something akin to hurt flashing in the downcurve of her full lips. "You have my number saved as Nayeon- Twice?"
Mina nods, lips parting as if to give an explanation, but is swiftly stopped with a - "I mean, it makes sense, you probably know more than one Nayeon." The older girl says shrugging to herself, fingers closing around the abandoned beer bottle.
The silence stretches for a while until Jeongyeon breaks a glass accidentally in the kitchen and everything returns to normalcy, back to chaotic and cluttered.
Jihyo pauses playing on the switch with Sana as she turns to consider Nayeon who's glancing out the window at the expanse stretch of the city below, lights glimmering in distance in the night sky. Her shoulders are stiff, a discomfort angling between them, an almost imperceptible sadness shining in her dark eyes.
Jihyo takes a few steps toward her, crouching on the floor, ducking her head to meet the older girl's eyes. Beneath the toothy smile, toned muscles, and gorgeous face, is a carefully hidden wounded look.
"If it hurts you, you should tell her." She points to Mina who's helping Jeongyeon clean the kitchen, with her eyes.
"What?!" Nayeon scoffs, focussing her eyes on the glossy bottle of beer in her hand, "It's nothing."
Jihyo sits down next to her, closing her eyes and exhaling a little puff of breath into the chilly night. It's not nothing, she knows, but she'll let Nayeon pretend that she's unbreakable, just until she's ready to talk.
Nayeon hears Mina first. She pauses outside the dorm door, turning on her heels, ready to rush down the corridor.
"Where are you going?" Momo asks, loudly, startling her a little. "Mina and Jeongyeon have come over. We need another hand to play cards. Hurry."
Nayeon's hand goes to fidget nervously with her glasses. "I forgot to buy something, I'll come back in an hour."
"Are you trying to avoid Mina?" Momo's voice pitches up, and Nayeon's eyes scurry to the closed door in panic.
"Can you keep it low?"
Momo breaks out in a broad grin, smile pulling at the corner of her eyes. "So you are avoiding her. Is this about the stupid phone number?" She reaches out to touch Nayeon's shoulder, running her hand soothingly along the length of her arm.
"It's not about the phone number." The older girl deflates visibly as she adds on in a quiet voice, "and it's not stupid."
"Really?" Momo grins, "so you wouldn't mind coming in and saying hi to her, would you?" Her head tilts, a familiar twinkle in her eyes that provokes the older girl.
"I wouldn't."
I shouldn't have, is her only thought as Momo drags her into their dorm and her eyes meet warm brown ones she has been deliberately avoiding looking at for three weeks.
There's an awkward silence, only for a moment, as they just gaze at each other, before the reality sets in and they break eye contact.
Mina shifts her eyes to the side, smiling at Momo and the brightness of her smile makes something heavy settle in Nayeon's chest. An irrational part of her mind keeps yelling that Momo wouldn't be just Momo from Twice in Mina's phone.
This feeling is too overwhelmingly strong, too close to petulance and Nayeon feels she's way too mature to harbour something so petty in her heart.
"Mina made dumplings and I ate your share." Jeongyeon wraps a hand around Nayeon's arms, and Nayeon shakes her head with a fond smile, allowing herself to move on from whatever she's feeling.
It's another two weeks before their paths crosses again. She actively goes out of her way to avoid spending any time alone with the younger girl, and if members notice it they don't draw attention to it.
She picks up her bags, dragging her feet slowly to the studio door. Her fingers turn the knob just as someone swings open the door from outside. She steps back immediately, mentally thanking her quick reflexes or she'd have had to sport a lump on her forehead for weeks.
"I'm sorry." Mina starts, and Nayeon swallows hard, "I didn't know anyone was still in here."
Panic bounds in the older girl's veins, because they're standing too close. The cold air flowing in from the open lobby on her cheeks is uncomfortable, but this proximity with someone she's intentionally ignored for weeks, is even more so.
"Anyone?" She repeats, everything that's rational and sophisticated in her is screaming at her to shut up, to not bring it up. "Maybe you should change my name to that on your phone." She tries to make it into a joke, but there's something that softens in Mina's eyes at her words that makes her heart twist.
The urge to side step her and run to her car is overwhelming until the Japanese girl takes a step closer, and Nayeon stiffens in place. If the distance before was too close, now they're almost nose to nose.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you." Her voice is soft, looking up at Nayeon with a fragile look in her eyes.
Nayeon's hands come up to nervously fumble with the glasses perched on her nose. "You didn't. Besides I don't get to decide my place in your life. It's totally fine."
It's not fine. It hurts to know she's just a coworker to someone she considers a friend, but the lies that so easily spills out of her helps to atleast keep her dignity intact.
Mina's eyes are a piercing brown, studies her unwaveringly, and Nayeon can hear the way her own heart speeds up, as if terrified the younger girl can read her mind.
"You haven't said a word to me in five weeks." The words are whispered, laced with a hint of hurt, "You're not fine."
Nayeon wants to close her eyes and pretend she isn't here. "Yes." Wants to swallow back the words that's spilling out of her mouth. "But it's not as if you care about whether Nayeon from Twice is fine or not, right?"
She's said too much. Her pride has been shattered, now the only thing that remains is their friendship- professional relationship, she mentally corrects herself, and she needs to walk away to save that.
She does exactly that. She brushes past the younger girl who's staring at a spot on the floor with a shattered look on her face.
"I needed to remind myself that you'll never be anything more than Nayeon from Twice."
She freezes midstep. There's something cracked open in Mina's tone, something vulnerable, that makes Nayeon's own heart ache, makes her want to scoop her up and protect her at all cost.
"Why?"
She turns. Mina stays standing for just a second and Nayeon holds her breath as she looks up at her.
"That way I could crush any false hope that you might return my feelings."
Oh.
Nayeon's eyes are wide now as she studies Mina. Mina who's just bared her heart out to her. She searches for something to say, something that doesn't deepen the sorrow in the younger girl's eyes. A tight feeling grows in her chest.
"You didn't have to tell me that." Mina didn't have to make herself vulnerable to cater to her sulking.
"I had to." Mina closes her eyes, breathing softly out of her nose. "You got hurt and I couldn't, I couldn't let you think you're not important to me when.."
"When.."
"When I'm in love with you."
Nayeon has heard people describe heartbreak, which she thinks is ridiculous, dramatic even, but the first time in her life, her own heart twists painfully, breaks into little pieces as she sees the younger girl's eyes glisten.
"I- you-" She struggles to find the right words, words that won't break the fragile girl before her.
Nayeon feels as though all the sunlight has been sucked out of the galaxy, leaving everything in perpetual darkness as tears pool in Mina's eyes.
"I know you don't feel the same." She bites her bottom lip, chin quivering as she gives her a reassuring watery smile. "I'm happy to have you in any capacity in my life."
And then Mina's gone in a flash of dark wavy hair, and soft footsteps and Nayeon leans back against the door, closing her eyes, as a loud hum fills her head deafening all the noise around her.