Battered and wrecked, I come to you, you first.
— Homer
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Him
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A soldier."
"But soldiers die in wars."
"But they're brave. They defend their land and people."
She uneasily twists her fingers, unsatisfied at the answer the boy who she always tails around has given her, before turning to the next one. "And you, prince, you will be the king?"
"Yes, that's what I will be."
"I'll be the queen," she declares, as if to make a point clear.
The prince blinks uncertainly. "How?"
"When Joojoo becomes a king, he'll make me a queen."
"But he cannot become a king," he argues.
She turns to look at him, an almost sorrowful hue in her orbs, before she puffs her cheeks. "Well, I'll ask baba that I want to be a queen, and then I'll make him a king."
The other boy who wants to be a soldier frowns at her. "Why?"
She grins at him. "Because Joojoo is my best friend, just like you."
Her
The game of life is merciless. The twists of fate have been tragically brutal. When tables turn, when curtains fall, when masks are removed and faces are revealed, then every puzzle piece fitting into each other only uncovers another beast, and every beast so far has only tried to shred her heart.
Who does she trust in this palace? She cannot even trust her own shadow. She doesn't understand who is the puppet and who its master, and if a wrong string is pulled, a knife might stab her in the back before she can save herself.
One life. One wrong move is enough to end it. She has been gambling and risking it too much. She must take the reins in her hands before the beasts are unleashed-- she must learn to ride them than be devoured in the process.
But if she's pushed to her knees, she will drag her villain down and below her. Noura feels hell lit in her ribcage.
"How did you get this scar?" she asks Adam, her eyes unwavering from his own. "Tell me, and be truthful."
"Don't you think I've too many to remember the backstory of each?"
"This one seems to have a significant backstory, nah?" she mocks. "Because the consequences of your actions stand right in front of you."
"I don't know what it means, but you certainly seem to have some futile assumptions."
Adam turns away from her, once more trying to slip on his shirt but Noura stops him again, glaring murderously at him.
"Don't bluff me, Adam."
He narrows his eyes. "What do you want to hear?"
"That you were the thief outside my house that evening," she snaps. "That you're the reason I'm imprisoned here!"
"And you're accusing me based upon my scar?"
"You might have concealed yourself well, but I'm no fool." She jabs his arm persistently, jutting up her chin defiantly. "I slashed you, right here."
Adam scoffs in ridicule. "Given your temper, it's a surprise you don't go around slashing every other person, let alone that man, whoever he was."
He turns his back to her, finally pulling on his shirt. Noura feels an explosion go out in her head. If he's stubborn, so is she. If he keeps denying her, she'll have to force it out of him her way.
"How about I give you another slash then, Adam?" She pulls out her dagger. "For triggering my temper, huh?"
She attacks him. Adam turns in time to move out of her way. She reacts. He retreats. She cuts the air multiple time. He's swirls away nimbly on his feet each time. Noura tosses the dagger to her opposite hand and lunges at him again. Adam simply keeps dodging without counter attacking.
"Noura--"
"Argh!"
She aims right for his chest. He jumps aside and she stumbles forward on the bed.
"Stop this lunacy!" he growls at her.
She clutches the bedsheet in her fist. Just like him. His movements. His judgment of her actions. Dodging her, but not attacking her. Only trapping her.
"Noura--"
She spins and throws her dagger at him. It barely misses his head as he jerks out of the shot range. She frantically looks around for another weapon before her eyes fall on his dagger under his pillow. Adam studies her and springs at the dagger at the same time as her, but she manages to get it before him.
"Stop--"
"Ugh!"
He catches her wrist as she leaps at him. Noura tries to tug free her arm but he doesn't let go. She scrambles away from him on the bed, her wrist still in his firm grim as he takes the dagger from her. He gets on the bed after her, standing on his knees.
"Let go!" She struggles with him. "You devil!"
She fumbles around for another item but can only reach the pillow and thus throws it at him. It hits him in the face but to no avail.
"Noura," Adam grits, barely able to contain him own rage as he brings the dagger to her throat. "That's enough."
Noura stops struggling, grinding her teeth. "You like doing that, don't you?" She smirks. "You've always liked putting your dagger at my throat, since our first meeting."
This time, he doesn't answer, and she stares furiously at him. Adam lets go of her wrist, and she leans away from him on her elbows as he hovers above her, dagger still at her throat.
"I came to you to take me back home," she utters, helping herself not to sound weak or broken. "But I see I can't ask my culprit to free me when he's responsible for enslaving me."
The blade at her throat doesn't scare her, because for some reason she believes the hand holding it won't hurt her-- at least not physically. But that aside, if her assumptions are true, he has already done her enough emotional damage to do anything more. She only wants to hear him confess it to her so she can bear no doubt in mind-- so can can have a reason to openly hate him.
Adam removes the dagger from her throat, putting his hands on both sides of her as he leans forward. Noura edges away some more.
"You thought I'd take you home?" He searches her eyes, the black halos of them reminding her of star-less skies and stormy oceans-- of sailors in despair. "Either you believe I'd listen to your every whim, or you thought you could coerce your way through this one too by manipulating me."
"Does it even matter anymore now?"
"If you try asking nicely instead of always pulling your dagger at me, I might even listen to your whims."
"How about we start with your scar then?" She puts her hand over his now covered arm, arching an eyebrow. "How did you get this, habibi?"
Adam only stares at her, the still fiery look creating havoc in his orbs, but Noura doesn't flinch against the wild, threatening look he's giving her.
"Why, am I not asking nicely enough now?" She smiles and grabs his collar, tugging him harshly to herself. "You're no one to listen to my whims, Adam, you're not my lover," she spits, a newfound anger vibrating in her voice. "To me, you're just a lying, cheating bastard."
He suddenly grabs her jaw, shutting her up with his charing glare. Noura glowers back with the same intensity.
"A bastard you've married, farasha (butterfly)," he reminds her. "Your wings would already have been cut without me."
"As if it wasn't you to cut them in the first place."
Before he could retort, a knock comes as the door, Daud's voice coming from the other side. "Sayidi, the queen has demanded your presence at her chambers."
Noura feels the blood in her veins boil at the announcement, as if she wasn't already onto biting off Adam's head. It's only salt to her wounds. She pushes against his chest in annoyance.
"Go, don't keep your lover waiting. I'm wasting my time with you anyways."
"Noura." He holds her arm as she tries to get off the bed. "Listen, I'll see what I can do to take you back home--"
"Go to hell!" She jerks herself free, hissing at him as if ready to snap his bones. "I'll help myself. You go see the needs of your malika."
She doesn't wait another second as she storms out off the room, nearly hitting Daud in the face as she slams the door open. Hafez rushes to keep up with her strides.
"Sayidati, are you alright?"
"Yes."
"Adam didn't try to hurt you, did he?"
"The only thing he can do is get on my nerves." She huffs. For unclear reasons, which she cannot admit, he did hurt her trust. Not that she had expectations of him, but at least not to be involved in the plot against her.
They turn around the corner to her chamber.
"Adam is deceitful," Hafez tells her, as if reading her mind. "You shouldn't be seeing him so often. I warned you he's dangerous."
"So far I'm the danger he should be afraid of."
He opens the door for her and she gets into her chamber.
"But if the general finds out--"
"The general isn't here to find out anything. He won't, don't worry."
"What am I not to find out?" another voice interrupts.
Her head snaps in direction of the open balcony doors where an unexpected presence awaits her. She meets his burning gaze, those orbs with molten lava in them making her heart slam against her breastbone in exhilaration and shock-- those orbs afire promise hell and damnation to befall. She feels her soul still and ashen in those flames.
"So," he leisurely steps towards them, "keeping secrets, aren't we?"
Noura feels her breath hitching in her throat as she gasps his name. "Eskander?"
He smiles, but she doesn't miss the ice in it, the way it doesn't kiss his lips like it always would, as if something is lurking behind the veils which he's desperately trying to hide.
"Nour." He reaches forward to peck her forehead. "I'm grateful to my Lord for keeping you safe while I was away, and for reuniting us again."
He looks behind her to Hafez who gapes a few times before managing to utter something coherent. "Sayidi, marhaba. I'm so glad that you've returned. Hope you're in good health."
"Thank you, Hafez." His gaze flicks to her, then back to Hafez. "So, where are you coming from? And what am I not to know?"
Before Hafez could choke on the air and die, Noura nods for him to leave. But he stays rooted to his spot, waiting for Eskander's permission, and only when he waves him away does he turn on his heels and gets out of the chamber without glancing back.
Once they're alone, Eskander focuses his attention solely on her, the tenderness in his gaze she's used to resurfacing. Noura smiles, satisfied at finding the familiarity in his eyes-- the affection that grazes even the deepest niches of her being. She gazes up at him fondly.
"Eskander." Noura places a hand over his chest, over his beating heart, as if to assure herself it's not a dream. "Lord knows how much I needed you. Life has been difficult without you by my side."
His eyes gleam warm like honey, the flames in them lulling to something calmer, as if to have found found solace. He whispers back to her, "Lord knows how much I've missed you, janem. War hasn't been as cruel to my body as your absence to my heart."
"Did you suffer injuries?" she asks, suddenly aware of the few visible marks on his skin and concerned about what more his armor hid.
"Nothing major," he replies.
Then noticing his armor, she inquires, "When did you arrive? I wasn't informed of it."
"A while back. You were the first person I came to meet. But you weren't in your chamber."
"I was at the pond," she excuses guiltily, ignoring the fact that he overheard her conversation with Hafez, and hoping he'd not inquire him about it later. "Did you wait for long?"
He just shakes his head and nods towards the balcony. She follows him outside and he goes to lean against the handrail. The night sky is littered with stars, the moon among them hanging as half. Eskander gazes up at them, and Noura gazes at his face-- the well defined cuts of his handsome features forever bewitching her. She feels a flutter in her belly.
"I wanted to stargaze with you," he says without tearing away his eyes from the sky. "I'd watch these stars every night from the borders. They would keep me restless."
She looks away from him to the sky as well. The celestial bodies adorning the dark blanket is a magnificent sight to her. "Why restless?" she questions.
He looks back at her. "They're nour (light), azizem. They remind me of you."
"And I make you restless?" she jokes.
Eskander smiles softly, extending a hand towards her. She takes it and goes to stand beside him.
"They were far away, as you were far away," he reasons. "And your absence made me restless, knowing you were here at the palace, and not at home. I couldn't be at peace any minute."
"But I'm fine; I'm with you. And you're with me." She smiles comfortingly. "We're together again, what more could I ask for?"
What more could bring her happiness than him who's her salvation? Only if he knew of the chaos he wrecks within her, how he's both her ruination yet her savior. Noura can only pray for him to understand, for her words will always be too limited for her feelings-- too bland for their intensity.
He produces something from below his belt. She watches curiously as he holds it out to her-- a golden hairpin with two delicate red roses crafted at its tip.
"On our way back to Baghdad we stopped by a town. I got it for you from there."
She looks at Eskander, heart swelling with warmth at his consideration, carefully taking the hairpin from him.
"It's beautiful. Thank you."
He only smiles in reply. "It reminded me of something too."
"What?"
"A poem baba jan taught us. I don't remember it's second part, but I remember the first half." He lowers his voice as sings it for her, "Butterflies and roses /Nightingales in proses."
Noura grins as she nods, very well recalling the poem, singing the next lines after him, "All the world fades away / Love is only what must stay."
Eskander tilts his head towards her, eyes swimming in her own, as if drowning there but heedless to be saved-- as if she's his anchor herself. "She is who he chooses," he whispers.
Noura numbs herself to the world and its worries-- to the life and its trick. In this moment with him where her rationality is berserk and disarrayed, all she can consider is this man beside her.
"He is who she chooses," she finishes, still smiling, holding his eyes and allowing the fire in them to consume her-- to let unspoken commitments be made. All these years later, if this love has done anything, it has only deepened its roots in her heart.
Then how can she blame Adam for keeping a lover when she has one herself? Or maybe Eskander is more than that-- her childhood friend, her youth's desire.
But she has married now. And this string of forbidden between them has only strengthened. She fears how long can she keep the secrets before they all come tumbling down. After all, Adam too has secrets darker than hell's pit himself. She has bargained with the the wrong man without considering a way of rectification first-- without knowing how to free herself of him now.
"Nour?"
"Yes?"
Eskander cups her cheek, and she trembles, his thumb stroking her skin in a gesture of longing and something more-- perhaps love. Noura feels the strong thud of her heartbeat. She cannot ignore the look in his brilliant orbs. She cannot be mistaken in recognizing what goes behind that face.
"Our time together, and our time apart made me realize something, and I've to share it with you."
She only silently awaits him to say it, unknowingly leaning into his touch, lured by his look, before he completely steals away breath.
"I want to marry you, janem."
✵
Well, who wants drama?
Noura and Eskander, yes or no?
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