Nightmares infect my sleep for three months before they subside. My life would be nothing without Charlotte.
But I've noticed something.
I'm still miserable. I've worked on so many houses here in San Diego.
So maybe it isn't the area.
Maybe it's me.
Well not me, but Jace.
Without Jace, I'm in a horrible mood and always miserable.
I miss him.
My doorbell rings.
Charlotte follows me to the door.
Sighing, I open it.
Emily?
"Hey Rylee." She says.
"Emily." I say.
"I'm alone." She says, stepping inside.
"How'd you find me?" I frown.
"Your location n Twitter changed to San Diego, then I went to the courthouse, lied about being your sister, and they gave me your address." She shrugs.
"So what brings you here?" I ask, turning around to look at Charlotte to make sure she's not doing something that I'm going to have to clean later.
She's just playing with her baby dolls.
"Jace." She says.
I turn back around to face her. The happiness leaves her face, and almost...depression takes over.
"Oh." I say quietly.
"I've never seen him so..." she trails off. "Miserable."
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Three days after you left, he got a phone call that his Dad was in a horrible accident. He's in a coma. Jace had his fifteen year old sister. His Mom showed up and took Addison away from him. his Dad woke up and didn't even remember who Jace is. Everything came back to him, and now his Mom won't bring Addison back. Jace lost it..." she sighs. "But he would be dealing." She says. "Only...he isn't."
"What do you mean he isn't?" I ask.
"He misses you." she whispers.
"Me?" I ask.
"You don't understand." She whispers. "Jace is head over heels in love with you. The reason he was such a dick when he met you was because his Mom called. Whenever she calls he gets in horrible moods. I never saw Jace crying until the day you left."
I'm quiet.
"I'll go see him." I whisper. "But first, where's his sister?"
"London, England."
"Give me the address."
She writes it on a piece of paper.
"Can you take Charlotte to your house? I'll meet you there."
She shrugs.
****
I booked the first flight to London. I took a taxi to the address. A minivan sits in the driveway.
I get out of the car and smooth my skirt. My hair is up in a neat bun.
I alright have two plane tickets to Providence, Rhode Island.
I fold the note to Addison in my hand and put it in the waistband of my skirt.
I take a deep breath and pay the driver, and then I get out and go and knock on the door. the taxi is staying down the street.
A women with brown hair and brown eyes opens the door.
"Yes?" she asks.
"Hi, I'm Caitlin Sanchez. I'm an interior designer and I'm here to design your house for free."
"Oh, awesome, alright. Well, come on in." she smiles and steps aside.
Addison is in the living room. She looks so much younger than fifteen.
She wipes away her tears.
"I'm going to need the information on the house." I say.
"Yes, of course!" she walks into the kitchen.
I do something that would make Jace proud.
I grab Addison, clamp my hand over her mouth, and drag her out the front door.
She fights my grasp.
"Relax." I whisper. "Calm down. Don't scream."
I rip my phone out of my pocket and show her the screen, a picture of Jace and I at his work.
She relaxes in my arms.
"I'm saving you from your mother." I whisper. "Now run. I'm not getting my ass thrown in jail in in England."
She grabs my hand and runs with me to the taxi. I hear sirens.
"Airport! Hurry!"
The guy steps on it.
He pulls up at the airport and I rush out with Addison. We run up to gate ten just as the close the gate for our flight. We get on, and I let out a calming breath when we're safe in the air.
"Is your name Rylee?" she asks.
"Yes." I say.
"My brother loves you." she whispers.
"I know." I say.
"You broke his heart."
"I know."
"Why are you saving me?"
"Because your brother hit rock bottom because of me." I shrug.
****
When we get to Providence, I text Emily. She says everyone is at her house, plus an entire family.
It's ten in the morning and we were on that plane for twelve hours.
I ride in the taxi with Addison.
The taxi pulls up in front of Emily and Andrews.
I hear people laughing in the backyard.
I walk with Addison, and just walk in the house.
Charlotte is sitting on the floor and a women with red hair is trying to calm her.
"MOMMY!" Charlotte screams. She jumps up.
"Hi honey!" I grin, picking her up.
"Addi?" Jace blurts. "Rylee?"
Jace looks at me with a look I can't decipher.
"Addi, how'd you get away?" Jace asks.
"I uh, well, I can't ever go to England because there's a warrant out for me arrest." I bite my lip.
"What'd you do?" a guy asks.
I look at him.
His hair is reddish brown and he has lines by his eyes from smiling.
He's the same guy that held my mothers hand when she gave birth to me.
The same guy that was ripped away from me when I was a child.
And the women that was calming Charlotte...
Red hair and brown eyes.
My parents.
"I..." I trail off. Setting Charlotte down. "Oh my god." I mumble. I walk over to them.
I hug them both. Their grips are tight and familiar.
When I pull away, Mom has tears on her cheeks.
"Mommy, she's said she's my Mommy." Charlotte tugs my shirt.
I look at the person she points to and step back, shocked.
"I swear I'm not a ghost." Nikki puts her hands up in defense.
"Impossible! You died giving birth!"
"No I didn't." She says. "Cruella had me deported."
"You were in the hospital." I say slowly.
"She's a bitch." She says. "Where's Adam?"
My friends and I get silent.
But Nikki's my best friend. She knows something bad happened to him.
My phone starts ringing.
My eyes dart to the screen, and then back to Nikki, and then back to the screen.
"What the-" I cut off and press answer.
"Where are you?" Adam sighs. "Your apartment is empty."
"I told you I moved. You're not supposed to be out yet."
"I left." he says.
"You can't do that!" I gasp.
"The place is corrupt. I swear my beat the insane with whips." He says.
"You're crazy." I say.
"Where are you?" He repeats.
"At Andrew and Emily's."
"Awesome. I'm coming."
"You can't."
"I can." He says.
The line goes dead.
"Rylee, what's going on with Adam?" Nikki pleads.
"He lost it. We thought you were dead. He started fling drugs and drinking. He's at rehab."
"What kind of drugs?"
"Heroine, cocaine..." I trail off.
"What stopped him?" She whispers.
I look at Jacr. "He did." I say.
"You said I didn't." Jace grumbles.
"Well I changed my mind." I say, and I start to pace.
It's not just my parents and Nikki, every single one of my family members are here.
Everyone starts to ask me questions about my life.
And then the doorbell rings.
Jace gets the door and Adam walks in wearing a white long sleeve shirt and black sweats.
"Adam, you can't just leave rehab." I sigh.
"I can." Adam says.
"Daddy!" Charlotte squeals. Adam grins and picks her up.
"Mom? Dad?" Adam asks, shocked.
He numbly hands me Charlotte and hugs our parents.
Then he sees our family.
And last but not least, Nikki.
He grabs my arm.
"Rylee, what the fuck?" He whispers. "Are you dead? Are we dead?" He touches the wall. "Is this heaven?"
"No." I say.
"But she's dead!"
"She was deported." I say slowly.
He's silent.
And then reality settles in.
"That bitch is going to pay." He says. "She-" he cuts off, shaking his head.
"Focus on the fact that your wife is right there." I say.
Nikki looks like she might cry when Adam walks to her. He puts his hands on her cheeks and kisses her.
"Let's celebrate." Emily blurts.
Everyone goes in the backyard and they start music and a barbecue.
Mom and Dad start a conversation with Adam and I. Adam's arm is around Nikki.
"He loves you." Mom says suddenly to me.
"I know." I sigh.
"And you don't like him?" She asks.
I shove my hands in my pockets.
"I do...I'm just scared."
"Well just go over there and talk to him." Nikki says.
"You guys don't understand. I broke his heart."
"Then go fix it." Emily says behind me.
He is alone...
A song comes on the stereo.
Girl you, hit me harder than a freight train
Right in the middle of my membrane
Driving backwards in the fast lane
Headlights off after midnight
Saw you shinning in the starlight
Girl you got me like a bug bite
And now you're under my skin
And I know, you know, I don't know which way to go to lose you
To get away from you girl
Lately, I've been going crazy
Cause I want you baby
But you don't, so get out, get out, get out, get out
Cause I'm breaking
And my soul is shaking
Like my world is quaking
If I can't have you
Get out, get out, get out, get out of my heart
Of my heart, of my heart
Just get out, get out, get out, get out
Play me, like boy you never gonna get me
You're just lucky that you met me
I'll make sure you don't forget me again
And I don't what I would do if I was without you
Even though I am, I'm always thinking about you
Spending all my weekend forgetting about you
But you're under my skin
"This song reminds me of how Jace feels about you." Emily says.
And I know, you know, I don't know which way to go to lose you
To get away from you girl
Everyone's attention is ripped away from the song when we hear a crash.
Jace knocked the table over.
He burises his head in his hands for a couple of seconds, and then disappears in the house.
The back door slams behind him so hard that he shatters the glass.
And lately, I've been going crazy
Cause I want you baby
But you don't, so get out, get out, get out, get out
It clicks.
This is my fault. He lost it because of me.
Everyone looks at me.
Cause I'm breaking
And my soul is shaking
Like my world is quaking
If I can't have you
Get out, get out, get out, get out of my heart
Of my heart, of my heart
G-g-get out, get out, get out, get out of my heart
I put my cup of water on the table and walk into the house, stepping right through the door.
Of my heart, of my heart
G-g-get out, get out, get out, get out of my heart
I look for Jace, and the house is empty.
I open the front door, and there he sits.
And I'm lying alone in my bed
Wondering why love makes me feel like I'm dead
Baby, you gave me a taste now I'm wasted
His head is buried in his hands.
I stand there awkwardly.
Lately, I've been going crazy
Cause I want you baby
But you don't, so get out, get out, get out, get out
Cause I'm breaking
And my soul is shaking
Like my world is quaking
If I can't have you
Oh, lately, I've been going crazy
Cause I want you baby
But you don't, so get out, get out, get out, get out
Cause I'm breaking
And my soul is shaking
Like my world is quaking
If I can't have you
Get out, get out, get out, get out of my heart
Of my heart, of my heart
Just get out, get out, get out, get out of my heart
Of my heart, of my heart
Slowly, I sit down next to Jace.
He doesn't even lift his head up.
"You should've stayed." He whispers.
"How'd you know it was me?" I mumble.
"The just dance degree deodorant in the black bottle?" he asks. "You smell just like it."
"How do you know what that smells like?"
"Because I smelt the bottle the other day to find out if I could figure out which deodorant you use." He grunts.
"Oh." I whisper.
He's silent for a few minutes.
"It hurts a lot to have you sitting next to me, so unless you're going to say something, go away."
He lifts his head up.
"You were right." I mutter.
"About what? I'm right about a lot of things." He says.
Conceited.
I sigh. "About us having something before I left..."
"Then why did you leave?" he asks.
"Because there's still a ton of stuff you don't' know about me. There isn't a single soul that knows everything except for my own. I'm scared of relationships."
"Why?"
"Because..." I trail off. He turns to face me and I sit sideways, facing him. "Because my last boyfriend abused me to no end. He raped me and got me pregnant. I got him arrested for assault and such."
"You were pregnant?" he asks quietly.
"I gave the baby up for adoption." I whisper. "Nobody knows I was raped...except you. I'm just...scared."
"Of me?" he asks.
"No, just relationships in general."
"How long ago was it? Like...how old is your baby?"
"Six months. And to be honest, I regret giving him up. He was my fault. I should've left the second Marcus turned into an asshole and I didn't. I lost my kid because of it. I was young and stupid."
He's quiet for a very long time. "Well now I feel like a douche for basically forcing you to be with me."
"It's my fault. I should've told you." I sigh. "Let's just take things slow, okay? We're going to happen, I promise."
"Are you my girlfriend then?" he asks.
"Yes." I say.