TW: hurt, angst
Prompt: Reader has always been a part of Ally's life but as the months and years pass by, feelings get involved however, there are obstacles in the way like the brunette's wife
A/N: AU where there is no cult or all the Ivy things happening
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Being a close part of the brunette's life had always been more than a blessing to you than anything. Running into her happened so randomly and for the longest time, you used to believe that there was a meaning to all of it. Fate or moreover the universe letting the pieces fall into place and responsible for the two of you meeting at such an unexpected time.
Without a doubt, Ally was your rock, the person you turned to and wanted nothing more than to be around. Whenever there was good news, job related ones or personal ones, you wanted to turn to her. You wanted to call or tell her in person in that moment and nothing else mattered. And you did, you would always tell her, either in person, recieving the biggest hug for the amazing news you shared or getting the biggest smile on a face time call when she wasn't available in person.
This would happen often, either you being away work related or Ally being across the country for her political career. But you adored it, sharing news with each other and exchanging the biggest smiles and proudest glances. Just like the good moments, you also supported each other through the bad ones, fighting each other's battles, crying alongside each other when the world was getting a little harder to handle than usual. Without a doubt you two were soulmates in a way, the tenderness in your hearts somehow connected as you could always tell what the other person felt and wanted to say but the lumps in your throats making that impossible.
Ally was always the person you thought of when thinking of home, she was your eyes when the tears were streaming down your cheeks and making your vision blurry. She was your voice, speaking up for you when you couldn't and she took your hand, keeping you going when life made it impossible to take any more steps. You used to believe it was just a connection, of course stronger than any you had ever had but you never really read into it too much.
The two of you got to spend time together throughout the year, some months when you would visit the Mayfair-Richard's a lot, playing and sometimes even babysitting Oz. Often visiting the restaurant and supporting them there when the months became tough. Eventually you would support Ally in her policitical career, especially at the beginning. A lot of things used to be uncertain then, like whether Ally was even going to make it, running for the first time.
However, you were always by her side, you always had faith in her, even when the people around her didn't. Doubted her and caused her to doubt herself. Out of all the things regarding the brunette, the thing you hated the most was certainly having to make her believe and see. Believe in herself and her abilities and see herself for the person she truly was and what she represented. To you, Ally had always been a strong person, a role model and person to look up to, leading by example and you hated anyone making her believe she was anything different.
You gave her confidence, a reason to keep fighting, whether it was some nasty comments people said or wrote about her, the opponents trying to intimidate her. Ally could do it, the same confident look on her face, leaving every single rally with more votes, more people that believed in her and you realized and noticed that eventually, she started believing in herself again, the confident look on her face not forced or acted but actually the truth as her work both in politics but also the restaurant started paying off and getting the recognition she deserved.
In your eyes, Ally was everything and she certainly deserved the world. Nothing was ever too much for you, waking up in the middle of the night when she was having a layover or at some rally in a different time zone, looking after Oz when she and Ivy had to take care of the restaurant or wanted to enjoy a nice and quiet night together. For the longest time you never saw an issue, you would have done absolutely anything for the woman you had met years ago and that so quickly became part of your life.
You had always been the supporting kind, wanting nothing more than for people to be happy and helping them get there. You would dry Ally's tears and listen to her troubles while your own rested so heavily on your shoulders and robbed you of any kind of sleep and keeping you awake at night. You would have happily given her your meal if it meant starving, jacket if it meant freezing and life even if it meant dying. You would have done anything to keep her and her family safe, thinking you were a little part of her family and world.
Somewhere along the lines, something had changed and you realized. Suddenly, things started to fall into place and despite confusing you at first, you finally realized what it all meant and why you felt the things you did. Like the times, people would ask you how you and Ally had met and you could talk about her for hours on end, talking about her achievements and what a great and kind person she was. The times you would often be mistaken for a couple when you two were outside and doing things together like grabbing coffee, only for Ally to correct the person who was unaware of her marriage and while she laughed it off, there was a bitter taste left behind.
It took you a long time, many sleepless nights to finally figure out what it meant, the bitter taste and feeling leaving you so hurt and sad sometimes. Now Ally was your soulmate, the person that managed to make you feel things but what you never truly realized was that she couldn't possibly be your soulmate in return, as somebody else had already managed to capture her heart, make her smile and be the matching puzzle piece of her life. Ivy. Now you hadn't always been fond of her, of course you were supportive given the circumstances but there was always something off, the same bitter feeling.
And after a long time you realized it was jealousy. She was the one comforting Ally after a long day, she was the one cooking her a nice meal and enjoying some wine and movies and quality family time with Oz and fun activities on the weekend. not you. As much as you tried to play along, pretend that you were happy for her, pretend that she wasn't the person you think of when someone mentions home or her arms being the only safe feeling you had ever truly felt, it was fake. Now this didn't just come to you naturally, it took a while to figure out and maybe the most painful part of your journey with Ally was reality's wake up call.
Just like when the universe decided to unite you two and bring you together, it played an essential part in the end of your journey. It was like a slap in the face, reality reminding you that you were only hurting yourself by clinging onto the idea of Ally, missing her so terribly while she was away or as soon as the coffee dates, or catching up in the restaurant or even just coming over to chat was over again. It killed you inside and while Ally was always a very open person with you, confronting when she noticed a slight change and only ever really caring about your wellbeing, you couldn't possibly tell her or talk with her about it.
Now, you had always been a selfless person, happily helping other's heal and move on, quite literally taking the plasters or bandages of your own wounds, battered and bruised heart and tender mind and putting it onto others, including Ally. You never cared, as you would have happily protected her of anything the world might throw at her, whether it was small things like worrying about something or her actually getting hurt. Nothing was too much for you and while some might believe this was an incredibly kind feature and part of your personality, it killed you, slowly left you dying inside.
There was hope of course, the secret daydreams about her or wondering what it would be like to experience things with Ally like when you saw this movie alone or when you went on adventures, wondering what it would be like to have her along. And for a while it was nice, while it lasted, the little daydreams making you smile and causing for your stomach to errupt with butterflies. However, it all fell apart, quickly changed and finally you realized, she couldn't feel the same way back, couldn't love you back and couldn't fall for a heart like yours.
The realisation hit you eventually, after everything just started making sense, like the times you would see a color and instantly think of her, the times you would hear lyric's and think of her and the times she would be occupying your mind for way longer than she should. After all she had found her soulmate, the person that takes care of her and nothing you, nor the universe could do would ever change that fact.
„Sweetheart, are you alright? you have been so distant lately?" you remembered her saying over the phone one night as you stood outside on your balcony, inhaling the smoke from a cigarette and hoping it would numb the feelings, despite it breaking your heart.
„Yeah I'm fine, just busy" you recall your own reply and sometimes you wonder what could have changed if you were honest. If you weren't so foolish and pushed her away. If you could have stayed part of her and their life even if it meant, killing you inside a little everyday, would it have been worth it?
As you stand by your balcony once again, a few months later, now the same rainy atmosphere and small droplets patting against the windows, same hope for the cigarette to numb the feelings, you realize it wasn't worth it. Despite not speaking for months, eventually the phone calls and meeting with each other dying down, you still feel the same as her face lights up on your tv screen, shining brightly through your apartment and reflecting in the window you are standing infront of. It still hurts. The same painfull dull feeling in your heart and your throat closing up as tears threatened to spill.
She was worth it, worth it all, even the heartache as you once again realize, even if she wasn't meant to be your soulmate, she made your life brighter, the days worth living and the dark and lonely nights worth fighting. And as you exhale the smoke from your cigarette, you wonder, whether it was worth making the selfish decision of letting her go. But even after all this time, you still wonder whether a heart like hers, could ever love yours in return.