Kazimir
I looked at the state of my bedroom and how loud the music was. This place was a shit hole. Aliyah was laying on the bed and it seems like she was falling asleep.
I looked for the remote and tried to find the remote. I found it and paused the music. Gosh, I haven't been high in so long.
I remembered the last hour or so and it was just crazy. How it went from dancing to a pillow fight while eating. Back to dancing and eating.
My poor attempt of trying to shake my ass flashes in my mind. What the fuck was even happening I don't know.
This woman has me acting like a child. I haven't had a pillow fight since I was ten or something. I found my phone on my dresser standing up.
I went to get it and opened it. It was a video and I sighed. If I go through this, I'm going to delete every single one of them.
I sat down on the bed and contemplated if I should go through them. I feel hands wrap around me and breathing against my neck.
"Wanna smoke another one," she suggest.
"No."
"Why? That was so fun. Watching you trying to twerk was kind of funny lemme not lie. Kaz, please your so much more fun high," she whines.
I have to pause and think. I don't really let anyone speak to me the way she does. I don't just become concerned with any girl.
I put to much focus into her that. I'm making my whole life around her now. I took her grocery shopping because I was worried about her. Her addiction's.
What the fuck is actually going with me. One thing I will always like about being high is that when I'm sober, my brain starts to work again.
It makes you think about a lot of things and change the way you think. This is one of those time.
"Kaz," she says.
I push her off of me and run my hands through my hair. I usually fuck bitches and they go, so why do I keep her around.
She isn't special. We'll sort of, but still.
"Get out," I said.
"What?"
"Get out as in get out my fucking room."
"Are you being for real right now?"
"Jesus, are you so fucking dumb that you don't understand what get out means?"
"Fine, just don't be calling down my phone tomorrow," she says.
"You still need to come tomorrow for your lover boy," I mention.
"I don't need to do shit."
I heard her get off the bed and movement behind me. I held my phone in my hand twirled it a little. I got up and started to clean up a bit.
"Stop throwing a tantrum," I commented.
"I'm throwing a tantrum? You act more like a child than I do," she yells.
"I know when I'm acting like one, you behave like one every day."
"Is that what you have observed since you been hovering over me?"
"I don't hover over you."
I throw all the pillows back on the bed and picked up my blanket.
"Yes you do. I can't fuck anyone because you. It's a problem when I go to my work. You followed me all the way to Connecticut. You care about what I do and then next you turn into an asshole again. You're constantly changing your mind and I don't know what you are thinking. Kazimir, right now you're being an asshole, because that hard big boss personality falls apart when your around me," she rants.
"Should I give you an applaud for listing all these things or what?"
"Unfucking believable," she scoffs.
She takes off my shirt and throws it onto the bed. She was only in her bra and panties. I don't even want her to go anymore.
Fuck sake. If my mother was here she would hit me across the head for losing such a woman like her.
She was right, but there was only one way this whole thing ends. We go our separate ways after her sister is dead.
She puts on her clothes and talks to herself in Spanish. I move towards the door blocking it. She gathers her purse and her other things.
She checks to make sure she has everything and she looks at me. She doesn't seem the slightest impressed.
"Nigga, I can't get out if your blocking the door with your big ass," she scoffs.
"Stay."
"I'm going to actually kill myself, you just told me to leave now you want me to stay. Kazimir, I think it's actually best that we have some distance between us. You can actually think about what you fucking want. I'm not about to make myself look like an idiot by coming to your call like some slave."
This was so fucking difficult, it actually wasn't. I should just let her go.
"Aliyah," I start.
"I don't want to hear it. You made it very clear what your intentions are," she says.
I moved out her way and she left. She probably won't leave straight away, but it doesn't really matter.
I looked at the state of my room. Where is one of my maids as when I need them.
***
She didn't show up, so that just fucked everything. The gang didn't even get the necessary information needed.
I made Tyrone's death easy. One bullet through the brain. Such a shame, they really didn't value his life.
I wonder how long she's going to go on without talking to me. She will just smoke her life away for who knows how long.
I ended up actually looking through some of the videos, they were actually funny. I hate the singing ones. Reminders of when I'm drunk.
The pillow fight was my favorite, I think I won that one. I would have never thought to record this shit, but she did.
I need to clear my mind. I think of her every other second. I just to fuck it out of me. I haven't visited Violet in a while.
128 days remaining