Chaeyoung
My tears started to fall from my eyes as soon as Mina left me alone inside my car. I watched her as rain slowly soaked her while walking away until she completely disappear before my eyes
It hurts me watching her slowly walking away from me. It hurts me seeing her cry and broke her heart but I've no choice. This is the only thing I think that could be the best for her
It realky shattered my heart to pieces knowing this might really be the last time that I'll see her but what hurts me the most is saying I don't love her anymore when in fact, it's the other way around
I love her
I love her so much and I'll always do but this love ain't enough for the both of us anymore. I had already done so many things that caused her too much pain because of my selfishness and maybe cowardness
I cheated.
I lied.
I keep secrets, plenty of dark ones
But there's this dark secret in the past that I had just found out lately that will probably make Mina hate me and my family more than anything. It's one of the darkest secret that my family has been hiding from me all these years
And that secret is my brother killing Mina's father..
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(Flashbacks)
Back when I was a little child, my grandfather always told me that power and wealth is the greatest thing a man can ever had. Without those two, you'd be nothing but a piece of useless trash that roams around the earth for the powerful and wealthy ones.
The first-born in the family always comes with a bigger expectations, priviledges and responsibilities but not when you were born as a woman. To our family, women were just a decoration and a burden. For them, women are just a weaklings and were just born to serve the men in the household. They were just born to made a name in various fields for the clan's glory
I don't understand it all back then. I just thought that those things were the one that makes our family perfect but not until I began witnessing how my father treats and beats my mother back then. I slowly realize that my family isn't the perfect family that I once dreamed of
Then one day, we found out that my mother took her own life by taking too much sleeping pills leaving me and my little brother in the hands of my heartless father and grandfather. Everyone didn't even bother to gave my mom a proper burial even my own dad and just threw her body away like a trash because they said it's just a waste of time. After that, I began opposing my father and my grandfather out of anger.
I always messed things up just to annoy them while making sure my brother won't follow their rotten steps. My grandfather was so mad at me. He was accusing me that I am brainwashing my little brother's mind just like what our mother did to us so he decided to kick me out of the house. He let me live with the daughters of one of our family's business partners
I live my life away from them and accepted my new life with my new family which is Jeongyeon unnie, Dahyun unnie and Tzuyu but I still tried my best to reach out to my little brother until one day, I heard that he already killed someone when he was just seventeen. As soon as I heard that I realized that I failed. I failed as a daughter to my mother. I failed as a big sister to my brother.
I failed them and that failure made me think that I'm better off to be alone
After that day, I started to despise relationships and children. I despise relationships thinking it'll just turned out to be like my parents. I started hating children as well not because they're noisy and attention seekers, actually I started hating them because I was scared to fail again. I was scared thinking I can't take care of them. I'm not good enough and I will never be good enough to look after them and my brother is the perfect example to it
My brother turned out to be the man I don't want him to. He became the man who lives and seeks power and wealth just like my grandfather and my father did and that hurts me. That hurts me but what hurts me the most is when he became a murderer. He killed people, sinful and innocent one
He even killed the father of the person I love the most
I can still recall the day he suddenly showed up to my office asking how was Mina and her family. Knowing all the dirty works he's doing lately for my grandfather, I was alarmed. He offered me to work with them and promise me that he'll never hurt Mina just like he did to her father which confused me. I thought Mina's dad was killed by Eunha but I was wrong
Eunha hired someone to kill Mina's father, that's what she told us but what we all didn't know is, everything was all a lie. The gunman that Eunha hired was killed by my own brother. He killed him before killing Mina's father
"It's actually pretty boring. Killing Mr. Myoui is so fucking easy.."
Those were his words and not even a small hint of conscience can be heard. He became heartless just like the rest of the men in our family was. He told me that Mr. Myoui took one of their bigtime investors which lost them few million dollars and that angered our grandfather who later on commanded him to end the businessman's life
Until now, I still can't believe that my brother took the life of Mina's father. I never imagined that my brother who's sharing the same blood with me would kill the father of the woman I love.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to face Mina that's why I began avoiding her by going to New York until one day, I met Yeoreum my first love
At first, I was just actually happy to see her and thought, Yeoreum would be the greatest way to avoid and forget about my dilemma not until I fell for her again
I know it's too selfish.
I'm too selfish but spending time with Yeoreum makes me forget everything. I know it's wrong. We both know it's wrong but I'm too blinded by my selfishness not until I found out that she's dying
"Chaeyoung, I will always be thankful to you for letting me experienced the joy of loving you. I love you so much but this has to end. Our selfishness had hurt too many people. Now, you must go back to where you truely belong. Go back to her. Apologize and do the right thing. We only live once, Chaeyoung. We shouldn't be hurting the people who loves us unconditionally. Extend my deepest and sincere apology to her. Be happy with her, Chaeyoung. Until then.."
Those were Yeoreum's last words before he was declared dead. Her family didn't even allowed me to see Yeoreum after that day anymore which I truelly understand
Yeoreum's death made me realize so many things. It made me realize that love indeed is more than a feeling, it's a commitment just like what that stranger who shares the same name with me in the park once told me
After reflecting the things I've done, I finally made up my mind and went back home with Mina who once again, lost her eyesight because of me. I was so guilty that I can't even looked at her but everything changed once again when I found out, she adopted a child without my permision
The thought of having a child around scared me. I'm scared because I don't want the history to repeat itself again so I began to treat Mina rudely again unintentionally
Everything started to fall apart and my brother was slowly pressuring me to join our family one more time and live my life with them while having power and wealth
The idea disgusts me. I declined so many times not until I saw my own brother pointing a gun at Mina who's obviously oblivious to her surroundings. That's the moment I decided to agree and save her in the hands of my own brother.
I feel so powerless, so useless..
My brother escorted me that day back to my grandfather's mansion immediately. Everyone didn't even seems to be glad to have me around which I don't really mind not until my grandfather told me to divorce with Mina and marry the son of his friend and business partner. Of course, I hated that idea but I was so powerless at that moment so I just nodded and said yes
I really don't have a choice.
I don't want to loose Mina but keeping her beside me won't make any difference as well. Her safety matters to me more than the pain that it'll cause the both of us.
I'm sorry, Mina. I'm sorry for being powerless and useless but this is the least thing I can do to secure you and your family. I'm so sorry..
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Lame UD, I know..
Goodnight everyone
Stay safe and stay healthy
I love yawa'll🥰🖤