The mental and physical struggle of war has never prepared me for that day. I had seen blood and guts and absolute destruction in the trenches of the first war.
All of my sons had gone to war. Each one of them had. Maxwell as an airmen, While Oliver, jack and Augustus went to the foot army. They had seen the horrors of mass destruction and battle. Men's blood splattered across their own uniforms and still told to charge forward.
So when they had gone out for a walk together to talk and spend time together before dinner, I shouldn't have frozen or wanted to puke at the sight of the blood.
Each of my boys were covered in blood, their clothes were splattered and soaked with it in sections. They looked stunned, dazed and as if they were dying.
Maxwell had a pistol in his hand. We had heard the gun shots in the far field, but we hadn't known why we had heard them.
The wolf den that had been preying on the family farm for generations had attacked my sons while they were on a walk together.
Elizabeth gasped and we were panicking, trying to remember how long it would take for the ambulance to get to the farm if we called right then at seven at night.
But Phoebe flew out of the house, tearing off her belt, and cardigan. She didn't even have shoes on, but went out into the muddy spring grass anyways, running over to the boys as they all looked so weak.
Elizabeth and I were standing on the porch as the sky opened up and began to pour. We couldn't move. We felt like puking and weren't even sure on what we could be doing even though Elizabeth knew how to give stitches.
But Phoebe wrapped her belt tightly on Max's upper arm, cranking it on as tight as he get it, making him curse out as he was trying to push her away.
But when he collapsed, she managed to get jacks attention though. "He's too big for me to carry. You have to get his legs."
Jack nodded, wide eyed and his jacket smeared with blood as he grabbed his big brothers feet and helped carry him as Phoebe gave the other two boys orders.
"Oliver and Augustus, help each other inside." She then looked to us as she was getting drenched from the rain. The blood was luckily starting to wash out of the boys clothes, but they were soaked.
"Elizabeth! Harry! Clear off the table and make space for them all!"
When we didn't move as Phoebe was helping carry our eldest, she yelled at us, pissed off that we weren't moving. "Fucking go!"
It felt frantic. All of this felt so rushed as I grabbed dishes off the table that I had set out for dinner. I cleared away all the glasses and the bottle of wine too, quickly getting them to the counter.
My wife was crying, trying to help but failing miserably as Oliver and Augustus stumbled into the kitchen, flopping themselves down onto two chairs.
Phoebe and Jack put Max on the table. He had multiple wounds from the wolves. He obviously had protected his brothers as best as he could.
Phoebe ordered Jack to sit down quickly after Max was on the table.
She looked around the room for a second then she nodded before looking at Elizabeth and I.
"Drive to the cottage house. Under the bed I've hidden a large metal case. It looks like a tool box, but has a Red Cross on it." She instructed.
Then she shook her head, looking at max as she quickly gathered cleans cloths and began to give them to the boys as they sat in chairs.
"Just go, go get it. The back door is unlocked, and it's the room on the right. Please be quick."
————
I tied cloths around the boys cuts on their legs and arms. They were smaller which was good, but I knew if I used a cloth like bandage on all of them it would at least slow any bleeding and stay on them.
I had Elizabeth getting a basin of warm water started as I had to get Max out of his shirt as he was groggy.
"Phoebe," he groaned.
I managed to get him out of his shirt and get it off of him as I realized how much blood Max had lost.
"Max, keep talking to me." I demanded, knowing he needed to stay awake.
He had lost too much blood.
I cranked his tourniquet tighter on his arm and quickly managed to get his pants off him as I kept telling him to talk to me.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Oliver asked me with wide eyes that I was taking max's belt and cranking it onto his calf, near his knee since he had been bitten lower on his shin.
"She was a nurse." Max groaned.
"Tell me a story. Come on, Mack." I told him, stroking his face, hoping his father would hurry up already. Max would die soon if his father didn't hurry.
"Do you remember how I asked you to marry me?" I smiled, nodding to him as he looked so tired. He was so low on blood. He needed blood badly. I had nothing there to help give him more.
I applied pressure to his arm wound as it was bleeding the most and closest to his heart.
"It was at the creek." He started with his brothers listening, holding cloths to themselves to try and stop their bleeding.
"You were stressed about your families again. They weren't taking care of you... it was so hot yet you let me keep putting frogs on your head and shoulders. You looked for minnows... I don't think we ever found a minnow together."
"Tell me about the frogs." He nodded small and closed his eyes as his breathing was more shallow. He was losing too much blood. I needed Harry to hurry.
"I asked you if our plan would work, if marrying you would make you happy. It worked well until I kissed you. After that... I kept looking at your ass."
His brothers tried to contain their laughter as his mother sighed distastefully.
Mack leaned into my hand as he barely was looking into my eyes. "I'm gonna go to sleep, my eyes are so heavy."
I shook my head and told him no. "No, you have to tell me about your plane."
He slowly spoke about his spitfire he used in the war. He talked as I kept trying to keep pressure on his leg bite and arm, but when he stopped breathing.
"Shit." I breathed out and climbed onto the table.
His brothers were standing, surrounding the table as i straddled their bothers torso.
"What's happening?" Elizabeth asked, trying to answer the question everyone in the room had as they were frantic.
"He's lost at least 40% of his blood supply. He's in hypovolemic shock. If Harry doesn't get here with blood in the next few minutes, Max's organs will shut down."
Elizabeth burst out crying as i preformed CPR on her oldest son.
He was dying.
My best friend was dying.
"Is he dying?" Jack asked with wide, scared eyes.
I nodded as I was still preforming CPR.
I glanced to all the three scared brothers.
"Which one of you has his blood type? He needs blood as soon as your father gets here."
When no one answered I snapped. "He needs a hero and it needs to be someone with his blood type."
Mack was a B- while his brothers and mother was AB+. His father i was told even was AB-.
As Harry came bursting through the house door, I ordered anyone, just someone to find me the blood retrieval kit as I still gave CPR to my love.
I knew I most certainly had broken a few ribs at that point, but I needed to keep him alive.
"I need the blood retrieval now the front coat rack."
Everyone was rushing around me as I made Augustus stay, knowing he didn't have as severe an arm injury as Oliver did, but Jack was collecting the coat rank.
"I need you to hang the empty blood bag on the rank and make sure the tubes with it has zero holes along the sides. Do you understand me?"
He nodded with wide eyes, taking the blood bag and tubes, checking them as Oliver and Jack were trying to get the coat rank empty, setting it next to the table.
"Who knows CPR?"
Elizabeth asked me why I couldn't keep going.
"I have to supply the blood and administer sutures. I can't give CPR and blood at the same time. I could have to administer the line into my arm and I can't do CPR while doing that."
No one knew how to preform CPR either. I knew I was going to be exhausted that night. CPR was so tiring, but I had to keep going for Mack.
"I need someone who can follow counts to replace me. I won't be able to give CPR and blood at the same time, the needle will come out.
Harry gave his son CPR as I was talking to myself quietly, cleaning the injection site with alcohol, then smoothly inserting a central line in the crook of my arm.
Once I saw that blood was leaving my body and heading into the bag, I knew I had done it correctly and could proceed with injecting Max.
I repeated the same steps, but ensured to have the tube ready to be connected to my bag once I had collected enough.
I knew I could donate three units and then I couldn't for a day or so donate more or I would be in exact same state Mack was in.
I just hoped it would be enough to carry him out of the shock.
We all were silent other than my counting for Harry to ensure he wasn't giving compressions too fast or too slow.
When I began to transfusion for Max, every stood very still and was very quiet.
Once I had donated one bag of blood, I stopped Harry to check Max's heart. I held my stethoscope end against my loves hairy chest. Elizabeth had put a blanket on his legs to keep him warm as I made sure for someone to keep rubbing his legs or feet through the blanket, ensuring he was circulating blood.
Bump bump... Bump bump.... Bump bump...
I was so relieved.
His heart beat was slow, but he was still hanging on.
I sat, stitching his leg and arm while donating two more units of blood to ensure he would be alright.
His family sat and watched as i was silent, stitching my husbands wounds and donating blood to him.
"I wanted to ask about you two." Elizabeth started quietly as I was focused on my boys leg.
I nodded small. I knew she was going to ask about why we got married without being in love.
"He wanted me safe. My families constantly were fighting over me and causing more trouble over it than close to being needed. He wanted space and to live under his own roof with his own rules. We didn't marry while in love. We married because we knew we would never have to be apart if there was a paper saying so."
I looked to the Blythe family and shrugged. "We have fallen in love. He claims to have fallen for me when we kissed in front of you all, trying to hide our plot. I think I loved him before but never knew exactly what love was."
Elizabeth sighed though. "It doesn't make sense why you two wanted a small wedding though. We could have thrown something big and beautiful. You could have had a wonderful dress and all."
My tears came. It wasn't just because of the thought of a beautiful wedding. It was just the rush of the night coming to me all at once.
"We wanted simple and nothing stressful that could have been fought over. I do wish I could have had a nicer dress... it was just some white dress I had gotten when I was maybe sixteen. I was so upset with myself that morning because it was all I had."
I looked over to see Mack's face as tears streamed down mine. "He still begs me to wear that stupid dress all the time though."
Harry broke the long silence we had by awkwardly asking me a question.
"Why is it that you're painting the other bedroom? I thought it had already been painted.
I asked what he had meant. I didn't know we were painting my old supposed room.
"Pardon?"
He nodded and shrugged. "Max asked me a while ago for brushed, but I hadn't realized it was for doing a room."
I smiled small and knew exactly what was happening.
"We've decide on having a baby.." his father and brothers looked stunned, but Elizabeth already knew this. I know they all questioned whether it was a sound plan.
"He wants to have a miniature spitfire pilot."
But I was also sure he wanted little girls that looked like me, that way he was spoiled in laughter, cookies, and teasing for the rest of our days.
Either way, boy or girl, as long as we were happy, I would be happy.
—————
Our home was covered in lush vines with heavy leave covered trees the colours of summer. They were quite beautiful around our home. The rose bushes were starting to bloom nicely and I had cleaned up the front walk way. Even my truck looked clean as I stepped out of it.
The door to my little cottage home opened a crack, out coming a little girl with chubby pink cheeks and a toothless smile as she squealed and wobbled in her little run toward me. She was in a tiny red dress with a bow in her hair to match.
Her hair the colour of mine, but the freckles of her mother littered her cheeks like stars in the night sky.
She ran to me as i crouched down to receive what felt like a long awaited hug from her.
As I hugged my precious little girl, I noticed her mother leaned against the door, smiling at me and our little firecracker.
I carried my little one over to my wife, giving my girls both kisses on their cheeks before being welcomed inside for dinner as I had been late coming home.
But when I woke on the family's kitchen table? Tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably. Phoebe was next to me, not holding our baby girl.
In fact, we had no baby let alone was she pregnant.
Phoebe had been stroking my hair and looked pale, tired and upset. She didn't mention my tears, but simply kissed my nose and whispered to me as I felt the pain covering my body in a heavy weighted blanket.
"You're alright, Mack. It's okay, now."
I shook my head though, wanting to touch her stomach to see if maybe we had a baby at least. That way I would be in pain, but at least I could sit and watch my Phoebe carry our baby.
"I shot the wolves. The three I could get. It was all the bullets I had." I muttered out, figuring she wanted to know what happened.
She tried to soothe and hush me, but I continued. "I wanted to show them the gun I took from the war and the wolves came out of nowhere."
Phoebe gently stopped me.
"I know. All we need to focus on is making you heal quickly."
I glanced to my arm and my leg. Both looked alright other than the long lines of small stitches I had.
"Did a doctor come?"
Phoebe shook her head and gently kissed my forehead, stroking my hair back again.
"I stitched you up and your brothers too. They all are alright as well."
I nodded small. "I can't remember what happened after telling you that story and you holding the cloths on me. Did I fall asleep?"
Phoebe let out a small, anxious breath.
"I uh..." she paused and looked into my eyes, searching to see if she should tell me the truth.
"I need to go to the washroom. You stay here. Oliver and Augustus are still awake. They should be around too."
She quickly went to the washroom as I heard someone walking over, only to find it being Augustus.
He sighed at me and smiled small. "She's good to you. You better not have chased her off."
I shook my head and sighed. I was in so much pain.
"No, she's gone to the washroom."
He nodded and we were quiet for a second till he looked to me and shrugged. "So a kid, huh?"
I furrowed my brows, unsure of what he meant.
"Dad I guess went to your house and saw a nursery. He asked Phoebe about it and she said you two were trying or were going to try."
I sighed, knowing now my grand gesture to actually wanting a kid was now ruined.
"Yeah. We have been. Couple months, but... nothings worked. She's still the same."
He nodded and crossed his arms, leaning against the table now. "Well, I assume she'd be a good mother. Knew exactly what to do for all of us, made sure you were alright."
"What happened? I forget what happened after I had been on the table talking. Did I fall asleep? Phoebe wouldn't tell me."
"You nearly died. It was horrible. She said your heart stopped and all the sudden she was up on top of you, giving you CPR and telling us that your organs might shut down if you didn't get more blood soon, but none of us have the exact same blood type. You got part of yours from dad, but we have ours from the other side of dads. Then she drew her own blood and gave it to you while giving all of us our stitches."
It was when there was a wail from the bathroom. It was a wail of pure horror and sadness, as if Phoebe had walked in on a dead man.
My brother helped me off the table as we all began to rush around, wondering if maybe another one of us had been attacked by a wolf.
I flung the door open to find Phoebes hands covered in blood as she was trembling and slumped against the wall.
"What the hell happened?!" I asked as my Phoebe was uncontrollably crying and unable to stop to tell me what was happening.
My mother shoved us past and blocked us from getting inside.
"Go, got to bed right now. I will deal with her, she's going to be alright." Mother growled with the threat of beating us off with sticks to protect Phoebe.
I just wanted to know if Phoebe was alright.
———-
My baby laid in my hands. Their tiny little body that had left me too soon. I was bleeding and so upset.
I had felt cramps and pain in my stomach when I had been taking care of my love and his brothers, but I thought it was feeling sick about their injuries.
I had miscarried my very first baby. They couldn't have been too far along from conception. They weren't even bigger than my thumb nail.
But i cupped them in my hands as I trembled and shook. Elizabeth hugged me and cooed to me, trying to comfort me. She knew exactly what was happening with me the moment she saw.
"It's going to be alright, you two can have another. This must not have been meant to be. It's okay, Phoebe. It's all gonna be okay."
I cried into her shoulder; not knowing what I would do now. I desperately wanted to have a baby, had taken months to get me pregnant only for me to suddenly miscarry.
My life wasn't going too well. I had a broken husband, and no baby on top of my past of being adopted and still adjusting to home after the war.
I really wanted that baby.
—————
When mom came out, I was sitting on the couch with my brothers and father, waiting for the answer to go out and shoot whatever attacked my wife.
But mom shook her head and let out a deep breath. She looked so upset as well. "I'd like to speak to you in private, Max."
"Just tell me, I need to know if she's okay."
My mom shook her head. "Physically, she will be alright... mentally she will need some time. I should tell you this in private."
"Just tell him. If she's fine, it can't be something much to worry about." Oliver told our mom.
My brothers and father agreed, telling her it would be more trouble to try and move me to somewhere else to talk.
"Phoebe has just had a miscarriage from her pregnancy due to the stress of this evening. She hadn't known she was pregnant. She doesn't blame you or the boys, but she's very upset because she feels as if she's failed especially after telling us you two were trying to have a baby."
I just couldn't move or speak or think for a moment. Everything stopped and my entire world came to a crumbling halt. All I could do was hear my ginger crying in the bathroom over our passed on baby.
Everyone was silent. Nothing was said for a long time. We could only hear phoebes crying in the washroom, begging for our baby to come back to her.
"Please, please, please, come back to me. Please don't be gone." She sobbed.
"Was there a baby that..." mom knew what I had meant. I wanted to know if there even was a baby we could hold or bury to have closure.
My mom nodded with teary eyes. As I stood slowly, then making my way to exit the room to see it, but she stopped me.
"It's very small, Max. It's smaller than her fingernail. You may not want to see."
We officially hit a new low. Sitting on the bathroom floor, mourning the tiny baby that could have been ours after I had been attacked by wolves.
We were waiting for life to deal us a better hand.