Chapter 35
☆Devotion☆
••Aristia Rain's POV••
I'm scared...
Too scared to think as the questions and what if's gonna follow on each thoughts like how many times did i say that 'I'm ok, I'm fine.' But i know that deep inside, I'm screaming for help.
I sighed as I stared on my hands and as the raindrops outside my window became like a droplets of shadow on my skin everytime it hits on a window pane.
I can't remember anymore when was the first time I held weapon instead of toys cause I can't remember na nagawa ko nga bang maglaro noon. Ang maligo sa sariwang dugo hindi sa bawat pag patak ng ulan. Ang makipag laro kay kamatayan hindi sa mga kaibigan.
Tumulo ang luha ko na agad kong pinahid ng maramdaman ko ang paglapit nya at yumakap sakin mula sa likuran.
"Nandito lang ako.. Hindi kita iiwan." Bulong ni Grey at kahit gusto kong sabihin na ganun rin ako sa kanya ay hindi ko magawa.
I'll be lying if I say that I can dahil unti-unti ko ng nadadama, iiwanan ko na naman sya.
Humarap ako kay Grey at pinagkatitigan ang mga mata nya. His eyes are not showing the same emotions anymore, it's not all pure bliss na dati ay puro saya as if his eyes will sparkle literally pag ako nakikita nya pero ngayon ay parang kumikinang ito dahil sa mga luha na palagi nalang nag babadya na ako muli ang dahilan.
"I'm hurting you so bad." I softly said and as if on cue, his eyes became more clouded but he still smiled, a genuine one at least.
"We're just same aren't we?" He softly asked at maingat na hinaplos pisngi ko't ginawaran ng halik noo ko at pinag dikit noo naming dalawa.
"Rain.. I prayed God repeatedly na makasama kita ulit ng ganito kalapit pero bakit? Bakit ganito kasakit?" Nahikbi nyang tanong na kinapikit ko kasabay ng patak ng luha ko.
Sobrang sakit na para bang unti-unting pinagpipiraso yung puso ko twing maririnig at masasaksihan ko yung sakit na binibigay ko sa kanya.
We both know..
We both know already that no matter how much we fight na magkasama, huli na. Na bago pa kami mag umpisa ay talo na kaming dalawa na sa oras at panahon nato, walang sya at ako hanggang dulo dahil aabot lang yon sa dulo ko.
I took a deep breath. My hands were trembling when I caressed his cheeks then our eyes met.
"Grey... I want to be yours.. make me yours.." I softly whispered as my tears rolled down to my cheeks, locking eyes with him showing how serious I am.
He looked so surprised as if he never really expecting what I just said.
I know how much he's been depriving himself for a long time now na makagawa ng bagay na hindi ko gusto at tanging pag angkin lang sa labi ko ay alam kong kahit yun lang kontento na sya.
He's always careful when he's around me as if I'm the most fragile thing that might break if he touch me carelessly and I hate myself cause I didn't do the same to him, instead I hurt him and broke him a lot of times already and it's too late for me to realized how broken he is because of me.
I wrapped my arms around him to make him moved closer to me and as expected our lips met. Banayad, walang pagmamadali na para bang pareho namin sinusulit bawat sandali.
My body trembled and I could feel goosebumps as I came to realization that his lips is the only thing I'm craving and searching for this entire time to make me feel safe.
In his touch, his arms, his whole existence makes me feel that I found an angel in this hellish world I lived in.
He is my light that I been searching for in this dark tunnel that I've been traveling alone.
He broke the kissed and he stared at my eyes with full of genuine affection. A pure love and devotion.
"I love you so much." He sincerely said as he solemnly staring back at me na mas nag papabilis ng tibok ng puso ko.
It's amazing na kahit noon pa ay alam kong pag dating sa kanya ay wala nakong kawala but my anger made me forget all of those and just now all coming back.
I love him even before.. if only I didn't blinded myself with anger, if only I followed my heart and instinct that this guy in front of me can really win my heart easily if I just let him explain before.
I caressed his cheeks as I stared with him with longing cause feels like I'm really the one who wasted my time to experienced all of this.
If only I just know...
"I love you Grey.. I love you so much.. till my last breath, it'll be just you." I assured as I stared in his eyes that are now full of sadness.
I can't no longer control myself anymore, i want us so bad.
"Please.. Take me...make me yours." I said like a whisper.
I sounded desperate but i don't care.
Even once, just this time. Gusto kong maibigay sa kanya lahat ng makakaya ko pa, na madadama ko pa bawat haplos at halik na igagawad nya na pinagkait ko sa kanya noon kahit noong kami pa.
"There's no turning back." He uttered.
"I'm not gonna hold you back." I replied and I can hear how our heartbeats synchronized how fast it is.
"If I take you now, I won't let you get away anymore. You'll be mine, akin ka lang, never na kitang papakawalan."
"That's what I want."
"Are you really sure? I won't force you Rain cause I'm always willing to wait till you're re--"
I cut his questions by claiming his lips again that he responded back.
His kisses feels like it's making me feel all the emotions that he hide alone after we broke up.
The regrets, love, longing, a tons of emotions na para bang any minute ay maiiyak nalang ako ng sobra dahil sa pinapadama nya but one thing is for sure.
He's in pain for a long time now and unfortunately, till now or maybe more than the pain he experienced before dahil dama kong mas nasasaktan ko na sya ng sobra ngayon.
Grey didn't broke our kissed as he carefully carried me on our way back to where we laid down before then he moved away ng makatayo kami sa tabi ng kama ko.
Staring at me with his deep brown eyes can make my heart melt easily.
He tucked some strand of my hair behind my ear ng buong ingat at napangiti ako sa simpleng ginawa nya.
I can definitely hear how my heart pounding fast from my chest cause honestly, this is the first time we're like this.. Wanting more than what we always do -kissing..
It's just that, he said he'll wait till we get married and now, as time passes by, the passion and desire ate us whole except the fact that my time is already running out.
"I love you so much Aristia Rain.. My wife.." He whispered showing that he really means it and I was anticipating for a kiss ng hindi ko inaasahan lalayo sya at dahan-dahan lumuhod sa harapan ko at may kinuha sa bulsa nya.
Agad akong napaiyak ng makita ko ang kaheta at binuksan nya ito.
"Rain.. I want you.. I always do, I crave for you but not just for physical but all of you. I want you in my life and no one else..." Tears fell from his eyes just like me then he held my hand to kissed it at nag angat ng tingin sakin.
"I always wished to be with you, sleeping together, waking up together, eating together, working together, and living in a same house with the family we gonna build, sharing joy and sorrow , face the trials and hardship together, looking at each other.. Living with you as my wife... that's what I always want." He said as eyes gleaming with hope and sadness while saying those words but painful to hear cause we both know that those.....
I know his heart wouldn't change but there's a big part of me na sobrang takot sa maaari pang mangyari and I'm so anxious just the thought that I'll hurt him again just like I always did from the past..
I swallowed hard.
"Grey.. please.. y-you know that those wish... i-i cant..." I covered my mouth to stopped my sob and about to turn-around when he pulled me again for a tight hugged at dama ko pangangatog nya at rinig ang bawat pag hikbi.
"P-please... please even just your time, just your time.. stay with me as my wife... please... Rain.. marry me.." He begged as our sobbed resonates the whole room.
Agad akong napayuko but he held my chin at inangat ang mukha ko para matitigan sya ulit.
"I love you so much Rain... I can't survive this world without you in it." Sambit nya na mas nag pasakit sa kalooban ko.
"Grey.. please... don't make it too hard for us.. h-hindi ko na kaya.. h-hindi ko kayang saktan at iwan ka pero..."
"It's ok... it's ok.. hurt me more, I don't care just please.. please stay with me till the end.. please?" He begged and I know how painful it is for him knowing that he really need to let me go no matter what cause I feel the same.
Hindi ko sya kayang iwan pero...
"Rain.. please.. this time, don't push me away.. H-hindi ko kaya.."
I cried then rested my forehead on his chest at napahawak ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa sakit ng bawat pagtibok nito at yakap nya naman ng mahigpit sakin ng dahan-dahan nya muli akong nilayo sa kanya at humawak sa mag kabilang pisngi ko.
"I promise that my heart will never change until I die, I will promise to love you, only you.. So Aristia my one true love. Will you grant my wish and stay with me till your last and promise me your next?" He said in a low voice at hindi ko na mapigil ang mga luha saking mata habang nakatingin sa kanya.
He gently wipe my tears away and it felt like every worries and fears flooding my mind suddenly fades away..
The last piece of my wound that I thought I would need to carry alone until I die become a true joy and a sudden relief overwhelmed me, as well as my undying and unyielding love for him..
I was about to answer when he kneeled his one knee in front of me again.
"Aristia Rain Soleil, Von Clyde.. Will you marry me and promise me your love and our next life that just has you and i in it?" He asked and I know how painful those questions for him.
I can feel how my heart react as if like I run in marathon because of his question.
I smiled as my tears kept flowing endlessly as my heart felt like in a whirlwind of mix emotions when I slowly nodding.
"Yes...I'll marry you... till my last breath.. I'll love only you." I answered with devotion and sincerity and I can see how his eyes sparkles at agad tumayo matapos mailagay singsing sa kamay ko.
Grey quickly claimed my lips again and this time no one is holding back.
I want this moment to not just end and if only i have the power to stop time, I'll definitely choose this one to be stop and be stuck here with him.
"I want you.." He softly whispered then I smiled.
"I'm yours.." I replied then he smiled back before kissing my forehead, my eyes, cheeks, nose and lips as my hands already resting on his bare chest till I felt my clothes are now off the ground as he guided me to my bed.
Just tonight, we want to be genuinely happy cause we both know that after this night,
'The storm that been looming for us are now finally approaching... our final battle will begin...'