Chapter 24
☆Selfish/Selfless☆
••Angel Suarez POV••
"Mommy, is daddy not coming home yet?" Trisha Valery softly asked all of a sudden after I read a bedtime story for them ni Aster na ngayo'y nakatulog na sa pagitan namin ni Trisha.
"Sorry sweetie.. ah ano kase.. daddy's out of town right now pero babalik narin yon." Pilit na ngiting sabi ko dahil gaya ng mga nakaraan ay nag sinungaling na naman ako sa kanya, sa kanila ng kapatid nya.
"I miss daddy.." sabi nya at yakap sa kapatid nya after she closed her eyes that made me smiled bitterly before telling her that I feel the same.
Na na mimiss ko na rin daddy nya.
"I love you mommy.. I love you Aster..goodnight. " Trisha uttered in sleepy tone as she gently closing her eyes before yawning.
"We love you too baby.." I replied in low tone.
I kissed her forehead then I gently stroke her hair to make her fall asleep easily.
Trisha and Aster are really closed to each other and Trish is really a kind hearted little girl and caring to her little brother at masaya ko doon.
Honestly, I can't really ask for more when it comes to my kids dahil kahit hindi naman sakin nang galing si Trisha ay damang dama ko pagiging ina ko sa kanya dahil napaka lambing nyang bata.
I do love Trisha like my very own child dahil sya ang unang naging dahilan ng lahat, ang naging tulay para samin ng daddy nya at dahilan para maramdaman kong gusto ko narin maging isang ina ng mga panahon na binibisita ko sya after I found out na may naiwan pang ala-ala samin si Aristia.
I smiled bitterly while watching her dahil naaalala ko si Aristia na matalik na kaibigan ko sa kanya na siguradong hindi nya na naaalala pa.
Her biological mom doesn't exist in her memories anymore and I can't help but feel bad knowing it's all my fault.
My tears fell while gently stroking her hair.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry baby.." I uttered as I wiped away my tears habang pinagmamasdan sya na ngayo'y nakatulog na.
Bumangon ako sa higaan at nag tungo sa Veranda ng kwarto.
A cold breeze welcomed me at napahawak sa robe na suot ko at yakap sa sarili bago tinukod mga siko sa railings.
I sighed and stared into nothingness.
It's been almost a week now mula ng hindi na umuwi pa asawa ko rito at pati pag tawag ko sa phone nya ay pahirapan narin at kung maka usap ko man ay sandali nalang and his excuse is that he's on the meeting or busy on his work.
I don't know what to do anymore but definitely have this strong feeling why he suddenly became like this.
He knows that Aristia's back.
Alam nya ng buhay pa si Aristia.
It's been a year now. It's been a year when suddenly Rain appeared in front of me and seeing that she did survived.
I was so happy that time sobrang saya ko na buhay pa sya but at the same time, fear suddenly kicks in.
Sobrang natakot ako just by the thought that I'm gonna lose everything.
My family, si Trisha at Vlad na magiging ama ng anak ko pag nalaman na buhay pa sya dahil alam kong iiwanan na agad ako ni Vlad.
I begged her kahit na alam kong napaka unfair ko thinking na ayokong masira pamilya ko habang yung kanya naman talaga dapat ay inangkin ko na.
I'm too selfish but then Aristia just hugged me and even thanked me for what I did. Na minahal ko si Trisha na parang tunay na anak at minahal si Vlad na higit pa sa inaasahan nya.
I know that Aristia's visiting Trisha secretly at night dahil sya pa mismo humingi sakin ng permiso na makita at makasama man lang nya anak nya kahit sandali dahil yon ang dahilan ba't sya nag pakita sakin, to asked my permission cause she respect me.
But then, everytime she secretly visiting Trisha ay natatakot ako na baka may iba pang makakita lalo na't sinasabi ni Trisha na nabisita mommy nya hanggang sa isang araw, muntik na syang mahuli ni Vlad kaya agad akong lumabas sa kwarto upang makuha atensyon nya at magkaroon ng pagkakataon na umalis si Aristia.
I was so selfish and yet she's so selfless and I can't help but to feel guilty but my responsibility as a parent carrying a child overcomes the guilt at mas naging selfish pa at hiniling na lumayo na muna sya dahil ayokong lumaki anak ko na walang kumpletong pamilya.
Since that day ay hindi na sya nabisita pa at muling nagpakita lang ulit ng kinagabihan bago ang kasal namin ni Vladimir.
I still remembered how she looks so empty that time that even her eyes seems like it lost its glow.
I know how much she hides kung gaano kasakit sa kanya na makita pa sa kwarto ko yung gown para sa araw ng kasal namin ng taong mahal nya but then, she still managed to smile as she's saying that she congratulates me. That she wish me the best at sa pamilyang bubuoin namin ng lalaking kanya naman dapat.
And for the last time, she asked again for my permission to attend the wedding na hindi ko inaasahan na hihilingin nya.
I don't know what to say cause I know to myself that I can't definitely say yes but then what I didn't expect is that when she kneeled sa harapan ko.
Sya ang mismong lumuhod sa harapan ko at hindi ako.
She swallowed her pride just to asked for a last chance na maranasan man lang na lumakad sa altar papunta sa taong papalayain nya na dahil mag paparaya na sya at hindi na lalaban pa but then, I still can't say yes.
Desperation is visible in her eyes till she gave me a bottle with a liquid in it and said that I need to gave it to Vladimir at ihalo sa iinumin nito and it's a kind of medicine that Vladimir made before na binigay sa kanya noon na may kakayahan na malimutan ang bagay o tao na pinaka mamahal o pinahahalagahan mo.
She said that Vladimir doesn't have the formula or even remember the formula kaya ito na yung last na meron na naitabi pa nya and she's willing to give it to me just to let her say goodbye to him and after non tapos na lahat dahil tatapusin nya na.
With that, I agreed dahil kita ko ang determination and desperation sa mga mata nya.
I gave her the word that I'll allow her to attend my wedding but also told her to make sure that Vlad won't gonna recognize her at pumayag sya't sinabing after non ay aalis sya agad at hindi na mang gugulo pa.
The wedding almost got canceled when Vlad suddenly run away at sobrang natakot ako ng mga panahon na yon knowing that she must have realized that it's Aristia.
I was so scared that time kahit na natuloy parin ang kasal na halatang napilitan nalang dahil nag dadalang tao ako.
My mind became paranoid kahit nasa venue na kami after ng kasal dahil parang wala parin sa sarili si Vlad hanggang sa nakagawa nako ng bagay na hindi ko naman talaga balak gawin.
I was so desperate so i trust Aristia's words.
I put the liquid that Aristia gave me on a bottled water na sinabi nyang ilagay ko at hinayaan si Vlad na inumin iyon since he needs to drink water after taking his med.
I want him to forget Aristia by taking that thing ngunit hindi nya yon nagawang inumin dahil sumulpot si Trisha na agad binuhat ni Vlad but what I didn't anticipate next is that Vladimir let Trisha drink the water since nauuhaw yung bata kakalaro.
I was too late to stop him dahil sa samu't saring natakbo sa isipan ko at huli nako para mapigilan pa si Trish dahil nainom nya na lahat agad since half bottled water lang naman talaga yon and not sure how strong that thing is dahil nilagay ko lahat doon.
Trisha even passed out after a few minutes kaya natapos agad ang party at pagka gising nya ay parang normal naman lahat hanggang sa lumipas ang mga araw na doon ko na napansing may nag iba.
I realized that she forgotten Aristia when she doesn't care about her necklace at kahit na may litrato ng mommy nya sa tabi ng kama nya ay nawalan na sya ng paki pa roon hanggang sa ayaw nya ng nakikita na dati ay halos gabi gabi nyang hinihiling na makausap o bisitahin sya sa panaginip nya.
Everything about Aristia vanished into her memories like a bubble till the others realized it too then started telling her about Aristia again but she just kept crying cause she thinks that we don't love her kaya nag sisinungaling kami sa kanya na iba mommy nya hanggang sa everytime na may nababanggit kay Aristia ay parang nag kakasakit na si Trisha.
Her mental health get affected as if she became allergic just by hearing that name and everything about her mom kaya nag pasya na si Vladimir na wala ng mag babanggit pa tungkol kay Aristia.
The others agreed cause they thought that maybe it's for the best for now habang kinakain naman ako ng guilt ko so I seek Aristia and luckily, I got a hold of her when she visited again dahil paalis na raw muna sya ng bansa dahil kailangan nya mag pagamot sa mga lason na nasa katawan nya pa na anytime pwede nya parin ikamatay.
Guilt became too much knowing that her life is still hanging on a thread so I told her what happened and what I did to lessen the guilt I felt.
She didn't expect it. She cried that time cause she said that there's no antidote for it and it gonna harm Trish if she showed up now to remind who she is cause that's how powerful that substance is but still, she never cursed nor hurt me like what I expected hanggang sa sinabi na ni Aristia na pati pagiging mommy sa ala-ala ni Trisha ay isusuko nya na.
I was dumbfounded dahil kahit selfish akong tao ay never kong hihilingin yon sa kanya lalo na't alam ko kung gaano nya kamahal si Trisha but then she said that it's all for the best and in that way, mas mapapanatag sya but there's a big part of me telling that this woman in front of me is into too much pain already because of how selfish and careless I am but still managed to be selfless at nag focus sa kung anong makakabuti para sa mga mahal nya.
I asked what she wants me to do and even ready to give up Vlad if she wants dahil sobra na nagawa ko but then she didn't ask it.
Instead, She wants me to kept everything a secret between us even her real condition.
She wants Vlad, Trisha including Aster to have a complete family na ako ang kasama cause her life might not be really for a family type thing since it's risky at tanggap nya na kung ano man mangyayari sa kanya.
In exchanged of everything she sacrificed, Aristia wants me to tell everyone na walang alam sa pinagmulan ni Trisha na anak ko talaga to para hindi mapahamak sa kamay ng iba.
She wants me to tell everyone na akin talaga to, na anak namin ni Vlad na hindi ko agad sinang ayunan dahil parang tinanggalan ko na talaga sya ng karapatan pa sa anak nya but still, she insisted and even begged dahil handa nyang gawin lahat para maka siguro na ligtas anak nya kahit anong mangyari.
She said na alam nyang halos iilan lang kami na may alam na sya ina ni Trisha dahil hindi rin naman pinag sabi ni Vlad yon sa iba knowing how dangerous it is after the mafia found out before na si Aristia ang nasa likod ng maskara ni Phoenix at kung paano nila nalaman ay wala nakong alam.
I know some few things about mafia although I'm not into one but I know a decent knowledged in it and I know that there's a rule to protect the family of the leaders lalo na mula sa pamilya ng pinaka mataas na pinuno.
Empress Phoenix's name will be enough to get everyone's attention at siguradong poprotektahan ng iba pa kung sakaling malalaman nila na may anak na naiwan ito but at the same time, mas maraming mag hahangad na makuha si Trisha dahil sa dugo na nananalaytay sa kanya sa oras na malaman nila.
She said that Vlad done a risky but great decision by choosing to be the emperor by using the wealth she left behind before cause he will gonna have people to protect Trish and even us na pamilya ni Vlad dahil nasa patakaran yon ng mafia.
Aristia also said that Vlad is doing her a great favor by keeping a secret sa pinagmulan ni Trisha instead of using her name dahil alam nyang hindi mangingimi ang ilan na kunin si Trish kahit mag kagulo pa ang mafia para lang pag eksperimentohan anak nila knowing how powerful her mom is because of experimentations pag nag kataon.
Sinabi sakin ni Aristia mga yon at inutusan na ganun ang idahilan ko kanila Vlad at don sa tatlo pa para mawalan na ng choice kundi sumang ayon nalang without telling them na mula kay Aristia talaga yung plano.
Mahal ko si Trisha bilang anak kaya ayoko rin mapahamak sya kaya sinunod ko gusto nya and things became easy to convinced people including my parents since they are out of country most of the time wala sila masyadong alam sakin at dahil narin sa tulong nung tatlo na kahit mga napilitan na mag sinungaling ay wala ng nagawa kundi maki ayon dahil para sa ikabubuti ni Trisha na anak ng taong mahalaga sa kanila.
We lived na kami nalang ang nakaka alam na hindi ako mommy ni Trish at talagang pinaniwalaan na rin ng lahat ng nakapaligid samin na ako at si Vlad ang mga magulang nito.
Now, it's been a year at sa isang taon na yon wala ng Aristia pa sa buhay ni Trisha that even all her documents ay ako na ang nakalagay.
It's also been years that Vlad and I have been together but no matter how much I tried my very best, I still feel it's not enough to win Vladimir's heart completely no matter how much he tries and what more that he knows Aristia's back?
I don't know what to do anymore kaya mas pipiliin ko nalang mag bulag bulagan sa sakit na ibibigay nya hanggang sa hilingin na mismo ni Aristia na ibalik ko na ang dapat na kanya pero hangga't wala pa, I'll stay..
I'll stay para sa anak namin at dahil sa mahal ko si Vladimir Augustin Lereg na kauna-unahang taong nag padama sakin kung paano magkaroon ng isang buong pamilya at lalaking sinumpaan ko ng walang hangganan sa harap ni ama.
I bowed my head as my knee felt weak at tahimik na umiyak sa sakit habang dinadial ang numero nya.
I just wanna hear his voice dahil alam kong kahit boses nya lang kakalma na tong puso ko pero gaya ng inaasahan ay puro ring lang ito.
I tried to contact him again and again till he answered it but he didn't utter any word but I know that he's there.
I can feel it na nakikinig lang sya that's why I still tried my best to talk.
"Mahal... naririnig mo pa ba ko? May oras ka pa bang pakinggan ako?.." I asked painfully but no response but I still continued kasabay ng bawat patak ng luha ko. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi? Bakit inantay mo pang maramdaman kong nanlalamig kana?"
"Mahal bakit? Ginawa ko naman ang lahat di'ba? ginawa ko naman ang lahat-lahat di'ba kaya pano mo nagawa sakin to? Bakit harap harapan mo pang pinadama sa akin na ako ang talo?"
"A-ano bang dahilan? Bakit hindi kana masaya?" I asked.
I cover my mouth to stopped my sob as I felt an excruciating pain knowing that I might lose him soon once he found out what I did.
Na ako ang punot dulo ng lahat kung bakit hindi na talaga bumalik pa si Aristia at naging dahilan kung bakit nabura si Aristia sa ala-ala ng anak nila.
I don't know what to do..
Hindi ko na alam ano pang gagawin ko sa oras na sya na humiling na bumitaw nako at babalik na sya sa taong tunay na mahal nya.
Hindi ko kaya.. pero...
Alam ko namang wala akong laban noon pa man pero naging makasarili parin ako dahil gusto kong manatili sya sa tabi ko.
Kasalanan ko.. kasalanan ko lahat dahil hindi ko kayang maging selfless gaya ng babaeng mahal nya..
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry if I love you so much hon.. s-sorry kung sa tingin mo hindi parin ako sapat.. s-sana wag mo muna kong iwan d-dahil hindi ko kaya." I begged between my sobbed then he just hang up the phone.