"Hey, are you good?" Shen Xiaoyun asked as he grabbed Wu Jie's arm.
Wu Jie flung his head up and blinked excessively, trying to breathe through his nose. He hadn't even noticed Shen Xiaoyun had stepped so close to him, but that wasn't what he was worried about.
His hands stung, and he realised he'd been washing his hands so harshly that the rash on his palm started stinging, almost bleeding a little.
"I... I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm sorry."
Wu Jie closed the tap, bowed in apology, and prepared to walk off. His footsteps were unstable, and he would wave from side to side, steadying himself by holding onto the wall. He couldn't breathe.
Just then, Shen Xiaoyun grasped his wrist and pulled him back around.
"You're drunk as hell. You should go home," he said, looking straight into Wu Jie who was blinking rapidly.
In the dim-lit bathroom, Wu Jie started trembling and a sort of unsettledness took over his mind. The noises overwhelmed him, especially with the alcohol amplifying every single sound around him.
"Wu Jie, how could you be sick? Please. Please don't do this to me, Wu Jie. You're just overexaggerating, aren't you? Please tell the doctor the truth. You're not... sick. You can't... you can't end up like your brother."
"Someone from third year jumped down the building. I heard he was bullied by his classmates, so he just killed himself. Honestly, if I was him, I would kill myself too. Wouldn't you as well, Wu Jie?"
"Wu Jie! What are you doing? Step off from the balcony now!"
"Mum... I was just watering the plants... I... I didn't mean to... I'm sorry..."
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
If I'm not happier, then what would become of everything I had endured for?
Wu Jie fell back, but luckily Shen Xiaoyun had his arm around to stable him back up. However, his knees dropped onto the floor, and Shen Xiaoyun bent down to the floor with him.
When Wu Jie looked at the man, he could barely see his face clearly, that he started doubting whether the person in front of him was Shen Xiaoyun or not.
The feeling of his firm arm around his waist was strange because he could feel the subtle tremors of his arm. Why was Shen Xiaoyun acting differently from what he remembered? He wasn't sure why Shen Xiaoyun was shaking, but he could see his mouth moving, though the words failed to make it to his ears.
Everything in front of Wu Jie was taking the form of something horrid.
"...Make it... stop," Wu Jie uttered, closing his eyes to stop the light from piercing his eyes.
Shen Xiaoyun furrowed his brows. "Hey."
Wu Jie's breathing laboured, and he could no longer see what was in front of him.
"Chief Wu! You can't perform open-heart surgery on the governor's daughter. Didn't you hear what the Director said? You can't betray him now. He told all of us to not operate on her. If you do, it's going to harm others! You know it clearly yourself, chief! If you perform the surgery, the Director will probably... he will... he won't let you off. He's going to torture you in ways that you cannot even think of! He's going to torture all of us..."
....
"See! Did you see what happened in the OR? Look at the mess you got yourself into. Do you think this is a playground for you to run around with your little legs? You're not the one that gets in trouble, it's us! We need to clean up the mess you make because the fucking Director loves you so much! What even is special about you anyway besides your face? That's the only reason you're safe from him anyway."
"Do you have any idea what you're doing?! Where is my daughter?! Where is she?! She was fine before you touched her!"
"You ruined our lives. Why can't you just behave?"
...
"Chief Wu, it's such a shame that I put all my trust in you, but you decided to betray me in the end. It's alright because that man's daughter died anyway. Should I make you take the blame for it?"
"Seeing your face cry and beg, is such a delightful sight within my imagination! It almost turns me on. Didn't you know? The interns you took in were also on my side. You thought you were safe because you took in those measly interns? As long as money is involved, they would do anything... Now, are you ready for your punishment?"
...
"Dr. Wu! Is it true you slept with XXXX to climb up higher in the social ladder?!"
Click.
"Over here! What do you have to say about XXXX's statement claiming you sexually abused him?"
Click.
"Dr. Wu, is it true that you earned the title of co-chair by granting XXXX sexual favours?"
Click.
Shen Xiaoyun furrowed his brows, leaning in closer to hear him clearly.
"...Please... stop. Please... stop. Go... away... I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm going... to... Stop... Don't film me... Please... don't film me... It's my fault... I'm sorry. I'm dying. I'm dying."
It hurts.
I'm dying.
I'm dying.
I'm dying.
Even now, I'm causing a problem.
Abruptly, a crowd of customers started entering the toilet and loomed around Wu Jie who was on the ground.
The eyes were so vivid to Wu Jie, and he could sense all the curious stares stabbing the back of his head.
He remembered the scene of the hospital after that operation. All eyes on him. All words directed towards him. Blood on his hands. The blood crept up all over him, filling every part of his body and burning him from inside out.
Flash. Click. Flash. Click.
The repeated sounds of cameras from every street and every corner resounded in his ears and eyes. Paper and pen. Recording his words. The people's faces that crowded over him in this small bathroom forced a cumulation of memories to flood his brain.
"Is he okay?"
"Should we call the ambulance?"
"Is everything alright?"
Please go away.
Don't look at me.
Please don't look at me.
"Sorry but can you guys leave?" a voice said, and the people looked at each other in confusion.
"Ah, yes. Sorry."
Without saying anything else, they left, and it was only two people remained in the cramped bathroom once again.
Wu Jie felt his chest constrict from the surge of violent memories, and his whole body trembled in the embrace of someone warm.
"Wu Jie."
All he could hear was that voice in front of him.
"Wu Jie."
"...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't look at me. I'm sorry..." Wu Jie uttered, covering his face with his palms.
"It's okay. It's okay," the voice said and slowly rubbed his shaking back.
Wu Jie couldn't see who it was, and he didn't want to open his eyes either.
He could no longer remember anything that happened before. He couldn't remember who was in the bathroom with him. He couldn't remember where he currently stood.
He didn't want to focus or think about anything. He simply wanted to get rid of all these thoughts. As if he desired to take out his brain and wash it in the sink.
"It's alright. Everything is fine. Take slow breaths."
"Don't worry."
The palm kept rubbing his back at a steady and slow pace, holding onto him even tighter.
"You're safe with me."
"I won't go anywhere."
"It's okay. No one will hurt you."
"Take slow breaths."
"Slowly."