Chapter 14
"Won't they find it strange?" I asked, gingerly picking up my entire foot as I walked. The floor was tiled with porcelain – and very cold. "I'm here before everyone else – and Nadine didn't even have to threaten me this time."
The sudden curve of Nik's mouth and his low chuckle told me that he was finding humour in the situation, even if I didn't.
"I'm serious," I insisted. "It's suspicious, isn't it?"
"Then let them suspect."
I grimaced.
My silence forced Nik back into a somber mood. "All right," he said, gaze flitting away as he attempted a compromise. "Why don't you leave five minutes before they're due and come back later, then?"
I knew he was hoping that I would throw up my hands and admit it was senseless. Instead, I said, "That sounds like a good idea."
A corner of his mouth twisted as he shrugged and turned away. "That's settled, then."
I pressed my lips together and made a move for the table. He was still in the midst of preparation – the table, empty save for a cloth spread out over one edge, didn't yet look to be in shape to welcome guests in a mere sixty minutes.
"Where's the food?" I asked.
"In the fridge," he replied. "I haven't started preparing yet."
"I can help," I offered.
"It's okay," he said, already headed for the kitchen. "I'll just put the casserole into the oven. The rest are served cold."
I made a face. "So I'm supposed to just stand here and do nothing?"
Nik turned back; smiled. "You can come stand beside me and do nothing."
"You're in a good mood," I observed.
"Well," he said, shrugging, "you're here with me."
I swallowed. That was almost sweet, coming from him.
"Are all of them coming?" I asked, reaching out to fiddle with the corner of a cleaning rag on the counter. It looked newly bought – malleable but still stiff with lack of use. The unwelcoming texture beneath my fingers made me retract my hand.
"They'll all be here," Nik said, and I fought back the grimace threatening to emerge. It had been too much to hope that at least the most hostile of them wouldn't be showing up.
"Ansel isn't coming," I said. The lament slipped out before I could censor myself.
"He wasn't invited."
With his back to me, I couldn't begin to guess at Nik's expression. Was that a terse note in his voice? Had the set of his shoulders looked as unforgiving five minutes ago? I bristled, my back straightening in defiance. My mouth was already opening, sharp words on the tip of my tongue. Then I caught myself and snatched them back.
The more time I spent with him, the more the past came rushing back. I couldn't stop the memories, but I didn't have to fall back into that expired version of myself.
I took a deep breath and said, "Well, I wanted him here. You said you wanted to make things right with the group. He's a part of it, as much as the others are."
Nik turned around. Something clenched deep within me – a fight instinct that hadn't completely deteriorated over the last four years – until I saw the look on his face. His face was placid, but there was a light in his eyes. He was still listening.
Maybe we had both changed.
"You said you wanted to put the group back together," I repeated, my voice stronger now. "That means Ansel too, in case you've forgotten."
Nik's eyelids dropped. "How could I," he said, "when you're always bringing him up?"
"He's my best friend, Nik. And he used to be yours."
"Used to be," Nik muttered, turning back to busy himself with laying out the table.
It was a clear signal that the topic was closed, but I had never been good at adhering to signals. "Look," I said, "if I have to put up with Nadine, Lux, and Wolf, you can handle having Ansel around."
Nik's head swiveled round, eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to strike a bargain with me over our friends?"
"Over your friends," I corrected.
And – why not? It was three for the price of one. He was getting one hell of a deal.
The clink of cutlery sounded louder than it needed to – he had dropped them all onto the table with a crash. "Fine," he said. His head was bent, dark locks of hair shielding his forehead and half of his eyes. "He can come – if you can get him to agree to it."
I grimaced. He had me there. If Nik's disdain towards Ansel was obvious to all who saw them within the same vicinity, then Ansel positively radiated hatred whenever he laid eyes on Nik.
But Nik's still-fresh admission to fix the group had given me an idea. What if I did the same for him and Ansel? What if I fixed the best-friendship I'd had a hand in breaking apart?
For a calm, clear moment, I basked in the thought of a future where happily-ever-after was possible. Then reality dawned.
If Nik and Ansel patched things up, if they ever got to hashing out the past, the rug would be stripped off my accidental lie three years ago. Ansel would know that half of our friendship had been built on false pretenses. I would lose him – the only person who had stood by me as the debris had settled around us.
If I was smart, I would keep Nik and Ansel far, far away from each other.
Then I smiled grimly. Here I was, three years on, letting Nik back into my life after having sworn to never give him the opportunity to break me again.
If I was smart, I would walk out of here right now. I would go back to my safe dorm room, sit down at my desk, and throw myself back into my thesis paper. I would focus on my future.
I glanced towards the door.
Taking a deep breath, I headed for the table and stopped beside Nik. He looked up at me with a smile. "Want to help me make your special cream cheese dip? I always forget what you put it in that gives it that unique flavour."
I managed to roll my eyes and smile back at the same time. "And I've told you a million times," I said. "It's turmeric powder with a generous amount of camembert."
I reached out and took the bowl from Nik.
***
"Why am I putting in so much effort to make food for people I don't even like?" I let go of the spatula, but it remained standing, impaled on the thick creamy mixture. I cocked an eyebrow at Nik. "Aren't you worried I'll slip in some poison?"
Nik snorted. "You wouldn't."
"Why, because I'm too nice?" I was thinking of Valentine's assessment of me – right before I'd tossed Lux's all-important papers into the bin.
"Nice?" Nik's brow furrowed. He paused, seeming to give the concept some thought, before shaking his head. "No. Because if you did that, you'd be poisoning me as well. And you wouldn't do that."
"Who says I wouldn't?" I groused.
Nik only laughed.
I gripped the handle of the spatula and got back to work.
"Anyway," Nik said, "you're not really making the food, are you? You're just helping to serve it."
"Is that right?" I tore the spatula out from the mixture and lifted it into the air. "What is this, then?"
My dramatic actions earned me a roll of his eyes. "It's just a dip. It takes, like, three minutes to make."
I glared. "Why don't you make it yourself, then?"
A corner of his mouth tilted up. "Because," he said softly, "you do it much better."
Sometime in the past sentence, he had been moving forward, closing the distance between us the way a predator closed in on its prey. He stopped a hair's breadth away, forcing me to crane my neck up at him.
Once I locked eyes with him, though – I was entranced. I couldn't look away.
Breathe, I reminded myself, and struggled to draw in a lungful of air. Nik always did have that effect on me.
"Not fair," I said.
"What's not fair?"
"You."
A puff of amusement escaped him. "That makes no sense."
"It's not fair," I said, "when you look at me like this."
"Like what?" His eyes were dancing now, pools of stars glittering beneath a sea of ice.
I leaned forward and touched my lips to his.
He stilled.
Surprised you now, haven't I? But the triumphant thought had only the lifetime of a fleeting second. Nik leaned into the kiss, his touch firm against mine. And with that, my momentary one-up against him slipped away.
Nik's hand came up to cushion the nape of my neck, fingers caressing the strip where hair met skin. I pressed against him, my tongue reaching out to tease a taste. His grip tightened.
Only when I felt the edge of the kitchen counter digging into my lower back did I realise he had backed me into it. The bowl of dip registered in the peripheral of my mind. I began to pull away.
"Wait," I had time to say, before Nik closed the gap once more.
His kiss was shorter, harder this time, but no less ardent. By the time we parted, my breath was coming hard. Nik was watching me in a manner that could almost be described as tender. Beneath my rib cage, my heart stuttered. I took a step back, feeling the cold air swoop in to close the gap between our bodies.
"Don't leave me again," said Nik, voice soft.
The noise that escaped my throat reminded me more of a croak than a laugh. "I'm not going anywhere. We still have food to prepare, if you've forgotten."
"That's not what I mean, and you know it."
I turned back to the forgotten dip and wrenched the spatula out of the thick mixture. "The dip's almost done," I said.
Nik's elbows came into view on the countertop. I looked up and saw that he had settled next to me. His back was against the counter; his head cocked to the side, watching me.
When I met his eyes, he said, "I'll never let you go again, if I can help it."
That made me drop my gaze all in a hurry.
"You sure have gotten..." I trailed off, mashing the dip almost violent as if it could cough up the perfect word.
"Smooth?" he asked. There was a lilt in his voice that suggested a smile.
"I wouldn't call it that, exactly," I said. Forward would have been a better description for this older, more confident version of Nik.
"Maybe I've become more romantic than I used to be."
I pushed a noncommittal hum out of my throat.
"No?" Nik asked.
"Romance isn't really your style, is it?" I said. "You've never been particularly romantic."
"I was, sometimes," he said. A rustle – and I felt him shift closer to me. "Those times were few and far between, I'll admit, but they existed. Remember when we first started dating? I tried, you know."
I did remember. He had been so sweetly uncertain back then, it had made me feel wanted. Care for. And then, just as I had gotten used to them and craved bigger displays of love, he had stopped doing even the little things.
"All right," I said. I was focusing hard on my hands, eyes glued to the creamy dip as if it would burst into flames any second. "Maybe. At first. That night in the fountain was pretty romantic."
His voice was soft with reminiscence. "The night I asked you to be my girlfriend."
I pressed my lips together. Not for the first time, I wondered if I could've saved myself a lot of pain had I simply said no.
A warmth engulfed me from behind. Nik had slid his arms around my hips, moving in so close that his abdomen lay flush against my back. My grip faltered, before I tightened my fingers on the wooden handle of the spatula and kept on stirring.
"It's funny," I found myself saying, his honesty having unlocked a mirroring effect in me. "You didn't want commitment back then, but now you're pushing so hard for it."
"I was young. It scared me."
"What scared you, exactly? Commitment?" Or the way I had clung to him, needing him all the time?
He was silent. Then he said, "Commitment, love, everything. It was so intense – and we were so young."
"Right." It sounded like a cop out. I had never been unsure of him. The more he had pulled away, the more I had followed. In hindsight, though, that had only succeeded in pushing him away even more.
"It's different now," said Nik.
"You grew up," I said, tongue-in-cheek.
He fixed me with a considering stare. "We both did."
I shrugged.
"It's true," he insisted. "Look at us – standing here, having a civil discussion about our shortcomings. That would never have been possible all those years ago."
I sucked on the inside of my cheek. He had a point. Three years ago, we would have descended into tears, screams, and flying projectiles by now.
"I guess things have changed a little," I conceded.
"It's going to be different this time," said Nik. His hands were tight around my waist, as if by physically holding onto me, he could will his words into reality. "I promise."
***
As we worked, I turned over Nik's – admittedly tongue-in-cheek – advice to leave and return only after everyone else had arrived. By the time Nik laid the last dish onto the dining table, I had almost come to a decision.
I opened my mouth – and an echoing chime rang out through the apartment.
"Shit!" I turned my head so quickly that my neck popped. The clock on the wall read one on the dot. What had I been doing? How had I let the time get away from me?
Nik chuckled. He was already halfway across the room, headed for the door.
"Wait," I said, looking wildly around. What I was expecting to do, I didn't know. All I did know was that I had no desire to be the subject of hostile gawking by the person standing on the other side of the door.
I should have left earlier. Now, trapped, my only option – aside from the window – was a hiding place in the next room.
Nik seemed to read my thoughts. "Just a thought," he said, "but it might be way weirder if you came out from the bedroom later."
Fair enough.
"It's probably Wolf," I muttered in disgust, sinking down onto a dining chair, resigned. "He always was overly punctual."
"You say it like it's a bad thing."
It was a bad thing in this instance, but I said nothing. I was too busy watching in trepidation as Nik unlatched the door and rested his hand on the metal handle. He glanced back at me. "Ready?"
I pulled a face. "Do I have a choice?"
He laughed, and swung the door open.
I should have known it would be Wolf. He'd always been so punctual, it used to be a joke among us that he probably arrived early just to wait to enter at the exact time an event would begin.
"Hey," Nik reached out to clasp Wolf's hand in a greeting shake. "Good to see you."
"Good to be here," Wolf said. "I brought beer for all of us."
"Great." Nik gestured inward. "Come on in – I was just finishing up with the food."
"Don't rush on my account," Wolf said. He stepped in, putting his shoes carefully on the shoe rack by the entrance, and cast a look around the apartment. His eyes settled on me.
For a moment, he stood and stared. "You're early," he said. Left unsaid was the thought in both our minds: for once.
I affected nonchalance with a shrug. "Yeah."
He waited for more, but I turned away to inspect the food on the table. I didn't have to explain myself to him. Besides, I was intimately acquainted with the concept of 'less is more'. I had barely spoken five words to him since our chance meeting in the subway. Over-eager explanations, after I had been so hostile to him before, would only trigger more suspicion.
Wolf wasn't the only one who knew a thing or two about psychology.
"So," said Nik, breaking the silence that had weighed down the room upon Wolf's arrival, "I got us a whole lot of food. There's salad, meat, side dishes... and even cake for dessert."
"And did you make any of them?" Wolf asked.
"Nope." Nik grinned.
Wolf shook his head. "You sound so proud of that."
Nik lifted his hands, palms up, in an elaborate shrug of innocence.
The doorbell chose that moment to ring again.
"Aha," said Nik, "our next guest is here."
I grimaced. Lux was never on time, so it had to be the one person I wanted to see the least.
"Nadi," Wolf said.
"Of course it's Nadi," agreed Nik.
Nik headed once again for the door, leaving us alone. It took Wolf barely two seconds to say, "Looks like you were early today."
Here it was.
I shrugged. "That's been known to happen."
"Not recently."
Nadine entered then, touting a large paper bag on one arm. "I brought dessert," she was telling Nik, head still turned towards him even as she moved forward. "And some wine. Hope that's enough."
"More than enough," said Nik, guiding her towards the table. "What kind of dessert?"
"Apple strudel," she said, before she finally looked and saw me. The immediate souring of her expression would've been comical if I hadn't been able to relate so well to that feeling.
"Hi," I said, raising my eyebrows.
She darted a quick glance at Nik, then flashed me a tight-lipped smile. "Hi."
"I love apple strudel," said Wolf from the other end of the table. He lifted his hand in a half-hearted wave. "Hi, Nadi."
Nadine turned away from me, face brightening. "Hey, Wolf. I knew you'd like it."
"Excuse me," said Nik, mock-offended. "If I had known my dessert wouldn't get this much love, I wouldn't have bothered with it."
Nadine, as usual, was quick to soothe. "I'm sure yours is great, too, whatever it is."
I almost scoffed out loud. This was the same simpering attitude that had grated on me all those years ago. According to Nik, we had all grown up – so why hadn't she?
"Not as good as apple strudel," said Wolf, "whatever it is."
Nik rolled his eyes. "I've already told you – it's cake. And it will be much better than any damn strudel."
"Hey," Nadine protested, but not with any real heat, because Nik was already grinning at her.
"Three guesses," said Nik, taking the paper bag from her, "as to how late Lux will be." Loot in hand, he vanished through the doorway into the kitchen. I heard the telltale groan of rubber strips reluctantly pulling away from their magnetic embrace, before the clinking of glass followed. I imagined Nik haphazardly clearing out a space in his already packed refrigerator to house the items Nadine had brought.
"After we've given up waiting and started eating," said Wolf.
"So," said Nik, re-emerging from the kitchen, "in five minutes, then?"
Nadine giggled.
Nik reached over to plonk four bottles – two from each hand – onto the centre of the table. "Beer?" he asked, picking one out for himself.
Only it wasn't for him, I realised, when he turned and held it out to me.
I closed my fingers around the bottleneck. Cold as it was, it had nothing on the chill that had settled like a cloak over the table.
"Thanks," I muttered.
Nik turned back and plucked another one for himself. Nadine, reaching over for the last one, shot me a glare venomous enough to rival a black widow's bite.
I wedged the bottom of the cap against the edge of the table and popped it open. Her issues were not my problem.
"That's not a nice thing to do," Nadine said to me in a snippy little voice. She was still cradling her bottle as if it were a baby. "What if the table chips?"
I shrugged. "It didn't, did it? Anyway – how do you suggest opening the bottle, then?"
Matching me stare for stare, Nadine reached into her purse and fished out a key ring.
"To each their own, right?" Nik said. Smiling at me, he popped the cap on his beer with a swift knock against the table.
I wished he wouldn't be so obvious.
When I next looked at Nadine, she had an uncapped bottle in one hand, her keys in another, and red on her cheeks. Her mouth was drawn in a thin, bloodless line even as she lifted her bottle for a swig.
Across the table, I felt Wolf's stare boring into me.
Well, wasn't this turning out to be fun.
The bell chimed then, and Nik left us to open the door to Lux.
"What's going on between you two?" Nadine hissed at me.
I frowned back. "What are you talking about?"
Nadine opened her mouth, but then Nik was back, with Lux following closely behind.
"Huh," said Lux, baring her teeth at me. "Looks like everyone is here."
"Not everyone," I said.
"Well," said Nik, "everyone who matters is here."
"And some who don't," I heard Lux mutter not quite beneath her breath.
Nadine shot her a barbed look. Lux was going off-script, deviating from the charade she had concocted. A quick glance at the burgeoning smirk on Lux's lips told me she was all too aware of that.
"So," Lux dropped into the chair beside Wolf, nodding a quick hello at him, "are we going to eat?"
"We were waiting for everyone to get here before we started," said Nik, "but someone was late."
The same words I was thinking, except his tone was playful. Mine, had I voiced my thoughts, would have been decorated in spikes.
"Psh," Lux, in typical Lux style, waved him off. "I'm here now, aren't I? And I'm starving."
Nik laughed. "Okay, okay," he said, leaning over to pick up the plate set at an empty place on the table, "Don't be so impatient."
"Aren't you going to sit down?" Lux demanded. There was an empty seat in between her and Nadine – the spot, I knew, they expected him to take.
Nik straightened, single plate and fork in hand, not responding verbally to the question. We silently watched, in accord for once, as he walked past Lux, past Nadine, and slid into the seat next to me.
Then he smiled around the table, either not noticing the thunderous scowl Lux wore and the downturn of Nadine's mouth – or simply not caring.
"Well, then," he said, putting his plate down with a thud, "let's eat."
***
A/N: Ahh... I disappeared for a while. Sorry about that. (shifty look)
So the past couple months have been tiring and I got a little burned out from it all, especially from work. Things have quietened down a little, I got a much-needed week of vacation (and fell sick immediately afterwards, haha), and finally got to finishing this chapter. I'm working on motivating myself more in terms of writing and creative projects, so there's that.
Otherwise, please review if you've read the chapter and let me know of any glaring inconsistencies if you happen to find some! I'd like to work on improving my craft, so any constructive criticism would also be great. Thanks for sticking around!