XII .
WHEN I ARRIVED AT SCHOOL the snow started to lightly fall in small flurries onto the ground, melting on contact. It has been over two weeks since I last saw or even spoke to Amanda. She has been ditching most of the classes that she shares with me, avoiding my complete existence to how it used to be. When she was at school and eyes made contact she'd put her hard mask on to act like we never shared anything intimate. She was treating me the same way I had treated her.
You don't realise how much you miss someone until you no longer have them, having her jumping right back to where we both started to hurt more than her doing everything in her power to avoid me. If this is what heartbreak feels like then I don't want it anymore. Whoever said it was better to love and lost than not loved at all was full of it. Every time she crossed my mind I'd feel a nagging in my chest like a vice, leaving me winded after every thought and memory we shared.
With an exhausted sigh, I slammed my car door shut and locked it, the chill in the air already nipping at my skin as I started to walk towards the school's entrance. I kept my head down until I walked through the heavy double doors, the heat from the inside making my body relax a fraction as I looked for Amanda's face amongst the many different faces of the other students. The sense of disappointment settling in my stomach when I didn't see her, I needed to know that she was at least physically okay.
I carried on walking in between and around people to get to my locker when I heard her laugh, my head snapping up to see her talking with a group of people, only noticing Tiffany, my heart jumping into my throat at the sight of her. The dull ache returned to my chest as it took away the feeling of nerves when Chrissy joined her side, her hand on the small of her back. I clenched my jaw and shook my head trying to relieve myself as I kept walking towards my locker. I hurried and grabbed the books I needed and checked my timetable on the locker door and quickly closed it, taking one last glance at Amanda before I turned away.
When I turned around I had the books slapped from out of my hands and my back slammed against the set of lockers by Chrissy, her hand went to grab onto my hoodie as I quickly slapped her hands away from me and pushed her away with just as much force as she shoved me with.
"Just stop. Stop already." I snarled in her face when she pushed me back against the lockers. "Don't you think you've put me through enough already?" not in the mood for her shit as I grabbed her shirt and pushed her into the wall opposite the lockers.
"What are you going to do?" she taunted me, small groups of people going silent when they overheard the two of us arguing in the corridor. I felt her open palm meet my cheek as she slapped me and pushed me backwards, slapping me for the second time trying to get a reaction.
"I'm not going to do anything," I told her honestly, my teeth biting my tongue.
I looked passed her to see Amanda frowning at the confrontation, her feet glued in place. Chrissy looked over her shoulder to see who caught my eye when she looked back at me with a sickening smile spreading across her face.
"What if I did something to Amanda?" she asked with a smirk as she turned around and grabbed onto her upper arm, a confused look on Amanda's when she pulled her arm from her grasp.
Without thinking I reached out and grabbed onto the back of Chrissy's shirt as I pulled her back and away from her, my body was acting before my head caught up with what was happening when my fist collided with her mouth, already knowing that my day had instantly gotten worse. I ran my hands over my face when the pain worked its way through my knuckles on the right hand.
The only way she could get to me was with Amanda and I'm shocked this is what it had to come to before I'd retaliate after all the harassment I've dealt with through all these years. It took for me to have feelings towards another girl. For me to be in love with her. Finally admitting it to myself.
I felt my body brace its self for her to hit me back, my heart pounding in my rib cage as the adrenaline coursed through my vines. Nothing came. To my surprise she held her hand to her mouth and walked away with the rest of her clan, a shaky breath drew its way from between my lips when I turned around to see Amanda staring at me as she shook her head and walked away.
I watched her retreating as she headed towards her tutor group classroom, leaving me to look at the mess of scattered pages and books on the floor. My hands were shaking when the adrenaline began to wear off while I bent down to pick up the mess, my hands finding it hard to pick up the smaller notes when some guy helped me pick them up. All I could seem to muster up was a small smile and a quiet thank you as he handed me over the rest of my belongings before scurrying away to class.
By the time the second period came around and the lesson barely started the school decided to let us go home when the snowfall had gotten heavier and was settling quicker than expected, the likely hood of being able to drive was slim-to-non.
In the hallway, you could hear a few guys hollering at being let out early, probably wanting to start a mass snowball fight. My hopes plummeted at the amount of snow that had fallen within the two hours, knowing there was no way I would be driving home today when I pulled my hair out from its bun so my hair could at least keep my ears warm while I flicked the hood up over my head to set out on my journey. I tried to think of where I could go because walking back to mine would take at least three hours, and trudging through the snow for that long wasn't something I had planned on doing today. I could stop off at Ryan's but I had no idea if he or Leah would be home and I didn't feel like waiting outside for either to come home.
I felt my feet walking aimlessly while I held my hand out to catch a cluster of snowflakes into my palm as I watched it turn into a water droplet, a smile pulling up onto my face before it fell, somehow reminding me of Amanda. I knew in my heart I had to fix this, I couldn't keep this up. I had to make things up to her or at least get her to hear me out.
It wasn't long until my thought was rudely interrupted when someone shoved me from behind into a bench that was in front of me, a piece of metal sticking out of the bench dug into my thigh as my hands caught onto the snow-covered backrest to keep me from falling. I quickly turned around to confront who pushed me to be greeted by Chrissy, her hands balled into fists, her knuckles turning white. I knew now was going to be her chance at revenge from our altercation earlier on.
Without another thought I went straight into defending myself as I shoved her away from me, her feet slipping in the snow as she grabbed out for my hoodie, her nails clawing catching my throat on the way down to the floor.
"You don't quit, do you," I growled at her, just wanting to be left alone when the scratch marks started to burn.
"I'm just getting started," she spat back with just as much venom when she got back up to her feet.
She ran at me and threw herself at me blowing the wind from my lungs as she took us both to the ground, her shoulder landing into my stomach. Trying to catch my breath she attempted to get on top of me while my feet automatically pushed against her stomach, with as much force as I could muster while I still couldn't breathe, I sent her flying onto her back as I rolled over trying to gasp for air when all I could let out was a weak groan until it didn't hurt anymore.
I finally got back up onto my feet to see her coming at me again, her fist-raising as I tensed myself for the punch, I mean she can't do much damage, I've already got a brace, I might just end up needing it for a little longer than what was agreed. I waited for her to hit me but it never came when she looked behind her as two people rounded the corner only to see that it was Catherine and Tiffany, a smirk pulled up her lips now that she had her posse to back her up.
When she turned back around she pulled her fist back ready to hit me, time felt like it had slowed down when I swung my fist at her, my knuckles connected with her jaw, a second punch already hitting her again when I got her in the mouth. I let up when she staggered backwards and tripped over her own feet, taking this as my opportunity to let go of all the times she has taunted me, she has called me names and hit me.
All I could seem to do was hit her one last time as I growled for her to leave me alone, I stood back up now I was the one who is tripping over their own feet as I landed into the fresh powdered snow. The other two from the bitch brigade rushing over to help her back onto her feet while I stayed in the snow looking up at the grey sky, hearing the three of them walk away, Chrissy having blood smeared over her face as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand.
With a shaky breath, I got myself from off the ground, my eyes checked over my now bruised and cut knuckles, opening and clenching my fist to make sure I didn't have any other injuries besides the superficial wounds, my middle and pinky knuckle sent a searing pain through my hand. Instinctively I took my hand in my left and held it close to my body until the pain turned back into an ache.
I looked up at the sky one last time, having enough of today when I let an exasperated sigh, seeing my breath whispering away into the air. I bent down grabbing a hand full of snow to hold against my knuckles when I carried on walking.
The closer I was getting to her house, I thought over the many different things that I could say just not knowing which would make it all better. I don't blame her for not wanting an apology and I wasn't there to apologise. I don't know why I'm going to be there at all, I just know I need her in my life. Not talking to her sucked, and having to deal with the cold shoulder once again was something I didn't want.
I couldn't give her a reason nor an explanation, and I know she wouldn't except either. I just need her to hear me out, deciding I won't give her the bullshit talk and pull whatever from my head that would make her happy. I'll be honest and if she still doesn't want to talk to me then that's fair. I don't blame her, I don't even know if she will talk to me when she sees who it is. This whole mess is my doing, I shouldn't have acted how I did, I hurt her and turned the cold shoulder first.
The walk took me almost fifteen minutes and numerous handfuls of snow to numb the pain in my knuckles, I was stood at the bottom of her driveway, my prepared speech disappearing from my mind when my heart leapt into my throat when the nerves embedded themselves at the thought of seeing her.
I tried to drown the nerves when I walked to the front door, taking on my last breath to mask any fears that were crawling through my head. I tapped my left-hand knuckles on the wooden door, feeling the calm before the storm settle inside of me. I knocked on the door again before I talked myself out of it, giving myself three separate knocks then I can turn around to leave, I was already on the second and about to knock for the last time when I saw a figure walking towards the door through the frosted glass.
"Hell-o. What do you want?" her voice going from happy to monotone when she saw that it was me. Her reaction making something in my chest pull inwards.
"I've come here to apologise," I began to speak when she went to shut the door in my face, my foot jamming the bottom as I slapped my right hand on the door to keep it open. "Please. Just hear me out." I almost begged.
"Save it for someone who's gonna care, Wilson." Her voice colder than ice when she glanced at my hand, her eyebrows knitting together before masking any emotion.
"Please, hear me out?" sounding like I was asking instead of telling.
"You have two minutes." Disdain laced in her voice when she crossed her arms over her chest and leant up against the door frame.
"I am a coward, I couldn't even say it to your face. You're right. Shit got serious and I bailed. I know I should have spoken to you but I was scared, I still am, even though I'm stood here saying this to your face with my heart is going erratic." A small incredulous laugh coming from me.
"If this is an apology, quit while you're ahead." She spoke bluntly.
"I don't know how to explain what I want to say. Whatever it is that I'm feeling I have not felt this way about anyone else." The words not coming easily to me.
"You got a minute left, then I'm shutting the door."
"I love you, DeCeno. I am so in love with you that it's ridiculous." Finally spitting it out.
I couldn't read her facial expression when she said and did nothing but stare into my blue and green eyes. I let out the breath that I had been holding in when I took a step closer towards her, watching her move backwards silently, making me hesitate before she crushed her lips against mine.
She grabbed hold of my hoodie and pulled me inside, my free hand pushing the door shut when she pushed me up against the wall before breaking the kiss. She took my hand in hers as she gently pulled me along with her, her eyes not leaving my face until we started walking up the stairs her hand still in mine as she led us into her bedroom, once inside her lips were back against mine, feeling like she didn't want to skip a moment.
The kiss heated up as she began to walk backwards, our lips parting when her hand ran down my stomach to the seam of my hoodie as she pulled it up over my head, along with my t-shirt when we slung it to the floor somewhere, my hands back on her hips when I pulled her into me. The need to have her blazing through me like a wildfire when the back of her legs hit the bed, turning the two of us around as she made me sit down on the edge with her straddling my lap as I leant backwards, her hands running up my chest to place them on my neck, a sharp pain from the scratches when her fingers ran over them.
I felt her lips on the side of my as she lightly kissed the wounds that Chrissy had given me, her lips leaving a trail of delicate kisses until her lips were back on mine, a breathy moan in her throat when she kissed me with just as much want as I was feeling for her. My hands tugged at the bottom of her shirt when she pulled away and helped take it off, her right hand raking through her hair before I pushed her off my lap as we rolled over leaving her on her back with me resting between her legs.
I saw a glint of something in her eyes when they looked darker than usual, one of her eyebrows cocking up at me, feeling one of her hands in my hair when I looked her body over with hunger. The fact that she was almost fully unclothed, made my stomach flip, unsure if it was nerves or excitement.
"You going to just keep staring or are we going to do something?" she questioned, a smug look on her face when I moved against her. If words were screaming at me they were right now. "Don't overthink," she took my face in her hands as I gave a little nod when she pressed her lips against mine again.
All thoughts leaving my head once again, her nails digging into my hips as I kissed along her jawline and down her neck, my tongue running along her skin with every kiss I left. Her breathing pattern changed when I kissed down her chest, licking and sucking before I carried on down her stomach to the waistband of her jeans. I leaned up on my knees as I undid the button my hands starting to pull them down as she helped get herself out of them, before I could do anything else she was sat up in front of me, her lips back on mine like we hadn't kissed at all tonight.
She broke the kiss when her hands dropped to the button on my jeans, "don't fall off the bed this time." She joked when she pushed me down onto my back, telling me to lift my hips as she took them off along with everything else underneath.
I felt her breath tickle my inner thighs when she lay down, one of her arms wrapped around the top of my leg from under, her fingertips gripping my thigh when her head lowered between my legs, a soft moan coming from me when I felt her tongue on me. I went to put my hand over my mouth to muffle the moans when she stopped what she was doing to pull my arm back down her head shaking from side to side when I grabbed her hand instead as she carried on doing what she was doing, and whatever that was it felt more than good while I was holding her hand in a white-knuckle grasp.
The longer she stayed down there the faster my breaths were becoming, when she stopped and crawled up to kiss me an annoyed groan coming from me which made her laugh lightly, her tongue being replaced by her fingers, her face close to mine when I let out a moan, a smirk pulling up on her lips before she kissed me, tasting myself on her tongue.
It wasn't long until she pushed me over the edge, my hips lifting slightly from the bed as my head pressed back into the pillow, her lips kissing my throat when I felt her smile against my skin while I tried to come down from my bliss and calm my breathing. I started scattering through my brain on what she did because I have never felt that way before or been left panting.
I guess it's her turn now, always have to return the favour whether your a guy or a girl now.