My brain felt like it had been drowned in a toilet, then crushed in a blender before being eaten in a cannibalistic Satanic ritual. McKenna's gentle voice, nervous and guilty; he already found that girl. Austin's tentative words, scared and sad; Cole is gone. The hollow sound of Knight's voice; I didn't mean to cause... I'm sorry.
Today had been confusing, to say the least.
McKenna had left my house about an hour ago with a promise to search for Knight. I could tell she still wasn't sure if she'd done the right thing by telling me Jace's secret, but if she was right—if I'd decided I liked Jace only to discover that I was merely another one of his attempts to get over this other girl—then I was glad to know. Because McKenna had been right; I was really quite bad at picking up hints. A memory came back to me, unbidden. It was the time Jace had told me why Daria had never asked him to kiss her. I... held a bit of a candle... for someone else. I tried to think about who it could be; the girls Jace was close to.
Cady? I mean, she didn't like him all that much—because she didn't really like anyone—but just couldn't see it. Daria? We already knew it wasn't her. Kaelin? I mean, she was deeply and madly in love with her boyfriend, but maybe that was why Jace had been forced to try with other girls, because he knew there was no hope for my cousin.
I groaned and buried my face into my pillow, wishing Knight was here. I didn't know how to come to terms McKenna's words without Knight on my side.
There was a tentative knock on my door. I didn't remove my face from the pillow. "Come in!" I called, my voice muffled by the fabric and feathers. With my eyes covered, I could pretend for a moment that it was Knight, but I was only fooling myself. Knight wouldn't have knocked, and I knew it. But in my mind, I imagined looking up and being greeted with dark hair and a mocking smile.
But it was Liv who spoke. "Hey," she said calmly. I couldn't remove the pillow from my eyes now, because I was crying. There was something caught in my throat, burning me, choking me, and the tears that spilled from my eyes were hot. I hated crying; I was going to kick Knight's arse when we found him for making me cry.
"Did you find him?" I said into the pillow.
Liv was slow to answer. I felt her sit down next to me, her hand coming up to trace comforting idle patterns on my back. At last, she said, "Not yet, Elly Belly."
The old nickname was meant to be a comfort, a joke, but it only made me cry in earnest. I remembered Knight in the car, flashing me a cheeky grin and poking fun at me with that nickname; that stupid nickname. He was so stupid.
But I couldn't blame him, not really. When he'd fought with his parents, they'd thrown him from the house, robbed him of his future. Maybe he didn't want to see a second fight, not on his account. Knight was an idiot, but a noble one.
"Did you check that street corner I told you about?"
"First place we looked, sweetheart," said Liv gently. "I'm sure he'll come back."
It didn't sound like she believed herself.
"Livvy?" I said pleadingly. I hadn't called her that since I was small, when she'd been my glorious big sister—my world—and I'd held her hand and been forced to look up to her, because she was so much taller than me. "Will Mum and Dad let him stay? Because I don't want everyone to try and find him only to send him back to those awful people. I want to find him to bring him home."
"They want to talk to the Knights first," said Liv. When I opened my mouth to protest, she held up her hand. "Mum and Dad want to ask them about Cole."
"They'll never admit it," I said fervently.
"They're not going to ask them to," said Liv. "If the Knights don't want their son back, or if Cole doesn't want to go back, then yes. He can stay with us."
"Really?" I asked, my eyes wide.
"Yeah," said Liv, smiling. "Mum and Dad will convert the pool house, maybe. He can go to university with you after school."
I shook my head. "Let's leave the pool house," I said. I nodded towards the adjoining study. "He can sleep in there."
If I did get Knight back, he was not leaving my sight ever again. After all of my puppy dog jokes, it seemed that I was legitimately going to have to buy a leash. I would have to deal with many kinky jokes from Knight, but it would be worth it. I just had to get him back first.
My phone buzzed next to me, and I sighed and lifted it up. Jace. Well, shit. How could I sound normal? He was in love my cousin, potentially, and I couldn't think until I'd found Knight, couldn't make sense of that.
"I'll leave you be," said Liv, patting my shoulder. "Call me if you need me."
I grabbed her hand. "Thank you," I said quietly.
Her smile was soft. "Anytime."
As she closed the door behind her, I picked up the phone. "Hi," I said carefully.
"Elle." His voice was gentle, sweet, a little bit rough. Like a gentle caress. "Are you okay?"
The sound of his voice calmed something within me, dried my tears. I wanted him here, with me; I wanted his arms around me as he whispered comforting words in my ear, wanted it so badly I could barely breathe.
I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me. My voice was small when I said, "I just miss Knight."
"I know," he said. "Daria and I are out looking, you know? We're going to find him."
"Yeah," I said, though with every passing hour, my hope seemed to fade. Because even if I found Knight, would he come back with me? If he didn't, I knew I would fall apart.
"We're just looking around near his school," Jace explained. In the background, I could hear passing cars and the sounds of the traffic lights. Knowing that Jace was out there, searching for my best friend, warmed my heart. "I mean, it's a familiar area. He's going to want to go to somewhere familiar, right?"
Somewhere familiar. Something rose within me; something like excitement. "You're a genius! You figured it out," I said.
"I know," said Jace. "A regular Albert Einstein. But uh, what exactly did I figure out?"
"I think I know where Knight is," I said. "I'm going to go have a look for him. I think I can bring him home." The smile that split my face was grateful, was radiant, was tinged with tears and desperation, but sunny nonetheless. Jace couldn't see it, not really, but I knew he would render in perfectly in his mind, because he knew me, every inch of me, down the exact curve of my smile. "Thank you, Hartley. Jace. Thank you so, so much, Jace."
I hung up the phone and hugged it to my chest. I was going to bring Knight home.
I didn't ask my dad to drive me. He had already spent hours in the car, searching. Besides, if I was being honest with myself, I had wanted to be the one to find Knight. Alone.
He hadn't answered any of my calls or texts, hadn't read any since that very first message. But Jace was right; Knight would gravitate toward something familiar. That was what people did, when they were upset or stressed or lonely. And if I knew him, he had gone to his familiar; though it also happened to be the loneliest place on Earth.
The Knight residence was massive. I was wealthy to an extent, but Carl and Daniella Knight were in another echelon of rich. Their vast lawns were meticulously manicured, the ostentatious gates straight out of a fantasy palace and the house itself; well, it was a work of art. It looked like one of the mansions from Newport; old-timey architecture that screamed old money.
My family was wealthy, but we certainly didn't display it as if we were from East Egg and spoke in a British accent to our butler.
The security surrounding their household was certainly more advanced than that of Chambermore, but Knight had told me stories from when he'd snuck out of his house in the dead of the night to meet his school friends. There was a tree that sat outside the gate whose branches intertwined with those of the tree outside his bedroom window; easy access over the gate.
"Come on, Cole," I whispered. "Be here. I need you to be here."
I crept around the side of the house; Knight had mentioned his room being near the back of the house.
It didn't take me long to find him. He was perched in the branches of a tree; the first tree. Still on this side of the gate. He'd never crossed over.
The bark was rough under my hands as I clung to the first branch, staring up at him. He'd seen me, I knew he had, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring forward with a hollowness in his eyes, his gaze fixed to his bedroom window; a window to his old life, one he was never going to take back.
"Knight, oh, Knight, let down your golden hair!" I called up to him.
He still didn't look at me, not properly, but I saw the corner of his lips quirk up, and in that small lift, I knew I hadn't lost him.
I forced my foot between the juncture of two branches and began to climb. The foliage was leafy, and the branches kept getting caught in my hair. The feeling of wood underhand reminded me of a moment months ago, when I'd climbed the tree outside Jace's home with a broken foot and an Alex, ready to wreak destruction on Hartley's room. The moment that had set me down this path.
This time, my goal was not to destroy someone's home, but to show them that they had one.
It was a short climb, and I sat on a branch opposite Knight in silence. I peaked through his bedroom window; his old bedroom. Inside, I could see that the room belonged to a teenage boy, evidently unchanged after all these months. Posters were taped to the walls, a small bookcase displayed a unmatching collection of ancient tomes, worldly literature and the Twilight novels, and a guitar sat discarded atop a bed that was messy and covered in papers.
"They haven't even been in there," said Knight at last. His voice was strange, as if there was no life to animate it; as if he were a puppet, dancing for the whims of another. He pointed to small stack of books that was pushed against his door. "I left that there. Before I took off. They haven't moved."
I placed a hand on his arm. "Knight—" But what could I say? What would make could possibly make this any better? How could I pour everything I felt, everything I knew, into a reason why? Why this had happened to him, why he was dealt this hand in life? "—your parent's kind of suck."
I don't think that was exactly what I was aiming for.
"Do you think I should've just done it?" said Knight quietly.
"Done what?"
"Married her."
I knew who he was talking about. Analise Sestima, the bitchy upper-class society girl his parents had told him to marry. Knight was barely into adulthood, practically still a child, and they were using him as a business piece as if we were all trapped in the 1800s.
"Knight, she also sucks," I said. Clearly, I had not brought my eloquent advice hat today.
"She does," Knight conceded. "But... I would've had my fortune. I wouldn't have ruined your life; your relationship with your parents. I've been—" he took in a shuddering breath "—I've been such a burden."
I grabbed his hand. "Oh, Knight. No."
He was still looking through that damned window. "I've taken your money, your generosity, your friendship. And I've given you nothing in return."
"Where is this coming from?" I demanded.
Knight looked as if he were on the verge of tears. "The lawyer," he said. "You know how I went to see my lawyer? Discuss the um... the prospect of money, and everything?"
I nodded.
"When I saw my parent's lawyer, he said..." Knight seemed to be struggling with his words. "My parents said that all was forgiven, because I'd managed to bag the Montez girl, and that was better anyway."
Oh. Anger boiled in my stomach. His parents, the same ones who'd thrown Knight on the street, taken everything from him; now they would let him back into the fold because of my money.
"They really really suck," I said darkly.
"Well, they're right, aren't they?" said Knight despairingly. The wind rustled the branches around us, tousling Knight's hair. "Not about everything. I mean, we're not..." He made his vulgar banging gesture with his hands, and it was so quintessentially Knight, the boy I knew, that I almost smiled. "But I have done exactly what they wanted. I've forced myself into your home, your life. Accepted your gifts, practically set myself up to live with you. Like a... like a parasite."
I pulled him into a hug. This was difficult, given we were in a tree and falling on my ass—and potentially breaking another bone—was super high on my to-do list today. But his arms came up around me too, almost carefully, and I sighed in relief.
"Come home, Cole," I said quietly. Because that's who I was speaking to. Not the flippant, joking, confident Knight; this was the insecure, desperate and unbelievably lonely Cole, who had sat, alone, on the street corners with nothing but thoughts and regrets to keep him company. "Austin needs you. I need you."
He pulled back. "But your parents—"
"Can't wait to welcome you to our household. Properly." I smiled at him, gently. His hands were clutching mine, bone white and trembling. His eyes were searching mine, looking for the truth. "They're not mad, Cole. They were just confused and concerned. But they believe me, and they believe you. If you want to be part of our family, they're ready to meet you halfway."
Cole glanced back at his bedroom window, with something a little bit like longing, and a little bit like letting go.
"You don't even have to wear the embarrassing outfits I buy for you anymore," I said. "Dad is going to get you a job at his firm. Receptionist. And then, after the school year, you can start university with me. Wherever you want to go. We could travel together, and you can live with us. Permanently."
"I'm going to be the hot, bangable receptionist at a law firm?" asked Knight, and this time, he sounded hopeful, and a little bit dazed. "I'm going to be Donna?"
"You're going to be a Montez," I said, firmly. Then I grinned. "You have nothing on Donna."
Knight was silent for a moment, and this time, when he flung his arms around me, they were forceful and earnest. I smiled into his shoulder.
There was something about Knight that was steadying. It was the same feeling I had around Kaelin or Austin or Liv; a feeling where I felt like I could fuck up, be my worst possible self, and he would tell me straight to my face that I was being an ass and then move on. It was complete and utter acceptance.
"Hey, Knight?" I said.
"Yeah?"
"You know you're my best friend, right?"
I realised in that moment that I'd never said it, never uttered the words out loud. Knight had said it hundreds of times, demanded it, and only now did I realise that it was a silent plea to know that I felt the same way, that he meant as much to me as I did to him. And I'd told him with every glance, every smile, every gift. Every silly teasing joke that we made, ever-so-similar, because we were one and the same, Cole Knight and I. But I'd never said it, not with words. And I was starting to realise that words were required, because sometimes, people were stupid.
Knight's voice was soft. "I've been telling you that all along."
***
When you simply do not like intense third act drama and simply refuse to drag it out for more than, like, five minutes