"Flick?"
A gentle hand shook me awake, dragging me out of the restless sleep I had fallen into a little while ago. I had no idea how long I'd been out here.
My head was pounding. My stomach was in knots. The hand shook me again when I didn't immediately respond.
"Flick, kid, c'mon wake up you shouldn't sleep out here." The voice said in a whisper, shaking a little harder. I groaned and sat up off the apartment hallway floor, feeling the imprint of the carpet digging into the sticky skin on the side of my face.
"You good kid?" Nick Daily stood over me, a worried look on his sunken face as he rubbed a hand up and down my arms prickled with goosebumps. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, adjusting to the harsh hallway lighting.
"Where is Jack ?" I asked, my brain still too fuzzy to think of anything other than my best friend. He hadn't answered the door last night. He hadn't been there when I needed him. But as mad as I was about that, I was inevitably far more worried than I was angry. He'd been so upset when he left my house last night. Thinking of all the things that could have happened between then and now made me nauseous.
"He's not here. Why are you? Are you okay?" Nick hovered above me, his protective brotherly instincts towards me kicking into high gear. I swiped a hand over my sticky tear-stained cheek, pulling a piece of hallway carpet off my face.
"Where is he?" Nick sighed and stood up, gently pulling me with him and brushing the dirt and debris off the back of my shirt like a little kid who'd fallen on the playground.
I felt like a little kid. Like a child who had run away from the monsters in her closet because she wasn't brave enough to fight them off on her own.
"Don't worry about that, hun. He's alright. But you're not, so let's go inside." I allowed him to pull me inside, only half aware of what was going on around me. I felt like I was in a trance. My mind was blurry, my body was numb.
"What happened, Fee? Did someone do something to you?" Nick questioned me as he opened the apartment door, keeping a gentle grip on my arm as if he feared I would collapse if he let me go. I leaned into his side, emotional and physical exhaustion wracking my body. It felt nice to be cared for, especially by someone as familiar and safe as Nick.
He had once called himself my replacement brother. I never quite told him how much I considered that to be true.
"Yeah," I whispered. My voice sounded far away and empty. I looked around the dark living room hoping to spot Jackson. I didn't. He wasn't there. My heart seemed to sink even further into the dark pit in my stomach. I wondered how much of me the black hole would swallow before the night was over. It felt like there wasn't much left inside me anymore. Nick shut the door behind us. "Someone did something. But it's okay. I'm okay."
Nick stopped walking and looked down at me for a second. I leaned further into his side, closing my eyes for the second time that night. "You'll tell me about it in the morning, okay?" He said softly, guiding me further into the foul-smelling room.
"In the morning," I agreed, hardly registering my voice. Nick sighed again, and continued through the living room, not saying a word about the weight of my body pressed into his. "Is Jackson here yet?" I said through a yawn. My head throbbed mercilessly. I looked around one more time for my best friend to come and save me. I was sure he was the only one who could.
"Not yet, kid. Not yet."
"What's wrong with her?" A scraggly female voice whined from the living room. Erica Daily sat up off the couch, glaring at me and her oldest son. The stench of weed and alcohol radiated off her in waves. It made the nauseous feeling in my stomach 10 times worse.
"Don't know. Found her sleeping in the hallway. I'm gonna go put her in Jacks' bed." Nick muttered with a soft sigh. I didn't say anything. I didn't feel like I had the air to even try. "She said someone hurt her."
Erica looked directly at me this time, her gaze burning into my watery eyes. "Someone hurt you, baby?" She asked, a sharp edge to her voice.
I shrugged. "Guess so."
"We're gonna talk about it in the morning, Ma. She needs some sleep." Nick cut her off before his mother could press me any further.
Erica nodded slowly and lied back down. "I'll fuck 'em up for you baby girl. Just say the word and I'll do it."
I nodded against Nick and the older boy led me down the hall and into the bedroom he and Jackson shared. The floor had been littered with needles the last time I was here. But it was clear now. Jackson's bed was still made. He hadn't been in it. I wondered if he had even been home. Worry flooded my tired body.
"Where's Jackson?" I asked for the third time that night. I needed him. So much more than I would ever admit. I felt sick again. Nauseous. Like my stomach was flipping itself inside out.
"He's..." Nick trailed off, watching me with furrowed brows like he wasn't sure what to tell me. "He's out, okay? Not here yet." The unsatisfying answer made my heart jump in my chest a little faster. I needed him here. Out was not here. Out was somewhere I was not. Hot tears stung my eyelids. I blinked them away fast, looking up at Nick with an expression he couldn't seem to decipher. He didn't try very hard to figure it out.
"Are you okay now?" Nick asked, dropping a soft blanket over my body.
I shrugged. "Am I ever?"
Nick frowned and smoothed down the wild strands of brown hair away from my face. "No," He said softly. "But you will be. Someday." He took a step back from the bed, away from me and my fragile state of being. "We'll talk in the morning okay? Get some sleep, lord knows you need it." He sighed and clicked the lamp off, leaving only the lighting in the hall to keep me from the dark. I layed there as his silhouette filled out the door frame, seeming to watch over me from a distance.
"Good night, Flick. Sleep well. We'll all be here for you in the morning."
And for some reason, I didn't doubt that was true.
-FLICK-
A gasp escaped my mouth when I felt cold skin pressing against me.
"Shh, it's just me," Jackson whispered, getting comfortable in the bed beside me. I sighed and flipped onto my back, looking at him with tired eyes.
"Where've you been?" I asked groggily. For the second time that night, I had no concept of what time it was, nor how long it had been since I last shut my eyes. I felt less hazy than I had last time. More aware of my surroundings and myself. I put a hand to my forehead as if that would soothe the throbbing feeling in my brain.
Jackson propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at me with heavy, sad eyes that told me I wasn't the first person he'd talked to since he'd gotten home. I barely remembered my conversation with Nick from earlier, but what I did remember was that it happened and that in itself made me angry with myself. I should have left when I found out Jackson wasn't here.
And had I been more lucid at the time, I was certain I would have. But something in me snapped last night. Something that broke a part of me that I knew I would never be able to fix. And Nick Daily had the pleasure of being witness to my breakdown, whether I wanted him to or not.
I also remembered how fragile I felt before falling asleep. Like a glass with a crackdown in the center, threatening to shatter into a million pieces if you touched it the wrong way. It's been a long time since I've felt that fragile, and a lot longer since I've let myself be so fragile. Jackson sighed deeply and put a hand to my forehead like a doting mother checking for a fever. It would have made me laugh if I didn't feel so miserable.
"I had some stuff to do. But I'm here now. I'm sorry I wasn't earlier." He whispered again, gently moving a strand of hair off my sweaty forehead. "Are you okay? Nick said you weren't doing so well earlier," He gestured to the bed across the room which was now occupied with a body, rising and falling with each deep, noisy breath. "Are you sick? Did someone hurt you? Are you alright?" His concern was overwhelming, and fierce, like the idea of something bad happening to me, which made his blood pressure spike. He watched me, waiting for an answer.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I felt like a child. Like an infant, begging for someone to take care of her even if she couldn't find the words to ask for it. My actions made me sick. It made me angry to think of how far I had allowed them to push me. I was well over the edge now. Emil had made sure of that. And I felt like my body was collapsing in on itself in ways I never had before.
Jackson tucked his elbow back against his side, allowing his head to fall onto the pillow next to mine while he waited for me to speak. I noticed how exhausted he looked. Like someone had drained the life out of him. And maybe they had. My heart sunk even further into the vortex, my body overcome with worry and uncertainty. I was so sick of being uncertain. Of waiting to see what would come next. Waiting to see who would be okay in the end.
"What kind of stuff did you have to do?" I asked finally, my voice sounding raw and coarse. Jackson sighed again, studying me with a solemn look in his eyes. The city buzzed outside the bedroom window. For once, I wished it would be quiet. Allow us a moment of peace where we didn't have to be reminded of the chaos and speed of our lives. I squeezed my eyes shut when a shrill horn cut through the air, stinging my still pulsing brain.
"Headache?" Jackson asked, avoiding my question as I had done to him. Taking a deep breath, I nodded slowly, opening my eyes to meet his. "Is it bad?" He asked, placing a hand gingerly on my head. I forced a small laugh at his obvious concern, though I wasn't sure which part I found funny.
"No," I lied. "It's not too bad."
"What did they do?" Jackson's voice was soft and low like he was afraid he would scare me off if he talked any louder. It made me want to scream and remind him that I wasn't a child. I wasn't helpless. I wasn't fragile. And I would have if I was sure that was still true.
I choked down a deep breath, the air barely making it to my lungs around the lump in my throat. "I can't go to San Diego," I whispered.
His eyes widened, but other than that he didn't react to my words. "Why?"
"I can't go with them. I can't do it, Jacks."
"Why?" He asked again.
"Jackson, I can't explain why, but I just can't go, okay? I need you to understand that." I almost begged, desperate for him to agree with me so I didn't have to find the words to explain myself.
"Why? Why should I try and understand what you won't try and explain? Tell me why Flick. Tell me why you can't do this for me. Not for your brothers and not for yourself but for me, who loves you as unconditionally as I do." He wasn't yelling, nor was there any anger that seeped into his voice. He seemed impassive, and strategic, a side of my best friend I hadn't seen before.
I shrunk back a little, looking at him through narrowed eyes. "Jackson-"
"Flick, I won't argue with you. That's not what either of us needs right now. But do me a favor, think about it before you make any decisions." He layed back on the pillow, sighing yet again as he stared at the ceiling. "Let's get some sleep. We both need it." He turned his head towards me, meeting my eyes one last time. "Good night, Flick. I love you." He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead and sunk into his mattress, exhaustion seeming to take over his body
I waited until I heard his breathing even out before I spoke again.
"I love you too, Jackson. Way too much."
A/N-I've actually been waiting to write more about Nick for a while now. He's a good character, and a complicated one too. We'll see more of him in the next couple chapters, but there's only a few left in this book :)
The sequel will be posted at the same time as the last chapter but I'm not sure when I will have the time to get all of that done. I originally planned on only having a total 30 chapters for this book, but I'm not sure I can wrap it up in that time so it might be more like 32-33 ish.
So, what do we think? Is this what you expected? Do you have any predictions? This story has become one of my favorites to write and I truly enjoy reading each and everyone of your detailed rants and debates. And Flick is a very fun character to write.
Anyway, quick life update. So I went to home coming last night, and it was actually pretty fun. It kind of sucked in the beginning because me and my date were just wandering around looking for our friends for like an hour but eventually, we got into the circle and danced like crazy which was super fun. And my date (One of my friends who agreed to go with me) was super sweet all night and even slow danced with me when I asked so that was nice :) Then we all went to Dennys and that was super, super fun. Also, I went to the football game on Friday and had the time of my life so that was pretty amazing. This weekend was Americana at it's finest and I love it so much.
Anyway, I hope you all had a good weekend and I hope you all are having a good school year, I love you all, go drink some water, eat some food and take a shower. Thank you for reading!