-I....
- I what? When did you intend to tell me? Did you at least intend to tell me? He rebelled by putting his hands on the table.
-You could talk to me in another tone, I can know who allowed you to search my bathroom?
-I didn't search, I came across it by chance, and I confess that I would have preferred to avoid Eddie. What's going on? How long has it been going on?
Eddie sat down and reached out to recover his property. Buck let him do it.
-I had a bad week.
-You had a... But were you still in the hospital?! Did you get high in the sight of the nurses? Was that why you relapsed? It wasn't a natural reaction to the back blow, you were completely high! He noticed as he collapsed in his chair, stunned.
-Stop talking to me as if I didn't fucking know, and watch your language.
-Speak for yourself! You're a fucking junkie Eddie.
-I'm not a junkie Buck.
-If I throw the box in the toilets right away, what would you do?
-I'll disassemble you, is that clear? Don't even try to think about it.
-Yes and by that you're not completely addicted?
Eddie rolled his eyes and stared at him, feeling like a kid yelled at.
-What do you want me to tell you? That I'm sorry? Well, I'm sorry, are you happy?
Buck looked at the table, circumspect. What more could he say?
-I don't want you to be sorry for that, he said, pointing to the box of pills, I want you to be sorry for not having been able to trust me. You could have told me, I would have helped you as we have always done for each other.
Evan stared at his friend on the other side of the table and shook his head bitter.
-You didn't tell me anything, he continued, because you don't even realize it.
Eddie made a painful grimace, he refrained from crying.
-I know it's not your fault Eddie. I know it's Hector's asshole and his fucking horse dope. I don't blame you for becoming addicted, I blame you for hiding this from me. Did you plan to get back to work by gliding completely?
He didn't answer.
-Obviously, noted the blond, upset, you weren't going to tell anyone, wasn't you? How did you intend to hide it, do you know it shows? Hen is rather gifted in there, I remind you that her ex was a junkie too.
-Stop calling me like that, I'm not a junkie.
Evan raised his hands in the air to apologize.
-You're right, you're just a little lost guy who likes to get high in the evening in front of the TV. Yeah, it's true that it feels good on a resume. But you know what? It's going to be okay, I promise you.
He got up and reached out his hand, Eddie looked at this hand not knowing what to do with it.
-What are you going to do with it? He asked, hesitantly.
-I'm going to make them disappear. And I'm going to be very direct, either you give them to me and together we make this addiction disappear, or I'm the one who disappears.
Eddie's hand remained suspended for a moment, his eyes passing from the box to Buck's gaze, and at that moment, he no longer knew what scared him most in between.
He blew before handing him the small container. His hand closed on it and Eddie's fingers hung on it for a few seconds before falling back on the table.
Evan got up and went to the corridor. He stopped halfway.
-Do I have to search everywhere to make sure there are none hidden elsewhere or can I trust you?
Eddie turned around, almost outraged that he could make such a suggestion and shook his head.
-I don't want to risk my son falling on it. What you have there is all I have.
Buck nodded. He disappeared in the bathroom and when the Mexican heard the sound of flushing, he repressed a moan of despair.
Evan came back to sit down and placed the bottle loudly on the table.
-Now that you have confessed one thing, it's my turn, it's giving, I need us to be honest with each other. I haven't been sleeping for two weeks, I'm haunted by three ghosts including Hector Jagger's. That's what I was probably talking about last night.
Eddie nodded, skeptical. He didn't know where this conversation would lead but it didn't matter if he wanted to be able to empty his bag without any problems.
-Who are the other two?
-Devon, the victim of the roller coaster that I lost before you arrived at the barracks. And Nicolas Garcia. A type of Argentina.
-What happened to him at the last?
He knew full well that he had launched the subject and that it was he who had stipulated that the whole truth be told, but he did not think he was ready to reveal it yet.
-An unfortunate accident in which I was involved, he admitted halfway.
Eddie seemed satisfied with it because he did not insist.
-You have nothing else to tell me by chance? Relaunched Evan by raising his eyebrows.
Eddie shook his shoulders.
-I didn't lie to you about anything else. All you discovered was all I hid. It was all I was hiding.
Evan pricked a make-up, disappointed, he had trapped himself like a beginner, he should have suspected that he had said that to throw a pole and he finally hoped that everything he would say would free him from his insomnia. But the more he thought about it, the more obvious it was, he didn't want to reveal everything to him.
-And you? Do you have any other things to tell me?
Buck shrugged his eyebrows, one finger tapping the wood of the table, nervous.
-Tonight, I dreamed of you.
***
No matter how much he closed his eyes and tried to make her disappear from his head, as soon as he reopened them, she was there on the table, as curly and crumpled as before and this sentence always assailed him as much.
« I know what you did. »
He had finally made a reason for himself, this threat dates back to the time he lived in Argentina for sure, he had done nothing else since that could put him in such a situation. And if the event that took place there was the one that came to mind first, it was probably because it was the right one.
Who?
Who had seen him in this alley and was able to take a picture of him?
He had returned before lunch, eaten away by a feeling of guilt left by Eddie's empty look when he kindly asked him to leave when he had just thrown away all his pills and confessed to him that he dreamed of him the few times he slept.
He understood, the news could be disturbing and perhaps annoying, but he had not expected Eddie to send him home so quickly.
Passing through his doorstep, he lowered his eyes to the doormat and saw it, still as square and yellowed, with this same writing in black ink.
He had taken a look around him, his apartment was empty, and leaned over to pick it up. At the kitchen table, he had gathered the two letters, and they were so identical that he could have hallucinated and seen them double. Only the photograph was different. When the first placed him in his car in front of the 9-1-1 center, the second placed him behind the counter, in a flower shirt and wearing a shell necklace, while he laughed while talking with a customer.
No matter how much he closed his eyes, he couldn't see him again that day. Maybe he had seen a guy taking a picture of him and asked him to stop. Maybe he asked him to continue or maybe he hadn't seen anything at all.
For twenty minutes since he was sitting there, he kept taking a look outside, his eyes scanning the neighboring windows as he hoped to see the flash of a camera or the light of a camera. But this paranoia gave him cold sweats, and Devon had returned to settle in his head.
-Your life is deadly bored, he moaned, placing his forehead against the front door. Limit worse than mine at the moment.
Evan turned around and glanced at him contemptuously.
-What are you talking about? You're dead.
-Cisely, he replied, leaning on the table and taking a look at the photos, looking disinterested. You wander like a ghost who is not yet ready to leave. If only your friends saw you like me I see you.
-What are you talking about?
-I'm in your head Buck, I know everything that's going on there.
He went back and forth between the south wall and the door to the north.
-You're disappointed for Eddie, aren't you? Your best friend, the man you love, a drug addict? Wow, what is your life stinking of shit right now, he laughed, knowing very well that he was right and Buck could not deny it.
-I'm used to having a shitty life, I've always lived in disappointment, nothing surprises me anymore.
Devon leaned at the table and turned the leaf like a spinning top.
-If only you only knew how bad Eddie feels and horrible to have dived into it. You probably wouldn't have talked to him like that. You've still ruined everything.
-Why are you telling me that huh? To believe that you want to help me.
-Dec, I would point out to you that I am forced to live in your head, something interesting must happen, otherwise I will end up sealing myself, he imitated, putting two fingers in his mouth by forming a weapon.
-I don't force you to stay, you're free to leave.
-You lie to yourself, he said, going up the stairs that led upstairs. It's you who makes me stay, because you feel lonely and I'm your only company! Talking to ghosts has become easier than having friends! He ends up disappearing in the corner upstairs.
-Yeah that's right, Buck muttered for himself, resting his eyes on the two letters, break up.
When he looked up, it was thirteen o'clock and turning his head, he perceived the rattling in the lock of his door. He got up and picked up the letters before slipping them into his pocket. He leaned on the counter and raised his eyebrows when he crossed Albert's gaze.
- Holds! He said, surprised. I didn't think you would have come home.
Evan seemed to look for someone behind his back.
-Where is Veronica?
Albert entered the kitchen and put a bag on the table to take out several boxes from the Far East. He blew.
-Veronica and I are over.
Evan raised his head, puzzled.
-What? But what happened?
-Oh nothing, he reassured him, it worked very well, but I didn't want to force you any longer to see her when it had gone wrong between you. You welcome me home, I couldn't pretend to be a friend if it meant having to force you to see her all the time. I would find someone else.
Evan made a little pout moved and smiled.
-Thai? Do you like it? Proposed Albert by lifting one of the boxes.
Evan nodded, touched.
-It's great.