6 years ago... Argentina, year 2014.
The sun. This may not be the first thing we think about when we talk about this country, but the sun of Argentina was worth a thousand times that of Oregon. It was a warm sun that browned the skin so easily that even people with a pale complexion could hope to leave with the caramel color.
That was not really what had attracted him here to tell the truth, although now he particularly appreciated this sun, what he loved most was his independence. He had never been very good at coping and yet it seemed that here he could finally live his life as he saw fit.
At the age of 23, he had spent most of his adolescence looking for a way to live as he had decided and not as directed. It was the difference between him and his sister. He was a failure and was haunted by a constant feeling of disappointment towards his parents. It was not they who were disappointing, it was he who was disappointing for them.
Maddie had joined nursing school very early and the day she announced to her sixteen-year-old brother that she was leaving with her boyfriend several hours away to hope to join a renowned school, he felt like he had been betrayed. However, his parents could not be prouder. Their darling daughter left the nest and took charge of her life. But there remained Evan - because only his friends call him Buck - who did everything to provoke them. This child had a particularity: he liked the taste for risk. It was his many injuries, falls by bike or on the stairs that led his sister to personal care. And very quickly when the years passed, it was obvious that it was no longer thanks to her brother that she did this job, but also because of her companion.
One morning Maddie found herself facing Buck in the hospital. He had just fought violently with their parents and had taken his motorcycle. Driven by an uncontrolled rage, he had an accident.
« I'm going to become something, » begged the boy in a broken voice, « I just don't know what yet »
Maddie reassured him and promised him that he would succeed. He had already thought several times about leaving for a while and trying to form a life. But when he realized that the Maddie he had always known had disappeared and that she had been replaced by the shell of a woman abused and traumatized by violence, he made her a proposal one evening by taking her home.
« Fly with me. We can go anywhere, we will both do our lives again, far from Doug's asshole. Come with me Maddie »
She hesitated for a long time, biting her thumb skin and finally ended up saying yes, to her brother's surprise. He had taken the announcement so much at first degree that he had booked a room in Arizona, he intended to drive all day the next day with his sister in the passenger seat.
When he entered the hospital service the next day at 9 a.m., an hour after their scheduled departure, he knew that she would not come. One of his colleagues gave him a letter and he threw it in the trash after reading it. It was another disappointment.
« Evan,
I know that if you read this letter it's because I didn't come. I'm sorry. I thought for a tiny second that I could escape with you and couldn't have asked for more. Going far on the roads with my little brother is the dream of a lifetime. But I remembered it. I remembered everything what was happening in our lives and everything that will happen if I run away with you.
He will never stop looking for me, and if he finds us, he would hurt you and it's out of the question that it happens. I spent my life trying to watch over you and even if I didn't always succeed, I dare to think that's how you became the incredible man you are. You grew up fast, a little too much for my taste.
You told me the other day that you would become someone and I believe you because I know you. You will persevere until you find out who this person is. Go away. Live your life while you still have time. I would always be there for you even if I'm far away, and I can't help but be excited about meeting the new Buck. The one who will be happy.
I love you unconditionally and forever, Maddie.
PS: takes care, she is sensitive. "
« She left this for you »
The nurse handed him a keyring and Buck stared at her troubled.
In the hospital parking lot, he recognized Maddie's grey jeep she had for her 20th birthday, offered by parents. When he approached and pressed the button on the remote control, it unlocked.
He had gone on the roads, and although he did not know where to go, he was determined to look as far as he could.
« Dear Maddie,
If you could see the Argentine sun, it's much better than what I was told. I never thought I would be here one day, but I may have found my way there. People are very nice but I also like to use my bartender status to put it out from time to time. I've never been so important in a job, and it does me a lot of good. If what I do here doesn't work, I know what I would do, I would be a firefighter!
I hope you're doing well.
Buck. "
She had piled up the postcards in her locker in the hospital, paralysed at the idea that Doug could throw them away if he found them. And she read them regularly, with a smile on her lips, because these cards were her only thread that still held her standing.
The Argentine sun.
Buck had learned to appreciate it as much as he enjoyed cocktails, the soft wind and the music. His days passed too quickly but they all started in the same way, and he was happy like that. At least, that's what he believed for a whole year. Being far from his sister, his city and his country ended up missing him. Maddie had come once, she had found a way to come with Doug without him suspecting it was to visit her brother. She had pretexted that she needed to go shopping in the city center to buy women's products and when he let her go, she drove to the hut near the beach. She recognized him right away, although her hair lightened so much that it seemed to have been dyed. His gaze had revived and he had grown up.
It was the first time he felt really whole since he was there. Seeing his sister was what he needed and when she left him again, he returned to his routine that ended up giving him homesickness.
He resigned two weeks later and was already preparing to pack his boxes.
The last evening, he went out late with his friends. They had eaten a specialty in the city and ran on the beach ignoring sharp shells and ice water. On his way home, shoes in hand and soaked t-shirt, he had made the wrong path. Passing in front of an alley, he had heard calls for help. Initially believing in an effect of very busy local beers, he had continued his journey. But when the cries resumed more and more and more desperate, he decided to take a look at it. He was a little scared and worried, and when he is worried, he does stupid things.
Turning into the alley, he first saw a massive shadow in a corner and thought he had worried about nothing, it was probably just an old homeless person too noisy, but continuing, he discovered that his instinct was always right. He first threw himself on the first guy and tried to make him fall back even though he was slightly woll.
When it came to the second guy, he let go of his catch and stared at the stranger who had interfered in their affairs. Buck reached out and helped the young woman get up before protecting her by intervening.
He had not yet learned all the basics of the Argentinean, but he was certain to have understood the insult given to him by the guy who had risen moaning.
By the time the girl regains her spirits and decides to escape, he had time to discover, pushed by a dose of adrenaline. He managed to knock down the same guy, who barely was on his legs, but the second seemed to be of course of him. When the blond saw the blade of the knife shining in his hand, his blood only went around.
He had difficulty thinking, but the situation did not really differ from those he had already had at work. However, he felt strange, as if resentful for something that no one would have done to him.
The guy fell on him and they came to his hands.
He totally didn't know how long they struggled and if they had been heard, but when Buck got up, the knife was stuck in the second guy's chest and the first one was so moved that he had fainted between two garbage cans.
His instinct yelled at him to call for help or leave, but a devil woke up in him and he took off the knife, wiped it preciously before going to put it in the hand of the drowsy guy and spread his blood on it.
When he got out of the alley, he opened a garbage can and threw his flower shirt into it.
The next day he left the country on a plane, his foot tapping the ground anxiously.
« Dear Maddie,
Argentina was not for me, I decided to look for something else. I joined the apprentice firefighters in Los Angeles, I'm starting training next week. I wish we never talked about my mistakes and recent years again. I intend to succeed this time, I think I might well be in the right place.
Maddie I hope everything goes well for you, I hope to see you one day in Los Angeles, it's the city of angels, it's not for nothing.
Without you and your advice, I could never have done everything I did this year. Thank you.
I love you, Buck
PS: the car is fine, she misses you :) »
« Dear Maddie, it's now been two months since I moved to Los Angeles, and today I am officially a qualified firefighter. I joined my new team today, I already love them. Did you know that lamb meatballs could be leathered in port? You should come one day to taste my captain's food, you would surely stay.
I had my first speech yesterday, I had the best day of my life apart from those spent with you. I may have been able to find out who I am and what my place is.
While waiting to see you again one day, I'm sending you this box of sweets that I found in town, they must remind you of something, these are the ones you gave me when I first fell off my bike. To thank you, I sent you one, beware of your teeth, they are real vicious little ones, it's delicacies.
See you soon, your brother. "
***
Lying to his sister and family is something, although lying to his parents has never really bothered him.
But lying to his friends was unusual, and now that they had discovered this aspect of the firefighter, the one who could kill a man without even trembling, perhaps they had to confess that it was not the first. Hector Jagger had only been the second. He had not trembled, he had not faltered.
Yet this letter, which had been slipped under his door, had made him tremble all night.
« I know what you did »
All that was happening in his head were lots of scenarios according to which, he had been seen in this alley and whoever had seen him, he had waited four years to file this letter. What motivated him? Why was everything collapsing now?