Shoving his gun into his pants under his shirt. I stared at him as he rambled about already running late and that he'll be back for dinner. Yeah, he said that yesterday and I stayed up late in the dining room watching the food go cold. I didn't even feel him get into bed with me by the time he got back because I was passed out. Then I got the pleasure of waking up to a cold, empty bed alone. And now I watch him trying to shovel cereal into his mouth before he has to leave. My stomach churned painfully, I didn't eat last night. I can't eat without Rio; so when I realized he's not coming I packed the food away and collapsed into bed without so much as a taste. I'm still dressed in yesterday's clothes and not fully awake yet. Disappointment tugs at me but I just smiled at him, told him to have a good day, and that I hope he gets home safe.
After doing laundry, I decided to make Rio some lunch and bring it to him at the warehouse. Beef burgers with homemade brioche buns. It took me quite a bit especially the buns. One hour for the dough to rise, shape the dough into balls and then another hour for the second rise, and finally, put the balls into a baking pan with a final hour for the third rise. I took care in putting the burgers together deciding it's best if he gets two.
I drove to the warehouse in the car Rio'd given me. I made sure to take the corners carefully not wanting the burgers to fall apart in the lunch box I had put them in. Pairs of eyes scrutinized me as I walked past them to get to the office. Rio's head popped up when I knocked on the open door. He stared at me from across the room eyes filled with question. "I brought you something. I figured you might be hungry." I held up the lunch box as I spoke.
Unease filled me when his expression changed from being shocked to looking unimpressed. "Mira, ma, I got a lot going on," guilt gnawed at me. "Don't worry about me, OK? Worry 'bout yourself." I walked into the office setting the lunch box on the far end of the desk. "I'll just leave this here. Maybe you'll get a spare minute" he said nothing as I turned around and walked out.
I went about the rest of my day cleaning and tidying the house. Cleaning the shower took up most of it. It's very satisfying to make the grout shine its original white shade again. Then I vacuumed. It was already dark out when I tried texting Rio asking if he would be home for dinner and if he'd like me to make him something specific. I stared at the screen waiting for his response.
Two hours pass, it's eleven pm.
Still no reply
Upset, I took a shower, blasting the water against my skin as hot as I could possibly stand it. I fought the urge to cry as I ran the soapy cloth across my skin. Showers had always been my safe space: my release. The water hides your tears. The water masks all the sounds you might make. To the shower, your tears are just another drop in the ocean and your emotions don't seem as big. I only forced myself out of the shower when the water started to run cold.
I lie awake in bed willing sleep to pull me under. A soft click echoes from down stares as Rio unlocks the door. He groans as he pulls off his shoes and makes his way upstairs. Ruffling sounds through our bedroom as he shucks off his clothes. When he finally slides into bed he's only wearing underwear. "I missed you," he mumbles into my hair as he snuggles up to me, using an arm to pull me in close and throwing his leg over mine. I can't find it within me to find his careless whispers sweet. I'm too angry. Too hurt.
I once again wake up to a cold empty bed. Except this time, I don't catch him on the way out the door. He's already gone. The only evidence that he was ever here is a mug in the sink dirty with coffee residue. I find the lunch box I gave him yesterday for lunch tucked away in the fridge with not so much as a single bite taken out of either of the burgers. I try to strengthen my resolve hoping the tears don't come but it seems my luck has run out. I curl up on our ugly brown couch that sits in front of the TV as the tears stream from me. I can't stop them until after two hours I'm all dried up. I drag myself off the couch so that I can go about my normal daily routine even though my heart still hurts.
I startle awake from the sound of Rio tossing his keys onto the kitchen island. "You good, ma?" I stare at him incredulously my eyes still red-brimmed and swollen from my tears and he doesn't even notice. While I cleaned today every scrub just made me more scorned. My rage burned hotter with every hour that Rio was late. Then eventually I'd just run out of fuel thanks to that awful night of sleep and ended up napping on the couch but still, my fury heated me to my core.
And so I just didn't respond to him. If he didn't want to talk to me then I wouldn't talk to him either. "What's for dinner?" He asks moving throughout the kitchen only stopping to peer into the fridge. He finds the lasagna still warm in the oven and doesn't seem to notice that I didn't respond to that either. He gets to work setting the table mumbling something to himself as he does so.
"Ma, you would not imagine the day I've had," he sighs heavily as he runs his hands through his short-cropped hair. I just continue eating leaving him with no response. "Really? Nothing, huh" he clicks his teeth as he continues eating. We usually talk through dinner, I insist on keeping the tradition of eating at the table alive. I'll be damned if my household is one where everyone eats in front of the TV never saying a word to each other. Except for today.
Finally, the plates are empty and I get up from the table leaving him to clean up. He doesn't usually do the dishes but today is the time for a change. He works his jaw back and forth, clearly annoyed as he washes up. "Are you done with whatever this is yet?" His question only fuels my anger at him.
I plop myself in front of the TV and stare at it blankly, not really absorbing anything. Tears of frustration prick at my eyes when he just goes about tidying up without me, ignoring me. I don't know what I wanted. It hurts when he ignores me but, it annoys me when he talks. I'm just so annoyed that I can't even read my own signals anymore.
Rio forcibly plopped down onto the couch next to me. I kept staring at the screen not giving the privilege of eye contact. He rested a hand onto my knee, trying a more gentle approach "talk to me, ma" I only stared ahead in response. "Sabes, you started this, right?" he huffed out clearly fed up rubbing his hands through his hair again. God, does this man know how to push all my buttons! "I started this?!" That came out a little too loud and I turned to him hoping my mood burned his insides all the way down to his toes.
"Oh, so you talking to me now" he mocked. Realizing I just did exactly what he wanted, my resolve cracked. "You're barely home anymore. I don't even get 10 minutes to talk to you and when you've stomped out of here leaving a trail of wind on your heels. How do you think that makes me feel?" my voice cracks a little at the end. I beg my body not to open the flood gates and cause the tears to come streaming down my face again.
"Ma, you know how busy I am. We've got some big deals coming in" that does it. The straw that breaks the camel's back. I shoot up from the couch and stomp off upstairs to the bedroom. "Come on, ma, can we talk now?" his reply is a door to the face as I slam it. I don't bother locking it. I know he wouldn't dare. I hope the couch is comfortable; he knows where to find the spare pillows.
A long-drawn-out sigh sounds through the door as Rio shuffles down to sit with his back against the door. "I'm sorry," he huffs out, sounding more annoyed than sincere. I settle into bed and embrace a pillow against my chest. Rio still sits outside our bedroom door his deep voice rambling on about how much he loves me, how he'll make this up to me, how he didn't mean it, how he should have made time for me, how he'll listen to me; he promises. I'm not even mad anymore, I'm just tired. The exhaustion seeps into my bones as I lie there while Rio's soft coaxing gently lulls me to sleep.
I stare at Rio silently as he opens the door to the bedroom. "I swear, ma, I'm not trying to disturb you. I just gotta shower and get dressed" all of his clothes are in here anyway, so I don't fuss, I just roll over showing him back and facing the wall. I can hear him saunter about the bedroom grabbing his clothes and going into the in-suite bathroom.
When he steps out of the bathroom the smell of his body wash wafts through the room attacking my senses. My body betrays me by wanting to surrender myself to Rio even though I'm still mad. I scowl when I feel the bed dip behind me as Rio sits down. "I love you. I don't like you upset" he rests his palm on my ankle. "Tell me what I gotta do to make this right" my scowl deepens when I feel him shifting on the bed. Finally stopping to cage me in, with both of his hands resting on either side of my head as he hovers over me, forcing me to look at him.
I just turn my head away from him, refusing to look at him. This causes him to bring out the big guns. He weakens my defenses by kissing my cheek and nibbling at my jaw. My body fails me by warming to his touch, wanting to beg for more of it. "Come on, mama, don't leave me hanging" he murmurs between the trail of kisses he's leaving down my neck.
I try to pull the duvet up higher to stop him from getting any further but him laying on top of me stops that. I huff out a sigh, my walls are cracking. I want him. I'm so used to going to Rio when I'm upset that I couldn't handle this spat without craving his touch. My skin burns for him. "Hold me," I beg barely above a whisper. Sparked by my plea he hops off of me and climbs under the covers with me, gathering me up in his arms without ridicule.
We lie there for hours not saying a word, just being, together. Apparently, he has nothing better to do today. Occasionally he strokes through my hair, rubs circles on the back of my hand, or rubs my shoulder. My back is to his front, I can feel his chest moving up and down as he breathes. Eventually, he gets a little impatient from laying in one place all day. He sits up luring me to sit up as well.
"How are you feeling, ma? Talk to me" he murmurs into my hair. I sigh preparing myself to open up, trying to procrastinate from actually taking. "I feel hurt. You barely have time for me and at first, I did my best to not be offended. I don't like this Rio" I kept my disappointment bottle up because I knew that he's not trying to hurt me. That it would be over soon and then we'll be back to normal. But I can't take this anymore. I can't hide my disappointment from him. Every time I think about it I have to stop myself from crying. It's all just bubbled up into anger now.
He said nothing for a while. A look of deep contemplation covers his face. After a long time, he sighs. "I'm sorry. I should've done better. I just... Imma make some changes, Okay?" I just nod at his response. I'll have to wait and see. "We good, yah? We straight?" he says, more telling me than asking.
We'll have to wait and see.