She is everything I want that I never knew I needed
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Crying was the one thing that Derek Shepherd never succumbed in to his whole life. That fateful day when his most trustful first dog, Lassie, died... The day his father died... The day he caught his wife with his best friend in bed... The day he signed the divorce papers... Not a single tear was shed from him... That was until she came along and made him realize that it was okay to cry. He remembered vividly the first time he ever cried in front of someone else, it was in front of her and some of her friends. You would have thought that a tragic event that was much graver than his father's death would make him cry for the first time in front of someone... But no...
(flashback)
It was during their first year of marriage... A surprising night in which they both had the day off... They were in bed, watching a rented movie she got from the store the same day... Who would have known that a mix of bad acting and a sappy storyline would make him feel teary-eyed. He hid it well since she was leaning on him and she couldn't see his face. He remembered her voice lightly joking, "You're not crying on me now, are you, Derek?"
When he failed to reply, she sat up and she looked at him. He was an expert in holding back his tears so he didn't mind that she was looking at him. She peered at him suspiciously and then she smiled. "What?"
"You're a sappy, sappy man, Derek Shepherd."
He looked at her, horrified. He wasn't about to be called a sap. "I am not!"
She gave her a smile that teased and had a sense of pride all at the same time. "It's alright to admit you're a sappy man, Derek, I won't love you any less."
He raised his brow and narrowed it in a second. "What do you mean you won't love me any less? You think I think you'll love me less if you found out I cry over movies like that?"
She shrugged. "Just admit that you want to cry right now, Derek."
Derek pursed his lips into a thin line and glared at her for a second. His eyes moved over to the TV screen and narrowed intensely. "It's just that stupid guy had to do what he did... Damnit." He muttered. His eyes went back towards her and she was beaming. "What?"
"So you want to cry... Why aren't you?"
"Cos' I don't cry in public!" he told her. "It's not a manly thing to do!"
"A manly thing?" her brow hiked an inch. "Derek Shepherd, there is nothing wrong in crying!" She looked at him sternly. "Now, cry."
"What?" he shockingly asked. But his tears were already threatening to fall in a second by then. "What do you mean, cry?"
The next morning, he turned off the alarm clock and turned to see her wide awake and staring into space. "Good morning. How long have you been awake?" he asked her, as he leaned over and placed a kiss on her lips.
"A few minutes," she replied gloomily after a few seconds she spoke with a more sullen tone. "I think I'll skip work today."
"Are you feeling sick?" he reached over to feel her forehead. "You're not hot."
"I have a feeling... A bad one... A really bad one..." she spoke in a soft voice. "I think I'll skip work."
"Mer..." he placed a kiss on her forehead and let it linger there for a few seconds before pulling back and looking at her in the eye. "It'll pass, just wait for the feeling to pass."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure," he nodded, giving her a reassuring smile and running his fingers through her cheeks. She still didn't smile and he felt the need to reassure her more. "You're going to be okay, Mer."
"Are you going to cry for me?" she suddenly asked out of nowhere. He was taken aback and his eyes narrowed at her for a second before he remembered their conversation from the night before.
"I'm a man, Mer," he smirked at her. "I'll never cry in public." He placed one last kiss on her lips and went to go take a shower.
The day was about to end when the Code Black was announced. He was being thrown out of his OR, with Bailey's husband on the table, he stood his ground and he didn't budge. He was informed that a paramedic has her hand on a bomb that was going to explode with one wrong movement. He wasn't worried about being in the explosion, he was worried about getting killed by Bailey if he let her husband die on his table. It was Christina Yang who gave her the bad news.
"It's Meredith," she spoke out loud. "The girl with the bomb is Meredith."
His hands went still and his heart skipped a beat. He looked at Christina, trying to see if she was playing a joke on him or not. Apparently, she wasn't, because there was fear in her eyes, and Christina Yang did not know what fear meant. It took a handful of seconds before he was brought out of his reverie by the sound of the heart monitor flat-lining.
"You had to be a cowboy," Chief Webber met with him as he vacated the elevator alone. He walked past him, ignoring him, and started to search for Meredith. He looked around frantically, praying that she'd be there somewhere. That in a second, she'd run to him and he'd wrap his arms around her and never let go. That the pain that was strikingly overcoming his whole body to go away once she sees her alive and well.
"Where is she?" he finally faced the Chief and asked him. "Damnit, Richard, where the hell is she?" He watched as Chief's expression went into a sullen one and he knew that something was terribly wrong. "Richard." He wanted to beg him not to say whatever he had to say. "Please. Please don't tell me..."
"They're still down there with Burke," Chief told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. A nurse approached them and Derek watched as the nurse passed him a sideway glance and looked at the Chief with meaning. The Chief also gave him a sideway glance and stepped away from him to speak with the nurse. He nodded as he listened to the nurse whisper whatever her news was to him.
"What's happening down there?" Derek asked after he watched the nurse walk away. Richard faced him and Derek thought he was going to fall apart from what he said.
"The bomb's gone off."
Derek could feel the cold overtake his whole body. He was frozen in his spot for a few seconds before he walked past the Chief and ran for towards the elevator. He could hear Richard's calls to him to stop but he ignored him. He reached the OR floor and ran towards the far end. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the wreckage and his heart stopped beating when he saw one or two interns huddled over his wife's lifeless body, trying to revive her.
"Move!' he pushed them aside and started to do CPR. "Breathe, Mer. Don't you dare do this to me! Damnit, Meredith!" he shouted at her as he continued to resuscitate her. He breathed in and breathed out, as if willing her to do the same thing. "Breathe!" he shouted once again. His world stopped when she let out a gasp of air and she opened her eyes. He gave out a sigh of relief and he cradled her body.
"What happened?" she asked, trying to regain her composure.
"The bomb, it exploded. You're okay, Mer," he spoke softly as he placed a kiss on every part of her face that he could. "You're okay." He didn't know if it was her he was reassuring or himself at that moment, all he knew was he needed for her to be okay.
She reached up her hand and gently ran it across my cheeks. She gave out a small, weak smile. "You cried for me."
He was surprised at what she said, he ran his hand over his cheeks and found them wet. There really was nothing wrong with crying in public. He leaned over and leaned his forehead on hers. He looked deeply into her eyes and smiled. "I did, Mer, I cried for you. But don't ever do that to me again, okay?"
(End of flashback)
The gentle tugging on his fishing pole woke him from his memory and he pulled on it. Unfortunately, whatever he caught got away as fast as it hooked on. He sighed out loud and closed his eyes for a second. He opened them and took in his surroundings. He flew to Maine when he decided that he needed time off. He owned a land here, almost identical to the land he had in Seattle. Even the trailers were the same. Meredith didn't know about his land in Maine, he never had the chance to tell her, or the chance to bring her here. He has always planned on building a house here once he decides to retire.
He gave out a soulless laugh, if he were still married to Addison, she would have found a way to find out about this land. And she would have already persuaded him to build a house to add to their properties. But that was Addison... And Meredith was... Meredith was Meredith... She was the simple, dark and twisty girl that left her big house to live with him in his little trailer. She was the girl who showed her how to laugh out loud and not care if other people look at you crazy... She was the one who taught her how to cry... She was the girl who made him realize that living life was not about the luxuries or the money, it was about the experience of living life itself... She was the girl who he woke up beside him every morning and made him feel like he wanted to stay in bed all day... She was the love of his life...
And he needed to get her back.
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