Seonghwa was put on bed rest.
It didn't matter how much he complained, threatened, or did his best to prove that he was fine and he didn't need to be subjected to his bed all day long for god knows how long. Yeosang was stern in his decision, his voice unwavering as he told Seonghwa that he had two choices. One, he could lay down and rest willingly or two, Yeosang would physically put him there himself and tie him down so he couldn't move.
Wooyoung had barked out a laugh and said that Seonghwa would probably like that, to which the younger was punched in the shoulder.
But Seonghwa did eventually give in to Yeosang's requests. It was hard to tell what was actually wrong because it wasn't like he could get an x-ray and Yeosang didn't have the proper tools he needed to make an accurate diagnosis, so they had to rely on what was visible and what hurt to the touch. He was bruised, they knew that much. Yeosang had sucked in an audible breath when he pulled the back of Seonghwa's shirt up as he laid stomach down on his bed.
"You're bruised pretty bad," he told the older, pulling down his shirt. He hadn't even dared to touch him all that much besides his upper back to see if anything was misaligned. "It doesn't look like anything is broken, and the fact that you can still walk is a very good sign. We'll have to wait until the bruising and swelling goes down before I'll look even more at your lower back, I don't want to aggravate it any more than it already is."
Seonghwa just groaned and shoved his head into the pillow.
"Any numbness or anything?" The blonde asked, pressing into Seonghwa's fingers and then into his legs and feet.
Seonghwa shook his head, able to feel Yeosang digging into him with his long fingernails. It almost tickled, and he had to suppress the urge to jerk his feet away from the man's hands. Seonghwa failed to tell him how his legs had felt numb when it first happened, he figured it was probably the stress of the situation that made everything go numb, so there was no point in saying anything.
"That's good, but you need to let me know if that changes. I'll be back in a second, don't move," Yeosang was moving off the bed, pushing past Wooyoung and Yunho who stood just in front of the door. They were watching silently, their faces were drawn downwards in worry.
Seonghwa turned to look at them, the feeling of the soft pillow against his clean skin brought more comfort than it used to. They caught his gaze instantly, moving forward as Yunho sat at the edge of the bed and Wooyoung chose to stand just in front of Seonghwa's head.
The oldest tried to push the embarrassment away, he tried to shake the humiliation that was raging through his veins. He didn't want them to see him like this. But at the same time, he didn't want them to be out of his sight. He didn't want any of them out of his sight for that matter, especially Yeosang who had seemed to pick up on it and spent more time with him to help calm his restless heart.
Yunho's hand patted Seonghwa's shoulder, his touch so soft like he was afraid that Seonghwa would break as soon as he touched him.
Sometimes, Seonghwa thought he was dreaming. He thought it was too good to be true that Yunho was actually still with him after that whole mission. Part of him still believed that the tall man was still back at the lab instead of sitting on the same bed as him.
"I'm glad you're okay," he whispered to Yunho, turning his head back as much as he could to look at the taller. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him much ever since he got back. Especially since after Hongjoong proclaimed he had found the cure, the whole base roared up with questions like "who exactly are you?", "what do you mean a cure?", "are we cursed?"... so even after they all had just gotten back from an absolute massacre, they had to jump into immediate damage control.
"Me too," Yunho was smiling at him gently, rubbing his thumb over Seonghwa's shoulder in a calming way. He had gotten a nasty cut just above his eyebrow, and he claimed he had run into a low-hanging pipe that had fallen from the ceiling and nearly knocked himself out because it was so dark where they had been, but Seonghwa suspected he had just walked into a door. He had some sort of medication over it, but Seonghwa knew that it would scar eventually.
"How many died?" Seonghwa asked, trying to turn on his side but Wooyoung was pushing him back down onto his stomach before he could get any further.
"Three from our group, and seven from yours," Yunho answered. "I'm pretty sure that's what Mingi told me, he had seen the whole thing happen. We talked a little about what happened, but everyone is still a little shell shocked, so we're giving it a few days."
"How are you doing?" Seonghwa asked him again. Yunho was always quiet and the happy-go-lucky type. It was impossible to tell what was really going on inside his head unless he actually spoke about it.
"I'm doing alright, just processing it like everyone else," he was smiling again, and just like every time, it warmed Seonghwa's heart and helped him relax.
"And you?" Seonghwa reached his hand out and poked at Wooyoung's stomach. "How are you doing?"
Wooyoung was easier to read. He wore his emotions on his sleeve for the most part, but Seonghwa could tell he was trying to mask them and put on a mellow expression. The bags under his eyes were a clear sign that he hadn't been sleeping and even though his eyes weren't red, the skin around them was puffy, a tell-tale sign that he had been crying. They had only been back for two days, but the lack of sleep was really getting to the younger.
He wasn't as cuddly or outgoing as he used to be. He was reserved and drawn-back like he was afraid to make a mistake or to be seen. It was weird. It was quiet. It broke Seonghwa's heart.
"I'm just..." he started, forcing a smile that Seonghwa caught on to quickly. He stumbled over his words, laughing nervously when both Seonghwa's and Yunho's gaze fell on him in a worrying light. "I'm doing alright, just you know... like everyone else?"
His body was rigid, holding his arms around himself as he tried to tough it out. Seonghwa swallowed and grabbed onto Wooyoung's hand. The younger jumped a little, but almost as quickly he squeezed his hand tightly and relaxed.
It was amazing what a little human contact did for him, even if it was minuscule, Seonghwa could see the way his shoulders dropped some of the tension.
Before Seonghwa could say anything else, Yeosang was walking back with three ice packs in his hands. He didn't give Seonghwa any time to prepare himself before the cold reusable packs were being pressed against his skin.
The noise he let out was more embarrassing than he cared to acknowledge. He hated the cold- or anything cold for that matter- and the suddenness of the ice made him nearly jump out of his skin. But Yeosang was also wrapping a bandage around his waist tightly, pressing the ice packs against him even more- Seonghwa thought he didn't deserve this. There was nothing he could ever do to deserve this.
"Fuck you, Kang Yeosang," he shoved his face into the pillow and grabbed onto the sheets, nearly punching the mattress. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."
"Yes, yes, blah, blah," the blonde muttered, already immuned to Seonghwa's threats. "Ice and compression, it will be your best friend."
Seonghwa raised his hand up to flip the blonde off.
"I could put you in an ice bath you know, that would do the job just as well," Yeosang smacked his hand down. "But I am being nice and letting you get cozy in these lovely, warm sheets. Do not make me change my mind."
For a person training to be a doctor, Yeosang's bedside manners were terrible. Seonghwa rated him a solid two out of ten.
"He's so cute when he behaves," Yeosang cooed at him, patting his upper back as he clearly was talking to Yunho and Wooyoung like he wasn't there. But before Seonghwa could reach back and pinch his thigh, Yeosang was moving away and walking towards the door. "I have to get back to talk with the boss about some things regarding the cure. If he moves, let me know and I'll throw him in the ice bath."
Seonghwa shivered, the threat was loud and very clear.
"Oh and Yunho, you're seeing Mingi later today right?" Yeosang held onto the bar of the cell and leaned up against it.
"Yeah, we need to do some repair work on the communication systems," Yunho nodded his head with his answer.
"Well tell that oversized giant that he needs to update his status reports. And if he says that I will do it, tell him that I won't. I don't care what kind of puppy eyes he gives... do not break. I want those status reports done tonight."
"Yes sir," Yunho chuckled, giving Yeosang a very enthusiastic thumb's up. "Those status reports will be done tonight."
"That's what I like to hear. He listens to you anyways... it must be some sort of giant agreement. He loses all respect for me when he has to physically look down at me," Yeosang sighed out, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I think I'll carry around a crate so I can stand on it when he's around."
Yunho laughed at that, a hand coming up to cover his mouth politely as his eyes crinkled.
"A giant agreement? Yea, something like that," he managed to get out between his airy laughs.
Leave it to Yunho to lighten up a situation with his angle-like laughs.
Yeosang was gone after that, leaving Yunho and Wooyoung to poke fun at Seonghwa's misery. It always was better after a minute of the ice being on his skin, but every time it moved and touched a new piece of skin, it had Seonghwa cursing out loudly and punching his pillow. He knew the ice was good for injuries- his coaches had told him that many times when he was a kid and had sprained his ankle playing baseball. He had to ice it every day, multiple times, and it was safe to say he hated every second of it.
Did he quit sports because of that? Yes. Would he ever admit it? Absolutely not.
He'd take that to his grave.
Yunho had to leave shortly after, saying he had to go meet up with Mingi and didn't want to be late. Seonghwa didn't think they had a schedule going around now, but he wasn't going to ask about it. He was grumpy and angry, he could ask later.
"How's San?" Seonghwa asked Wooyoung who took Yunho's spot on the bed.
Wooyoung sighed and pressed his lips together.
"He's doing alright. He's spending a lot of time punching at the punching bag he has hanging up in his room. But other than that, he's just San," Wooyoung said while his hands played with the lines in the sheets. "I think he's relieved that we didn't lose as many men as they did the first time, and it helps that Hongjoong actually found the cure..."
Ah yes, the cure.
Seonghwa could see the gears turning in Wooyoung's head, putting two and two together.
"Is it true?" He asked softly, avoiding Seonghwa's gaze.
"Is what true?"
"The infection... this disease? Hongjoong told us all yesterday when you were gone. He grouped people up and told them everything. He even told them who he was and what this infection was."
Seonghwa's eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise.
"What did- what did he say?" He managed to ask.
"He said something about how this virus or whatever the hell it is, is a pandemic. It's airborne, it's like the flu. It's in us, but it's dormant until we die or are bitten. He said no one knows how this happened or where it came from. There is no documented patient zero... but there is a cure." Wooyoung's voice was soft as he sighed out and looked up at the ceiling. "People were angry... no one believed him at first. I honestly thought they were going to riot- but then Yeosang was saying it was true and then San backed them up, and then Hongjoong..."
Wooyoung's voice trailed off completely, the words dying in his throat. His fingers stopped playing with the sheets and instead sat uselessly in his lap.
"What did Hongjoong do?" Seonghwa asked when the younger didn't continue. His voice was a little deeper than before, his protective side jumping out at Wooyoung's hesitance.
Wooyoung's head dipped downwards, his chin almost touching his chest. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, his shoulders were rolled and tensed like he was stuck between two options.
"He said," the younger swallowed thickly, a loud sigh following as he turned to look at Seonghwa. "That you knew of this too. That you've known all this time."
Seonghwa could feel the atmosphere change around them, he could feel the way the tense aura filled the room to a suffocating level.
"Did you know?" Wooyoung asked, his voice low and soft. "Did you actually know about this?"
Seonghwa pursed his lips, his whole jaw tensing.
"I did," he admitted almost as gently.
He forced himself to keep eye contact with Wooyoung. He forced himself to not coward away from the guilt of the truth he was experiencing.
Wooyoung was giving him a wounded look like Seonghwa was the last person that could tell him that it wasn't true- but had confirmed the worst of his nightmares without any hesitation.
"So it's- Hongjoong wasn't lying... like if I were to die right now I would- I would become one of them?" Wooyoung's question had come off like he didn't believe it, or rather he couldn't believe it. He had laughed it out, a small shake of his head like it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life. "You're kidding, right? How in the world..."
Wooyoung's voice broke, a small sniffle came from the younger man as he just shook his head up and down with his hands firmly planted on his knees. He looked like he was seconds from another mental breakdown and Seonghwa found himself wishing that Yunho was still there.
"How long have you known?" Wooyoung forced himself to ask, his eyes red even though there were no tears in them from what Seonghwa could see.
"Before I met you and Yunho," Seonghwa whispered to him, finding that his own throat had turned raw.
If the secret was out, then there was no point in trying to hide it. Everyone knew now apparently, which in theory was a great idea, but Hongjoong had gone about it in the worst way possible. Seonghwa found himself again cursing the man. Technically he was the one who told Hongjoong that the people needed to know, they deserved to know after all, but he had done it in a way that would cause an uproar.
And now Wooyoung was sitting on his bed looking broken once more because Seonghwa hadn't been able to tell the younger himself.
But Seonghwa knew deep down that he had all that time to tell them, he had many years to break the news to Yunho and Wooyoung, he just never did. Maybe that made him a hypocrite. Or maybe, he knew as long as he could deny it- it wasn't real.
"How did you know?"
He knew Wooyoung was going to ask that question. In fact, he was sure he would be getting that question a lot more very soon. Seonghwa knew that he could no longer hide from the truth, especially not from the young man sitting on his bed.
He couldn't bear to look at Wooyoung any longer. He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, moving his arms under the pillow to rest his head on. Seonghwa knew that what he was about to say could change everything. In fact, he knew it would.
Wooyoung was loyal to a default. Both him and Yunho were, but sometimes, a certain piece of information would come along to ruin the trust and the bond they had formed. Seonghwa had already been selfish enough- and if the last mission was anything to go by, his bond and attachment to the men he had come to know and appreciate, would only end up getting them killed.
So maybe, instead of trying to keep them so close, he needed to let them go before he ended up getting them killed.
"I had always had a slight suspicion when this all started and I watched everyone scream and panic the first week," Seonghwa answered, his expression hardening. "But I had pushed it to the back of my mind because I didn't want to think that was a possibility."
Wooyoung was quiet and unmoving, and Seonghwa could almost feel the way his heart was shattering at the idea of what was going to come next. He looked up briefly to look at the younger, and took in his soft and gentle features, and committed them to memory.
Wooyoung, precious Wooyoung.
He had to let him go.
"But I knew for sure when I killed my friend who hadn't been bitten," the words bellowed in his ears, his darkest secret coming to light. Seonghwa saw the way Wooyoung's eyes widened, his mouth parting in disbelief as he pulled back his hand that had been reaching towards Seonghwa like he had been stung.
"I knew for sure when he got back up after I had smashed him dead not an hour earlier with bloodthirst in his eyes."
It was never this bad. It was never this often. Seonghwa could bear it most nights, he could lay still and listen to the tossing and the turning and it wouldn't make him cringe. But as each day went by, it only got worse and worse to the point where Seonghwa couldn't handle it. He would wake up to Wooyoung screaming bloody murder like the dead were literally attacking him at that moment.
It would scare him half to death, making him jolt out of bed and see the younger thrashing around on the top bunk not yet awake and still a prisoner to his nightmares. Seonghwa knew the younger had always had them- even when they first met- but they were never this bad.
And Seonghwa knew why.
He woke up to terrible sounds, Wooyoung wailing so loud he was sure the whole floor woke up. It wasn't uncommon that this happened, many others from the base would have terrible dreams and accidentally wake them up, but it never gave Seonghwa the same bone-chilling feeling as it did when it was his own that was suffering.
This night was no different, maybe two weeks after they had gotten back from their mission, and Seonghwa could see Yunho standing up next to the bunk bed with an arm reaching over the railing to try and reach Wooyoung.
The younger was still asleep, nearly screaming bloody murder with his arms tangled around himself, occasional words spilling from his mouth that neither of them could decipher.
"Wooyoung- wake up-" Yunho was whispering to him, standing on his toes to try and grab onto Wooyoung's arm, but he couldn't quite reach him. "Please wake up-"
Seonghwa sat up, his eyes wide as he watched the body move in the darkness. His limbs felt weak, his mind blanking on what to do when Yunho looked at him with a panicked expression.
"Seonghwa- what do I do? He's not waking up and he's going to hurt himself..."
Seonghwa gulped, his heart hammering against his chest as he had to close his eyes and force himself not to cover his ears to block out the younger's screams.
"Wooyoung?"
Seonghwa turned his head to the door, not even noticing that San and Yeosang had randomly appeared. San was already walking into the small cell room, his body on autopilot like his body was attracted to Wooyoung's distress.
"God he's choking himself-" San yelped, climbing up the little ladder on the side and doing his best to avoid Wooyoung's kicks before he was grabbing onto the younger's hands and pulling them away from his throat.
Seonghwa could only stare, pulling his blanket up to his nose as he watched San wrestle Wooyoung's still asleep body and try to wake him up.
"Wooyoung- wake up! It's just a dream... you're just dreaming!" San was calling him, sitting on Wooyoung's thighs to keep him pinned and trying to shake him awake.
Seonghwa didn't know how long it took, or how many people had come to see what was happening, but Mingi was there too, along with many mothers who had their children behind their legs, trying to peek into the room.
Wooyoung woke up at some point with a loud cry, his wrists breaking free from San's hands and flying up to cover his ears as he cried. Seonghwa couldn't see his face, and he knew that was probably a good thing, he knew the younger looked destroyed.
"It's just a dream- you're safe-" San kept trying, sitting up more to try and give the younger space but Wooyoung started hyperventilating, causing the older to panic. "Shit- hey it's just me! It's San, please breathe-"
Yeosang was moving forward, a paper bag in his hand as he was shoving it up into San's shoulder who thankfully knew what to do with it and opened it up to put over Wooyoung's mouth and nose. The younger seemed to freak at that, his wet and red eyes going wide with fear until he noticed that he could still breathe and seemed to accept the paper bag.
San held him, counting out numbers for Wooyoung to inhale and then exhale to. The tension was terrible, no one dared to breathe when San pulled the paper bag away and Wooyoung started to cry again.
It was strained and raw like he was fighting for his life every time he sucked in a rushed breath. It sounded like it hurt too, and the way that Wooyoung sat sitting up and grabbing at his shirt and yanking it away from his chest, Seonghwa figured that it did.
"Breathe... please Wooyoung, it's just us, you're safe I promise-" San begged him, climbing off Wooyoung and sitting against the wall so he didn't feel trapped. He looked just as helpless as Seonghwa felt, his hands outstretched to Wooyoung who was shaking so bad the entire bedframe seemed unstable.
"I... I-I killed him-" was the first thing Wooyoung choked out, his voice hoarse and it didn't even sound like him.
He was sucking in breaths, gulping at it like he couldn't breathe as he pushed his hands over his ears again.
Yunho was gripping the railing of the bed, not able to move away.
"Oh god," Wooyoung brought his hands out in front of him, shaking so bad that Seonghwa could even see it in the darkness with the little bit of light that was shining in from the hallway. "I..."
Seonghwa could see out of the corner of his eye Mingi leaning down to whisper in Yeosang's ear, then straightening up his posture before he was spreading his arms and telling the people who had gathered around to go back to their rooms. That's when Seonghwa saw Jongho move forward from the back of the crowd, rubbing away the sleep that was still heavy in his eyes as he desperately tried to wake himself up.
Soon enough it was just the seven of them standing guard while San couldn't take it any longer and had Wooyoung wrapped in his arms, holding him protectively against his chest. Yunho was pulling the sheets and covers back, grabbing the small ice pack that Yeosang was holding out to him, and handed it to San who pushed it to the back of Wooyoung's neck.
"I killed him- San I killed him... god I killed a person-" Wooyoung kept chanting, curling in on himself and keeping his hands pressed over his ears with what looked to be bruising pressure. He cried out again, his body starting to shake once more.
Yunho finally sat down on the bottom portion of the bunk bed, and pulled his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them tightly. He leaned his head back against the wall and had his eyes closed, but the longer Wooyoung cried and kept repeating the same words, his forehead dropped down to the tops of his knees.
San had his nose pressed into the side of Wooyoung's head, no doubt whispering words to him that Seonghwa couldn't hear. The two of them made eye contact and it was then that Seonghwa realized San was about to cry.
"Please..." he begged, his arms wrapping around Wooyoung's body even tighter. "He needs you, please."
Seonghwa felt his body freeze up, everything going tense.
No, he was the last thing that Wooyoung needed.
Seonghwa glanced over to Yeosang in a panic, the younger giving him a confused look as his eyebrows raised.
"Seonghwa-," San called out to him again desperately the more Wooyoung was wailing his throat raw. It was clear that Wooyoung was seeing and hearing things they couldn't see, he was battling something that was unknown to them, even if they knew the cause of it. It was clear to Seonghwa that Wooyoung had been stuck inside a loop, and he couldn't seem to find the way out. "Seonghwa, please!"
Seonghwa jerked his head up to where San was calling him, his arms aching with the need to take Wooyoung into them and try to comfort the younger. He knew how terrible those nightmares were, he knew the damage that the panic attacks that followed could do. His heart was bursting with pain the longer he watched Wooyoung jerk around like he was in physical pain.
It hurt even worse knowing that he was the reason this was all happening.
"I'm a monster!" Wooyoung was crying out against San's chest, his voice muffled but it still had the bone-chilling, rawness to it. "I killed him! I can't handle this- I can't bear it- the noises won't stop, they keep screaming and screaming and asking why I- god!"
Seonghwa dropped the sheet, his legs swinging over the edge of the bed as he finally pushed himself up, ignoring the way his head spun deliriously and had to squeeze his eyes shut.
"Please- help him!"
He couldn't. Not when he was the source of this. Not when he was the reason Wooyoung of all people had to cover his back because he had been lazy. Not when he was the reason Wooyoung was there in the first place- because he made the younger feel worthless and a hindrance to him.
"I can't-" he choked out, finding himself face to face with Yeosang, Mingi, and Jongho who stood protectively in front of the door. "I can't do this, I can't be here-"
Without even looking back, Seonghwa pushed through the three of them, none trying to stop him. He covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase the haunting noise of Wooyoung crying and calling out his name like he knew Seonghwa was leaving him.
His bare feet hit the cold tile of the floor loudly as he walked away. He wrapped his arms around himself and bit his bottom lip to try and keep himself together as he turned a corner to just get away from the scene. He found himself unable to breathe, the guilt was overflowing from his heart and his stomach was tightening in many knots the more he replayed what happened in his mind.
It was never that bad. Yunho had always been able to wake him up and help him get back to sleep. Hell, even he had been able to offer a few comforting words when Wooyoung needed it most. But now things were different, even in the arms of someone like San, Wooyoung could barely recognize who he was.
God, what had he done?
Seonghwa turned another corner quickly, nearly bumping into someone who was leaning up against the wall. It nearly scared him half to death, and if the person hadn't put their hands up in a quick surrender, Seonghwa wouldn't have had the concentration to restrain himself from hitting the person.
"Relax- it's just me," the man's voice left no question as to who it was, and Seonghwa was left standing in the middle of the empty hallway wondering why in the world Hongjoong was just standing there like a complete creep.
He looked like he had just woken up, his sleepwear similar to all of theirs, and even some of his long hair was ruffled up in the back. Seonghwa wrapped his arms around himself again, his body turning cold and his face falling into a slight snarl.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I heard Wooyoung," he answered, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he dropped his arms slowly like he was scared of spooking the older. "Though I won't lie, I am terrible in situations like these so I tend to keep my distance... and it seems I am not the only one."
Seonghwa knew the smaller man was referencing to him, pointing out how he was running away rather than staying where he was needed in a dire time like this.
"This has been happening more often," Hongjoong continued, leaning back up against the wall and turning his head towards the softer sounds of Wooyoung crying down the halls. "But this is the worst it's been."
Seonghwa remained still, his eyes following Hongjoong's gaze.
When Seonghwa made no move to speak or answer in any sort of way, Hongjoong let out a heavy sigh and turned to look at Seonghwa and crossed his arms over his chest.
"He needs you," he spoke, catching Seonghwa's attention immediately.
"He has San," Seonghwa answered almost as quickly but wasn't able to find the energy in himself to sound half as angry as he felt.
"That's true," Hongjoong nodded his head, but then he sucked in a breath and made sure to look Seonghwa in the eye. "But San isn't you, is he?"
Seonghwa seemed to stall for a minute, his body shutting down for a few seconds before he was able to even process what the other had said. He wasn't sure why it had made him as angry as it did- but the ugly feeling was overcoming him at an alarming rate and he couldn't control the way his hands tightened into fists or the way his heart was pounding so hard that his eyes began to water.
But Hongjoong, like always, was a step ahead of him.
"Hey," he spoke out softly, putting his hands up again to show a lack of aggression. His facial expression was soft and nonconfrontational, sending Seonghwa's emotional brain for another whirl of confusion. "Listen, I'm not here to fight, especially not on a night like this. I may be a smartass but I'm not cruel."
Seonghwa felt the back of his throat start to burn, but his fists loosened up, the blood returning back to his fingertips.
"I think it would be best if you got some air," he was speaking up again, a look on his face that Seonghwa had never seen. He looked genuine as he rubbed the back of his neck, wincing almost visibly when a sharp and pained cry broke through the silence. "At least that's what helps me when something like this happens. It just rained too so it smells nice- there's a roof-top entrance if you go up the stairs on the third floor."
And for the first time, Seonghwa didn't feel the need to argue with him. Maybe it was just because he was too emotionally drained to think of a response, but it didn't help that Hongjoong seemed to actually want to help and wasn't trying to make him feel guilty for it.
So that's how Seonghwa found himself on autopilot, moving towards the stairwell without much of a thought in his mind. It was an odd experience- even though he had blacked out many times while his body was still fully functioning - he never got used to it. Even now, when he was still partly conscious in his own mind, he couldn't help but shake the nervous feeling crawling in his body.
"Oh, and by the way," Hongjoong's voice broke the silence, halting Seonghwa's hand that grabbed onto the door. Seonghwa turned to look at him, the image rather blurry but it was still there. "Don't choose what Wooyoung needs."
"What?" Seonghwa asked, the back of his throat scratchy.
" 'Wooyoung doesn't need me' or 'Wooyoung is much better off without me, he's here because of me' and all that other shit that's going through your head, does it sound familiar?" Hongjoong wasn't leaning up against the wall anymore and was instead standing in the middle of the hall with his arms no longer crossed over his chest. "I know that voice is unrelenting in your head, and I know it's strong, especially right now."
Seonghwa pressed his lips together, his hands gripping the door handle tightly.
"But I think you forget that Wooyoung and you are very different, there are hardly any similarities. You may think that distancing yourself is protecting him when in reality you're depriving him of the very thing he needs. So let Wooyoung choose what he needs, don't make that decision for him," Hongjoong said, wrapping his arms behind his back and standing much like a child would. "Don't deny yourself of that either, I know what it's like, trust me."
Seonghwa swallowed, the pit in his stomach growing even deeper.
"And enjoy it," Hongjoong said finally, a small smile on his lips. "Enjoy it while you still have him."
"That only makes it worse," Seonghwa found the strength to fight back, the words getting caught in his throat. "Because when he's gone I will have grown too close to him and then I won't know how to continue on without him."
Hongjoong's expression dropped at that, his own lips pressing together as he dropped his head. It was a weird look on him, but Seonghwa was not laughing. He was holding back angry and frustrated tears.
"No, that's where you're wrong Seonghwa," Hongjoong cleared his throat and let out a shaky sigh. "What's worse is ignoring them and pretending they don't mean anything to you to protect your own heart, and then losing them and having to live with the guilt afterward. To leave them wondering as they lay dying if they ever meant anything to you, or wondering why you suddenly turned a cold shoulder... is worse."
Seonghwa's jaw tightened visibly as did his entire body. Hongjoong's words cut through him worse than anything he had ever said before, the open wound it left was pouring out onto the floor. There was nothing he could say, nothing even came to mind as his brain was still processing the full reality of his words.
Hongjoong was right. He knew the smaller man was right.
Not only would Seonghwa have to live with the guilt of putting Wooyoung in a situation that destroyed his humanity, but he would have to live with the grief knowing he took away something that could've helped the younger. He never understood why Wooyoung had chosen him as something so special, he couldn't put any scenario together that would make it make sense. But Seonghwa supposed it didn't matter why it happened, all that really mattered was whether or not he decided to go through with it.
So without saying anything else, Seonghwa swallowed thickly and opened the door to the stairwell, and started walking up the stairs leaving Hongjoong by himself. He would like to say he was in pretty good condition but the three long flights of stairs still managed to have his heart racing a little more than it should've. The time spent in bed had helped his back significantly, and the swelling was long gone and even the bruising had disappeared as well. Yeosang never really was able to figure out what had happened due to the lack of tools needed, but Seonghwa wasn't having a lot of issues so he figured it wasn't anything too bad.
And if it was aching just a little by the time he was pushing the rooftop door open, he ignored it.
Hongjoong had been right, it had rained- in fact, it was still drizzling a little- just enough to create a soft harmony like the ones he would listen to, to help him sleep when he was back in school. Of course, there were no lights, but he knew the large city was in front of him. There was just a small little lightbulb at the top of the door that cast just enough light to see maybe five feet in front of him, and he could almost see his reflection in the puddles of water around him.
The air was cool and crisp- everything he had expected and more. It was calming but also unnerving, it brought an odd sense of peace to him when Seonghwa could stare out into nothingness and just listen.
He briefly wondered what the view would have looked like before all of this happened. He wondered what it would look like if the city was lit up and if there were parties in the streets like he knew there had been. It made him oddly nostalgic, missing the ache that all the lights used to bring him.
Seonghwa didn't know how long he stayed up there in the safety of the door frame so he didn't get wet- but by the time he had managed to come back to himself, the sky was lighting up a little. It was still dark, but he was able to make out shapes in the near distance. It had stopped raining when he came to, and he found the breaths of fresh air calmed his shaking body more than anything had in the past.
When the birds started chirping, Seonghwa forced his stiff and aching legs to move and walk back into the building. He was lost in his thoughts once more, thinking back at how his life had been before this all started. It was the first time he had looked back at it with a good feeling in his chest- he had always thought his life had been boring and pointless, but now he saw it as a gift.
He wanted it back.
When Seonghwa got back to their room, Mingi, Yeosang, and Jongho were no longer there. He suspected the three of them went back to bed after the situation calmed down, and even suspected the leader did too. San was still there though, on the bottom bunk with Wooyoung in his arms and Yunho was sitting on the floor with his head leaned back against the frame of the bed with his eyes closed.
Seonghwa thought they had moved down to the bottom bunk so it was safer for them if Wooyoung woke up again in the same situation, which probably was a good idea. The oldest stood there for a few minutes just watching them silently sleep rather peacefully, much like how a father would watch over his newborn child.
But soon enough, Seonghwa was walking over and gently patting Yunho's cheek to wake him up. It took a little while to wake him up, but as soon as he did, the taller was groaning softly and stretching out his legs with a long yawn.
"C'mon you oversized puppy," Seonghwa muttered, tugging on Yunho's arm to try and pull him to his feet. "You need to sleep in a real bed."
Yunho muttered something, but it was unintelligible as he was still half asleep and stumbling around with his eyes closed.
"Take my bed for tonight," Seonghwa helped him climb into his own bed, suppressing the urge to bark out a laugh when the younger nearly tripped and landed face-first into the mattress but made no move to adjust himself. It took all Seonghwa's strength and effort to lift his body properly onto the bed and adjust his limbs so he wouldn't wake up with cramps or kinks in his neck- which he probably shouldn't have done because of his back, but he didn't care.
When he got Yunho situated to the best of his abilities, Seonghwa wiped his forehead clean of sweat that had gathered there. He admired his work for a little, thinking to himself that the younger man looked rather cute and peaceful when he slept. It reminded him of a small baby.
He ruffed Yunho's hair before he was making his way over to Wooyoung and San who were squished up against the wall on the bottom bunk, and he put his hand gently on Wooyoung's head and ran his finger's through the younger's hair.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hand almost shaking when he pulled it back. But before he could get too far, a hand was grabbing onto his wrist before he could stand up straight. The grip was tight and almost painful, but Seonghwa was looking back down at Wooyoung who was holding onto him for dear life.
"You came back," he said, his voice beyond scratchy and it sounded like it hurt to even talk. Seonghwa could see how red and swollen his eyes and nose were, and could even make out the red nail marks around his neck.
Seonghwa swallowed down the guilt and sucked in a breath, looking away from the marks and tried his best to smile.
"I did," he answered softly, rubbing his thumb on the back of Wooyoung's hand.
He could see Wooyoung swallow, and how San's arms instinctively tightened and tried to bring the younger closer to him. He was still asleep from what he could tell, but even then, his senses were spot on as always.
"Stay, please," Wooyoung was looking up at him, his eyes begging and speaking more volume than any words could.
Seonghwa hesitated when Wooyoung started pulling him with weak arms. It had been weird between them ever since Seonghwa had told Wooyoung his darkest secret, and while the younger wasn't necessarily avoiding him- Seonghwa could tell something was different. Plus the bed was tiny. Two grown men were pushing it but three would be too many, and Seonghwa knew that San would not be moving anytime soon, nor would he ask him to.
But when he looked back down at the younger, he was met with two pairs of eyes instead of one.
"Stay with us, please," Wooyoung tried again, his voice so insecure and small that Seonghwa couldn't bear to listen to it.
San was looking at him too, his own eyes strained like he had been doing his best not to cry. Hongjoong's voice was in the back of his mind, telling him once more to not make the decision for Wooyoung. He sighed, feeling Wooyoung's grip loosen in fear that he was about to be rejected again, and set his knee on the mattress and leaned over them.
"Move over then," he said, watching the both of them spring into action and squish themselves even more to make just enough room so Seonghwa wouldn't fall off the bed. The oldest sent up a silent prayer that the bed wouldn't break when the frame creaked loudly when he laid down fully and scooted in so his body didn't fall off.
He could feel Wooyoung thinking beside him, wondering whether or not it was okay to place his arm over Seonghwa like he was afraid it wasn't okay to touch him anymore. But Seonghwa sighed and grabbed Wooyoung's restless arm and wrapped it around himself and reached over the smaller man to ruffle San's hair. He had disappeared behind Wooyoung, but he hummed softly at the new touch.
He was able to pinpoint the exact moment when Wooyoung had drifted into sleep. His breathing evened out and his body stopped twitching every now and then. Seonghwa was laying on his side and Wooyoung had his nose pressed into his chest, and every now and then he could feel his warm breath through his shirt. It calmed his mind to see the other in a calmer state of mind, and he figured that being surrounded by people he trusted was all he needed to help calm him down. Seonghwa didn't know if San was asleep behind the younger, but he knew he was going to have to apologize to him personally for leaving him when San needed him most.
But that could happen later, right now, they all needed to get some much-needed rest. Seonghwa decided he wasn't going to move until they were ready, he'd stay there all day if he had to. It was the least he could do.
Seonghwa found himself thinking that they too reminded him of children fast asleep after they had a bad nightmare from a scary show. He remembered when he used to climb into his parent's bed when he got scared at night and needed to feel the comforting presence around him. It was amazing how such skilled and ruthless fighters still needed that reassurance every now and then, but he also figured that's what kept him and them going.
These men really were just children forced to grow up too quickly after all. Including himself.
Time passed as it always did, and things went back to normal, or as normal as they could get after what happened. They finally decided to hold a meeting to go over what had happened and to come up with a plan for the future. Yeosang deemed Seonghwa well enough to do his duties, there might have been some ... persuading... on Seonghwa's part, but no one needed to know that, and the older was more than happy to finally be allowed to do things once again.
There wasn't much to do around the base as it was in the middle of the summer and all they could really do was hope that the sun didn't scorch the crops too much. They put off supply runs for a little while until everyone was able to recuperate and Mingi and Yeosang could chart out how much supplies they had left or whatever the hell they did most days.
Hongjoong said there would be a meeting in the cafeteria after lunch and anyone who wanted to join was allowed to, but certain members were required to attend, and of course, Seonghwa was one of them. He wondered briefly if this would be the second public appearance Hongjoong would be making, or if the man was even going to show. As far as he knew from his limited information, the small gremlin hadn't been out and about wreaking havoc while Seonghwa was stitching up his war wounds, and it occurred to Seonghwa that perhaps Hongjoong was not a good public speaker and had stage fright so he never came out of his study.
The thought made him shiver in delight. Oh, this was about to be good.
As Seonghwa made his way over to the cafeteria with a little bounce in his step, he saw San standing alone leaning against the entrance and watching the rest of the people inside who had already gathered. The man looked bored already, yawning a little and covering his mouth with his hand.
"What are you doing here?" Seonghwa asked him when he got close enough.
San turned to give him a quick glance before turning back to the crowd.
"Damage control," he replied with a long and drawn-out sigh. "The boss has a feeling this might end up going south, so I'm here to stop it if it gets too bad."
"That's wonderful," Seonghwa grumbled as some others walked in from behind them.
There were more than Seonghwa would've thought would even bother coming, it seemed almost everyone they had left decided to show up. He scanned the large room quickly, already spotting Jongho and Yeosang talking off to the side, and really tried his hardest when he spotted Hongjoong sitting at the very front of the room in a chair with his legs crossed to not appear absolutely disgusted.
It helped when he saw Wooyoung sitting off to the side where Mingi and Yunho were going over some notes. His eyes widened a little, surprised to see the younger wanted to sit in on a discussion like this.
Ever since that one night when Wooyoung had that terrible panic attack, things had been even weirder between the two of them. Wooyoung wasn't obviously ignoring him but he wasn't exactly seeking Seonghwa out either like he always did. Instead of pestering him or speaking loudly, or doing anything "Wooyoung-like" around the older, he had gone mellow and more behaved. Seonghwa at first thought that he was like that with everyone- but no, it had been just him.
He expected that to happen, especially after what he had told the younger. But it didn't make it hurt any less.
"I forgot to tell you," Seonghwa spoke up again, grabbing San's attention. "I meant to do this when it happened, but I was wallowing pathetically in my own self-pity that I never got around to it."
San raised an eyebrow, the slight quirk upwards in his lip made Seonghwa second guess his next statement.
"Go on," the younger answered playfully, crossing his arms over his chest like whatever Seonghwa was about to say would be the most exciting thing that happened all week.
Seonghwa sighed and suppressed the urge to curl up and walk away.
"I've been meaning to apologize to you specifically," he clenched his jaw and lowered his voice so only San could hear him. "I left you alone with Wooyoung that night when you clearly needed my help. I'm sure that was difficult for both of you, and I'm not sure you've ever seen Wooyoung quite like that before. It wasn't fair of me to run away like that, I was acting selfishly."
San's expression softened, the playful look on his face was wiped off at the subject content of Seonghwa's apology.
"I would say more, but I am not here to make excuses for my behavior. I'm sorry it took me this long to talk to you about it," Seonghwa shifted his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. "But I really do feel bad about it and I would do it differently if I could go back."
"Hyung," San stepped forward and patted the taller on the shoulder. There was a soft smile on his face as he did and Seonghwa did his best not to step back. "I won't lie, at first I was pretty upset about it. But I understood after a while, I know you don't think of me as very perceptive, but I am. It was also very easy to tell how terrible you felt about it. I know you don't speak your mind but your emotions are written all over your face, you aren't very smooth with it."
Seonghwa's lips parted a little at that. How embarrassing.
"But I appreciate the apology no less, and I have a feeling that won't be happening again," San stepped back and offered the other a playful wink. "As long as you leave it up to Wooyoung to decide what he wants and needs, you two are going to be just fine. The same goes for the rest of us, and I say that with as much love as I can."
"Your little boss boy said the same damn thing," Seonghwa deadpanned.
"Oh, he did? Great minds think alike don't you think?" San cackled, leaning back up against the wall and wiping away a fake tear. Seonghwa scrunched his nose up in an almost pained expression causing San to laugh again. "Oh, by the way, Wooyoung isn't mad at you. I've noticed something if off between you two- he won't tell me what- but he's not mad at you. I don't think it has anything to do with you running off that one night... I'm sure you know what I am talking about, and of course, it's none of my business, but I just want you to know that I am someone you can talk to too. We're all family here."
The smile on San's face was so genuine, his dimples on full display that reminded Seonghwa that he was still youthful and childlike.
"Thank you, I know that," Seonghwa answered him, a small bow of his head to be polite before he decided to move along and mentally prepare himself for whatever was about to happen.
He left San where the younger was and walked down the main aisle in the cafeteria to meet up with Hongjoong who was sitting with Yeosang and Mingi now by his side. Hongjoong was watching him like a hawk, studying his every movement as Seonghwa walked closer to him. His eyes seemed dark as he scooted down a little in his chair to appear standoff-ish. There was a small smirk on his lips, his nose pointed high in the air- and Seonghwa took every inch of bait the other was giving him.
He pushed his shoulders back, his own nose slanted upwards as he walked confidently until he stopped right in front of the smaller man. He looked down at Hongjoong, his eyes squinting in a slight glare.
"What sort of bullshit meeting do you have planned today?" He asked.
"Well good afternoon to you too," Hongjoong smiled even more, side-eyeing Mingi who was still sorting out papers. "You seem to be in a wonderful mood this afternoon."
"I'm tired," Seonghwa replied frankly. "I didn't think you'd show your face again publicly, but now you're everywhere. Enjoying the spotlight?"
Hongjoong whistled low, a puff of air coming out of his nose.
"And what if I am? Something wrong with that?" He asked slowly, folding his hands in his lap. "If I remember correctly, you used to hide too, and now suddenly you're everyone's hero and can never seem to get enough attention."
Seonghwa snorted, an over-dramatic and fake laugh coming from his throat.
"I had to step up because a certain man wouldn't, there's a difference."
"Oh, I'm sure there is," the man sitting in front of him nearly purred, his eyes unapologetically looking up and down Seonghwa's body a few times. Had it been anyone else, he probably would've been flattered- but this was Hongjoong- he was only doing it to get a rise out of Seonghwa and try to piss him off, and he hated how it was actually working.
"Ahh, I see your back is finally better," the brunette continued. "Does it hurt at all?"
Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows, his nose once again scrunching up.
"No? It's perfectly fine," he answered, shifting his weight around.
He saw the shift in Hongjoong's mood, his eyes crinkling just a little as he brought his tongue out to swipe over his bottom lip. "That's too bad," he said, unfolding his legs and spreading them more than what was necessary and patted his thigh with his hand. "I can fix that for you."
"What-"
"I'm sure you miss the ache," Hongjoong chuckled, the sound of it deeper than Seonghwa remembered. He found himself unable to take his eyes off of the hand that still remained on Hongjoong's thigh, the sight of it rather taunting- but with the sound of the man speaking again, Seonghwa tore his eyes up, his whole body heating up with something he assumed was anger. "I can make it better for you, I know for a fact you'd enjoy it."
"What the fuck are you even talking about-"
"Okay, this conversation is done-" Yeosang cut in, smacking the back of Hongjoong's head and nearly kicking the seated man's knees together. "Close your legs, you're not an animal. I have a feeling you forget you're in public... there are children here. Act your age."
Seonghwa shivered at Yeosang's tone, the blonde looking at the both of them with judgmental eyes before he was pulling Mingi by the collar of his shirt. The poor man yelped, his eyes bulging a little as he nearly lost his glasses.
"Let's get this shitshow over with already, I didn't get lunch today because of someone..." he glared down at Hongjoong for a second, and the other just shrugged. "So let's keep this clean and calm, or I'll tell Jongho to deal with it and I'm sure no one wants that."
Seonghwa shivered again, and the paleness of his face must've brought Yeosang some sort of happiness because he smiled sweetly and cleared his throat, turning to the people who had gathered behind them. It was odd how much authority he held and how much the people respected him because he didn't even have to ask them to quiet down, they just did automatically. Seonghwa sat down on the bench and sighed. He could already feel a headache coming on and he wasn't looking forward to this.
"Alright, we'll try and keep this as short as possible because I know many of you have things to do," Yeosang said out loud, his deep voice projecting at an impressive volume. "But it was brought to our attention that not everyone was here when we explained what's really going and the way it was explained ... well it wasn't done in an organized manner, so we're going to go over that, and then we will come together to figure out how we want to proceed."
Yeosang then turned to elbow Mingi in the side, the taller man jerking a little with a small pout on his face.
"Why do I have to-"
Seonghwa couldn't see the look Yeosang gave the tall man, but he assumed it was a threatening one because Mingi did not hesitate to put a smile on his face and regard the crowd of people. His voice was even deeper than Yeosang's and no matter what he did, it wasn't as loud, so some of the people in the back moved forward. The way he spoke made Seonghwa laugh, only because it was what the older would call a 'customer service' voice, and it reminded him of the grave time he worked at a clothing store.
'The customer is always right' and all that other bullshit had helped him in forming a perfect customer service voice that made it sound like he was a cheerful teen who still had hope for the world when in reality he was two seconds away from throwing the register across the room. He knew all retail workers knew that feeling well, and he wondered if maybe Mingi had worked that sort of job before to be as good at it as he was.
"As we said earlier, probably a week or so ago, we were able to confirm that there is more to the story than what it seems. We have had a suspicion for a long time now that this is a sickness that affects us all and not just the people who have been bitten by the undead. We studied, examined, and found that this information is in fact true, and so this means that there is a virus that is present and living inside all of us. We do not know where it came from or how all of this started, but we do know that this virus is air-born and there is no way you can avoid catching it," Mingi looked down at the paper he was holding in his hand for a second before looking back up. "So masks, cloths, or anything like that will not help. This virus has been with us for too many years now that we all have it."
"So what does this mean exactly?" someone blurted out, everyone's heads turning to look at a man who was sitting closer to the front. "Are you claiming that we are going to all just turn into these brain-eating zombies randomly?"
Seonghwa heard some people around them begin to murmur quietly, his fingers twitching at the rather hostile sound of the man's voice. He hadn't been there the first time this information was broken to them, but from what he had heard it ended very badly, so he assumed this wouldn't end well either.
"No, we are not saying that," Mingi answered him. "We wanted to be one hundred percent sure of this information before we came out and said something. You will not just randomly turn- the virus doesn't work like that. Obviously, we know that people turn when they are bitten or scratched- just blood has to be drawn in order for the infection and virus to take. But we have also found that if someone were to simply die, no bites or anything, they will also turn. So, in shorter terms, the virus remains dormant until you die."
"And how would you know that?" The man questioned again, and Seonghwa could tell from the look on his face that the man was just looking for a fight. "Have you been going around killing people like lab rats to figure this out?"
Mingi looked back at Yeosang, some sort of silent conversation happening between them.
"I've seen it," Hongjoong spoke up for the first time. His legs were crossed once again, but he still had a cloud of confidence around him. He seemed annoyed already, and as much as Seonghwa wanted to see Hongjoong get into a fight, he hoped the other could see where the man was trying to take this. "I've seen it personally, and so has Seonghwa. You are welcome to ask Yeosang and Mingi about it- or if you are not comfortable talking to them about it, I am sure San or Jongho would be more than happy to share that they have also seen similar things."
"Oh, so he does speak," the man quirked a smile, his tone more than taunting. "Are you the man that has been claiming to be running this whole place? The one who hides away and then just suddenly appears out of nowhere- claiming that we are all plagued with this virus and then magically have a cure for it?"
Seonghwa looked back to Hongjoong and saw the way the man's eyebrow shot up.
"And if I am?" He asked back, his tone still calm and collect.
"Then I'd laugh and call you a liar," the man wasted no time replying, a laugh coming from deep down his throat. "Why should any of us trust you? How can we be sure that these little missions you have been going on aren't just part of your little experiment? How can we know that you and your boys aren't taking us out there just to kill us so you can attempt to prove this lie?"
Seonghwa swallowed, his own jaw tightening at the accusation. Now that the man had thrown him into the mix, it wasn't so funny anymore.
"You're more than welcome to go and figure it out on your own," Hongjoong said after a few silent moments, his composure rather impressive. "But I would suggest against that. If you truly believe when my men go out to retrieve supplies or go on other such missions, that we are taking advantage of the innocent- then go with them. It is my understanding that you do not participate in these things- which to every man their own, I frankly don't care what your reasoning is. So how about you experience it first hand before you go accusing me of such things?"
The room turned tense, and some started to whisper amongst each other again. Seonghwa briefly looked to Yunho and Wooyoung who were sitting off to the side away from the main group. They were looking around the room, observing how the conversation was turning hostile.
"How old are you anyway?" The man retorted to another subject, his body tense where he sat as he ran his hand over the slight stubble on his face. "You look at least half my age, if not more."
"What does my age have to do with it?" Hongjoong countered, unfolding his legs and leaning over, putting his elbows on his thighs.
"Someone so young shouldn't be running this place. I figured someone older was making all these decisions."
Seonghwa wasn't sure what force had taken over his body when he shot up from where he was sitting, his fists clenched at his sides, but as soon as he did and all eyes were on him, he couldn't stop how his anger burned at the back of his throat. "Age shouldn't have anything to do with it- you never had a problem with how things were being run around here in the first place. But now you choose to come after someone for their age? This place is still running just fine, isn't it? If I remember correctly, weren't you telling me the other day how much you loved it here? What changed?"
He went to continue when the room went silent from his sudden outburst- not used to seeing him blow up over something. He was often praised for how calm he was, but something about that man's comment rubbed him very wrong.
But someone was grabbing his wrist and pulling him back down. He turned to see Hongjoong give him a look and a slight shake of his head before the man beside him was letting go of his arm and turning back towards the man who was nearly red in the face.
Before Seonghwa could open his mouth to further state his opinion, Hongjoong was standing up, stretching his arms over his head like he was bored.
"Well, since this question has come up a lot lately, I figured I'll just address it once. For what it's worth, I am only a few months younger than this one," Hongjoong pointed down to Seonghwa, and the taller couldn't help but nearly suppress a gasp at the rather scandalizing new information. "And as my comrade said, none of you seemed to have problems with the way I run things here so suddenly criticizing me after seeing what I look like seems a little unfair don't you think?"
Hongjoong brought his hands up, cracking his knuckles. The noise nearly echoed in the large room, and it was then in that very moment when Seonghwa realized that maybe this - this whole situation - was the reason Hongjoong stayed behind a closed door away from judgmental eyes.
He found himself digging his nails down into his thighs, trying to calm himself.
"And if you would've let Mingi continue in what he was saying instead of interrupting his rather rudely I might add," Hongjoong stood in the middle, and regardless of the low shot he made, he still seemed sure of himself and calm. That in itself was impressive, and even though Seonghwa didn't like him, that was an admirable trait to have when someone was being very unjust. "Then he would have gone on to explain that on our last mission we were able to obtain the cure to this disease. The brave men we lost were due to an unforeseen attack of a great volume of the walking dead. We did our best to save who we could and to those families who lost a loved one, I send my condolences. But their deaths and everyone else's have been due to violent attacks from the dead, not from human intervention."
Hongjoong had said that last bit looking directly at the man. "This cure has been said to fight and kill off the virus, meaning that if we die of natural causes, we will not turn. Without it, there will never be an end to this apocalypse until everyone on this earth is dead. But as many of you have already seen, there is only one dose. Yeosang will do his best to replicate it so everyone here can take it."
"How do we know that it's not lethal?" Someone new asked, a woman who was on the other side of the room. "Anything could be in that vile."
"I will take the first dose after it's been replicated to make sure it is safe," Hongjoong didn't miss a beat as he answered.
"And how will we know if it works?" The man from earlier asked, a smirk on his lips like he knew he had caught Hongjoong with a question that was impossible to answer.
"Well..." he hummed softly, looking around like he was thinking about it. "You can shoot me to find out if your heart so desires."
Some made noises at that, but Hongjoong only smirked when the man's face fell, stunned dumb from his answer.
"And just to make this very clear," Hongjoong spoke louder, placing his hands on his lips. "I am not asking any of you to trust me. You don't know me and quite frankly I don't know you either- the feeling is mutual believe me. But the way I see it is just a few people left in this world trying to survive, so we can sit here and argue about whether or not I am qualified and old enough to make decisions, or we can do something to help our situation."
Hongjoong turned on his heel, stepping forward slowly, making his way over to the man who sat still in his seat. Seonghwa watched carefully, as did everyone else. He could see the wicked smile on Hongjoong's face, something evil brewing in that secretive brain of his.
Hongjoong stopped in front of the man who remained seated, the others sitting next to him scooted away. "But I think you all should ask yourselves, 'am I still alive? Have I survived this long?' And if that answer is yes, then that should mean I'm doing something right, don't you think? How long have we been here? Seven... maybe eight years?"
Hongjoong looked down at the man, the rhetorical question dangling in the air just like the long coat he wore that was swaying back and forth. The man did not answer, and that only made Hongjoong smile more cruelly.
"A long time, I do believe," he bent over, his voice hushed but Seonghwa could still hear the teasing tone. "And I am sure there are some of you that think I should no longer be in the position that I am in. If you think this because of the decisions I make, I would be more than willing to discuss them with you. But if you think so because of how I look or how young I may be, then I think you should reflect on that."
Hongjoong straightened up once more and sighed. "And if you truly believe the outrageous myths that my comrades and I are killing off your loved ones, then by all means, please go review the video footage we take on each mission. I'm sure you'd be pleased to see the horrors we have to deal with trying to provide and make sure this place runs safely."
Seonghwa glanced around the room, unable to figure out just what everyone around him was thinking. Some seemed to be convinced, others didn't, and then there were those that he couldn't quite pin down. He knew that coming to a full agreement was impossible. Not everyone here thought the same or had the same opinions. There was bound to be backlash- and that much was coming to light.
He knew Hongjoong could say all the right things, but still, some would refuse to accept it. And he knew Hongjoong knew that too. Pride and ego had already gotten involved since the very beginning which meant it was a lost cause from the first interruption.
"But let's say you think you can do better than me," Hongjoong was speaking again, his hand coming out and grabbing onto the front of the man's dark shirt and yanking on it to draw him forward with force. He had that look in his eyes- the dangerous and dark look- like he was begging the man to make one more wrong move. The look made it difficult to keep eye contact and gave off a very overwhelming and nervous feeling. Hongjoong was bending over again a little, bringing his face close to the man. "If you think you are capable and qualified to run this prison, to make the hard decisions that I am sure you have never even thought about, to be able to decide whether or not someone lives or dies when they are bitten or to experience the world that goes beyond these concrete walls... then you can come talk to me."
Hongjoong's hand tightened again, yanking the fabric further and Seonghwa swore he heard it tear a little.
"If you think you are capable of being responsible for everyone's life here," he stood up with a snarl on his face, pushing the man back against the table roughly and finally letting go of the man's shirt. "Then please, by all means really, you are more than welcome to."
He stepped back and gave a small bow with both hands stretched out. It was about as teasing and disrespectful as it got, but Seonghwa found himself not caring at all. The man got what he deserved, he was sure more public humiliation wouldn't hurt.
But after that, Hongjoong was walking away, passing San who was still at the entrance of the open room and disappearing before anyone else could say anything. As soon as he was gone, the place erupted into arguing and talking.
And suddenly, Seonghwa's headache was back.
"We literally..." he heard Yeosang start to speak, and he turned to see the blonde pinching the bridge of his nose. "... nothing was accomplished. I wrote him an outline of things to talk about- a whole ass outline. Getting in fights was not on the outline. He's a literal child I swear-"
Mingi patted him on the back, and Seonghwa noticed Yunho walking over to them and Wooyoung heading over to San.
"Did you guys get to talk about what you wanted to?" Yunho asked.
They all knew the answer from the glare Yeosang gave.
"Well, this was bound to happen, we never should have kept it a secret for this long," Jongho came over, his hands on his hips as he sighed. "Nothing else is going to be accomplished today so might as well let everyone cool down and then try again later."
"Can you believe we do this for free? I mean really," Yeosang grumbled, running a hand through his hair and then shook his head. "I want to say fuck it all. These people are so ungrateful. Part of me wants to put all of this into their hands and watch it burn in flames."
"No thank you," Jongho put his hands up. "I want to live."
"Unless they walk in our shoes they'll never really understand how this works," Seonghwa said softly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He could still feel the irritation crawling across him, and he was glad he wasn't the only one.
"They accused us of-"
"I know what they accused us of," Yeosang snapped at Mingi who had spoken. "Ungrateful. It took all of my self-control to not walk over there and beat that man up. I'm surprised Hongjoong didn't- I thought for sure we'd be cleaning blood off the floor when he got up."
They kept talking, discussing back and forth just like the rest of the people were doing. Everyone was arguing about something, years of tension finally beginning to snap once more. The first time Seonghwa had seen it happen, it was over smaller things. But now, they added that the virus was in them into the fire and basically said they had been keeping it a secret for all this time- so part of him couldn't blame them. But then they had taken it ten steps too far- far enough to go and accuse them of horrid things.
Mutiny is what it was. He wasn't sure how long it would take- but it was bound to happen. And Seonghwa knew it would happen sooner rather than later.
Seonghwa couldn't help but stare at the entrance where San and Wooyoung were. They had moved off to the side a little, San had grabbed a hold of Wooyoung's hand and was talking to him, but Seonghwa wasn't really looking at them.
He lost himself in thought, sighing out loud at the whole situation. They were fucked. Literally fucked.
But even then, with the important matters that were right in front of his nose, Seonghwa had not been able to shake one certain piece of information. He stood there staring at the door where Hongjoong had left in fashion, and couldn't help but feel scandalized once more. The world was unfair, he knew this, but this was just beyond him.
Hongjoong, who tormented him, the only man to ever try and challenge him in anything and anywhere, the sole reason that Seonghwa knew he was going to die of high blood pressure... was younger than him.
Hongjoong was younger than him.
What.
A week and a few days after that situation, the retrieval squad went out again to find fuel. They were gone for two full days and when they got back, they were happy to report that they had found another gas station that still had fuel. It was impossible to know just how much, but at least they came home with all the fuel tanks filled.
It was the first time anyone had left the base since the whole massacre at the laboratory. Seonghwa could tell that tensions were high when they had left and he couldn't blame them. He hadn't gone with them- per Yeosang's request- and instead helped Yunho out in the gardens. Jongho and Mingi had gone instead, and even though it was low risk and both of them were more than capable of protecting themselves, Seonghwa couldn't help but worry.
Maybe that's why he nearly stabbed his hand with a shovel out in the garden because he was too far into his head thinking of all sorts of terrible scenarios. Yunho had scolded him and threatened to tell Hongjoong about his inability to safely perform his duties if Seonghwa didn't snap out of it and stop worrying so much.
Speaking of Hongjoong... Seonghwa hadn't heard much in regards to anything. Despite the complete chaos of the failed talk and all the empty threats to try and overthrow the young man- none of that actually happened. It was quiet and calm, something that Seonghwa would normally enjoy, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.
He hated to admit it, but Hongjoong was smart. The man knew how to run things and take care of what needed to be taken care of. So Seonghwa knew that if someone was planning something, Hongjoong would know about it. He had eyes and ears everywhere, there were no secrets.
But even then, after acknowledging that Hongjoong was still the best leader for them ( Seonghwa had gagged when he openly admitted it to himself ), the older knew that not everyone saw it that way... and he was partly to blame for that.
Something was bound to happen, and it seemed others thought so too because the group of ladies that were always so chatty, hardly spoke at all after that day.
When Mingi and Jongho got back, Seonghwa was happy to see they had brought all their men back with them and were basically spotless. Mingi had no blood on him at all, just looked a little sweaty from the hot sun, but other than that he looked perfectly fine. Jongho on the other hand had a little something on his shirt, but he couldn't tell if he had just spilled food on himself or what. The youngest out of all of them managed to get dirty no matter what happened- so it wasn't all that surprising to see he wasn't completely spotless.
"Guess who came with us," Mingi walked over to where Seonghwa was leaning against the wall. The tall man had a wicked smile on his face, one that Seonghwa grew to understand meant the man had some very interesting information to spill.
"Who?"
"That jerk that was being a bitch to boss," Jongho answered, a triumphant smile on his face as he stood next to Mingi.
Seonghwa's eyebrows raised. "Oh really? How did that go?"
Jongho and Mingi looked at each other, shit-eating grins between the both of them as they put their guns away to be cleaned.
"Let's just say I doubt he'll be going back out with us again anytime soon. These missions aren't for the faint of heart," Mingi answered, a low chuckle in his throat.
"We only saw one zombie the entire trip which was nice, but it just so happened that it attacked him. I shot it down in time before anything too bad happened- but you should've seen the look on his face," Jongho sat down on the bench and put his hands behind his head. "Oh and he screams like a little girl- it was priceless, I wish you were there to see it."
Seonghwa couldn't help but smile at that, the very toxic part in him absolutely overjoyed.
"I wish I was too. I hope now he understands that it's not a fun world out there- and he only got a small sample of it. Hopefully, it knocked some sense into him."
Just as he had finished saying that, the rest of the men walked into the room to unload their gear. Seonghwa watched them each come in and drop off their guns and straps and any other weapons they liked to use. His eyes fell on the one man they had been talking about as he was the last to enter the room.
Seonghwa watched him carefully, taking sick delight in the way he seemed jumpy and startled at any little noise. He seemed overwhelmed by the noise, but he still managed to unload his own gear and blend in with the others.
Mingi and Jongho left shortly after to most likely fill out a mission report, and as soon as they did, the others started leaving as well. It soon left Seonghwa and the man alone in the room, the air tense between them. He seemed to be struggling to undo one of the straps around his waist that held up a holster with a pistol, and the longer he struggled he became increasingly angry.
"Just gonna sit and stare at me?" He asked with a bit of bite to his tone.
"I hope now you see that things are more difficult than you think they are. Your life isn't guaranteed and neither is anyone else's, and I'm sure you got a first-hand experience at that," Seonghwa ignored the question completely and instead brought up his own subject. "What you saw was just a little taste at what it's really like. So don't say what we do is easy or you could do it better when a lone zombie almost killed you when you were surrounded by others. Understand?"
The man pursed his lips together, his face turning red in anger, but said nothing. His twitching fingers finally were able to undo the strap and he let it fall to the ground without picking it up. The longer he stood there, the more uncomfortable and stressed he looked, but Seonghwa figured he was still in shock about what had happened, especially if that was his first time going out and then having his ego and pride destroyed again.
"You're bleeding," Seonghwa mumbled, his eyes catching the slight red color on the man's arm when he turned to reach for something. It was hidden by his jacket, but whenever he moved a certain way, Seonghwa could see the large stain perfectly.
He pushed off the wall to observe it, but when he reached out the man slapped at his hands and backed away.
"Don't touch me- have some respect! When your little friend shot down the zombie it got blood all over me," he snapped, his teeth gritted together as he brought his other hand up to press over the stain that looked relatively fresh.
Seonghwa eyed him, his instincts starting to crawl in the back of his mind, but backed away regardless and put his hands up.
"Go see your wife and your girl, I'm sure they'll be happy to see you're back safe," he said instead, watching as the man furiously walk over to the door, the boots on his feet pounding heavily on the floor.
"You're going to get it," the man told him, turning to look over his shoulder with an icy glare. "All of you- this whole place- is going to get what it deserves!"
And then he was gone. The door closed loudly behind him and left Seonghwa standing in the middle of the quiet room by himself. He shook his head, the man's words and actions repeating in his head over and over. He supposed that not everyone would change their ways, and not everyone would be able to think with a clear head.
Maybe he'd try again the man had cooled down some and had processed what happened. He sighed to himself and ran a hand through his hair before he reached out to the door handle and opened the door to go find a snack.
Men and their fragile egos would be the end of him.
Literally.