The split-second heart attack was more than justified.
When my raging heart came to its senses, I turned around calmly, with a face that said definitively: "Do I look like I'm having fun?"
The girl standing in front of me changed her expression from combative and cool, to a little more surprised. After a while, however, she raised her eyebrow, shaking her head. Her hands were loose in the pockets of her shiny, black, puffy jacket. From behind the frames of her golden Lennon sunglasses flashed the coffee-tainted amusement.
"Well, well, well. You of all people?"
And while it was obvious that she wasn't too upset by what she saw, I was feeling stressed. To be honest, when my plan came to fruition, I wanted to go back to the apartment, closing a chapter, but, as usual, something had to get in the way. Something must have opened it up again, putting only higher obstacles in front of me.
This time, the obstacle was a Latina.
"What are you talking about, Valentia?" I asked calmly, fixing the bag on my shoulders as if nothing ever happened. I chose innocent role.
She narrowed her eyelids, definitely sensing a false note.
"I didn't see you at Britt's on Two Rulers' Day, then you weren't at work, let alone on the course, and now you're hooded in the parking lot and you happen to be standing next to a hissing tire?"
I lifted my glasses to rub my eyelids. Her insight seemed to tire me both mentally and physically.
"Seriously?" I put my glasses on my nose, looking more boldly at the Latina. "Your lives are so boring that you dig into mine? To exchange information about me and look for a catch in it as a way to spent your free time?"
Yes, stress and impatience were not a good combination. Especially while talking to Valentia.
"Are you surprised?" She fought back right away. She pointed at the tire of the car next to us. "The moment we start looking at you differently, you disappear from the face of the earth and do something like this!"
And that's when I noticed. The emotion suddenly escaping from her eyes.
Pain.
"Valentia." I turned to her calmly. I had her attention. "I'm not like-"
"You aren't like who, Glass?" She looked at me mockingly, overwhelmed by feelings that waited for their outlet in impatience. "Like our old friend?"
The last time we saw each other, she only hinted in general someone who definitely strained their trust. At the moment I saw first and foremost of all h e r trust. And I didn't need to know what that person was like. All I needed was a suggestion of a comparison. Just because I reminded her of Valentia.
"I don't work at the club anymore. And I no longer go to the course," I threw out of myself, feeling an ache in the chest, extremely frequent these days. "You don't have to trust me, because I'm no longer with you."
After my words, Valentia didn't say anything for a long moment. She stared at me blankly, taking deep, emotion-filled breaths. She kept her hands along her body, and her face said absolutely nothing.
And when she finally got back to me, asking me a question, I had no idea how to answer it.
"Then why are you here?"
And I didn't have to answer, because another rustling step nearby interrupted our conversation. Knowing that no one would approach the car next to us again, I hid behind it, unknowingly pulling Valentia by the sleeve of her jacket.
"What are you-"
"You want to be charged with property damage?" I whispered nervously, looking at her with a raised eyebrow, and then she muttered under her nose: "no."
"I thought so."
And once again trapped, this time with a Latina, with no way to escape unnoticed, I had no choice but to listen and observe the arrivals.
Without any sound of heels, the steps moved from the grass to the asphalt. There was also no sign of amusement, not even the quietest, short laugh. Conversations were almost whispers. The Latina tilted her head, noticing some shapes.
"Tell me you didn't poke the tires of that black pickup truck..."
Looking suddenly where Valentia had looked before, the answer left my lips, hitting reality.
"I did."
Because the aforementioned car, well known to me, was approached by several people, including one, red-haired girl, who was primarily my target. Dressed in her true, dark, street, urban style.
When I looked at her, my blood pressure seemed to rise and fall drastically at the same time. With a slow step, she grabbed the car keys, looking over the shoulder, at the forest. Others waited for the distinctive sound of the door unlocking while she was still waiting for something.
It wasn't until the sound of heels that I realized for what exactly. Or rather, for whom.
I didn't see her well in the slowly darkening street, but the fluffy, curly brown hair and the glaring blue of her eyes I would recognize anywhere.
The hint of betrayal didn't go away after what seemed like an eternity.
"Why did you puncture some gang's tires?" Valentia couldn't resist the curiosity audible in her voice.
"It's not a gang."
And so, it wasn't. Estera and her friends were just... from a completely different social stratum.
Valentia's eyes told me she wouldn't have gone down easy. But something beyond determination and curiosity crept into her face, making it harder for me to say anything.
Then I looked at the girl again, feeling that lump in my throat. I saw her get in the car with the others. She didn't look worried or concerned, which, instead of making me angry or mad... it left a question mark in my head.
The headlights lit up the street, and after a few moments the black pickup turned around and drove away in the opposite direction from us. When it became almost invisible to us, I got up from an uncomfortable crouch. I took off my hood, looking down the street like I was making sure the car was gone for good.
And I expected that when that happened, Valentia would shock me with her curiosity of her coffee-like eyes. But all she did was take a moment to look at it, and then she sighed and moved from her spot. As she passed me, she patted my arm uncharacteristically, saying:
"Come on, I'll drive you."
And I couldn't find the words to object. I took one last look at the street, then slowly followed the Latina, lost in my thoughts.
I had to admit that Valentia did have a... different taste in music from mine.
In the same car that Yvette and her had driven me from the hospital, rap music was playing. With strong sounds, deep voices and a bass that runs through my whole body.
The Latina's head swayed slightly and rhythmically as the car was gaining, a bit above legal, speed. I was sitting right next to her in the passenger seat, looking out the window at the blurring woods, and then the houses and the streets. The sunset almost gave way to the darkness of the evening.
Suddenly the music stopped.
"You know them, don't you? The ones from the pickup."
I looked at myself in the exterior mirror of the navy-blue vehicle, ignoring the reaction of my body.
"I did," I replied, my voice hoarse from the long silence.
"Hm," Valentia replied, moving from the red lights that just turned green, probably the first in a while. She just waited a moment to ask me another question. "Poor friendships?"
At that, I turned around and looked a little amused through the windshield.
"Or even a poor family."
For a brief moment, out of caution when driving, she looked at me with an interested look.
"Believe me..." She was looking at the road again, a half-smile on her face. "I know it well."
And honestly, I did. Valentia seemed to be telling the truth right off the bat. She didn't go around the topic. She did not spare herself criticism or firm adherence to her opinion and point of view. So, I had no doubts.
When we were driving like this, and I stopped recognizing the neighborhood in any way, it was only then that I began to have them. Only in a different sense. Slowly, I turned my head to the girl, still studying my surroundings.
"I'm pretty sure you're not going to my apartment."
The Latina put in a higher gear. She gave me a brief, suspicious look, and then, watching the view through the window, she said:
"That's right."
I looked at her in complete surprise and irritation.
"Why?"
But I didn't get an answer to that until Valentia parked her car in the driveway of the house. It was lit only by light from inside the building. She turned off the engine, and, grabbing the door handle, she said to me:
"You owe some people a few things, and some people owe you them as well."
And just like that she just got out, without turning around, and because the vision of sitting alone in a strange car did not suit me, I followed in the footsteps of the girl, full of skepticism. The moment I closed the car door behind me, sending its clanging sound around, Valentia raised her hand with the keys and pressed the button on them, locking the car doors.
Yeah, there was definitely no turning back.
We were approaching an average-sized house with similar colors as every other house in this town. I mean, warm colors. A distinctive feature was the basketball hoop attached to the edge of the sloping roof. The driveway under it was probably a small playground when there weren't a lot of cars on it.
And at this point, along with Valentia's car, there were three vehicles total. Including a green one that I remembered from somewhere and had seen somewhere before. The last of the three I knew well, which did not fill me with peace. More like the opposite of peace.
When I joined the Latina, who was already ringing the doorbell, taking a step back after that, I was sure that she did not live here.
But suddenly the immediate opening of the door by a boy I knew made me realize who did.
A little surprised, I looked at Benjamin and his face several times more surprised than mine. Green eyes were the size of coins. His hand was still on the doorknob. And literally a second later, along with a smile, the boy rushed in my direction. I raised my hands a little alarmed. Because of the force with which he ran at me, I was forced to take a few steps back. The kid's hands were tight around my waist. Benjamin snuggled up to my belly.
And as I looked down at his curls, still in no small shock, I finally put my hands on his back, even a little amused. I felt a little peace.
"Good to see you, too, Benjamin."
Because, after all, it was Benjamin Benston.
And when I lifted my head toward the door to look for Valentia, all I met was a steady gaze of honey eyes.
The boy stopped crushing me in his embrace and took a step back. His green eyes shone full on his face, and there was no sign of the terrible bruise. One curl gave covered a bit of his view, but he didn't seem to care.
"Why weren't you on Italian course?"
And as if in spite of things, the pinch in the chest came back, but this time I didn't run away from it. I felt I owed the boy an explanation. So, I crouched down in front of Benjamin, thus shielding myself from the sight of honey-eyed, who had been standing in the doorway all this time.
The boy frowned with interest in his eyes. That look on his face seemed familiar, and I think I knew who he learned it from.
"I won't be attending it anymore," I started in a quieter voice. I was afraid to continue, seeing the sudden emotional change in the boy. I took the deep breath I'd seemed to need out of nowhere. "I signed out."
And then the child standing in front of me fell on me again, snuggling up to my neck.
Plus, saying one of the smartest things a boy his age could say.
"Is it because the monsters? They won't hurt me."
I closed my eyes, put my hand on his head. I needed this. I did it without thinking. I could feel Benjamin's restless breath slamming against my neck. The aching in the chest was growing stronger.
"I'm not taking that risk."
And if it wasn't for Kendrick's voice, the boy could've been standing there all night.
"Come inside, Ben. You'll catch a cold."
When I opened my eyes, he was looking at us with a puzzled, focused look on his face. Benjamin listened to his cousin, and he slowly moved away from me. He sent me one last, sad look that could crush even the hardest diamonds, and he passed the boy standing in the doorway, disappearing into the interior of the house.
I got up on my straight legs while Kendrick was still in the same spot, propping up the entrance frame. He had a tired but attentive look. Same as always.
"Is that true?"
And I think he noticed that when I was about to start talking, I wanted to avoid the truth, because he came down the front stairs of the house, sticking out his hand in a gesture of interruption and spoke up before I could.
"People I care about don't feel safe. Even with your assurance."
I kept being quiet, letting him talk. He looked tired and obviously had to throw something out. And it was serious enough that he waited until Ben disappeared into the bowels of their house.
"You can't just cut yourself off and leave us with no answers." His voice was confident, but in its own way calm and quiet. "What you're going through affects others, too."
For the first time, I couldn't stand the intensity of his gaze. I looked down at the gloves. In an instant, I felt the guilt of the world. I felt powerless against everything that was going on around me. I saw how small I was compared to the force of fate and the past.
"It was my mother who took me off the course."
It took Kendrick a minute to answer that. With a voice as calm as mine.
"Why did she?
On the one hand, I didn't want to say anything more because I already felt exposed. I was already on the verge of reason and feelings. I was supposed to move away from all of them so that nothing worse than what had already happened would happen. From the moment I arrived in this town, my plan was to keep myself as strict as possible.
On the other hand... I felt incredibly tired. Out of nowhere, there were people who wanted to know more about me and could, in a way, look at things differently. Everything suddenly took on such a pace that I did not even notice how the emotions began to escape me.
And once they started, it was hellishly hard to stop them.
I looked at Kendrick, whose shaded face expressed patience and full attention to me. There was no more skepticism. I could see that deep down he was worried about Benjamin and his friends. And I guess that was what broke me.
"Last Sunday the family came to visit me, and because... I never had a healthy relationship with them, their visit didn't end well." I shrugged, as if I wanted to throw the weight of the importance of this story off my shoulders. "It's bad enough my mother signed me out of the only..."
I had to stop because I felt a catastrophic voice tremble coming. I didn't want to get to that point, so I took a moment to look elsewhere. I needed some sanity. I waved my hand slightly, jumping to the next important part.
"That note you saw was from my cousin." I looked back at the boy, when he all the time listened to me carefully. "We never liked each other. One didn't like the other. Didn't like who each of us was." I fixed the bag on my shoulder, feeling uncomfortable. "So, you can understand why I moved out."
Thoughtfully, Kendrick looked elsewhere, reaching into his pants pocket. And when he took out what he was looking for, I frowned. He was holding a pink, half-folded paper. He stared at it for a moment, then handed it to me.
However, when I reached for the piece of paper, he withdrew his hand slightly, provoking me to make eye contact. He studied me with his eyes in his typical concentration, saying:
"You did the right thing." And then he ultimately handed me the card. He didn't specify which part of it he meant.
And when I took the pink paper and put it in my sweatshirt pocket, I said:
"And like I said: you're safe." I think I started to relax, because I stopped playing with my gloves, and I felt a kind of inner peace.
However, it was Kendrick who said something that officially ended the conversation. And it gave me the same pain in the chest that I had a few minutes ago. Because that was the last thing I expected to hear. He lifted the corner of his mouth, which I barely noticed on his face covered in shadows. There were sparks in his eyes.
"And like I say it now: so are you."
I didn't expect those words at all. So, my slightly incredulous and caught off guard look was very understandable.
"Hey! We're waiting for you!"
And even if I could come up with any answer, Valentia's voice, along with the sound of the door opening, would still cut it off. Kendrick turned to the Latina, who, only then visible to me, was holding... a glass of beer.
So that would be enough from the time I spent in the car with Valentia as driver.
"We're going, relax," replied Kendrick, already walking up the stairs, when the girl wanted to close the door in front of his face for some reason.
And when with a ton of conflicting emotions, I followed him, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out, reading the message. And any positive feelings were suddenly crushed by one.
'Someone from your town messed the tires in my car and my friends' cars. Under your club. I wonder who that could be? Maybe you know?'
"Glass?"
I looked awake at the two people waiting for me, or basically one guy who was watching me with a frown.
"It's just a message from the club manager. It's all good." I climbed the stairs, not paying much attention to the details around. The guy just nodded as he went inside.
But the truth was different, and I couldn't tell anyone about it.
The truth was only getting worse.