Things with the record label hadn't been doing so great. They had been on the verge of going bankrupt so they were pushing for more songs and albums from all of us to try and bail their asses out.
Liv and I didn't really give a fuck if we got dropped, we knew another label would snatch us up straight away with a better deal than our initial one or we could just make our own. I mean, we had the money and the resources to do it after all. We were really enjoying our little bubble that we were in and we didn't want anything to ruin that.
But - luckily for Elektra, Shout At The Devil had just went gold and sold just over 4 million copies.
We were all ecstatic, so Vince insisted on throwing a big ass party over at the latest party mansion he and Ashley had bought over at Redondo beach.
When Liv and I turned up, the party was already in full swing. There were cars scattered around and people were stumbling all over the drive way. You could hear the bass of the music from half a mile down the street - Vin and Ash meant business.
Jagger was getting bigger by the day. Nona and Tom had recently gone back home from visiting us and we were still tired from all the excitement so we weren't going to stay super late. They'd flown out and stayed with us for a week because they wanted to come to our gender scan. They couldn't wait to be great grandparents and I loved seeing the way they got along so well with Liv. They'd gotten really close.
I was sat on Vince's white leather sofa with my arm around Liv. I couldn't help but wonder why they opted for white, it was so ugly but, it was Ashley and Vince. It was probably to hide all the cum stains from their freaky little parties.
The place was filled with all kinds of people - Hollywood celebrities, our friends from the clubs, drug dealers, businessmen and bunnies from the mansion Ashley had invited. It was a whole mix of people.
We were talking and laughing with Mick and Eddie Van Halen. We knew they'd be quiet and wouldn't get caught up in things the same way Tommy and Vince would so we decided to hang out with them, we really didn't want to stay too long.
We were sat talking about new material and the possibility of us all working together on some tracks, but Eddie was telling us he was really getting sick of Dave and they were thinking of kicking him out the band. It was like music to my ears. Dave deserved all the shit he got.
"I still can't believe you guys are having a baby man! It's fucking crazy" Eddie smiled as he looked at our baby scan photo I kept in my wallet.
"Yeah well we're putting uncle Eddie down as #1 babysitter" I smirked.
"By all means man! Val keeps hinting at settling down and she's not giving up so, I think we need all the practice we can get" he said, taking a sip of his beer as he passed the picture back.
Liv gasped. "Yes! You guys would make the best parents!" She beamed.
"Oi Oi! Did someone say we were having a fucking party?"
I knew that cockney accent. Please Vinny, please tell me you didn't invite this fucking asshole.
I knew by the way Mick and Eddies faces dropped followed by their silence exactly who had just walked in.
I looked over at the door and in walked Razzle and the rest of the Hanoi guys.
I felt Liv's whole demeanour change. She went from being relaxed and happy to completely tense and uneasy.
Razzle started scanning the room as he stood there speaking to Vince and Tommy who were more than eager to greet him. He locked eyes on Liv for a few seconds. I pulled her closer to me and started playing with her hair. He quickly glanced at me and I glared at him. I still hated his guts. I stared him out until he turned around and carried on talking to the guys.
"He's got the looks that kill" Eddie sang, mimicking my guitar playing. "That kiiiill... he's got the look"
Mick and Liv burst out laughing.
"Shut up" I smirked.
I couldn't help but laugh. We needed something to break the tension but I was still pissed and my adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I don't know what the fuck Vince was thinking. My night was pretty much ruined now.
"So uhhh... You think you guys are gonna make up?" Eddie asked Liv, gesturing his head towards Razzle.
She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. There's nothing to really talk about. He said what he said, I said what I said. It is what it is" she said as she started to bite at her thumb nail.
"Oh come on, man. You two have been best friends for almost 20 years. You can't stay mad at each other" he said.
I rolled my eyes and clenched my jaw. I didn't want Razzle to be part of our lives. I knew he was in love with Liv, he always had been and he always will be. To me, he was competition and trouble, and he had a history with Liv that I didn't like at all.
"Dude just stop pushing it, alright!?" I snapped.
Mick and Liv instantly glared at me. Eddie was a good guy, he didn't deserve me talking to him like that but I was just in a bad fucking mood.
"Nikki!" Liv scolded me.
I knew I was in the wrong but in that moment, I didn't give a fuck. I was so pissed off.
I rolled my eyes. "Ugh, fuck this. I'm going to get a fucking drink" I snapped.
Liv's POV:
I watched Nikki storm off and barge past Vince.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. I just knew shit was going to go down tonight. I needed to get Nikki home before he drowned himself in Jack and made an ass of himself.
"I'm sorry Eddie" I apologised. I felt so bad.
"Don't apologise, I get it. I'd be the same way" he shrugged.
"Nah you didn't deserve that. He's had a fucking stick up his ass for weeks" Mick mumbled as he took a sip from his half empty vodka bottle
Mick had a point. I knew Nikki was tired, we were both exhausted and felt the stress from Elektra and the pressure of becoming parents, but it wasn't an excuse for his behaviour.
"I best go look for him, make sure he's not doing anything stupid" I sighed.
I held my bump as I got up, grabbing Micks knee for some support. Jagger was growing quickly, at my last scan they thought he might even come earlier than his due date because he was measuring so big.
I started heading towards the stairs to go find Nikki in the bar but I had to walk past Razzle and the guys. I could feel my palms getting a little sweaty. I thought if I didn't make eye contact then it would be okay. So I walked past with my head down.
"Hey Liv! Where did Sixx go!?" Tommy yelled over the music.
I stopped and looked up. "I don't know, I'm gonna go find him" I shrugged.
"Yeah well when you do find him tell him to fix his fucking attitude" Vince snapped at me.
My head snapped towards Vince's direction and I gave him a dirty look. "How about you fucking fix yours, talking to me like that. It's not me that barged into you is it!?" I snapped.
Tommy tried to come over and give me a hug. "Whoa! He didn't mean it like that Liv, c'mon. Relax"
I stepped out of his way. "No! 5 months pregnant or not, I don't give a fuck! I'll still lay his ass out if he fucking talks to me like that again"
I saw Razzle smirk and look at Vince as I stormed past them all.
I went downstairs to the bar to look for Nikki but he wasn't there.
"Hey, you seen Nikki?" I asked Slash who was perched against the bar talking to two girls.
"Yeah dude, what the fuck's going on? He came in here, grabbed a bottle of Jack, told me to fuck off when I asked how he was and walked out" he said.
I rolled my eyes. "Razzles here" I sighed.
"What!? Why would Vince even invite him when he knows..." he said a little wide eyed.
"I have no fucking idea" I said as I grabbed a soda and walked back out.
I headed back upstairs. I knew Nikki was probably taking a few minutes just to calm himself down and I'd probably just make it worse if I tried to talk to him right now. He'd come and find me when he was ready.
Everyone was either drunk or high as a fucking kite. Athena came over and tried hugging me but she was just super sloppy. She couldn't even open her eyes and she had white powder around her nostril and on her cheek.
I looked around for Duff but he was passed out on the couch.
"I fucking love you. You're like my best friend in the whole entire world and like I know you have like a lot of friends but you're like my best friend!" she slurred.
"Alright sweetie I love you too but we need to get you to bed" I smirked as I wiped her nose clean.
She scrunched up her face and opened one eye. "Ooo yum" she said. She grabbed my finger and licked the residue off.
I held my saliva saturated finger out and looked at it in disgust.
"Not the same as when Nikki does it huh?" She cackled.
I rolled my eyes and smirked. I put her arm over my shoulder and dragged her ass over to one of the bedrooms but Athena was like a whole foot taller than me. Luckily, Robbin from Ratt saw me struggling as he came up from the bar and came over to help.
We basically threw Athena on the bed in one of the guest rooms.
"You gals gonna be alright?" Robbin giggled.
"Yeah, thanks Robbin" I smirked as I looked down at Athena who was already snoring away.
I covered her with a blanket and rolled her onto her side in case she threw up in her sleep. I left my can of soda on the table next to the bed and left the room. I figured she was gonna need it when she woke up more than I did.
I walked back out, dodging people who were stumbling all over the place and headed out onto the balcony above the pool. It was nice and quite out there. The music was drowned out by the sound of the pool being filtered and the waves reflected off the lights.
I closed the glass doors and sat down. I put my legs up on the table and took my heels off. My ankles were really starting to swell and my feet were throbbing.
I started rubbing my bump and closed my eyes, trying to relax a little when the doors opened.
I opened one eye, lifting my head slightly.
A suit, top hat and a cigarette?
"Great" I whispered to myself.
I looked at Razzle and he looked up at me as he lit up his cigarette. The awkwardness filled the air along with the cigarette smoke.
"What do you want?" I snapped.
"Mind if I sit down?" He asked, gesturing at the chair next to me.
"It's not my house, you don't have to ask" I snapped, shrugging my shoulders.
He slowly walked over and flumped into the chair next to me. "So I hear a congratulations is in order" he said obnoxiously loud, trying to be the same funny old Razz.
I nodded. "I'm a married woman now" I said completely disinterested.
"Yeah I know... I mean it's a bit hard to ignore it when you're in every magazine and newspaper" he smirked. "I always told you you'd make it big"
I smiled but tried to hide it.
"Oh that reminds me actually!" He started loudly routing around in his pockets.
"What are you doing?" I asked, a little annoyed. Razzle never held a grudge, but me on the other hand? I'd happily cut a bitch off and never talk to them again.
He pulled out a bar of my favourite chocolate from back home. It was all melted and congealed into one piece.
My eyes filled up a little bit. I'd always hated arguing with Razzle. He was the kindest soul I'd ever known. "What's that?" I asked as I cocked my head to the side. I knew what it was and what it was for.
"Rule number 1, if you fall out and they buy you chocolate you have to forgive them instantly" he smiled.
I smirked and looked away. "Razz, we made those rules up when we were 5"
"So!? They still stand" he shrugged, his brows furrowed.
I didn't say a word. He placed the chocolate down on the table and cleared his throat.
"Come on Ol. I'm sorry" he said as he placed his hand on my leg.
I didn't say a word. I didn't even look at him.
"Ah look! Will you just stop being so stubborn for once in your life" he said.
I whipped my head back around. "I'm not being stubborn!" I said all high pitched.
He cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrow. "Don't try and lie to me Olivia, I know you better than you know yourself"
"Ew stop! You know it makes me cringe when you say my full name" I smiled, covering my face a little as I nudged him.
He looked at me and he had that cheekiness written all over his face that I could never stay mad at. "I hate you" I smiled as I sat up properly.
"No you don't!" He said as he put his arm around me and pulled me into a cuddle.
He kissed my cheek and I winced. "What's wrong?"
"Baby's kicking" I said.
It felt like Jagger was dancing on my ribs.
He started to laugh. "Taking after their dad already ay!?". He smirked. "Get away from my mum!" He chuckled as he threw up his fists.
I rolled my eyes and smiled, shaking my head a little as I giggled.
"Can I?" He asked as he hovered his hand over my bump.
"Uh, sure" I said.
I turned to the side a little and placed Razzles hands on my bump where Jagger was kicking.
"Wow! He's really going for it isn't he!?" He said as he looked up at me in amazement.
"Sometimes my bump jiggles when he has the hiccups" I giggled.
"No way!"
"I swear... it's cute until he starts doing it at 3am and it wakes me up" I smirked.
He smiled and things went silent. I know we were both thinking the same thing - what if.
"I always knew you'd make a good mum" he said. His voice cracked a little. He cleared his throat and pulled his hands away. He took a few gulps of his beer as he looked away from me.
"Razz" I said as I placed my hand on his knee.
He placed his hand over mine and rubbed it. "It's in the past Liv. Lets just leave it where it is. I'm happy for you... I'm so happy for you" he said. I could hear the devastation in his voice. His tears that were gathered in his eyes were highlighted by the pool lights. It had me choked up.
The doors opened and Nikki stumbled outside. He looked at me, then at Razzle and my hand on his knee.
"And where the fuck have you been!?" I snapped.
He smirked arrogantly and shrugged. "Like you give a fuck. This looks cosy though" he said, spilling his bottle of Jack as he tried to hold himself up.
"Don't even..." I stopped as he started sniffing and rubbing his nostril.
I jumped up and grabbed him by the jaw, pulling his face closer to mine so I could look at his pupils. "Coke, Nikki!? Really!?"
He pulled his head back. "What the fuck are you even asking for? Looking to break the sober ban already huh?" He smirked.
I shook my head and looked at him in disgust. "Well that's just fucking great isn't it Nikki!? Nice to see you're dad of the fucking year already aren't you. At least the apple doesn't fall far from the fucking tree" I said, raising my voice.
"Like you can fucking talk. It's a surprise you and your dad are still alive" He said venomously slapping my hand away.
"Yeah well at least my dad stuck around" I yelled back.
He laughed in my face. "Is that what you tell yourself!? Was the before or after he stuck his dick in Sharon!?"
"Oi, that's enough! Don't you ever fucking talk to her like that or we're gonna have a fucking problem mate" Razzle shouted as he stood up and moved me out the way.
"Oh yeah? And what the fuck are you gonna do about it!? She's my wife and I will talk to her the way I fucking want. None of this has shit to do with you so why don't you just fuck off" Nikki yelled back as he went toe to toe with Razzle.
I quickly grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. "Nikki!" I yelled.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Nikki yelled. He grabbed me by the throat and shoved me backwards.
He stormed back inside and Razzle flew after him. I knew it was about to kick off and one of them was about to kill the other.
I held my bump and ran inside.
Razzle grabbed Nikki and socked him straight in the jaw using all his force behind it.
Nikki dropped to the floor. I thought for sure his jaw was dislocated.
"Don't you ever put your fucking hands on her like that again!"
The next thing I know, Nikki jumped up and threw a punch back and everyone jumped in to try and separate the brawl.
I ran over and started trying to separate the two but Maggie came over and pulled me away. The last thing she wanted was for me to get hurt in the crossfire.
Tommy, Michael, Eddie and Sami took Razzle off to calm down. Vince, Mick and Andy all held Nikki up against the wall telling him to calm down.
I was absolutely furious with Nikki. I'd never been so angry and disgusted in my life. How could he do that to me when he knew what I went through with Dave!?
Nikki calmed down and he looked over at me as the guys started to back away from him.
"We're going home" I said as I started to walk towards the stairs.
"I'm not fucking going anywhere" he said. "Hey! Where's that bag of blow got too? I need another bump" He said as he started to look around.
"Nikki, come on man" Vince said, shaking his head.
"Yeah dude. Liv's right, maybe you should go home" Andy said.
"Fuck her" he spat.
He started searching his pockets and pulled out a wrap. He opened it up and started sniffing and licking it and laughing. Everyone looked at him in disgust.
"Honey do you want to stay at mine tonight?" Maggie asked.
"Nope. We're going home" I said bluntly, still keeping my eyes locked on Nikki.
"Here, you need to lighten up" he smirked as he threw the last of the wrap at me, the residue of the coke spilled over my dress.
I looked down at it and I couldn't believe him. Dave was an ass but at least he never embarrassed or degraded me so publicly.
"Right that's it!" Mick held Nikki up against the wall by his throat.
"MICK!" Gloria screamed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" He screamed in Nikki's face.
I walked over to Mick and placed my hand on his arm. "Mick, it's okay, let him go"
He looked at me confused.
"We're going home, so I suggest you go and get in the car" I said calmly.
"I'm not leaving" he smirked.
I got in his face. "I said go and get in the car, Nikki" I said, raising my voice.
"I'm not getting in the fucking car" he said, getting in my face and trying to shout over me.
"GO AND GET IN THE FUCKING CAR NIKKI!" I screamed.
He barged past me and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
"Surely you're not going home with him!?" Mick said, smirking in shock.
"I'll be fine" I sighed.
"Liv, he's completely out of his fucking gord" Vince said.
"Look, it'll be fine. Don't worry" I sighed.
I followed Nikki down the stairs and walked out to my car. Nikki was waiting in the drivers seat.
"Where are the keys?" He said.
"You're joking right? You're not fucking driving so move" I said.
He looked up at me. I knew he was going to try and be stubborn.
I opened the door and stood back.
"Either move, or I'm moving you" I said. I wasn't playing games anymore.
He got up and stumbled over to the passenger side. I got into the car and started driving.
We were close to home. Nikki was in and out of sleep and talking absolute shit.
"You're so hot" he said, trying to lean over me and give me a hug.
"Get your hands off of me" I said, pushing him back into his seat and keeping my eyes on the road.
"Ooo someone's in a mood" he started laughing.
"Can you just put your seatbelt on and behave for once in your life" I sighed.
He rolled his eyes. "You're so boring. I miss the old liv, she was fun! She'd be stood up, taking her top off, downing a bottle with me and sniffing blow off my dick. Those were the good old days" he said, pulling his seatbelt over him and clipping it in.
What he said hurt. I wanted to be a better person and that's why I stayed sober. I tried to tell myself that he was just wasted and he didn't mean it but I knew part of him did. I saw how hard it was for him not being able to enjoy himself the way the other guys did and I saw the way everyone held back around me.
"Can I drive?" He slurred.
"What!? No!"
"Come on! It'll be fun" he said, his eyes were closed and he couldn't even keep himself sat up, he was basically flopping around in his seat like one of those fucking inflatable tube guys you see outside of car show rooms.
"Nikki, just go to sleep alright? We'll be home in like 5 minutes tops"
"Why would I wanna go to sleep!? We should go faster!" As he said that, he put his hand on my leg and forced it down on the gas.
"Woohoo" he cackled.
"NIKKI! WHAT THE FUCK!"
I had to punch his arm to get him off of me. I was terrified of going through a red light or hitting somebody.
He let go of me and started to laugh.
"What the fuck is wrong with you! You're a fucking idiot" I spat as I tried to keep my eyes on the road and regain control of the car.
"I'm just tryna have some fun" he said, rolling his eyes.
"Fun!? You think that's fucking fun! You could have fucking killed us or somebody else you stupid prick!" I yelled as I glared at him.
His eyes widened. "Liv stop!" He screamed.
I didn't have my eyes on the road and I'd pulled out of the junction while it was a red light. Nikki reached across and tried to turn the wheel but I heard a smash and felt the left side of my body go numb.
Nikki's POV:
I opened my eyes a little and the first thing I noticed was my shoulder was in agony and my head felt like it was being pressed together in a compressor. I grabbed my shoulder and opened my eyes fully. I had no idea where I was.
I had an IV in my arm and I was in a gown. I looked around and Mick was sat next to me.
"The fucks going on? Where am I?"
I knew from his face something wasn't right. "Nikki..."
I took a few seconds and everything from last night started flooding back and I was consumed with guilt.
"Where's Liv!?" I asked.
I felt myself start to panic. "Where is she? Where's Liv!?"
The door clicked and Tommy and Vince came in. Their eyes were red. I could tell they'd been crying.
"Mick, where the fuck is she!? Where's my wife!?" I said.
I tried to sit up but screamed in pain. I grabbed my shoulder and Vince ran out to get a doctor.
"Nikki, you gotta listen to me man" Tommy said as he walked over to my bed.
"It was an accident, okay? It was a terrible, horrific accident" Mick said.
I looked at Mick and my heart was pounding. My eyes were full of tears ready to drop.
"She's alive right? She's okay?"
Mick and Tommy looked at each other.
"Will somebody just tell me what the fuck is going on!?" I yelled.
"Liv's... she's gonna be okay. She's got a few cuts and bruises" he said hesitantly. "But Jagger..."
My face dropped and my chin started to tremble.
I knew from the devastation on all their faces.
"He didn't make it did he?" I asked.
"She gave birth to him about two hours ago. They tried to save him and put him on life support but... he was just too small, he wasn't responding. He was here for just over an hour. We told him you loved him and we bought him in here to see you. Liv wanted him to meet you before he passed" Mick said, he was choked up.
"Nikki I'm so sorry man" Tommy said tearfully.
I was broken. I didn't want to believe it.
"I need to see her" I whispered. I used all my strength to sit up.
I threw the blanket off of me and started ripping the wires out of my arms and off of my chest. My blood splattered everywhere.
"Nikki! You can't move. You've got to lie down" Tommy said, trying to stop me from leaving the room.
"Fuck off Tommy" I said, trying to shove him but I had no energy or strength.
My body was trembling. I tried to walk but I was too heartbroken. I dropped to the floor and collapsing into him in tears. I was inconsolable.
"My son... my son's gone" I screamed.
Tommy held me close to him and Mick came over. I couldn't even breathe I was so consumed in my grief.
My heart was shattered. I'd lost my son and it was all my fault.