As the warm morning light pooled through the sheer curtains, I smiled. I was sure that this was the first of many days in which I would wake up beside Sigyn. Before I opened my eyes, I envisioned what she may look like. Her golden hair draped over the pillow, her warm skin lively and bright in the sunshine, and her round eyes closed in bliss. I imagined that this is surely what my Sigyn would look like but upon opening my eyes, I realized that Sigyn wasn't even there at all.
It didn't take long for me to discover her whereabouts as just moments later a shrill, "Goodmorning!" sounded from the outside.
I rubbed my eyes and stumbled to the window, gently pulling back the curtains. Just beyond the flower beds outside, there Sigyn was. She was grinning from ear to ear as chickens crowded around her to get feed. Apparently, she had traded the cushy life she had once enjoyed in Asgard alongside a version of myself for a life more reminiscent of Little House of the Prairie. Hela was nearby, sitting against a stack of feed sacks with her nose buried deep into a book.
I clicked open the window lock and opened it up all the way.
"What are you doing?" I asked quizzically, leaning forward on the window sill.
"What does it look like we're doing?" Hela asked, looking up from her book, "Reading and...fussing with chickens I guess."
"Right," I said slowly, watching as Sigyn lead her menagerie back into their coop.
"Don't you have servants to do this for you?" I asked, "You are the princess and the queen regent, this is...peasant work."
The girls shared a glance before turning back to me. Their expression told me that I had asked a very stupid question.
"When there's no Asgard to rule and with half the population gone," Sigyn explained gently as she lead the chicken back into their coop, "The notion of...royalty kind of goes away with it. Besides, we don't need servants."
"Sort of," Hela continued, "Anyone who survived Ragnarok or the blip still treats mother like she's the queen. Nothing really happens around here without her say."
I nodded. Right. Asgard had been destroyed right before I had died. I remember briefly seeing that on the tapes that had been so graciously shown to me whilst in the TVA. And though Sigyn had told me about the blip just a day prior, my mind was still struggling to fathom the reality of it.
"Are you the new ruler of Asgard then?" I asked Sigyn.
She shook her head, "No, not at all. I just...help organize the community and make sure everyone is provided for and so on."
"She's being too humble," Hela said, "She does a lot better of a job ruling this place than Thor does. By the way, is he still passed out by the tomato fields?"
"I think so," Sigyn sighed, locking up the coop, "I hope so."
"Are you gonna beat Thor up?" Hela asked with a small smile on her lips, "I would've done it if mom let me, but she didn't. I bet she'd let you beat him up though."
Glancing at Sigyn, I could almost feel her headache coming on. I still was generally ignorant about what had happened between her and my brother in my wake but it seemed like I would seldom be able to ignore it much longer. Which meant Sigyn couldn't ignore it either.
"I'm not sure if I'll...beat him up," I replied to Hela, "But if I do, I'll make sure you have the opportunity to get a good jab in."
Hela smiled and gave me a small wink.
As expected, fresh eggs were on the menu for breakfast along with coffee and toast. Sigyn was quiet the entire meal as Hela went on and on about the book she had been reading. I listened intently to her even as she talked with a mouth full, learning all about mortuary science. An odd topic for a girl but interesting nevertheless.
"I feel like Midgardian methods of cremation are so industrial it's really just inhumane," she concluded as she picked up her own dishes and dropped them off at the sink.
"I would have to agree," I seconded.
"Right?" Hela said, "Anyways, I'll be in the garden if anyone needs me."
And off she went, once again leaving me alone with Sigyn. She sat across from me with a cup of coffee in hand and a pen and paper. From the way her brows were knit up, I could tell she was concentrating. I nearly didn't want to disturb her but from the way I could see my brother passed out on the front lawn, I knew we had to talk.
"Sigyn?"
"Mhmm?"
"Can we talk for a moment?" I asked softly as I gently pulled the paper away from her.
She looked up at me with a raised eyebrow, "About?" she asked cautiously.
"I think you know," I said, glancing through the window towards Thor.
She sighed and put her mug down.
"Fine," she said, turning her full attention towards me, "Where would you like me to start?"
Her tone was colder than I had ever heard it before and I could almost hear anger within it. But from her softened shoulders, I could tell she wasn't necessarily upset with me but upset with herself.
"I suppose the beginning," I said quietly, trying to calm myself. I knew far too well that the second I knew the truth of what had happened between Thor and Sigyn, I would be anything but resolute. Especially with the bubbling anger, I held towards the TVA, Thanos, and really the world, I thought it best to begin this conversation as calmly as possible.
"Thor was a wreck after you died," Sigyn explained, "And for some reason, I felt personally responsible to take care of him. Thor wouldn't eat or bathe or do anything except drink unless I told him to. And...I think he figured out that I was worried about him. So, he used that to his advantage and would refuse to take care of himself unless I was there or whatever. But, over time...me just being there wasn't enough. He had convinced himself that if I was responsible for him...he was also was responsible for me.... But, when you're a grief-stricken drunkard, you don't necessarily think of helping a widow by giving her a shoulder to cry on. At least, that's not what Thor thought. He thought... he had to take care of me..."
She paused, looking up at the ceiling before she eventually continued, "Take care of me sexually. And, I was stupid enough to agree with him. I wish I didn't. I wish I had ignored him and just focussed on myself and on Hela, but I didn't. I gave in. And I gave in, again, and again, and again. And before I realized I did not want anything to do with Thor, I was too far gone. He was solely dependent on me, so when I did eventually say no, he didn't take it lightly. So the past year has been a constant battle with him."
All this time, she refused to meet my eyes but as she uttered the last sentence her blue eyes pierced me as she finally stated, "And I hate myself for it."