*t/w: mentions of self-harm and suicide*
i blinked at 5k and now we're at 7k??!! thank u <3
P E A R L
Travelling to school during a warm afternoon was exhausting. I wasn't sure why Ms Mac called in a bus for only eight people, but we didn't have a say in the matter.
"The drive from here to Vanour's beach is two hours," She trudged onto the bus first with a beige sunhat in her hand. "The driver is so kind as to place your luggage into the boot of the bus."
She offered him a smile, but the old man was too busy trying to fit Mia's large suitcase with the rest of ours into the hatch on the side of the bus.
"Right, then," Ms Mac cleared her throat and looked back at us. "Headcount," She mumbled numbers under her breath before stopping at me.
Her exasperated sigh was indicative of Zion's absence.
"This boy will never learn, will he?" With a sharp shake of her head, she gestured for us all to hop into the bus.
I stayed behind them, looking down the street for any sign of Zion.
As bad as it sounded, I couldn't handle this trip on my own. I knew I should've at least tried to face the beach all over again - by myself - but I needed to do it in baby steps. Maybe Zion's presence would be what I needed to do it.
"Pearl?" Autumn Ward stood at the top of the few steps leading into the bus, tilting her head at me. "Too late to back out now. Come on."
She - along with everyone else on that bus - had no idea what was holding me back. Autumn was right, though.
It was too late to back out now, and I couldn't let one bad memory ruin the possibility of numerous good ones.
Sighing heavily, I glanced for the last time to my right, where I found Zion's sauntering frame coming toward us.
A gust of relief cooled me down. I would've smiled so brightly if I didn't hear Ms MacQuoid telling us to hurry up.
The driver took Zion's luggage, and he thanked him before turning his gaze to me.
He was dressed in a baggy graphic t-shirt and grey sweatpants with black sneakers. The tattoos that sprawled against his bronze skin were on full display.
"You look like you're holding back from jumping me," His smile was contagious, branding dimples into his cheeks.
I ignored his true words and shook my head, walking in front of him into the bus.
The air conditioner was on, and I was met with a wave of cool wind. Everyone else was scattered around the roomy bus, and it wasn't difficult to find a good seat at the back, away from all their noise.
Zion was walking between the seats when I sat down. It was extremely quiet as he made it past the other six people, and I watched them gape at his arm.
He ignored them, not even paying attention to how they gawked at him. His eyes were on me, full of intent.
"This seat taken?" He asked like the first time I'd been on a bus with him.
"No, you can sit here."
His eyes gleamed at the recognition of my words.
It was still quiet when he sunk into the seat beside me.
"It's like they've never seen tattoos before," Zion murmured, turning his head to face me.
The soft breeze from the air conditioner above us allowed me to get a whiff of his refreshing cologne.
"I think they're silently appreciating how good it looks on you," I paused, hearing the words that left my lips.
Then I shrugged to myself because it was true, and there was no point denying the truth.
He raised his eyebrows in contemplation.
Zion's dark eyes raked over my face for a few seconds before dropping to my hand. "Don't have music this time?"
I chuckled and pulled my phone from my pocket along with the earphones attached to it.
"I couldn't survive a day without music," I replied.
"Understandable," He agreed.
He never removed his eyes from mine, and something about the way his expression faltered for a second made me worry.
"You were late again," I spoke softly. "Was everything okay?"
Zion opened his mouth to explain, but sighed instead.
"Yeah, just missed the alarm a few times," He chuckled lightly.
I felt like he was holding something back, and needed him to know that I was willing to listen when he was ready to talk.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" I leaned my head closer to him by a little, hoping to get my point across. "I'll listen if you want me to."
His cheerful demeanour faded. It was replaced by a neutral expression.
"It was my sister," Zion's voice lowered. "She's been having a bad week."
I nodded to his words, appreciating his trust in me.
"Do you want me to listen or talk?" I remembered the last time he approached me about his sister. He needed some advice, or words of reassurance.
He paused and just stared at me for a few seconds.
"Listen," Zion decided eventually.
I could feel his hand growing closer to mine. All I had to do was reach out and let him know I was here to do as he asked of me.
"Earlier this week, she was panicking about something," His eyes looked down to our hands, inches away from touching. "I knocked on her bedroom door to wake her up before school. I knocked twice every five minutes for half an hour. She wasn't answering."
His jaw ticked, probably revisiting his memories.
"The first time was a year ago," I watched his fingers curl until he was clenching his hand. "I found her on the bathroom floor, unconscious. Xyla - there was blood on the floor next to her, coming from her arms, and I panicked."
Zion drew a sharp breath, and his other hand came to rest below his chest. My hand inched closer to his closed one beside me.
"I wanted to help her after that, mentally, I mean. But she never spoke up about what was bothering her, and it hurt not knowing," Zion's voice faded, and I noticed how his grip below his chest tightened.
As if he was trying to reign himself into the present.
"The second time, she wasn't answering her door, so I broke it and saw her on the floor, unconscious again. There were pills on the floor, and I knew she tried to overdose," I saw the quick shift of his throat as he gulped.
Zion's eyes lifted from beneath his lowered eyebrows to meet mine.
"A month after that, I was bribed into going to a beach party," His gaze on my face softened. "The sight of your blood put me in shock, and it was like Xyla was on the floor again, bleeding out. You passed out in my arms before going to the hospital, and I was so scared that you weren't breathing."
My palm flattened against his hand, and he stopped talking for a moment. He darted his eyes to our hands before turning his until our fingers were intertwined. The hand he placed on his torso loosened against him at our intimate touch.
"Now, every time someone is asleep beside me, I feel like I can't move until I know they're still breathing. I need to make sure I see their chest expand and shrink before I can breathe, too," Zion continued, tightening his fingers around mine.
I squeezed his hand back, letting him know I was still listening.
I couldn't imagine the strength it took for him to speak to me, or the strength Xyla had to keep going.
"Before the third time, Xyla called me," A humourless chuckle left his mouth in a puff. "She told me she was into girls as well as boys, and I said, 'Okay? Did you think that would change the way I look at you, or speak to you, or love you?' She hung up, and I thought I said the wrong things.
"I looked all over town for her because I knew something was wrong. I found her staring at a busy road, and I almost fucking lost it. I think I tackled her to the ground or something. I don't remember a lot because it was all a blur, but she passed out again by the time I got help."
My eyes pricked with tears, but I blinked them away as Zion looked at me.
"I'm sorry," His eyes widened a little, and the hand that was beneath mine slipped away. "I didn't mean to talk that much."
I shook my head, furrowing my eyebrows. "No, don't apologise, please. You can talk as much as you need," I reassured him.
The loss of his hand from mine shouldn't have affected me the way it did. I wanted to hold him again.
"I side-tracked, I'm sorry. I didn't even explain why I was late," He muttered, glancing at me with what looked like regret.
"Tell me, then," I said, not wanting for him to regret talking to me.
Zion sighed, his gaze wavering to my hand. If he were to hold it again, I would be ecstatic. Maybe he needed a push or reassurance that I wouldn't back away.
"Like I said, I'll listen if you want me to," I reached out to take his hand in mine again, and only glanced at him, ready to listen.
The top of his cheekbones were reddening slightly, and I hoped it wasn't because he was embarrassed. If he was flustered by the way I took his hand so confidently, then I was a little relieved because I felt my face go warm, too.
"Xyla opened up to me this morning," He spoke with a small smile forming on his plump lips. "I almost broke down the door again when she didn't answer, but then I heard her crying. I told her to open the door, and she did."
My heart warmed at his words. I was glad she opened up to him, and I was glad he felt happy about it. I hoped she felt the same.
"It was such a fucking relief," He exhaled softly.
I realised how close our faces had become when I felt his warm breath tickle my nose.
"She told me she felt so much better after talking to me, and I was over the moon," His eyes glistened for a second before blinking a few times.
"And then she cried in my arms for so long. I was scared to leave. I'm scared that - because I'll be out of town - she'll need me again, and I won't be able to get here on time," Zion stopped talking after he almost stumbled over his words.
"Text her, or call her every day," I told him. "She'll know that you're not going anywhere and that you'll be there to listen and talk to."
Zion nodded solemnly, his eyes darkening as he lowered his eyebrows again.
"You're a good brother, Zion," I skimmed my thumb over the back of his hand, feeling him tense beside me. "And Xyla is so strong," My voice almost wavered, so I stopped talking.
I turned my attention to my phone sitting on my lap. Using one hand, I opened my go-to playlist and plugged one earphone in my ear.
Reaching for the other one, I offered it to Zion. His eyes were on me the entire time. I didn't think he even noticed the earphone waiting for him.
"Thank you for listening, perla," His voice was nearly a whisper, and the gentle demeanour of his face made me feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach.
"Any time," I replied, smiling at him before lifting the earphone. "Here."
He glanced down and slowly took it with his slender fingers.
"Any preferences?" I asked, skimming through the songs on my screen.
"Whatever you listen to is fine," He mumbled, lifting the earphone to his ear without moving his hand from mine.
I pressed the shuffle button and allowed a random song to play.
'Yellow' by Coldplay streamed from the wires, and I smiled to myself.
It wasn't difficult to think of Zion as my yellow. My safe place. My warmth. The person I was comfortable around, enough to let myself breathe and feel in control of myself.
Obviously, I grew a liking toward him - a very deep liking that one would've interpreted as something more intense.
Sighing softly, I let my head rest back onto the seat, feeling Zion's stare on me. I turned my head to face him, and he gave me a close-mouthed smile.
He let go of my hand momentarily before snaking an arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to his warm body. The earphones shifted around us until my head rested on his chest, and I felt him let out a breath.
I let my eyes close, and before I knew it, I was drifting off to sleep with Zion's scent wrapping me in his safe embrace.
⭐︎
Zion's delicate fingers tangled with my hair as he massaged my head. I woke up two hours later to the feel of his hand resting between my hair and scalp.
"Pearl, we're here," His chest vibrated as he spoke to me.
I hadn't realised that my earphone had fallen out while I was sleeping. It was resting on the material of Zion's black shirt. The white words on it made me perk my head up.
"The 1975?" I ogled some more at the shirt. "That's a concert shirt! You went to their concert?"
"A year and a half ago," He nodded. "Turns out Gabriel's music taste isn't as depressing as Nico thinks it is."
I chuckled and pulled myself away from him to get up. Zion took the earphones away and neatly folded them for me.
"Thank you," I grabbed my phone and shoved it into the pocket of my beige hoodie - Levi's hoodie, but he didn't need to know that I stole it when he was halfway across the world.
"No problem," He stood up when the bus came to a stop.
I peaked out the window and saw that we had stopped in front of a motel. The sun was still out but a lot lower than it had been when we left.
"This way," Ms Mac led us out of the bus, and I walked past Zion as he let me go in front of him.
The light breeze smelt of salt and water mixed with sunscreen. My hair became slightly ruffled when the wind got caught in my hair, and I turned around as the bus driver got out to give us our luggage.
"Listen up!" Ms Mac clapped twice before motioning for us to circle her. "We're going to grab our belongings and drop them off at our rooms. In case you don't know who your partners are, let me re-evaluate; Eddie is with Anton-"
"It's just Ed-"
"Mia is with Autumn, and Pearl is with Zion. I'll be in my room furthest down, so in the next-" She checked her watch. "Half an hour, I will hear no interruptions as you settle into your rooms and change into something you can walk on the beach with."
Ms Mac turned to the bus driver, who I was sure had suffered from her non-stop talking for the last two hours, and thanked him before he drove off.
"Collect your bags, and let's get going!"
Her excitement began to throw me off - along with the view of the beach the bus had been blocking - that made my stomach drop.
I assumed it was almost 5 pm, judging by how low the sun was against the ocean, and the glistening of its rays bounced off the waves that rolled onto the shore in the distance.
"Hey," I felt Zion's hand touch my lower back. "You're safe."
His words only helped a little, and his touch almost caressing my skin was a reminder that I was with him.
I nodded once and heard my phone chime. Taking it out, I spotted a notification from a private number.
Zion saw the unknown caller ID but said nothing as he removed his hand from me and looked away.
Unknown: Have a good trip. You won't be getting another one in a while after this. Stay safe.
I knew it was Riot's way of letting me know he had devised a plan and that after this trip, I wasn't going to get a rest.
Shutting my phone, I turned to Zion. His gaze moved from the beach when he felt me looking at him. He appeared as if he wanted to say something but took a deep breath instead.
"Let's go take a room," I took my luggage and watched as Zion took his before following behind me.
Nevaeh helped me pack for two days, and I was glad she didn't pressure me into overpacking. My bag felt light with minimal clothes and necessary toiletries.
After Ms Mac handed us our keys, she was already jogging to her room.
"Which side of the room are you taking?" I asked Zion as he unlocked the mocha-coloured door.
He didn't answer as he palmed the door open and took in the room before us.
Two beds with grey duvets were on opposite ends of the room - one to the far left and the other on the far right.
I turned to Zion, anticipating a reply, but there was a small grin on his lips.
"What's that look for?" I questioned as we stepped in and placed our bags on the wall beside the door.
He shut the door behind us, not sparing me a glance as he walked to one bed. Zion's hands gripped onto the edge before pulling it toward the middle of the room. He did the same with the other bed.
It looked so effortless, but as he finally connected the two beds in the middle of the room and finally glanced at me, he breathed out a little shakily.
I raised my eyebrows in question.
"What? You weren't planning to actually sleep on this trip, were you?" Zion leaned on the headboard, crossing his arms over his chest.
I parted my lips, thinking of the worst possible thought. My face felt like it was burning.
Zion's eyes widened before uncrossing his arms.
"I didn't mean it like that. I meant that we'll be up all night talking and stuff," He trailed off, nervously chuckling before looking away.
His flustered form mirrored mine as I rubbed the back of my neck.
My eyes landed on the door to the left, beside the bed's old spot along the wall. I assumed it was a bathroom and grabbed my bag.
"I'm gonna get dressed," My voice trailed off when I realised he'd only be a door away from me.
Ignoring the deep tug in my chest, I trailed to the door and opened it.
The small bathroom was white-tiled with a shower, toilet and faucet. A mirror was large enough to fit half the wall above the sink, and I took my time criticising the dark rose spots plotting down my cheeks.
"Shit," I cursed at myself for even allowing any tension to seep between Zion and me.
I wanted us to be comfortable around each other, without the thick, suffocating heat that passed through us whenever he looked at me a specific way, or when he said things that made my heart feel full.
My shaky fingers rummaged through my bag, looking for clothes to wear on the beach. I chose a white sundress that stopped mid-thigh and quickly changed. It was a casual dress with spaghetti straps that held up the thin material covering my chest.
The only jacket I packed was sticking out from my bag, and I grabbed it to put over my shoulders.
The light pink scar that dragged over my skin was covered, as I preferred it to be, and I was satisfied with my simple outfit.
Enzo's grey jacket had looked a little out of place against my skin as it drowned my body, but once I let my hair down and folded the sleeves up a little, it looked fine.
Making sure my face had cooled down, I retrieved some flip-flops and threw my used clothes into a plastic bag I had packed.
When I quickly packed the toiletries and used the toilet, I washed my face and dried it with a hand towel. It was the most I could do to wash away the blush that crept on my ears.
I walked to the door and heaved a large breath. My hand slid around the doorknob, and I pulled it open.
Zion stood on the other side, hand raised, ready to knock.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to take so long," I apologised and brushed past him.
"No, it's not you. It's Ms MacQuoid. She wants us to be done in five minutes," His eyes followed me, but I was too busy trying to settle my bag down as slow as I could manage without looking awkward.
"Oh," I nodded, hearing the door shut behind him as Zion went into the bathroom with his bag.
The sheer, dark grey curtains along the walls blocked out the sun that faced the room. I knew if I opened them, the sun would blind me.
I made it a mission to focus on the room I was in, trying to block out thoughts of the boy in the room that separated us with a wooden door.
The walls were a cream-white colour that brightened the atmosphere, making me feel less claustrophobic. There were blue and brown minimalist paintings hung on them, framed in rose-gold. One painting encompassed a lyrical sheet.
It made me think of Teagan and Edvany. Paint and music.
I wondered if I should tell them how I felt about Zion. My feelings for him were increasing tenfold, and there was no point ignoring it.
A sigh left my lips, and I rolled my eyes.
So much for trying to block out thoughts of Zion.
Then again, I enjoyed it, thinking of him.
He opened the bathroom door a few minutes later, holding his duffel bag in one hand and a black jacket in the other.
I could see the defined muscles beneath the tight white shirt he wore. He dressed in Miami Heat basketball shorts and stayed in his sneakers.
My eyes caught onto a dark shadow above his waistband, but before I could get a better look, he spoke up.
"All set?" He asked, and I brought my eyes back up to his face.
I nodded, feeling unable to speak.
For a split second, he looked worried, then his eyes lit up in realisation, and I looked away.
He probably knew I was checking him out, and the thought of it made me feel like I was suffocating.
Without wasting another moment, I plopped my phone into my bag, leaving it in the motel room, before opening the door.
Ms MacQuoid was walking past and stopped in front of our door when she saw it open.
"Perfect," Her usual pink-framed glasses were replaced with sunglasses. "We're getting dinner and walking on the beach. How's that sound?"
Walking on the beach.
I opened my mouth to come up with a lie, that I wasn't feeling well enough to go out, or that I had fucking sea sickness or-
Zion opened the door wider from behind me. His hand landed on top of mine, and I felt the brush of his chest along my back.
"Sounds good," He replied, his deep voice reverberating from his chest to my back.
Ms Mac smiled up at him once before letting the other students know.
Zion was still behind me when his hand slid to my shoulder.
"It's only a walk on the beach. We'll have dinner, walk a little on the sand, and if you feel uncomfortable during any of that, we can come back here, okay?" His voice lowered as he tipped his head to my ear.
My shoulders only loosened a little, but the proximity kept them up for the reason of Zion only, not the crippling fear that something bad would happen.
"Good," He must've seen the tension fade from my chest. "Remember, you're stronger than you think."
_____________
a/n: this is the longest I've gone in a story without the main characters having a first kiss hehe but it'll happen soon.. very soon
reminder: you don't chase. you attract. what belongs to you will simply find you. amen!
have a great day/ night <3
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